Sunday, October 29, 2006

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:


1. Costume :: Party

2. Beg :: Plead

3. Hottie :: Middle School Crush

4. Celebrity :: Fame

5. Saturday :: Night

6. Buckle :: Belt

7. Doorbell :: Ring it

8. Rude :: No manners

9. Absence :: Makes the heart grow fonder

10. Hyper :: Bouncing off the walls

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:


1. Costume :: Party

2. Beg :: Plead

3. Hottie :: Middle School Crush

4. Celebrity :: Fame

5. Saturday :: Night

6. Buckle :: Belt

7. Doorbell :: Ring it

8. Rude :: No manners

9. Absence :: Makes the heart grow fonder

10. Hyper :: Bouncing off the walls

Child of Technology

As I was standing out in the hall of ScottishU tonight, waiting to go on stage and sing on a benefit concert, I spent a great deal of time looking at the office door of the head of the dance department. It was filled with countless pictures of dancers in all sorts of poses unattainable by normal people. On the metal window frame, I noticed several magnets with inspirational sayings. One caught my eye, because it was similar looking to one I have in my office. My office magnet reads, "My barn having burned down; I can now see the moon." Despite being a child of suburbia and not possessing a barn, the message was still somehow appealing. Instead of a barn, I envisioned my office burning down, but then through the ashes of charred clutter I saw the unemployment line rather than the moon, so I thought twice of the whole mess. Still in all, the magnet sits on my file cabinet, basking in its psychological self-help glow.

The magnet I saw tonight had a different message. Tagged as a Zen Saying, it read: "Leap and then the net will appear."

I looked at that, and then looked again. I looked a third time and screwed up my face a little. Since when were there Zen sayings about the Internet? And since when is leaping and the Internet related in any way?

Then it suddenly dawned on my stupid, technological self. The Net, Not the Internet, stupid. The net, as in something that will become outstretched and save you from falling and going splat. In other words, have faith and don't be afraid to try. Once you leap, there will be something to catch you.

Think I need a Magnets for Dummies book, because I am one.
Dummy, that is.

Child of Technology

As I was standing out in the hall of ScottishU tonight, waiting to go on stage and sing on a benefit concert, I spent a great deal of time looking at the office door of the head of the dance department. It was filled with countless pictures of dancers in all sorts of poses unattainable by normal people. On the metal window frame, I noticed several magnets with inspirational sayings. One caught my eye, because it was similar looking to one I have in my office. My office magnet reads, "My barn having burned down; I can now see the moon." Despite being a child of suburbia and not possessing a barn, the message was still somehow appealing. Instead of a barn, I envisioned my office burning down, but then through the ashes of charred clutter I saw the unemployment line rather than the moon, so I thought twice of the whole mess. Still in all, the magnet sits on my file cabinet, basking in its psychological self-help glow.

The magnet I saw tonight had a different message. Tagged as a Zen Saying, it read: "Leap and then the net will appear."

I looked at that, and then looked again. I looked a third time and screwed up my face a little. Since when were there Zen sayings about the Internet? And since when is leaping and the Internet related in any way?

Then it suddenly dawned on my stupid, technological self. The Net, Not the Internet, stupid. The net, as in something that will become outstretched and save you from falling and going splat. In other words, have faith and don't be afraid to try. Once you leap, there will be something to catch you.

Think I need a Magnets for Dummies book, because I am one.
Dummy, that is.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Friday's Feast

Time to kick-start this blog back into a functioning mess of nouns and verbs. It's time for a Friday Feast Pictorial.

Appetizer: What is your favorite beverage?
Day-time?
Brown, fizzy, diet and caffeine-free, if possible.

Night-time?
Yummy, Lemonady, Mikey Goodness.
I. Like. Mike(s).


Soup: Name Three Things that are on your computer desk at home or work.

Two Large Yellow Plush Guardian Peeps
Sitting on an Electric Pencil Sharpener

One large bottle of Goo-Gone.
Because Goo Sucks.

Forget my friend, Flicka.
This is my friend, Ichapod.
But this picture isn't my Ichapod, because seriously,
Song 6 of 15? Who has only 15 songs?



Salad: On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the highest),
how honest do you think you are?

I figured I'm a 3.1416, but then again, I like pie. Then, my friend Homer said that on the honesty scale, I was a DOH! (Oh dear!)

Main Course: If you could change the name of one city in the world,
what would you rename it, and why?
My boyfriend, Google tells me a good candidate would be

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Although technically not the world record holder for long names, it IS Welsh, so you know there had to have been some serious drinking and hymn-shouting afoot when it was named. Although I'm not sure I am up to the task of renaming an entire city, I think maybe

Dwynwen

who not only is the Welsh Patron Saint of Lovers, she managed to get her spurned love turned into a block of ice and then wrangled up some sacred fortune telling eels who could predict the future of a potential romantic relationships. You don't mess with the Welsh, people.


Dessert: What stresses you out? What calms you down?
Stressful Coming up with a decent blog after being a 2+ week slacker.
Stressful Consulting a well full of sacred fortune telling eels.
Stressful Discovering they changed the song from "How are things in Glocca Morra" to "How are things in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?

Calming Fuzzy, Softy, Guardian Peeps
Calming iChapod
Calming Goo-Gone (Because Goo Sucks)
Calming Mikes, Mikes, and More Mikes.


Friday's Feast

Time to kick-start this blog back into a functioning mess of nouns and verbs. It's time for a Friday Feast Pictorial.

Appetizer: What is your favorite beverage?
Day-time?
Brown, fizzy, diet and caffeine-free, if possible.

Night-time?
Yummy, Lemonady, Mikey Goodness.
I. Like. Mike(s).


Soup: Name Three Things that are on your computer desk at home or work.

Two Large Yellow Plush Guardian Peeps
Sitting on an Electric Pencil Sharpener

One large bottle of Goo-Gone.
Because Goo Sucks.

Forget my friend, Flicka.
This is my friend, Ichapod.
But this picture isn't my Ichapod, because seriously,
Song 6 of 15? Who has only 15 songs?



Salad: On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the highest),
how honest do you think you are?

I figured I'm a 3.1416, but then again, I like pie. Then, my friend Homer said that on the honesty scale, I was a DOH! (Oh dear!)

Main Course: If you could change the name of one city in the world,
what would you rename it, and why?
My boyfriend, Google tells me a good candidate would be

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Although technically not the world record holder for long names, it IS Welsh, so you know there had to have been some serious drinking and hymn-shouting afoot when it was named. Although I'm not sure I am up to the task of renaming an entire city, I think maybe

Dwynwen

who not only is the Welsh Patron Saint of Lovers, she managed to get her spurned love turned into a block of ice and then wrangled up some sacred fortune telling eels who could predict the future of a potential romantic relationships. You don't mess with the Welsh, people.


Dessert: What stresses you out? What calms you down?
Stressful Coming up with a decent blog after being a 2+ week slacker.
Stressful Consulting a well full of sacred fortune telling eels.
Stressful Discovering they changed the song from "How are things in Glocca Morra" to "How are things in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?

Calming Fuzzy, Softy, Guardian Peeps
Calming iChapod
Calming Goo-Gone (Because Goo Sucks)
Calming Mikes, Mikes, and More Mikes.


Monday, October 09, 2006

EEEEEK!

Today's horror,
or why I hate Halloween,
courtesy of our friends at Target



You should check out his naughty librarian costume. Includes a navy blue dress with screen-printed skirt, attached tulle petticoat, shawl, rhinestone glasses and removable "Naughty Librarian" badge. Pearl necklace not included. 100% polyester.

What is the point of the removable badge? Does it hold the rest of the costume together? What about that mop of hair? It's not a wig?? And, if I have to wait until Halloween, what am I going to wear the rest of the month?

Oh, yeah. THIS:

EEEEEK!

Today's horror,
or why I hate Halloween,
courtesy of our friends at Target



You should check out his naughty librarian costume. Includes a navy blue dress with screen-printed skirt, attached tulle petticoat, shawl, rhinestone glasses and removable "Naughty Librarian" badge. Pearl necklace not included. 100% polyester.

What is the point of the removable badge? Does it hold the rest of the costume together? What about that mop of hair? It's not a wig?? And, if I have to wait until Halloween, what am I going to wear the rest of the month?

Oh, yeah. THIS:

Hold the Guacamole

Last week as GramTuna and I were off in search of lunch, we noticed an enormous line coming out of burrito eatery number 857 (aka Chipotle). The line was out the door and down the block, and although it was lunchtime, we thought it a bit odd that it should be that busy, considering the weather was rainy, cold and generally crummy.

Despite our love of burrito eatery number 857, we opted to eat in an eatery where we could stand in line inside instead of out.

On our way back we walked past the still-enormous snaking line and found out it was free burrito day at burrito eatery number 857.

Free. Hmmmm.

A little later that afternoon, I decided to give burrito eatery number 857 a call to see what was going on. What was going on was general pandemonium, and yes, truly it was free burrito day. Just show up. Just stand in line. One free burrito. One free pop (soda if you're reading this south of the Mason-Dixon line). No purchase necessary.

Sweet!

Knowing that TinyTuna loves burrito eatery number 857 as much as she loves burrito eatery number 856 (aka Qdoba), GramTuna and I decided to walk back and get her a special food surprise before dance class, because nothing says love like a one-hour jazz class right after you've eaten a chicken burrito. So, off we went to stand in line.

Thankfully it moved quickly, and within 15 minutes we were given our burrito bounty. As we were getting ready to leave, a manager type person came out on the floor and yelled, "WHO LOVES CHIPOTLE???" Not surprisingly, the place erupted in a chorus of hoots, hollers and thunderous applause. The fan appreciation was rewarded by t-shirts being heaved into the air, so I joined in and gave a CAPS LOCK, BOLD, and LEANED OVER WOOOOOO!!!! and don't you just know, the next thing I knew, there was a t-shirt coming straight at my head.

Sweet!!

We walked out the door feeling oh-so-lucky. "I'm the best mom in the WHOLE WORLD!" I said. "TinyTuna gets a burrito AND a t-shirt!" I took the package and turned it over so I could read the t-shirt. Underneath a picture of a burrito it read:

Usually
when you
roll something
this good
it's illegal


"...Or, maybe not...." I laughed.

"We just won't tell her," GramTuna advised, wisely.

"Yeah. It's too bad, though," I said. "But, on the other hand, now I TOTALLY have the perfect inappropriate shirt to wear to church choir practice!"

"Totally!" Said GramTuna.

Sweet.

Hold the Guacamole

Last week as GramTuna and I were off in search of lunch, we noticed an enormous line coming out of burrito eatery number 857 (aka Chipotle). The line was out the door and down the block, and although it was lunchtime, we thought it a bit odd that it should be that busy, considering the weather was rainy, cold and generally crummy.

Despite our love of burrito eatery number 857, we opted to eat in an eatery where we could stand in line inside instead of out.

On our way back we walked past the still-enormous snaking line and found out it was free burrito day at burrito eatery number 857.

Free. Hmmmm.

A little later that afternoon, I decided to give burrito eatery number 857 a call to see what was going on. What was going on was general pandemonium, and yes, truly it was free burrito day. Just show up. Just stand in line. One free burrito. One free pop (soda if you're reading this south of the Mason-Dixon line). No purchase necessary.

Sweet!

Knowing that TinyTuna loves burrito eatery number 857 as much as she loves burrito eatery number 856 (aka Qdoba), GramTuna and I decided to walk back and get her a special food surprise before dance class, because nothing says love like a one-hour jazz class right after you've eaten a chicken burrito. So, off we went to stand in line.

Thankfully it moved quickly, and within 15 minutes we were given our burrito bounty. As we were getting ready to leave, a manager type person came out on the floor and yelled, "WHO LOVES CHIPOTLE???" Not surprisingly, the place erupted in a chorus of hoots, hollers and thunderous applause. The fan appreciation was rewarded by t-shirts being heaved into the air, so I joined in and gave a CAPS LOCK, BOLD, and LEANED OVER WOOOOOO!!!! and don't you just know, the next thing I knew, there was a t-shirt coming straight at my head.

Sweet!!

We walked out the door feeling oh-so-lucky. "I'm the best mom in the WHOLE WORLD!" I said. "TinyTuna gets a burrito AND a t-shirt!" I took the package and turned it over so I could read the t-shirt. Underneath a picture of a burrito it read:

Usually
when you
roll something
this good
it's illegal


"...Or, maybe not...." I laughed.

"We just won't tell her," GramTuna advised, wisely.

"Yeah. It's too bad, though," I said. "But, on the other hand, now I TOTALLY have the perfect inappropriate shirt to wear to church choir practice!"

"Totally!" Said GramTuna.

Sweet.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Get A Clue

Yesterday afternoon, after sitting/napping through Open Season (MPF!), Scout, TinyTuna and I returned home to catch a little TV and play a couple of games. Since there were three of us, TinyTuna begged her way into a game of Clue. Scout hadn't played Clue in forever, so we had to give him a quick refresher course on the basic rules.

Based on cards dealt, you have to figure out by process of elimination which cards are in the secret envelope that reveal who did it, in what room, and with what weapon. As you are eliminating possibilities, you announce your suspicion. When you think you have it right, you make an accusation and look at the cards in the envelope. If you're right, you win, but if you're wrong, you're out of the game (because you've seen the correct answers).

As returning beginner's luck would have it, Scout managed to win the game. He tried to make TinyTuna feel better by goshing his way through the GreenTuna's mandatory house rule of shaking hands and saying good game.

"I can't believe I won!" he said. "Last time I played this I think I got all excited, guessed too early and lost the game!"

I took one look at him, covered my mouth and fell over into hysterics.

"What? Why is that funny?"

My eyes flew open wide, I stared at him again and through my hysterics I hissed, "I can't say it in front certain people!"

Still not understanding, he looked at me and said, "It's funny that I lost?"

I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down so his ear was nearby. Still shaking with laughter I whispered, "I didn't realize you suffered from premature accusation!"

It took Scout awhile to regain his composure. TinyTuna was none the wiser, and proceeded to beat both of us at Sorry. As for me, no one should be surprised to learn that I single-handedly managed to turn a lovely Norman Rockwell bonding moment into something straight out of South Park.


GreenTuna
In the Living Room
With the Double Entendre

Get A Clue

Yesterday afternoon, after sitting/napping through Open Season (MPF!), Scout, TinyTuna and I returned home to catch a little TV and play a couple of games. Since there were three of us, TinyTuna begged her way into a game of Clue. Scout hadn't played Clue in forever, so we had to give him a quick refresher course on the basic rules.

Based on cards dealt, you have to figure out by process of elimination which cards are in the secret envelope that reveal who did it, in what room, and with what weapon. As you are eliminating possibilities, you announce your suspicion. When you think you have it right, you make an accusation and look at the cards in the envelope. If you're right, you win, but if you're wrong, you're out of the game (because you've seen the correct answers).

As returning beginner's luck would have it, Scout managed to win the game. He tried to make TinyTuna feel better by goshing his way through the GreenTuna's mandatory house rule of shaking hands and saying good game.

"I can't believe I won!" he said. "Last time I played this I think I got all excited, guessed too early and lost the game!"

I took one look at him, covered my mouth and fell over into hysterics.

"What? Why is that funny?"

My eyes flew open wide, I stared at him again and through my hysterics I hissed, "I can't say it in front certain people!"

Still not understanding, he looked at me and said, "It's funny that I lost?"

I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down so his ear was nearby. Still shaking with laughter I whispered, "I didn't realize you suffered from premature accusation!"

It took Scout awhile to regain his composure. TinyTuna was none the wiser, and proceeded to beat both of us at Sorry. As for me, no one should be surprised to learn that I single-handedly managed to turn a lovely Norman Rockwell bonding moment into something straight out of South Park.


GreenTuna
In the Living Room
With the Double Entendre