Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about GREENTUNA

Thirteen Ways Barbie Has It Better Than I Do

Barbie Forever Dreamhouse

1. Barbie: Mechanical washer and dryer with real spinning action
1. GreenTuna: Mechanical washer with the main control knob broken off meaning you have to break your fingers pushing it in and turning it, or go after it with a pair of pliers.

2. Barbie: A bedroom that transforms into a living room
2. GreenTuna: A bedroom that transforms into an unholy war between laundry and dust bunnies.

Oktoberfest Barbie

3. Barbie: A Kick-Ass Bier-Frau dress with a lacy petticoat, long white stockings, black felt bustier, a low-cut blouse for cleavage display and ribboned-braids.
3. GreenTuna: Three pairs of hose with runs, black Pay-Less pumps with worn-out heels, hair too short to sustain braids, cleavage.

Barbie Magical Dance Castle

4. Barbie: A bed large enough to sleep nine.
4. GreenTuna: A bed which must accommodate cats jumping, sleeping and killing each other.

5. Barbie: A table the converts into a bed for triplets.
5. GreenTuna: HA! No triplets here. I win this round.

Barbie Beach Glam Vehicle
6. Barbie: A separate vehicle. For the beach
6. GreenTuna: One rustbucket fits all.

7. Barbie: Car seats are removable and can be used as beach chairs.
7. GreenTuna: Car seats are permanent, but comes with decades of life-sustaining crumbs.


Barbie Beach Glam Pool!
8. Barbie: Pool
8. GreenTuna: Hose

9. Barbie: Gathers her friends around the pool (with slide and umbrella) for relaxation and fun!
9. GreenTuna: Hose


Barbie Fashion Fever Velvet Crush Couch

10. Barbie: Style AND Alliteration
10. GreenTuna: Chair. Lamp. Table. Not even a decent haiku.

11. Barbie: Fashionable and trendy detailing!
11. GreenTuna: Old, worn carpet detailed with hairy, shedding cats.


Barbie Three-Story Dreamhouse
12. Barbie: Gourmet-style kitchen with plenty of storage comes with all the popular conveniences
12. GreenTuna: Tiny kitchen comes with little tiny storage, but that's OK, because you don't have any food anyway. Convenience is the 7-11 down the street.

Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus
13. Barbie: RV, swivel driver's chair, sofa, refrigerator, microwave, built-in sink, entertainment center, flat-screen tv.
13. GreenTuna: Pile of matches to make a great big Barbie bonfire.