Monday, September 18, 2006

Bring in Da Noise, Bring out Yer Dead

Get the snickering out of the way now. I'm back in Tap Class.

It was a combination of "hey, it's good exercise" coupled with "this is what happens when you're all happy and in a good mood" coupled with "the teacher is a good friend of mine and wouldn't it be nice to support him in his brand new studio" coupled with "any exercise is better than suffering through another day of Beelzebub's Handmaiden Denise Austin and her scary bug eyes and hoarse whispery voice saying "THAT'S RIGHT! YOU'RE GETTING STRONG! STRONG THROUGH THE POWER OF YOGA! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!" that made me do it.

TinyTuna, who has been taking tap for seven jillion years was thrilled because now she was better at something than I was and took no time in Lording that over me. Do you know this one? This one? How about this one? Tappity-tap-tap-zoom-zoom-tippity-tap across the room. What you can't do that? Really? Why not? That one is EEEEAAAASY.

Shaddup.

Kids. You can't kill 'em.

I was keeping my tap class news under wraps because frankly, I didn't really want to hear all the crap I was sure to get from others. That worked just fine until TinyTuna, unable to keep her yap shut, let fly during Sunday Brunch at the Grill Dogs. As we were catching up from the past week PeaceTuna asked a general "So what's new?" kind of question, and wouldn't you know it, the first thing out of TinyTuna's mouth was a big, fat MOM'S TAKING TAP DANCING LESSONS!

This was followed by a big bug-eyed TinyTuna look that unmistakenly read, "HA HA!! We're in public and I'm SAFE!"

I shot a look at her. And then I looked at Scout, sitting next to me. He was smiling very hard in his usual nice, polite, pleasant manner. And I was quite pleased. Good Scout. Good, wonderful, supportive Scout. But then I realized, he wasn't smiling to be pleasant. His lips were glued together in a smile so as to not bust out laughing.

There they were, the two of them. TinyTuna and Scout. Napoleon and Judas. I didn't know which betrayer I should slay first with my glare o' death. Since you technically cannot kill your kids, I turned to Scout, who by all accounts, should have known better and should, in theory, be practicing his it's important to be a good role model in front of the child skills.

"Go ahead," I said. "Laugh all you want. Get it out now. And while you're at it, I used to swim Synchronized Swimming in High School, so that should give you plenty of ammo, funny boy."

He knew he was in trouble and wisely started backpedalling immediately. TinyTuna, on the other hand, was LOVING this no end, and kept saying oh-so-not sincerely or apologetically in the slightest, "I have a BIG MOUTH."

Mmmmyep.

But anyway, I'm back, and not only am I back in tap class, I'm in intermediate tap class ... so, get out of here with my old bad self. My class is hysterical, with women ranging in ages from mid 20's to late 60's. We dance and wisecrack something fierce, which makes the overwhelming feelings of ineptness tolerable. I have taken to nicknaming everything, particularly dance steps, because I can't be bothered with their real names. Last week (WEEK ONE, PEOPLE) We were supposed to do a particular combination which was comprised of about 89 different parts. It was something like: jump, toe, brush, heel, step, shuffle ball-change, do not pass go, Buffalo Ladies do not collect $200, flap ball-change, pivot turn, jazz hands but I can't be entirely sure I didn't miss a couple of things in there. Anyway, after showing us this step (SLOWER! SLOWER!! GAH CAN'T WE GO SLOWER???) I finally yelled, "What is this called again? The HOOVER?" The Instructor (oh let's call him TippityTapTuna) looked at me and said, "What??? Hoover?"

"YEAH!" I yelled. "THE HOOVER. THIS THING SUCKS!"

I have also declared that in my next life, my Porn name will be "Back Essence" in honor of one of the few steps I can actually do correctly. And tonight when we started spinning flaps, It was quite obvious they were really Saturday night stumbles, and should never be attempted without several drinks in hand and under ones belt.

So yeah, I'm back at it. And laugh all you want, but today was better than last week, and I actually remembered a few things, and started to get the soft-shoe and the time step down. You know that one ... it's just a jump to the left. And then a jump to the right.

And aside from the fact that you can't do yoga in sequins and top hat,
I've decided that anything
anything
is better than downward facing dog.

Bring in Da Noise, Bring out Yer Dead

Get the snickering out of the way now. I'm back in Tap Class.

It was a combination of "hey, it's good exercise" coupled with "this is what happens when you're all happy and in a good mood" coupled with "the teacher is a good friend of mine and wouldn't it be nice to support him in his brand new studio" coupled with "any exercise is better than suffering through another day of Beelzebub's Handmaiden Denise Austin and her scary bug eyes and hoarse whispery voice saying "THAT'S RIGHT! YOU'RE GETTING STRONG! STRONG THROUGH THE POWER OF YOGA! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!" that made me do it.

TinyTuna, who has been taking tap for seven jillion years was thrilled because now she was better at something than I was and took no time in Lording that over me. Do you know this one? This one? How about this one? Tappity-tap-tap-zoom-zoom-tippity-tap across the room. What you can't do that? Really? Why not? That one is EEEEAAAASY.

Shaddup.

Kids. You can't kill 'em.

I was keeping my tap class news under wraps because frankly, I didn't really want to hear all the crap I was sure to get from others. That worked just fine until TinyTuna, unable to keep her yap shut, let fly during Sunday Brunch at the Grill Dogs. As we were catching up from the past week PeaceTuna asked a general "So what's new?" kind of question, and wouldn't you know it, the first thing out of TinyTuna's mouth was a big, fat MOM'S TAKING TAP DANCING LESSONS!

This was followed by a big bug-eyed TinyTuna look that unmistakenly read, "HA HA!! We're in public and I'm SAFE!"

I shot a look at her. And then I looked at Scout, sitting next to me. He was smiling very hard in his usual nice, polite, pleasant manner. And I was quite pleased. Good Scout. Good, wonderful, supportive Scout. But then I realized, he wasn't smiling to be pleasant. His lips were glued together in a smile so as to not bust out laughing.

There they were, the two of them. TinyTuna and Scout. Napoleon and Judas. I didn't know which betrayer I should slay first with my glare o' death. Since you technically cannot kill your kids, I turned to Scout, who by all accounts, should have known better and should, in theory, be practicing his it's important to be a good role model in front of the child skills.

"Go ahead," I said. "Laugh all you want. Get it out now. And while you're at it, I used to swim Synchronized Swimming in High School, so that should give you plenty of ammo, funny boy."

He knew he was in trouble and wisely started backpedalling immediately. TinyTuna, on the other hand, was LOVING this no end, and kept saying oh-so-not sincerely or apologetically in the slightest, "I have a BIG MOUTH."

Mmmmyep.

But anyway, I'm back, and not only am I back in tap class, I'm in intermediate tap class ... so, get out of here with my old bad self. My class is hysterical, with women ranging in ages from mid 20's to late 60's. We dance and wisecrack something fierce, which makes the overwhelming feelings of ineptness tolerable. I have taken to nicknaming everything, particularly dance steps, because I can't be bothered with their real names. Last week (WEEK ONE, PEOPLE) We were supposed to do a particular combination which was comprised of about 89 different parts. It was something like: jump, toe, brush, heel, step, shuffle ball-change, do not pass go, Buffalo Ladies do not collect $200, flap ball-change, pivot turn, jazz hands but I can't be entirely sure I didn't miss a couple of things in there. Anyway, after showing us this step (SLOWER! SLOWER!! GAH CAN'T WE GO SLOWER???) I finally yelled, "What is this called again? The HOOVER?" The Instructor (oh let's call him TippityTapTuna) looked at me and said, "What??? Hoover?"

"YEAH!" I yelled. "THE HOOVER. THIS THING SUCKS!"

I have also declared that in my next life, my Porn name will be "Back Essence" in honor of one of the few steps I can actually do correctly. And tonight when we started spinning flaps, It was quite obvious they were really Saturday night stumbles, and should never be attempted without several drinks in hand and under ones belt.

So yeah, I'm back at it. And laugh all you want, but today was better than last week, and I actually remembered a few things, and started to get the soft-shoe and the time step down. You know that one ... it's just a jump to the left. And then a jump to the right.

And aside from the fact that you can't do yoga in sequins and top hat,
I've decided that anything
anything
is better than downward facing dog.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Running :: On Empty

2. Alternative :: Music

3. Cope :: Deal

4. Lots :: And Lots

5. Sympathetic :: Vibration

6. Barn :: Yard

7. Totally :: Dude

8. Baby :: Baby

9. Undeniable :: No way around it

10. Watermelon :: Watermelon Watermelon



These are the kind of answers you get when I mutter along with an iPod playing. Nearly everything is a song reference (I have no idea about #6), or in the case of Watermelon, Watermelon, Watermelon, a bad ad-lib by a community theatre thespian.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Running :: On Empty

2. Alternative :: Music

3. Cope :: Deal

4. Lots :: And Lots

5. Sympathetic :: Vibration

6. Barn :: Yard

7. Totally :: Dude

8. Baby :: Baby

9. Undeniable :: No way around it

10. Watermelon :: Watermelon Watermelon



These are the kind of answers you get when I mutter along with an iPod playing. Nearly everything is a song reference (I have no idea about #6), or in the case of Watermelon, Watermelon, Watermelon, a bad ad-lib by a community theatre thespian.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday's Feast

Now that Blogger is back up and running, it's time for a mid-afternoon snack version of Friday's Feast.

Appetizer : What was the very last song you listened to?
Since, in the strict interpretation of the word, a song has words I cannot count the most recent musical composition that crossed my ears, Dvorak's New World Symphony. Instead, the winner would be that well-known Armenian song Loosin yelav which TinyTuna has to learn for choir tonight.

Soup : What is one company/store/corporation you would recommend that people stay away from?
ScAmway. It's a mitten thing.

Salad : On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy having your picture made?
Made?
It all depends if it is made into a dartboard target (1) or into a macaroni picture I can later turn into salad (10).

Main Course : Besides a bookmark, what is something you've used to keep your place in a book?
Receipts. Paperclips. Gravity. TinyTuna's finger.

Dessert : Name a food that you like that most people don't.
1. Lima Beans
2. Most excellent beef
3. Liver & onions

And yes, I like them. I really, really like them.

Friday's Feast

Now that Blogger is back up and running, it's time for a mid-afternoon snack version of Friday's Feast.

Appetizer : What was the very last song you listened to?
Since, in the strict interpretation of the word, a song has words I cannot count the most recent musical composition that crossed my ears, Dvorak's New World Symphony. Instead, the winner would be that well-known Armenian song Loosin yelav which TinyTuna has to learn for choir tonight.

Soup : What is one company/store/corporation you would recommend that people stay away from?
ScAmway. It's a mitten thing.

Salad : On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy having your picture made?
Made?
It all depends if it is made into a dartboard target (1) or into a macaroni picture I can later turn into salad (10).

Main Course : Besides a bookmark, what is something you've used to keep your place in a book?
Receipts. Paperclips. Gravity. TinyTuna's finger.

Dessert : Name a food that you like that most people don't.
1. Lima Beans
2. Most excellent beef
3. Liver & onions

And yes, I like them. I really, really like them.

The Downside of Yellow

So, here's the deal. Life in a yellow shirt world has it's drawbacks. The problem in a nutshell? I'm too damn nice now.

In the past several weeks (technically two months and change) I have been accused of smiling. Of giggling. Of being generally pleasant. Of being perky. Spunky. OH GOD ... OF BEING CUTE!

I could attempt to deny it, but sadly, the proof was staring me in the face last week when a couple of you wondered out loud about my sanity. One look at what I had written and it became crystal clear just how serious this had become.


There it was, in black and white. When given the chance to rant endlessly about perhaps my biggest food HATES of all time, when prompted to list "foods I find disgusting" I actually said,

I think disgusting is a little harsh. I go for the more genteel "I do not prefer"

That answer, to use the descriptive powers of TinyTuna, makes me want to barf up a pile. How could I manage to only turn up my virtual nose at eggplant, rhubarb, okra, oatmeal, olives and cake? And really, it's not that I don't prefer them. It's that I DON'T LIKE THEM AT ALL except cake, which I truly do not prefer, but will eat when necessary, and oatmeal, which I'll only eat on Beaver Island when threatened, which is another story for another day.

I've been fretting about this overabundance of good cheer for awhile. I knew I couldn't be an effective teacher or a credible soprano if I was nice all the time. I needed to find my inner Rottweiller, and fast. Problem was, every time I talked to Scout or heard a song on the radio or felt the buzz of my cell phone telling me I had a text message, I got all damn squishy again.

It wasn't until Wednesday when I was at work helping a frantic undergraduate singer. He had a song and it was too high, and was desperate to find it in a lower key. After giving him several volumes to search, he was still out of luck. With utter panic in his voice he asked, "If I can't find this in a lower key, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???"

The first thing that popped into my head was "buy tighter underwear."

I felt so much better. The inky blackness had crept back into my heart. Sure, the yellow shirt is still hanging in the closet, and Scout is fabulous, but all those wonderful things that I love and make my world go around, like the snark, the wicked humor, and the obvious superiority of Sopranos ... it's back and it's AWN!

The Downside of Yellow

So, here's the deal. Life in a yellow shirt world has it's drawbacks. The problem in a nutshell? I'm too damn nice now.

In the past several weeks (technically two months and change) I have been accused of smiling. Of giggling. Of being generally pleasant. Of being perky. Spunky. OH GOD ... OF BEING CUTE!

I could attempt to deny it, but sadly, the proof was staring me in the face last week when a couple of you wondered out loud about my sanity. One look at what I had written and it became crystal clear just how serious this had become.


There it was, in black and white. When given the chance to rant endlessly about perhaps my biggest food HATES of all time, when prompted to list "foods I find disgusting" I actually said,

I think disgusting is a little harsh. I go for the more genteel "I do not prefer"

That answer, to use the descriptive powers of TinyTuna, makes me want to barf up a pile. How could I manage to only turn up my virtual nose at eggplant, rhubarb, okra, oatmeal, olives and cake? And really, it's not that I don't prefer them. It's that I DON'T LIKE THEM AT ALL except cake, which I truly do not prefer, but will eat when necessary, and oatmeal, which I'll only eat on Beaver Island when threatened, which is another story for another day.

I've been fretting about this overabundance of good cheer for awhile. I knew I couldn't be an effective teacher or a credible soprano if I was nice all the time. I needed to find my inner Rottweiller, and fast. Problem was, every time I talked to Scout or heard a song on the radio or felt the buzz of my cell phone telling me I had a text message, I got all damn squishy again.

It wasn't until Wednesday when I was at work helping a frantic undergraduate singer. He had a song and it was too high, and was desperate to find it in a lower key. After giving him several volumes to search, he was still out of luck. With utter panic in his voice he asked, "If I can't find this in a lower key, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???"

The first thing that popped into my head was "buy tighter underwear."

I felt so much better. The inky blackness had crept back into my heart. Sure, the yellow shirt is still hanging in the closet, and Scout is fabulous, but all those wonderful things that I love and make my world go around, like the snark, the wicked humor, and the obvious superiority of Sopranos ... it's back and it's AWN!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Me Me Me Me Meme

Because it's Thursday, it's a teaching day, it's almost tomorrow and I have nothing original to put forth at the moment, I'm robbing the meme-a-rama from Cops, Kat, Mensch, et al.

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Heavens, no. Why would they do that?

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Heavens, no. Why would I do that?

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Too soon. I don't have anything against sledding, except that I broke my arm sledding when I was in 5th grade and have totally held it against the sport of sledding ever since. The last time I went sledding with a humorous tale to tell (read: funny at someone else's expense) was when I took TinyTuna when she was pretty darn teeny tiny. The hill was big and I rode on the back of the toboggan. When we reached the bottom of the hill, it was apparent that I forgot the whole philosophy of she who sits in front gets face full of snow. She looked like a miniature Al Jolson and proceeded to scream her head off. Me? You know it. I laughed. But in my defense, I made it better later with hot chocolate.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I would be happy just to sleep. Yoga at midnight and wide awake at 5am is nuts.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Only Caspar and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Have you seen my non-answers to these questions?

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I'd answer, but I'm too busy helping O.J. find the real killers.
Actually, this answer lives in a no thinking zone. Duh.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I sure wouldn't want to see them as ghosts, and I doubt that they would ever go sledding with me. Personally, I'd pass on the pair of them.

9. Do you stay friends with your exs?
Perhaps very surprisingly, yes. Friends however, is a relative term. I am able to be pleasant and friendly, but it doesn't mean that I leave myself open and vulnerable for a repeat performance of a previous disaster.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Bet the farm! Bet the farm!
Oh. That's Jeopardy.
Some? Sort of? I'm not a big gambler.
I'm not even a little gambler.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Heavens, no. Why would I do that?

12. What's your favorite commercial?
My current favorite commercial is the American Express "Roddick vs. Pong" ad.
Scout and I saw this last weekend and just about fell off the couch laughing.



13. What are you allergic to?
The sun. Go figure.

14. What is right to the right of you?
Empty water bottle. Mike Hard Lime bottlecap, a pile of post-it notes, a tower of paperclips, a rubberband ball and about 20 coasters.

15. Have you ever had a Choco Taco?
No. It sounds gross.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
After the Tigers, does it really matter who is in 2nd place?

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Define Ice Skating. Have I ever been Ice Skating Rink Wall hugging? Absolutely. Have I ever perfected the craft of the Human Zamboni? You butt my frozen butt I have.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Every day. But only in my dreams. So really, not often at all.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Not the last time, but the best time I laughed so hard that I cried was at an extended family dinner table incident when the kids (and then at least one of the adults) started laughing at the concept of the old Play-Doh Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop. This somehow morphed into Burger King, and thus the infamous In Go Potatoes, Out Comes Fries debacle was born, with some of us in inexplicable hysterics, and the rest absolute furious at something that was NOT funny AT ALL (which, naturally, made us laugh all the harder).

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Eleanor Rigby
When I'm 64
I am the Walrus
Let it Be

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
My hair?

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Eventually.

23. Do you put salt on a turkey dinner?
Heavens no. Why would I do that? Turkey is dry enough all on it's own.

24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes. Mother. Good role model. Yada yada yada.

25. What cell service do you use?
Cingular. More bars. Less dropped calls. Everywhere except where I happen to be.

26. Do you like Sushi?
Honestly, I've never had it. I can eat rubber bands of the sea (raw oysters) given enough sauce, but generally speaking, the entire concept sounds a bit yeeesh.

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
As opposed to not narrowly avoided a fatal accident? If so, see #5, above.

28. What do you wear to bed?
PJs. Mother. Role model. House might catch on fire, and then what would I do?

29. Been caught stealing?
Kisses, yes.

30. Have you ever been on the funny website?
www.thefunnywebsite.com took me HERE.
And, the answer would have been no. Until just now. And now the answer is yes, and I can't say that it was all that humorous, really.

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
It's too much trouble.

32. Classic Rock or Rap?
I might just truly hate Rap.
Ok, no might about it.

33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Google. He knows everything.

34. Have you ever been punched in the face?
I hope not.

35. What food do you find disgusting?
I think disgusting is a little harsh. I go for the more genteel I do not prefer. This includes eggplant, rhubarb, okra, oatmeal, olives and cake.

36. Do you sing in the shower?
I sing most of the day. I don't waste it in the shower.

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Only with Okra, Oatmeal, Olives and cake.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Please. I'm a Soprano. It's genetically impossible not to.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Sure. Concert halls. Sporting events. Someone is always wanting to crawl over you at the last minute when you managed to get yourself seated in a timely fashion.

40. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Only as a teaching tool. It's a best friend - worse enemy kind of situation.

Me Me Me Me Meme

Because it's Thursday, it's a teaching day, it's almost tomorrow and I have nothing original to put forth at the moment, I'm robbing the meme-a-rama from Cops, Kat, Mensch, et al.

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Heavens, no. Why would they do that?

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Heavens, no. Why would I do that?

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Too soon. I don't have anything against sledding, except that I broke my arm sledding when I was in 5th grade and have totally held it against the sport of sledding ever since. The last time I went sledding with a humorous tale to tell (read: funny at someone else's expense) was when I took TinyTuna when she was pretty darn teeny tiny. The hill was big and I rode on the back of the toboggan. When we reached the bottom of the hill, it was apparent that I forgot the whole philosophy of she who sits in front gets face full of snow. She looked like a miniature Al Jolson and proceeded to scream her head off. Me? You know it. I laughed. But in my defense, I made it better later with hot chocolate.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I would be happy just to sleep. Yoga at midnight and wide awake at 5am is nuts.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Only Caspar and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Have you seen my non-answers to these questions?

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I'd answer, but I'm too busy helping O.J. find the real killers.
Actually, this answer lives in a no thinking zone. Duh.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I sure wouldn't want to see them as ghosts, and I doubt that they would ever go sledding with me. Personally, I'd pass on the pair of them.

9. Do you stay friends with your exs?
Perhaps very surprisingly, yes. Friends however, is a relative term. I am able to be pleasant and friendly, but it doesn't mean that I leave myself open and vulnerable for a repeat performance of a previous disaster.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Bet the farm! Bet the farm!
Oh. That's Jeopardy.
Some? Sort of? I'm not a big gambler.
I'm not even a little gambler.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Heavens, no. Why would I do that?

12. What's your favorite commercial?
My current favorite commercial is the American Express "Roddick vs. Pong" ad.
Scout and I saw this last weekend and just about fell off the couch laughing.



13. What are you allergic to?
The sun. Go figure.

14. What is right to the right of you?
Empty water bottle. Mike Hard Lime bottlecap, a pile of post-it notes, a tower of paperclips, a rubberband ball and about 20 coasters.

15. Have you ever had a Choco Taco?
No. It sounds gross.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
After the Tigers, does it really matter who is in 2nd place?

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Define Ice Skating. Have I ever been Ice Skating Rink Wall hugging? Absolutely. Have I ever perfected the craft of the Human Zamboni? You butt my frozen butt I have.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Every day. But only in my dreams. So really, not often at all.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Not the last time, but the best time I laughed so hard that I cried was at an extended family dinner table incident when the kids (and then at least one of the adults) started laughing at the concept of the old Play-Doh Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop. This somehow morphed into Burger King, and thus the infamous In Go Potatoes, Out Comes Fries debacle was born, with some of us in inexplicable hysterics, and the rest absolute furious at something that was NOT funny AT ALL (which, naturally, made us laugh all the harder).

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Eleanor Rigby
When I'm 64
I am the Walrus
Let it Be

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
My hair?

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Eventually.

23. Do you put salt on a turkey dinner?
Heavens no. Why would I do that? Turkey is dry enough all on it's own.

24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes. Mother. Good role model. Yada yada yada.

25. What cell service do you use?
Cingular. More bars. Less dropped calls. Everywhere except where I happen to be.

26. Do you like Sushi?
Honestly, I've never had it. I can eat rubber bands of the sea (raw oysters) given enough sauce, but generally speaking, the entire concept sounds a bit yeeesh.

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
As opposed to not narrowly avoided a fatal accident? If so, see #5, above.

28. What do you wear to bed?
PJs. Mother. Role model. House might catch on fire, and then what would I do?

29. Been caught stealing?
Kisses, yes.

30. Have you ever been on the funny website?
www.thefunnywebsite.com took me HERE.
And, the answer would have been no. Until just now. And now the answer is yes, and I can't say that it was all that humorous, really.

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
It's too much trouble.

32. Classic Rock or Rap?
I might just truly hate Rap.
Ok, no might about it.

33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Google. He knows everything.

34. Have you ever been punched in the face?
I hope not.

35. What food do you find disgusting?
I think disgusting is a little harsh. I go for the more genteel I do not prefer. This includes eggplant, rhubarb, okra, oatmeal, olives and cake.

36. Do you sing in the shower?
I sing most of the day. I don't waste it in the shower.

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Only with Okra, Oatmeal, Olives and cake.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Please. I'm a Soprano. It's genetically impossible not to.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Sure. Concert halls. Sporting events. Someone is always wanting to crawl over you at the last minute when you managed to get yourself seated in a timely fashion.

40. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Only as a teaching tool. It's a best friend - worse enemy kind of situation.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Short End of the Stick

Yesterday it all began. From 7th grade to my teaching stints up north to TinyTuna's first rehearsal for Children's Choir, we were running from dawn until dusk. Because TinyTuna had been out East during choir orientation, we had to go early so she could sing for the director and get her voice placement. I was amused and just a little pleased that she was a touch nervous for her audition. I tried to reassure her, telling her, "It's ok...You're already in, you know." But I knew how important it was for her to do a good job and sound her best. Although we've never talked about it, she recognizes every performance is important and that you are only as good as your last audition. This is the sign of a good musician. If only my college students were so wise.

As we were in the car and she was fretting, I found some music on the iPod that she knew. Four measures later, she's singing up a storm and feeling much better.

I heard bits and pieces of her audition as I was filling out forms and emptying my wallet in the name of music. She was down the hall and in a separate room, but in the back of my mind as I heard her singing skywards I thought, "Hey, not too bad." She came out of the room all smiles. The big news of the audition seemed to be that she was going to be placed in the THIRD ROW which, from the sounds of it, was a caps-lock, leaned over and bold kind of event. The third row, she explained, was for the strongest singers. I smiled and gave her a hug, told her that sounded great, and wished her a good rehearsal.

Two hours later, I came back to pick her up. As expected, she was bouncing off the walls excited about her music and her friends and HOW GOOD THEY SOUNDED THIS YEAR! It was high drama. As we drove home, I asked, "So, how was the THIRD ROW??" She looked at me and said, "It was great. UNTIL I WAS MOVED BACK TO THE FIRST ROW."

Uh Oh.

Hoping to massage the situation, I smiled that Lord let this be the right thing to say smile and said, "Well, you know, you're probably in the first row because you're such a strong singer and you can help other kids who are new."

TinyTuna looked at me and said, "It wasn't because I'm STRONG.
It's because I'm SHORT!
NOBODY COULD SEE ME!!"

I couldn't help it. I laughed.
(I really have to work on that.)

Fortunately, I didn't seem to case permanent damage her delicate psyche. She spent the rest of the ride home reading me poetry, telling me how great they sounded and how happy she was to be back in choir again.

*Phew*

Short End of the Stick

Yesterday it all began. From 7th grade to my teaching stints up north to TinyTuna's first rehearsal for Children's Choir, we were running from dawn until dusk. Because TinyTuna had been out East during choir orientation, we had to go early so she could sing for the director and get her voice placement. I was amused and just a little pleased that she was a touch nervous for her audition. I tried to reassure her, telling her, "It's ok...You're already in, you know." But I knew how important it was for her to do a good job and sound her best. Although we've never talked about it, she recognizes every performance is important and that you are only as good as your last audition. This is the sign of a good musician. If only my college students were so wise.

As we were in the car and she was fretting, I found some music on the iPod that she knew. Four measures later, she's singing up a storm and feeling much better.

I heard bits and pieces of her audition as I was filling out forms and emptying my wallet in the name of music. She was down the hall and in a separate room, but in the back of my mind as I heard her singing skywards I thought, "Hey, not too bad." She came out of the room all smiles. The big news of the audition seemed to be that she was going to be placed in the THIRD ROW which, from the sounds of it, was a caps-lock, leaned over and bold kind of event. The third row, she explained, was for the strongest singers. I smiled and gave her a hug, told her that sounded great, and wished her a good rehearsal.

Two hours later, I came back to pick her up. As expected, she was bouncing off the walls excited about her music and her friends and HOW GOOD THEY SOUNDED THIS YEAR! It was high drama. As we drove home, I asked, "So, how was the THIRD ROW??" She looked at me and said, "It was great. UNTIL I WAS MOVED BACK TO THE FIRST ROW."

Uh Oh.

Hoping to massage the situation, I smiled that Lord let this be the right thing to say smile and said, "Well, you know, you're probably in the first row because you're such a strong singer and you can help other kids who are new."

TinyTuna looked at me and said, "It wasn't because I'm STRONG.
It's because I'm SHORT!
NOBODY COULD SEE ME!!"

I couldn't help it. I laughed.
(I really have to work on that.)

Fortunately, I didn't seem to case permanent damage her delicate psyche. She spent the rest of the ride home reading me poetry, telling me how great they sounded and how happy she was to be back in choir again.

*Phew*

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Wiggle :: Squirm

2. Face :: The Music

3. Adjustable :: Straps

4. Room :: With a View

5. Easy :: Button

6. Store :: Staples

7. Maid :: I'm It

8. 9pm :: Closing Time

9. Challenge :: Dare

10. Debt :: Owe


As you can see, I can't wiggle out of one of my last back-to-school chores. Yes, it's time to face the music, pull up the bootstraps, leave my room and head off to Staples to buy school supplies for TinyTuna. Lord knows the maid won't do it, and if I don't get there before 9pm, they'll be closed. The challenge, of course, is not to go into debt because I have a total weakness for Office Supplies.

Mmmmm.....Pens........

Mutter along HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Wiggle :: Squirm

2. Face :: The Music

3. Adjustable :: Straps

4. Room :: With a View

5. Easy :: Button

6. Store :: Staples

7. Maid :: I'm It

8. 9pm :: Closing Time

9. Challenge :: Dare

10. Debt :: Owe


As you can see, I can't wiggle out of one of my last back-to-school chores. Yes, it's time to face the music, pull up the bootstraps, leave my room and head off to Staples to buy school supplies for TinyTuna. Lord knows the maid won't do it, and if I don't get there before 9pm, they'll be closed. The challenge, of course, is not to go into debt because I have a total weakness for Office Supplies.

Mmmmm.....Pens........

Mutter along HERE.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Win-Win Situation

MSU Tunas 27
Idaho Taters 17


There will be no sister kissing today. Although it wasn't exactly the overwhelming rout that was expected, the boys in green managed to stay on top while I managed to sneak in a short nap during the fourth quarter.

Win-Win Situation

MSU Tunas 27
Idaho Taters 17


There will be no sister kissing today. Although it wasn't exactly the overwhelming rout that was expected, the boys in green managed to stay on top while I managed to sneak in a short nap during the fourth quarter.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday's Feast

It's the Friday afternoon Good Lord students are actually USING THE LIBRARY ON A FRIDAY edition of the Friday Feast. Methinks it's less a feast and more a snack on the run. Let's see...

Appetizer: What are some lyrics you have misheard (such as, instead of Gettin' Jiggy With It" you heard "Kick a chicken with it")?
I can't recall a specific song example, although to this day I still have no idea what the middle part of Aretha Franklin's Respect is (R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, bleeblaah dee-dee-dee... What is it? It sounds like "take out t-c-p" but then you're left with R-E-S-E, and what's THAT?)

Soup: What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
So interesting that you should ask. Had I answered this question BEFORE last Saturday, I would have answered Under the Rainbow starring Chevy Chase, Carrie Fisher and a bunch of has-been munchkins who had to make a house payment. However, after Saturday, it would be a dead heat with Beerfest whose demographics appear to be aimed at 19 year old boys, of which I am neither.

Salad : Using the letters from your favorite number, write a sentence. Example: Tomorrow Has Really Easy Experiences.

Just
Imagine
Loving
Long
Imaginary
Outrageous
Numbers

Main Course: What was the most interesting News story you have heard this week?
Evidently the war on terror has morphed yet again and now we are fighting the Fascists. It appears The Administration is running out of marketing ideas, and the best they can come up with is retro spin.

The other big news event of the week was learning about Chimpy's summer reading list. He read Camus (but can't remember anything about it), THREE SHAKESPEARES (As You Like My Pet Goat, Goatleo and Juliet, and The Midsummer's Night Dreams of My Pet Goat), and other things too. He then proclaimed that he has an e-ka-lek-ptic reading list. I laughed so hard, I almost had a seizure.

Dessert: Which words would you choose to describe your wardrobe?
Too. Big.

Friday's Feast

It's the Friday afternoon Good Lord students are actually USING THE LIBRARY ON A FRIDAY edition of the Friday Feast. Methinks it's less a feast and more a snack on the run. Let's see...

Appetizer: What are some lyrics you have misheard (such as, instead of Gettin' Jiggy With It" you heard "Kick a chicken with it")?
I can't recall a specific song example, although to this day I still have no idea what the middle part of Aretha Franklin's Respect is (R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, bleeblaah dee-dee-dee... What is it? It sounds like "take out t-c-p" but then you're left with R-E-S-E, and what's THAT?)

Soup: What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
So interesting that you should ask. Had I answered this question BEFORE last Saturday, I would have answered Under the Rainbow starring Chevy Chase, Carrie Fisher and a bunch of has-been munchkins who had to make a house payment. However, after Saturday, it would be a dead heat with Beerfest whose demographics appear to be aimed at 19 year old boys, of which I am neither.

Salad : Using the letters from your favorite number, write a sentence. Example: Tomorrow Has Really Easy Experiences.

Just
Imagine
Loving
Long
Imaginary
Outrageous
Numbers

Main Course: What was the most interesting News story you have heard this week?
Evidently the war on terror has morphed yet again and now we are fighting the Fascists. It appears The Administration is running out of marketing ideas, and the best they can come up with is retro spin.

The other big news event of the week was learning about Chimpy's summer reading list. He read Camus (but can't remember anything about it), THREE SHAKESPEARES (As You Like My Pet Goat, Goatleo and Juliet, and The Midsummer's Night Dreams of My Pet Goat), and other things too. He then proclaimed that he has an e-ka-lek-ptic reading list. I laughed so hard, I almost had a seizure.

Dessert: Which words would you choose to describe your wardrobe?
Too. Big.