Wednesday, March 29, 2006
My Day. A Tuna Pictorial
1. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
2. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
3. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
4. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
5. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
6. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
7. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
8. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
9. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
10. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
11. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
12. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
Ok, so I'm actually guessing from picture 10 onward. But based on the stunningly craptacular day I've had today, I can't be that far off.
Even better? My day WITH SOUND.
A thousand thanks to my coworker who sent me the LINK, and actually managed to make this Screaming Banshee feel a little better. You da bomb.
My Day. A Tuna Pictorial
1. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
2. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
3. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
4. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
5. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
6. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
7. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
8. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
9. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
10. AAAAAUUUUGH!!!
11. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
12. AAAAAAUUUUGH!!!
Ok, so I'm actually guessing from picture 10 onward. But based on the stunningly craptacular day I've had today, I can't be that far off.
Even better? My day WITH SOUND.
A thousand thanks to my coworker who sent me the LINK, and actually managed to make this Screaming Banshee feel a little better. You da bomb.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Idol Speculation
As I sit here waiting for a student to show up (which seems unlikely for this half-hour session, DAMMIT -- why are they skipping this close to the end of the term?) I jumped over to the American Idol website to see who was left and what might be happening tonight.
Now that creepy kid (AKA Chicken Little, AKA Elf, AKA Kevin Covais) is gone, I feel a bit conflicted. I'm happy knowing that I won't have to cringe through any more of his squicky performances, but I'm also a little sad, because my biggest AI hater is gone.
So, I need another one, and lucky for me -- there are plenty to choose from!
Ace -- My Ace love which knew no limits when he sang "Father Figure" has plummeted the last two weeks. I can only hope that this weeks theme is kinder to him than 50's week or Stevie Wonder week. Two dingers in a row and I start humming, "You gotta know when to fold 'em."
Bucky -- My new creepy hater. All I hear is "Dueling Banjos" when I see him.
Chris -- I think I like him? He could also be a stunt double for Mr. Clean.
Elliott -- Whenever I type the name "Elliott" I always say it in that slow ET voice (ELL-EEE-AHHT) When I see this Elliott's first and last names together (Elliott Yamin) I always call him "Yelliott." Coincidence? I think not.
Katharine -- The girl can sing. Sadly, the girl cannot always dress.
Kellie -- Country. Ugh. Dumb blond. Double ugh. Last name "Pickler." She can't help that, but people in the audience are holding up giant pickle posters with her face in the middle. Unless American Idol is sponsored by Vlasic, this is NOT a good thing.
Lisa -- I can't say that I've seen much of Lisa. I saw her sing last week and it wasn't as bad as creepy kid, but it wasn't great either. She has been swirling the drain every week. I don't expect her to last much longer.
Mandisa -- The girl can sing. Woah, the girl can sing. Why does it bug me that her name is Mandisa? Why couldn't her name be Girldisa? Or Divadisa? Or GetouttamywayI'msomuchbetterthanally'alldisa. She's that good. So you know she'll never win.
Paris -- The girl can sing. Sadly the girl cannot talk. Step away from the helium.
Taylor -- The heartthrob dancing jiving dentist. Sure, he's 29. Uh huh. He looks like a golf caddy, sings like a drunken Bob Dylan and dances like he has a severe intestinal disorder. Somehow people love him. Me? I'm very meh.
Tonight is songs of the 21st century, giving only six years of material to work from. I'll give all my votes this week to the first contestant who sings "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."
Now that creepy kid (AKA Chicken Little, AKA Elf, AKA Kevin Covais) is gone, I feel a bit conflicted. I'm happy knowing that I won't have to cringe through any more of his squicky performances, but I'm also a little sad, because my biggest AI hater is gone.
So, I need another one, and lucky for me -- there are plenty to choose from!
Ace -- My Ace love which knew no limits when he sang "Father Figure" has plummeted the last two weeks. I can only hope that this weeks theme is kinder to him than 50's week or Stevie Wonder week. Two dingers in a row and I start humming, "You gotta know when to fold 'em."
Bucky -- My new creepy hater. All I hear is "Dueling Banjos" when I see him.
Chris -- I think I like him? He could also be a stunt double for Mr. Clean.
Elliott -- Whenever I type the name "Elliott" I always say it in that slow ET voice (ELL-EEE-AHHT) When I see this Elliott's first and last names together (Elliott Yamin) I always call him "Yelliott." Coincidence? I think not.
Katharine -- The girl can sing. Sadly, the girl cannot always dress.
Kellie -- Country. Ugh. Dumb blond. Double ugh. Last name "Pickler." She can't help that, but people in the audience are holding up giant pickle posters with her face in the middle. Unless American Idol is sponsored by Vlasic, this is NOT a good thing.
Lisa -- I can't say that I've seen much of Lisa. I saw her sing last week and it wasn't as bad as creepy kid, but it wasn't great either. She has been swirling the drain every week. I don't expect her to last much longer.
Mandisa -- The girl can sing. Woah, the girl can sing. Why does it bug me that her name is Mandisa? Why couldn't her name be Girldisa? Or Divadisa? Or GetouttamywayI'msomuchbetterthanally'alldisa. She's that good. So you know she'll never win.
Paris -- The girl can sing. Sadly the girl cannot talk. Step away from the helium.
Taylor -- The heartthrob dancing jiving dentist. Sure, he's 29. Uh huh. He looks like a golf caddy, sings like a drunken Bob Dylan and dances like he has a severe intestinal disorder. Somehow people love him. Me? I'm very meh.
Tonight is songs of the 21st century, giving only six years of material to work from. I'll give all my votes this week to the first contestant who sings "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."
Idol Speculation
As I sit here waiting for a student to show up (which seems unlikely for this half-hour session, DAMMIT -- why are they skipping this close to the end of the term?) I jumped over to the American Idol website to see who was left and what might be happening tonight.
Now that creepy kid (AKA Chicken Little, AKA Elf, AKA Kevin Covais) is gone, I feel a bit conflicted. I'm happy knowing that I won't have to cringe through any more of his squicky performances, but I'm also a little sad, because my biggest AI hater is gone.
So, I need another one, and lucky for me -- there are plenty to choose from!
Ace -- My Ace love which knew no limits when he sang "Father Figure" has plummeted the last two weeks. I can only hope that this weeks theme is kinder to him than 50's week or Stevie Wonder week. Two dingers in a row and I start humming, "You gotta know when to fold 'em."
Bucky -- My new creepy hater. All I hear is "Dueling Banjos" when I see him.
Chris -- I think I like him? He could also be a stunt double for Mr. Clean.
Elliott -- Whenever I type the name "Elliott" I always say it in that slow ET voice (ELL-EEE-AHHT) When I see this Elliott's first and last names together (Elliott Yamin) I always call him "Yelliott." Coincidence? I think not.
Katharine -- The girl can sing. Sadly, the girl cannot always dress.
Kellie -- Country. Ugh. Dumb blond. Double ugh. Last name "Pickler." She can't help that, but people in the audience are holding up giant pickle posters with her face in the middle. Unless American Idol is sponsored by Vlasic, this is NOT a good thing.
Lisa -- I can't say that I've seen much of Lisa. I saw her sing last week and it wasn't as bad as creepy kid, but it wasn't great either. She has been swirling the drain every week. I don't expect her to last much longer.
Mandisa -- The girl can sing. Woah, the girl can sing. Why does it bug me that her name is Mandisa? Why couldn't her name be Girldisa? Or Divadisa? Or GetouttamywayI'msomuchbetterthanally'alldisa. She's that good. So you know she'll never win.
Paris -- The girl can sing. Sadly the girl cannot talk. Step away from the helium.
Taylor -- The heartthrob dancing jiving dentist. Sure, he's 29. Uh huh. He looks like a golf caddy, sings like a drunken Bob Dylan and dances like he has a severe intestinal disorder. Somehow people love him. Me? I'm very meh.
Tonight is songs of the 21st century, giving only six years of material to work from. I'll give all my votes this week to the first contestant who sings "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."
Now that creepy kid (AKA Chicken Little, AKA Elf, AKA Kevin Covais) is gone, I feel a bit conflicted. I'm happy knowing that I won't have to cringe through any more of his squicky performances, but I'm also a little sad, because my biggest AI hater is gone.
So, I need another one, and lucky for me -- there are plenty to choose from!
Ace -- My Ace love which knew no limits when he sang "Father Figure" has plummeted the last two weeks. I can only hope that this weeks theme is kinder to him than 50's week or Stevie Wonder week. Two dingers in a row and I start humming, "You gotta know when to fold 'em."
Bucky -- My new creepy hater. All I hear is "Dueling Banjos" when I see him.
Chris -- I think I like him? He could also be a stunt double for Mr. Clean.
Elliott -- Whenever I type the name "Elliott" I always say it in that slow ET voice (ELL-EEE-AHHT) When I see this Elliott's first and last names together (Elliott Yamin) I always call him "Yelliott." Coincidence? I think not.
Katharine -- The girl can sing. Sadly, the girl cannot always dress.
Kellie -- Country. Ugh. Dumb blond. Double ugh. Last name "Pickler." She can't help that, but people in the audience are holding up giant pickle posters with her face in the middle. Unless American Idol is sponsored by Vlasic, this is NOT a good thing.
Lisa -- I can't say that I've seen much of Lisa. I saw her sing last week and it wasn't as bad as creepy kid, but it wasn't great either. She has been swirling the drain every week. I don't expect her to last much longer.
Mandisa -- The girl can sing. Woah, the girl can sing. Why does it bug me that her name is Mandisa? Why couldn't her name be Girldisa? Or Divadisa? Or GetouttamywayI'msomuchbetterthanally'alldisa. She's that good. So you know she'll never win.
Paris -- The girl can sing. Sadly the girl cannot talk. Step away from the helium.
Taylor -- The heartthrob dancing jiving dentist. Sure, he's 29. Uh huh. He looks like a golf caddy, sings like a drunken Bob Dylan and dances like he has a severe intestinal disorder. Somehow people love him. Me? I'm very meh.
Tonight is songs of the 21st century, giving only six years of material to work from. I'll give all my votes this week to the first contestant who sings "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."
Monday, March 27, 2006
Lost Treasures - TunaU Version
Every day when I walk into my office, I'm never sure what I'll face. My tiny office is home to a forest worth of problems, neatly chopped and illegibly scrawled on 3 x 5 slips of paper. Then there are books that are wrong, scores that are lost, CDs that need new jewel cases, and stacks of assigned materials that needs to be handled yesterday.
You can only imagine that an MMO (Monday Morning Office) has the potential to be particularly nasty, since this academic detrius has had over 48 hours to accumulate and fester, untouched.
Thus it was with great pleasure that upon arriving this morning my still relatively clean office only had two things wanting my attention. The first was a book that was easy pawned off on a coworker to solve, and the second? Pure gold.
On my desk was a 45 vinyl record with a note that read,
"found in the stacks???"
For the youngsters in the group, this is an example of what a 45 rpm vinyl record looks like. Although we don't collect them as part of our academic collection, it didn't strike me as odd that this had shown up. After all, I had just spent an entire weekend finding everything from a jump rope to a Menorah in my own bookcases. Why should the TunaU book shelves be any different? Maybe it was just looking for its people.
As I looked over the record, I discovered it had possibly THE BEST B-Side song title ever.
"You Didn't Like It, Because You Didn't Think of It"
It is now proudly displayed in my office, sitting on an illegal pushpin that has made an illegal hole in the wall. Sometimes Karmic discoveries can be beautiful.
You can only imagine that an MMO (Monday Morning Office) has the potential to be particularly nasty, since this academic detrius has had over 48 hours to accumulate and fester, untouched.
Thus it was with great pleasure that upon arriving this morning my still relatively clean office only had two things wanting my attention. The first was a book that was easy pawned off on a coworker to solve, and the second? Pure gold.
On my desk was a 45 vinyl record with a note that read,
"found in the stacks???"
For the youngsters in the group, this is an example of what a 45 rpm vinyl record looks like. Although we don't collect them as part of our academic collection, it didn't strike me as odd that this had shown up. After all, I had just spent an entire weekend finding everything from a jump rope to a Menorah in my own bookcases. Why should the TunaU book shelves be any different? Maybe it was just looking for its people.
As I looked over the record, I discovered it had possibly THE BEST B-Side song title ever.
"You Didn't Like It, Because You Didn't Think of It"
It is now proudly displayed in my office, sitting on an illegal pushpin that has made an illegal hole in the wall. Sometimes Karmic discoveries can be beautiful.
Lost Treasures - TunaU Version
Every day when I walk into my office, I'm never sure what I'll face. My tiny office is home to a forest worth of problems, neatly chopped and illegibly scrawled on 3 x 5 slips of paper. Then there are books that are wrong, scores that are lost, CDs that need new jewel cases, and stacks of assigned materials that needs to be handled yesterday.
You can only imagine that an MMO (Monday Morning Office) has the potential to be particularly nasty, since this academic detrius has had over 48 hours to accumulate and fester, untouched.
Thus it was with great pleasure that upon arriving this morning my still relatively clean office only had two things wanting my attention. The first was a book that was easy pawned off on a coworker to solve, and the second? Pure gold.
On my desk was a 45 vinyl record with a note that read,
"found in the stacks???"
For the youngsters in the group, this is an example of what a 45 rpm vinyl record looks like. Although we don't collect them as part of our academic collection, it didn't strike me as odd that this had shown up. After all, I had just spent an entire weekend finding everything from a jump rope to a Menorah in my own bookcases. Why should the TunaU book shelves be any different? Maybe it was just looking for its people.
As I looked over the record, I discovered it had possibly THE BEST B-Side song title ever.
"You Didn't Like It, Because You Didn't Think of It"
It is now proudly displayed in my office, sitting on an illegal pushpin that has made an illegal hole in the wall. Sometimes Karmic discoveries can be beautiful.
You can only imagine that an MMO (Monday Morning Office) has the potential to be particularly nasty, since this academic detrius has had over 48 hours to accumulate and fester, untouched.
Thus it was with great pleasure that upon arriving this morning my still relatively clean office only had two things wanting my attention. The first was a book that was easy pawned off on a coworker to solve, and the second? Pure gold.
On my desk was a 45 vinyl record with a note that read,
"found in the stacks???"
For the youngsters in the group, this is an example of what a 45 rpm vinyl record looks like. Although we don't collect them as part of our academic collection, it didn't strike me as odd that this had shown up. After all, I had just spent an entire weekend finding everything from a jump rope to a Menorah in my own bookcases. Why should the TunaU book shelves be any different? Maybe it was just looking for its people.
As I looked over the record, I discovered it had possibly THE BEST B-Side song title ever.
"You Didn't Like It, Because You Didn't Think of It"
It is now proudly displayed in my office, sitting on an illegal pushpin that has made an illegal hole in the wall. Sometimes Karmic discoveries can be beautiful.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Lost Treasures Take Three
Keeping in mind my basement bookcases are supposed to house music and books, the following interlopers were discovered in bookcase number three:
1. A small bag from The Smithsonian Air and Space Museum containing a wad of fused gummy bears.
2. Four walkmans
3. One mini Barbie in a navy evening gown
4. One jump-rope
5. One Menorah
6. One small plastic lemon wedge squeezer
7. One OLD teething ring with an engraved sterling silver bell (that seems to resemble a cowbell if you ask me) bearing my initials
It's not quite "Something Old, Something New..." but I did have something Barbie dressed in blue. And as for the Menorah, well, that harkens back to TinyTuna being in first grade and deciding we HAD to be Jewish and light a candle for each night for Hanukkah. Who was I to say no?
L'chaim!
1. A small bag from The Smithsonian Air and Space Museum containing a wad of fused gummy bears.
2. Four walkmans
3. One mini Barbie in a navy evening gown
4. One jump-rope
5. One Menorah
6. One small plastic lemon wedge squeezer
7. One OLD teething ring with an engraved sterling silver bell (that seems to resemble a cowbell if you ask me) bearing my initials
It's not quite "Something Old, Something New..." but I did have something Barbie dressed in blue. And as for the Menorah, well, that harkens back to TinyTuna being in first grade and deciding we HAD to be Jewish and light a candle for each night for Hanukkah. Who was I to say no?
L'chaim!
Lost Treasures Take Three
Keeping in mind my basement bookcases are supposed to house music and books, the following interlopers were discovered in bookcase number three:
1. A small bag from The Smithsonian Air and Space Museum containing a wad of fused gummy bears.
2. Four walkmans
3. One mini Barbie in a navy evening gown
4. One jump-rope
5. One Menorah
6. One small plastic lemon wedge squeezer
7. One OLD teething ring with an engraved sterling silver bell (that seems to resemble a cowbell if you ask me) bearing my initials
It's not quite "Something Old, Something New..." but I did have something Barbie dressed in blue. And as for the Menorah, well, that harkens back to TinyTuna being in first grade and deciding we HAD to be Jewish and light a candle for each night for Hanukkah. Who was I to say no?
L'chaim!
1. A small bag from The Smithsonian Air and Space Museum containing a wad of fused gummy bears.
2. Four walkmans
3. One mini Barbie in a navy evening gown
4. One jump-rope
5. One Menorah
6. One small plastic lemon wedge squeezer
7. One OLD teething ring with an engraved sterling silver bell (that seems to resemble a cowbell if you ask me) bearing my initials
It's not quite "Something Old, Something New..." but I did have something Barbie dressed in blue. And as for the Menorah, well, that harkens back to TinyTuna being in first grade and deciding we HAD to be Jewish and light a candle for each night for Hanukkah. Who was I to say no?
L'chaim!
Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... And you think:
1. Glass castle :: Throw REALLY BIG stones
2. Preserved :: Saved
3. Jealousy :: Hatred
4. Territory :: Area
5. Coffee :: I don't drink it
6. Stephen :: Which one?
7. Slut :: What kind of list is this, anyway?
8. Dynamic :: Forte
9. Daybreak :: Time to get up!
10. Dew :: Morning
Possibly the weirdest list of words ever. I don't think I've ever heard of a glass castle, although if you ask my boyfriend, he has over 16.8 million answers. I guess it just goes to show that there is always going to be somebody who is smarter than you are. Oooo, Jealous!
1. Glass castle :: Throw REALLY BIG stones
2. Preserved :: Saved
3. Jealousy :: Hatred
4. Territory :: Area
5. Coffee :: I don't drink it
6. Stephen :: Which one?
7. Slut :: What kind of list is this, anyway?
8. Dynamic :: Forte
9. Daybreak :: Time to get up!
10. Dew :: Morning
Possibly the weirdest list of words ever. I don't think I've ever heard of a glass castle, although if you ask my boyfriend, he has over 16.8 million answers. I guess it just goes to show that there is always going to be somebody who is smarter than you are. Oooo, Jealous!
Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... And you think:
1. Glass castle :: Throw REALLY BIG stones
2. Preserved :: Saved
3. Jealousy :: Hatred
4. Territory :: Area
5. Coffee :: I don't drink it
6. Stephen :: Which one?
7. Slut :: What kind of list is this, anyway?
8. Dynamic :: Forte
9. Daybreak :: Time to get up!
10. Dew :: Morning
Possibly the weirdest list of words ever. I don't think I've ever heard of a glass castle, although if you ask my boyfriend, he has over 16.8 million answers. I guess it just goes to show that there is always going to be somebody who is smarter than you are. Oooo, Jealous!
1. Glass castle :: Throw REALLY BIG stones
2. Preserved :: Saved
3. Jealousy :: Hatred
4. Territory :: Area
5. Coffee :: I don't drink it
6. Stephen :: Which one?
7. Slut :: What kind of list is this, anyway?
8. Dynamic :: Forte
9. Daybreak :: Time to get up!
10. Dew :: Morning
Possibly the weirdest list of words ever. I don't think I've ever heard of a glass castle, although if you ask my boyfriend, he has over 16.8 million answers. I guess it just goes to show that there is always going to be somebody who is smarter than you are. Oooo, Jealous!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Lost Treasures Take Two
Second best combination of objects found on a different shelf in a different basement bookcase:
1. One Holy Bible (King James Version)
2. Seven Dictionaries
3. One Thesaurus
4. Five hymnals of various denominations that I most likely, ahem, borrowed
5. One bottle of Peppermint Schnapps
6. One bottle of Butterscotch Schnapps
I can only guess that all that prayin' and spellin' makes you powerful thirsty.
1. One Holy Bible (King James Version)
2. Seven Dictionaries
3. One Thesaurus
4. Five hymnals of various denominations that I most likely, ahem, borrowed
5. One bottle of Peppermint Schnapps
6. One bottle of Butterscotch Schnapps
I can only guess that all that prayin' and spellin' makes you powerful thirsty.
Lost Treasures Take Two
Second best combination of objects found on a different shelf in a different basement bookcase:
1. One Holy Bible (King James Version)
2. Seven Dictionaries
3. One Thesaurus
4. Five hymnals of various denominations that I most likely, ahem, borrowed
5. One bottle of Peppermint Schnapps
6. One bottle of Butterscotch Schnapps
I can only guess that all that prayin' and spellin' makes you powerful thirsty.
1. One Holy Bible (King James Version)
2. Seven Dictionaries
3. One Thesaurus
4. Five hymnals of various denominations that I most likely, ahem, borrowed
5. One bottle of Peppermint Schnapps
6. One bottle of Butterscotch Schnapps
I can only guess that all that prayin' and spellin' makes you powerful thirsty.
Lost Treasures
Best combination of objects found on the same shelf in a basement bookcase:
1. Books
2. Magazines
3. A toilet brush
4. Eight yellow highlighters
5. Three boxes of toothpicks
My basement is an enigma wrapped in a mystery.
Stuck with a toothpick.
1. Books
2. Magazines
3. A toilet brush
4. Eight yellow highlighters
5. Three boxes of toothpicks
My basement is an enigma wrapped in a mystery.
Stuck with a toothpick.
Lost Treasures
Best combination of objects found on the same shelf in a basement bookcase:
1. Books
2. Magazines
3. A toilet brush
4. Eight yellow highlighters
5. Three boxes of toothpicks
My basement is an enigma wrapped in a mystery.
Stuck with a toothpick.
1. Books
2. Magazines
3. A toilet brush
4. Eight yellow highlighters
5. Three boxes of toothpicks
My basement is an enigma wrapped in a mystery.
Stuck with a toothpick.
Friday, March 24, 2006
And We're Back
Nearly two weeks ago, I wrote
And wouldn't you know, no sooner had I written that, I did it.
I married my house.
I loved it. I cleaned it. I played Yenta to my lonely socks and single shoes. I outdid Urho and I made St. Patrick and his snake eradication program look like amateur night. Dust bunnies were dusted, laundry was laundered, old mail was shredded, and suddenly ... I could see FLOOR in my bedroom.
This was big. It was HUGE. But...it wasn't enough.
So, I became a polygamist.
I married my office.
With the skill of a third-generation vintner, I gathered and tossed bunches of paperwork that had aged and ripened into useless scrap paper. I solved month-old problems and managed to have more work go out of my office instead of in. Precarious piles dissolved before my eyes. Even more thrilling than regaining empty portions of desk, was uncovering actual proof that I had a desk.
Like a junkie needing another hit, I grabbed the Formula 409 and started wiping down everything. I wiped my desk. I wiped my phone. I wiped my keyboard. My mouse. If it was wipable, I was wipe-able.
When TinyTuna stopped by my office after school, I convinced her to clean out my file cabinet, otherwise known as supply-central. Boxes of pencils, pens, tape and glue sticks were piled everywhere. When it was all said and done, it was obvious that I am well-prepared should there ever be an unforeseen critical shortage of yellow post-it notes.
The downside of my uncharacteristic clean-a-thon has been my absence from these hallowed pages. I'll be doing my best to rectify that situation, and luckily, there are many stories from the past couple of weeks that cannot go untold.
So, thanks for being patient, and I'll see you tomorrow.
After I do my dishes.
(I'm all out of forks)
I say ... And you think:
7. Housewife :: Who marries a house?
And wouldn't you know, no sooner had I written that, I did it.
I married my house.
I loved it. I cleaned it. I played Yenta to my lonely socks and single shoes. I outdid Urho and I made St. Patrick and his snake eradication program look like amateur night. Dust bunnies were dusted, laundry was laundered, old mail was shredded, and suddenly ... I could see FLOOR in my bedroom.
This was big. It was HUGE. But...it wasn't enough.
So, I became a polygamist.
I married my office.
With the skill of a third-generation vintner, I gathered and tossed bunches of paperwork that had aged and ripened into useless scrap paper. I solved month-old problems and managed to have more work go out of my office instead of in. Precarious piles dissolved before my eyes. Even more thrilling than regaining empty portions of desk, was uncovering actual proof that I had a desk.
Like a junkie needing another hit, I grabbed the Formula 409 and started wiping down everything. I wiped my desk. I wiped my phone. I wiped my keyboard. My mouse. If it was wipable, I was wipe-able.
When TinyTuna stopped by my office after school, I convinced her to clean out my file cabinet, otherwise known as supply-central. Boxes of pencils, pens, tape and glue sticks were piled everywhere. When it was all said and done, it was obvious that I am well-prepared should there ever be an unforeseen critical shortage of yellow post-it notes.
The downside of my uncharacteristic clean-a-thon has been my absence from these hallowed pages. I'll be doing my best to rectify that situation, and luckily, there are many stories from the past couple of weeks that cannot go untold.
So, thanks for being patient, and I'll see you tomorrow.
After I do my dishes.
(I'm all out of forks)
And We're Back
Nearly two weeks ago, I wrote
And wouldn't you know, no sooner had I written that, I did it.
I married my house.
I loved it. I cleaned it. I played Yenta to my lonely socks and single shoes. I outdid Urho and I made St. Patrick and his snake eradication program look like amateur night. Dust bunnies were dusted, laundry was laundered, old mail was shredded, and suddenly ... I could see FLOOR in my bedroom.
This was big. It was HUGE. But...it wasn't enough.
So, I became a polygamist.
I married my office.
With the skill of a third-generation vintner, I gathered and tossed bunches of paperwork that had aged and ripened into useless scrap paper. I solved month-old problems and managed to have more work go out of my office instead of in. Precarious piles dissolved before my eyes. Even more thrilling than regaining empty portions of desk, was uncovering actual proof that I had a desk.
Like a junkie needing another hit, I grabbed the Formula 409 and started wiping down everything. I wiped my desk. I wiped my phone. I wiped my keyboard. My mouse. If it was wipable, I was wipe-able.
When TinyTuna stopped by my office after school, I convinced her to clean out my file cabinet, otherwise known as supply-central. Boxes of pencils, pens, tape and glue sticks were piled everywhere. When it was all said and done, it was obvious that I am well-prepared should there ever be an unforeseen critical shortage of yellow post-it notes.
The downside of my uncharacteristic clean-a-thon has been my absence from these hallowed pages. I'll be doing my best to rectify that situation, and luckily, there are many stories from the past couple of weeks that cannot go untold.
So, thanks for being patient, and I'll see you tomorrow.
After I do my dishes.
(I'm all out of forks)
I say ... And you think:
7. Housewife :: Who marries a house?
And wouldn't you know, no sooner had I written that, I did it.
I married my house.
I loved it. I cleaned it. I played Yenta to my lonely socks and single shoes. I outdid Urho and I made St. Patrick and his snake eradication program look like amateur night. Dust bunnies were dusted, laundry was laundered, old mail was shredded, and suddenly ... I could see FLOOR in my bedroom.
This was big. It was HUGE. But...it wasn't enough.
So, I became a polygamist.
I married my office.
With the skill of a third-generation vintner, I gathered and tossed bunches of paperwork that had aged and ripened into useless scrap paper. I solved month-old problems and managed to have more work go out of my office instead of in. Precarious piles dissolved before my eyes. Even more thrilling than regaining empty portions of desk, was uncovering actual proof that I had a desk.
Like a junkie needing another hit, I grabbed the Formula 409 and started wiping down everything. I wiped my desk. I wiped my phone. I wiped my keyboard. My mouse. If it was wipable, I was wipe-able.
When TinyTuna stopped by my office after school, I convinced her to clean out my file cabinet, otherwise known as supply-central. Boxes of pencils, pens, tape and glue sticks were piled everywhere. When it was all said and done, it was obvious that I am well-prepared should there ever be an unforeseen critical shortage of yellow post-it notes.
The downside of my uncharacteristic clean-a-thon has been my absence from these hallowed pages. I'll be doing my best to rectify that situation, and luckily, there are many stories from the past couple of weeks that cannot go untold.
So, thanks for being patient, and I'll see you tomorrow.
After I do my dishes.
(I'm all out of forks)
Friday's Feast
It's Friday...Wazzup?
Appetizer: How would you describe your personal comfort zone?
Jammies. Socks. Cushy glider chair. Remote in hand. Heaven!
Soup: What is your favorite tree?
One with leaves. I'm WAY tired of nekkid branches. Go Spring!
Soup: Name 3 foods you'd like to include in your dinner plans for tonight?
1. Free-food.
2. Somebody-else-makes-it-food.
3. Unable-to-attach-itself-to-my-hips-food.
Main Course: What is the best advice you've ever been given, but didn't heed?
Would you like to SAVE your changes?
Dessert: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how much attention do you feel comfortable receiving from others?
As long as it's applause and not boos, Sopranos are 10s, baby!
Appetizer: How would you describe your personal comfort zone?
Jammies. Socks. Cushy glider chair. Remote in hand. Heaven!
Soup: What is your favorite tree?
One with leaves. I'm WAY tired of nekkid branches. Go Spring!
Soup: Name 3 foods you'd like to include in your dinner plans for tonight?
1. Free-food.
2. Somebody-else-makes-it-food.
3. Unable-to-attach-itself-to-my-hips-food.
Main Course: What is the best advice you've ever been given, but didn't heed?
Would you like to SAVE your changes?
Dessert: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how much attention do you feel comfortable receiving from others?
As long as it's applause and not boos, Sopranos are 10s, baby!
Friday's Feast
It's Friday...Wazzup?
Appetizer: How would you describe your personal comfort zone?
Jammies. Socks. Cushy glider chair. Remote in hand. Heaven!
Soup: What is your favorite tree?
One with leaves. I'm WAY tired of nekkid branches. Go Spring!
Soup: Name 3 foods you'd like to include in your dinner plans for tonight?
1. Free-food.
2. Somebody-else-makes-it-food.
3. Unable-to-attach-itself-to-my-hips-food.
Main Course: What is the best advice you've ever been given, but didn't heed?
Would you like to SAVE your changes?
Dessert: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how much attention do you feel comfortable receiving from others?
As long as it's applause and not boos, Sopranos are 10s, baby!
Appetizer: How would you describe your personal comfort zone?
Jammies. Socks. Cushy glider chair. Remote in hand. Heaven!
Soup: What is your favorite tree?
One with leaves. I'm WAY tired of nekkid branches. Go Spring!
Soup: Name 3 foods you'd like to include in your dinner plans for tonight?
1. Free-food.
2. Somebody-else-makes-it-food.
3. Unable-to-attach-itself-to-my-hips-food.
Main Course: What is the best advice you've ever been given, but didn't heed?
Would you like to SAVE your changes?
Dessert: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how much attention do you feel comfortable receiving from others?
As long as it's applause and not boos, Sopranos are 10s, baby!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... And you think:
1. Displacement :: Evacuation
2. Grease Monkey :: Auto Mechanic
3. Vacancy :: Hotel
4. Conquer :: Defeat
5. Payroll :: Budget
6. Personal :: Intimate
7. Housewife :: Who marries a house?
8. Lateral :: Sideways
9. Tissue :: Kleenex
10. Multiplication :: Tables
Housewife. Such a funny, funny word.
Mutter along HERE.
1. Displacement :: Evacuation
2. Grease Monkey :: Auto Mechanic
3. Vacancy :: Hotel
4. Conquer :: Defeat
5. Payroll :: Budget
6. Personal :: Intimate
7. Housewife :: Who marries a house?
8. Lateral :: Sideways
9. Tissue :: Kleenex
10. Multiplication :: Tables
Housewife. Such a funny, funny word.
Mutter along HERE.
Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... And you think:
1. Displacement :: Evacuation
2. Grease Monkey :: Auto Mechanic
3. Vacancy :: Hotel
4. Conquer :: Defeat
5. Payroll :: Budget
6. Personal :: Intimate
7. Housewife :: Who marries a house?
8. Lateral :: Sideways
9. Tissue :: Kleenex
10. Multiplication :: Tables
Housewife. Such a funny, funny word.
Mutter along HERE.
1. Displacement :: Evacuation
2. Grease Monkey :: Auto Mechanic
3. Vacancy :: Hotel
4. Conquer :: Defeat
5. Payroll :: Budget
6. Personal :: Intimate
7. Housewife :: Who marries a house?
8. Lateral :: Sideways
9. Tissue :: Kleenex
10. Multiplication :: Tables
Housewife. Such a funny, funny word.
Mutter along HERE.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Friday's Feast
Now that I've recovered from Oscar hoopla, it's time for a Friday's Feast.
Appetizer: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how intuitive do you think you are?
All morning I had a feeling that I was going to answer 7, but then I thought, "No, maybe a 3." After mulling that over a bit, I went back and forth between 9 and 2. Eventually I chose 3.1416.
(I like pie)
Soup: What is your favorite kind of gum?
Nowadays, my favorite kind of gum would be any gum that isn't grey, fuzzy, wrapperless and floating around on the bottom of my purse. For a true "favorite" I have to hearken back to my youth when wads of pink sugary sweetness were pure heaven. The one, the true and the only gum would be Bazooka.
Salad: Name a CD you own that you would never get rid of
Ha! Of course, there is only one possible answer.
(And can I just take a moment to ask what is up with THIS? Is this song so confusing that it needed a line-by-line explanation?)
Main Course: When was the last time you said something you didn't mean?
In the last paragraph. With hundreds of CDs in my collection, there are many, many, many that I would never get rid of.
Dessert: What is the sum of the numbers in your birthdate?
26. Like me.
(Once)
Appetizer: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how intuitive do you think you are?
All morning I had a feeling that I was going to answer 7, but then I thought, "No, maybe a 3." After mulling that over a bit, I went back and forth between 9 and 2. Eventually I chose 3.1416.
(I like pie)
Soup: What is your favorite kind of gum?
Nowadays, my favorite kind of gum would be any gum that isn't grey, fuzzy, wrapperless and floating around on the bottom of my purse. For a true "favorite" I have to hearken back to my youth when wads of pink sugary sweetness were pure heaven. The one, the true and the only gum would be Bazooka.
Salad: Name a CD you own that you would never get rid of
Ha! Of course, there is only one possible answer.
(And can I just take a moment to ask what is up with THIS? Is this song so confusing that it needed a line-by-line explanation?)
Main Course: When was the last time you said something you didn't mean?
In the last paragraph. With hundreds of CDs in my collection, there are many, many, many that I would never get rid of.
Dessert: What is the sum of the numbers in your birthdate?
26. Like me.
(Once)
Friday's Feast
Now that I've recovered from Oscar hoopla, it's time for a Friday's Feast.
Appetizer: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how intuitive do you think you are?
All morning I had a feeling that I was going to answer 7, but then I thought, "No, maybe a 3." After mulling that over a bit, I went back and forth between 9 and 2. Eventually I chose 3.1416.
(I like pie)
Soup: What is your favorite kind of gum?
Nowadays, my favorite kind of gum would be any gum that isn't grey, fuzzy, wrapperless and floating around on the bottom of my purse. For a true "favorite" I have to hearken back to my youth when wads of pink sugary sweetness were pure heaven. The one, the true and the only gum would be Bazooka.
Salad: Name a CD you own that you would never get rid of
Ha! Of course, there is only one possible answer.
(And can I just take a moment to ask what is up with THIS? Is this song so confusing that it needed a line-by-line explanation?)
Main Course: When was the last time you said something you didn't mean?
In the last paragraph. With hundreds of CDs in my collection, there are many, many, many that I would never get rid of.
Dessert: What is the sum of the numbers in your birthdate?
26. Like me.
(Once)
Appetizer: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how intuitive do you think you are?
All morning I had a feeling that I was going to answer 7, but then I thought, "No, maybe a 3." After mulling that over a bit, I went back and forth between 9 and 2. Eventually I chose 3.1416.
(I like pie)
Soup: What is your favorite kind of gum?
Nowadays, my favorite kind of gum would be any gum that isn't grey, fuzzy, wrapperless and floating around on the bottom of my purse. For a true "favorite" I have to hearken back to my youth when wads of pink sugary sweetness were pure heaven. The one, the true and the only gum would be Bazooka.
Salad: Name a CD you own that you would never get rid of
Ha! Of course, there is only one possible answer.
(And can I just take a moment to ask what is up with THIS? Is this song so confusing that it needed a line-by-line explanation?)
Main Course: When was the last time you said something you didn't mean?
In the last paragraph. With hundreds of CDs in my collection, there are many, many, many that I would never get rid of.
Dessert: What is the sum of the numbers in your birthdate?
26. Like me.
(Once)
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Live Oscar Blogging Part 12
DIRECTOR - ANG LEE
BEST PICTURE - CRASH
After 24 whirlwind categories, the final results from top to bottom:
16 - AnneC.
16 - GreenTuna
12 - Cops
12 - Kyara
11 - Mensch
11 - TVJunkie
11 - LifeonHold
11 - SiandAm
10 - Babs
10 - KatJam
10 - Sherry
7 - Nancy K.
7 - Odie
6 - Brad
6 - Bozoette
6 - Gabby & Mila
4 - TinyTuna
4 - Rivetergirl
BEST PICTURE - CRASH
After 24 whirlwind categories, the final results from top to bottom:
16 - AnneC.
16 - GreenTuna
12 - Cops
12 - Kyara
11 - Mensch
11 - TVJunkie
11 - LifeonHold
11 - SiandAm
10 - Babs
10 - KatJam
10 - Sherry
7 - Nancy K.
7 - Odie
6 - Brad
6 - Bozoette
6 - Gabby & Mila
4 - TinyTuna
4 - Rivetergirl
Live Oscar Blogging Part 12
DIRECTOR - ANG LEE
BEST PICTURE - CRASH
After 24 whirlwind categories, the final results from top to bottom:
16 - AnneC.
16 - GreenTuna
12 - Cops
12 - Kyara
11 - Mensch
11 - TVJunkie
11 - LifeonHold
11 - SiandAm
10 - Babs
10 - KatJam
10 - Sherry
7 - Nancy K.
7 - Odie
6 - Brad
6 - Bozoette
6 - Gabby & Mila
4 - TinyTuna
4 - Rivetergirl
BEST PICTURE - CRASH
After 24 whirlwind categories, the final results from top to bottom:
16 - AnneC.
16 - GreenTuna
12 - Cops
12 - Kyara
11 - Mensch
11 - TVJunkie
11 - LifeonHold
11 - SiandAm
10 - Babs
10 - KatJam
10 - Sherry
7 - Nancy K.
7 - Odie
6 - Brad
6 - Bozoette
6 - Gabby & Mila
4 - TinyTuna
4 - Rivetergirl
Live Oscar Blogging Part 11
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Comments on Uma Thurman:
"ANOTHER dress from the House of Caspar."
"I think we have to sing another verse of 'All Things Beige and Beautiful.'"
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - CRASH
RESULTS AFTER 22:
GreenTuna - 15
AnneC - 14
Kyara - 11
Cops - 10
SiandAm - 10
Mensch - 10
Comments on Uma Thurman:
"ANOTHER dress from the House of Caspar."
"I think we have to sing another verse of 'All Things Beige and Beautiful.'"
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - CRASH
RESULTS AFTER 22:
GreenTuna - 15
AnneC - 14
Kyara - 11
Cops - 10
SiandAm - 10
Mensch - 10
Live Oscar Blogging Part 11
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Comments on Uma Thurman:
"ANOTHER dress from the House of Caspar."
"I think we have to sing another verse of 'All Things Beige and Beautiful.'"
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - CRASH
RESULTS AFTER 22:
GreenTuna - 15
AnneC - 14
Kyara - 11
Cops - 10
SiandAm - 10
Mensch - 10
Comments on Uma Thurman:
"ANOTHER dress from the House of Caspar."
"I think we have to sing another verse of 'All Things Beige and Beautiful.'"
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - CRASH
RESULTS AFTER 22:
GreenTuna - 15
AnneC - 14
Kyara - 11
Cops - 10
SiandAm - 10
Mensch - 10
Live Oscar Blogging Part 10
CINEMATOGRAPHY - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
BEST ACTRESS - REESE WITHERSPOON
RESULTS AFTER 20:
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 11
Mensch - 10
Cops - 9
KatJam - 9
BEST ACTRESS - REESE WITHERSPOON
RESULTS AFTER 20:
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 11
Mensch - 10
Cops - 9
KatJam - 9
Live Oscar Blogging Part 10
CINEMATOGRAPHY - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
BEST ACTRESS - REESE WITHERSPOON
RESULTS AFTER 20:
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 11
Mensch - 10
Cops - 9
KatJam - 9
BEST ACTRESS - REESE WITHERSPOON
RESULTS AFTER 20:
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 11
Mensch - 10
Cops - 9
KatJam - 9
Live Oscar Blogging Part 9
BEST FOREIGN FILM - TSOTSI
BEST ACTOR - PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN
"Philip Seymour Hoffman can no longer be, 'Hey, it's that dude, guy.'"
RESULTS AFTER 18
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 9
Cops - 8
Mensch - 8
BEST ACTOR - PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN
"Philip Seymour Hoffman can no longer be, 'Hey, it's that dude, guy.'"
RESULTS AFTER 18
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 9
Cops - 8
Mensch - 8
Live Oscar Blogging Part 9
BEST FOREIGN FILM - TSOTSI
BEST ACTOR - PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN
"Philip Seymour Hoffman can no longer be, 'Hey, it's that dude, guy.'"
RESULTS AFTER 18
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 9
Cops - 8
Mensch - 8
BEST ACTOR - PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN
"Philip Seymour Hoffman can no longer be, 'Hey, it's that dude, guy.'"
RESULTS AFTER 18
GreenTuna - 13
AnneC - 12
Kyara - 9
Cops - 8
Mensch - 8
Live Oscar Blogging Part 8
Comments on the performance of the nominated "Best Song" - "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp"
"Somehow, I don't think this song is really about witches."
"Is the house covered with drink cup holders?"
"Look! It's a Disney ending to the song!"
Queen Latifah: "Woo-Hoo! How did I not manage to be in that number?"
BEST ORIGINAL SONG - IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP
"Gabby and Mila got that one right."
Jon Stewart - "You know what? I think it just got a LITTLE easier out there to be a pimp."
BEST SOUND EDITING - KING KONG
And Now...George Clooney
"Dead Guy Montage!"
"Dead Guy Montage"
"Drinking Game says you have to drink every time you see someone you don't know."
"Hmm... I think I'm going to run out of beer."
RESULTS AFTER 15:
AnneC - 10
GreenTuna - 10
Kyara - 9
Mensch - 7
"Somehow, I don't think this song is really about witches."
"Is the house covered with drink cup holders?"
"Look! It's a Disney ending to the song!"
Queen Latifah: "Woo-Hoo! How did I not manage to be in that number?"
BEST ORIGINAL SONG - IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP
"Gabby and Mila got that one right."
Jon Stewart - "You know what? I think it just got a LITTLE easier out there to be a pimp."
BEST SOUND EDITING - KING KONG
And Now...George Clooney
"Dead Guy Montage!"
"Dead Guy Montage"
"Drinking Game says you have to drink every time you see someone you don't know."
"Hmm... I think I'm going to run out of beer."
RESULTS AFTER 15:
AnneC - 10
GreenTuna - 10
Kyara - 9
Mensch - 7
Live Oscar Blogging Part 8
Comments on the performance of the nominated "Best Song" - "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp"
"Somehow, I don't think this song is really about witches."
"Is the house covered with drink cup holders?"
"Look! It's a Disney ending to the song!"
Queen Latifah: "Woo-Hoo! How did I not manage to be in that number?"
BEST ORIGINAL SONG - IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP
"Gabby and Mila got that one right."
Jon Stewart - "You know what? I think it just got a LITTLE easier out there to be a pimp."
BEST SOUND EDITING - KING KONG
And Now...George Clooney
"Dead Guy Montage!"
"Dead Guy Montage"
"Drinking Game says you have to drink every time you see someone you don't know."
"Hmm... I think I'm going to run out of beer."
RESULTS AFTER 15:
AnneC - 10
GreenTuna - 10
Kyara - 9
Mensch - 7
"Somehow, I don't think this song is really about witches."
"Is the house covered with drink cup holders?"
"Look! It's a Disney ending to the song!"
Queen Latifah: "Woo-Hoo! How did I not manage to be in that number?"
BEST ORIGINAL SONG - IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP
"Gabby and Mila got that one right."
Jon Stewart - "You know what? I think it just got a LITTLE easier out there to be a pimp."
BEST SOUND EDITING - KING KONG
And Now...George Clooney
"Dead Guy Montage!"
"Dead Guy Montage"
"Drinking Game says you have to drink every time you see someone you don't know."
"Hmm... I think I'm going to run out of beer."
RESULTS AFTER 15:
AnneC - 10
GreenTuna - 10
Kyara - 9
Mensch - 7
Live Oscar Blogging Part 7
Comments on Jake Brokeback Montain Guy (PWANG)
"Isn't there somebody standing offstage straightening bowties?"
"Like the Oscar equivalent of a fluffer?"
Comments on the fifty-tuplet movie montage promoting the motion picture agenda
"Oh look. It's another montage of ridiculousness."
"AKA 'Go see a movie, assholes.'"
Jon Stewart: "WOW. This was Oscar's salute to montages. We're out of clips. Seriously. If you have any more clips send them in .. Even if they are on Beta, I don't care."
BEST SOUND - KING KONG
Honorary Oscar for Robert Altman. Oh look.....another MONTAGE!
RESULTS AFTER 13:
AnneC - 9
GreenTuna - 9
Kyara - 8
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
"Isn't there somebody standing offstage straightening bowties?"
"Like the Oscar equivalent of a fluffer?"
Comments on the fifty-tuplet movie montage promoting the motion picture agenda
"Oh look. It's another montage of ridiculousness."
"AKA 'Go see a movie, assholes.'"
Jon Stewart: "WOW. This was Oscar's salute to montages. We're out of clips. Seriously. If you have any more clips send them in .. Even if they are on Beta, I don't care."
BEST SOUND - KING KONG
Honorary Oscar for Robert Altman. Oh look.....another MONTAGE!
RESULTS AFTER 13:
AnneC - 9
GreenTuna - 9
Kyara - 8
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
Live Oscar Blogging Part 7
Comments on Jake Brokeback Montain Guy (PWANG)
"Isn't there somebody standing offstage straightening bowties?"
"Like the Oscar equivalent of a fluffer?"
Comments on the fifty-tuplet movie montage promoting the motion picture agenda
"Oh look. It's another montage of ridiculousness."
"AKA 'Go see a movie, assholes.'"
Jon Stewart: "WOW. This was Oscar's salute to montages. We're out of clips. Seriously. If you have any more clips send them in .. Even if they are on Beta, I don't care."
BEST SOUND - KING KONG
Honorary Oscar for Robert Altman. Oh look.....another MONTAGE!
RESULTS AFTER 13:
AnneC - 9
GreenTuna - 9
Kyara - 8
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
"Isn't there somebody standing offstage straightening bowties?"
"Like the Oscar equivalent of a fluffer?"
Comments on the fifty-tuplet movie montage promoting the motion picture agenda
"Oh look. It's another montage of ridiculousness."
"AKA 'Go see a movie, assholes.'"
Jon Stewart: "WOW. This was Oscar's salute to montages. We're out of clips. Seriously. If you have any more clips send them in .. Even if they are on Beta, I don't care."
BEST SOUND - KING KONG
Honorary Oscar for Robert Altman. Oh look.....another MONTAGE!
RESULTS AFTER 13:
AnneC - 9
GreenTuna - 9
Kyara - 8
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
Live Oscar Blogging Part 6
ART DIRECTION - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Comments on Salma Hayek's ample ... dress
"Interesting dress"
"She's a little top-heavy"
"The nominees for Best Rack are...."
"I'm not sure how I feel about the asymmetrical wave."
"It's barely holding her in."
"Yes, finally some danger!"
ORIGINAL SCORE - BROKEBACK
"PWANG"
"What's Pwang?"
"Pwang is the guitar chord which seems to be 95% of the entire soundtrack of Brokeback. Not that it stopped me for voting for it. Thankfully."
RESULTS AFTER 12:
AnneC - 8
GreenTuna - 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
Comments on Salma Hayek's ample ... dress
"Interesting dress"
"She's a little top-heavy"
"The nominees for Best Rack are...."
"I'm not sure how I feel about the asymmetrical wave."
"It's barely holding her in."
"Yes, finally some danger!"
ORIGINAL SCORE - BROKEBACK
"PWANG"
"What's Pwang?"
"Pwang is the guitar chord which seems to be 95% of the entire soundtrack of Brokeback. Not that it stopped me for voting for it. Thankfully."
RESULTS AFTER 12:
AnneC - 8
GreenTuna - 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
Live Oscar Blogging Part 6
ART DIRECTION - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Comments on Salma Hayek's ample ... dress
"Interesting dress"
"She's a little top-heavy"
"The nominees for Best Rack are...."
"I'm not sure how I feel about the asymmetrical wave."
"It's barely holding her in."
"Yes, finally some danger!"
ORIGINAL SCORE - BROKEBACK
"PWANG"
"What's Pwang?"
"Pwang is the guitar chord which seems to be 95% of the entire soundtrack of Brokeback. Not that it stopped me for voting for it. Thankfully."
RESULTS AFTER 12:
AnneC - 8
GreenTuna - 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
Comments on Salma Hayek's ample ... dress
"Interesting dress"
"She's a little top-heavy"
"The nominees for Best Rack are...."
"I'm not sure how I feel about the asymmetrical wave."
"It's barely holding her in."
"Yes, finally some danger!"
ORIGINAL SCORE - BROKEBACK
"PWANG"
"What's Pwang?"
"Pwang is the guitar chord which seems to be 95% of the entire soundtrack of Brokeback. Not that it stopped me for voting for it. Thankfully."
RESULTS AFTER 12:
AnneC - 8
GreenTuna - 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 6
Mensch - 6
Live Oscar Blogging Part 5
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT: A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin
BEST DOCUMENTARY: MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
Awesome acceptance speech with props. Unlike the Enron documentary, I don't have to say, "it needs more penguins."
Oscar Bizarrities Number 867:
During the singing of the theme song from "Crash" there was a burning car onstage, and a bunch of lethargic mimes representing different characters in various scenes. I suppose we should be thankful they didn't choose the same sort of presentation when Dolly Parton sang the theme song from "TransAmerica."
RESULTS AFTER 10:
Kyara - 7
AnneC - 7
GreenTuna - 6
Cops - 5
Mensch - 5
BEST DOCUMENTARY: MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
Awesome acceptance speech with props. Unlike the Enron documentary, I don't have to say, "it needs more penguins."
Oscar Bizarrities Number 867:
During the singing of the theme song from "Crash" there was a burning car onstage, and a bunch of lethargic mimes representing different characters in various scenes. I suppose we should be thankful they didn't choose the same sort of presentation when Dolly Parton sang the theme song from "TransAmerica."
RESULTS AFTER 10:
Kyara - 7
AnneC - 7
GreenTuna - 6
Cops - 5
Mensch - 5
Live Oscar Blogging Part 5
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT: A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin
BEST DOCUMENTARY: MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
Awesome acceptance speech with props. Unlike the Enron documentary, I don't have to say, "it needs more penguins."
Oscar Bizarrities Number 867:
During the singing of the theme song from "Crash" there was a burning car onstage, and a bunch of lethargic mimes representing different characters in various scenes. I suppose we should be thankful they didn't choose the same sort of presentation when Dolly Parton sang the theme song from "TransAmerica."
RESULTS AFTER 10:
Kyara - 7
AnneC - 7
GreenTuna - 6
Cops - 5
Mensch - 5
BEST DOCUMENTARY: MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
Awesome acceptance speech with props. Unlike the Enron documentary, I don't have to say, "it needs more penguins."
Oscar Bizarrities Number 867:
During the singing of the theme song from "Crash" there was a burning car onstage, and a bunch of lethargic mimes representing different characters in various scenes. I suppose we should be thankful they didn't choose the same sort of presentation when Dolly Parton sang the theme song from "TransAmerica."
RESULTS AFTER 10:
Kyara - 7
AnneC - 7
GreenTuna - 6
Cops - 5
Mensch - 5
Live Oscar Blogging Part 4
I love love LOVE Steve Carroll. I love him so much, it's ok that Will Farrell is onstage with him.
MAKEUP - The Chronic(WHAT)cles of Narnia!
Ahhhh, scientific and technical awards. The best part of these presentations is finding out which celebrity drew the short straw and had to be this years presenter.
"I'm glad I could be a part of it...and take one for the team."
SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Rachel Weisz
RESULTS AFTER 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 5
AnneC - 5
GreenTuna - 5
Odie - 4
Sherry - 4
LifeonHold - 4
Mensch - 4
MAKEUP - The Chronic(WHAT)cles of Narnia!
Ahhhh, scientific and technical awards. The best part of these presentations is finding out which celebrity drew the short straw and had to be this years presenter.
"I'm glad I could be a part of it...and take one for the team."
SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Rachel Weisz
RESULTS AFTER 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 5
AnneC - 5
GreenTuna - 5
Odie - 4
Sherry - 4
LifeonHold - 4
Mensch - 4
Live Oscar Blogging Part 4
I love love LOVE Steve Carroll. I love him so much, it's ok that Will Farrell is onstage with him.
MAKEUP - The Chronic(WHAT)cles of Narnia!
Ahhhh, scientific and technical awards. The best part of these presentations is finding out which celebrity drew the short straw and had to be this years presenter.
"I'm glad I could be a part of it...and take one for the team."
SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Rachel Weisz
RESULTS AFTER 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 5
AnneC - 5
GreenTuna - 5
Odie - 4
Sherry - 4
LifeonHold - 4
Mensch - 4
MAKEUP - The Chronic(WHAT)cles of Narnia!
Ahhhh, scientific and technical awards. The best part of these presentations is finding out which celebrity drew the short straw and had to be this years presenter.
"I'm glad I could be a part of it...and take one for the team."
SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Rachel Weisz
RESULTS AFTER 8
Kyara - 7
Cops - 5
AnneC - 5
GreenTuna - 5
Odie - 4
Sherry - 4
LifeonHold - 4
Mensch - 4
Live Oscar Blogging Part 3
...and now the categories full of films nobody has either seen or heard of
Live Action Short: SIX SHOOTER
Animated Short: MOON AND THE SON
Jennifer Anniston looks awesome.
Best Costume: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Wow. Way boring "This is a biopic" presentation.
RESULTS AFTER SIX CATEGORIES:
Kyara - 5
AnneC - 4
Cops - 3
KatJam - 3
Mensch - 3
GreenTuna - 3
Live Action Short: SIX SHOOTER
Animated Short: MOON AND THE SON
Jennifer Anniston looks awesome.
Best Costume: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Wow. Way boring "This is a biopic" presentation.
RESULTS AFTER SIX CATEGORIES:
Kyara - 5
AnneC - 4
Cops - 3
KatJam - 3
Mensch - 3
GreenTuna - 3
Live Oscar Blogging Part 3
...and now the categories full of films nobody has either seen or heard of
Live Action Short: SIX SHOOTER
Animated Short: MOON AND THE SON
Jennifer Anniston looks awesome.
Best Costume: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Wow. Way boring "This is a biopic" presentation.
RESULTS AFTER SIX CATEGORIES:
Kyara - 5
AnneC - 4
Cops - 3
KatJam - 3
Mensch - 3
GreenTuna - 3
Live Action Short: SIX SHOOTER
Animated Short: MOON AND THE SON
Jennifer Anniston looks awesome.
Best Costume: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Wow. Way boring "This is a biopic" presentation.
RESULTS AFTER SIX CATEGORIES:
Kyara - 5
AnneC - 4
Cops - 3
KatJam - 3
Mensch - 3
GreenTuna - 3
Live Oscar Blogging Part 2
Ben Stiller in a Green Unitard. Weird.
Visual Effects : KING KONG
Reese Witherspoon - Also wearing couture from The House of Caspar.
Best Animated Film : WALLACE & GROMMIT
Naomi Watts - Couture from the House of Caspar that got caught in a paper shredder.
Musings on Dolly Parton from chat:
"Dolly Parton never ages"
"Plastic never does."
RESULTS AFTER 3 CATEGORIES:
GreenTuna - 3
KatJam - 2
Kyara - 2
Lifeonhold - 2
Visual Effects : KING KONG
Reese Witherspoon - Also wearing couture from The House of Caspar.
Best Animated Film : WALLACE & GROMMIT
Naomi Watts - Couture from the House of Caspar that got caught in a paper shredder.
Musings on Dolly Parton from chat:
"Dolly Parton never ages"
"Plastic never does."
RESULTS AFTER 3 CATEGORIES:
GreenTuna - 3
KatJam - 2
Kyara - 2
Lifeonhold - 2
Live Oscar Blogging Part 2
Ben Stiller in a Green Unitard. Weird.
Visual Effects : KING KONG
Reese Witherspoon - Also wearing couture from The House of Caspar.
Best Animated Film : WALLACE & GROMMIT
Naomi Watts - Couture from the House of Caspar that got caught in a paper shredder.
Musings on Dolly Parton from chat:
"Dolly Parton never ages"
"Plastic never does."
RESULTS AFTER 3 CATEGORIES:
GreenTuna - 3
KatJam - 2
Kyara - 2
Lifeonhold - 2
Visual Effects : KING KONG
Reese Witherspoon - Also wearing couture from The House of Caspar.
Best Animated Film : WALLACE & GROMMIT
Naomi Watts - Couture from the House of Caspar that got caught in a paper shredder.
Musings on Dolly Parton from chat:
"Dolly Parton never ages"
"Plastic never does."
RESULTS AFTER 3 CATEGORIES:
GreenTuna - 3
KatJam - 2
Kyara - 2
Lifeonhold - 2
Live Oscar Blogging Part 1
Billy Crystal and Chris Rock in a tent....priceless.
Jon Stewart Monologue Highlights:
"Schindlers List and Munich...as a Jew I have to say....I can't wait to see what happens to us next! TRILOGY!"
"I have sad news to report. Bjork is not here tonight. Cheney mistook her dress for a bird and shot her."
"Remakes. Remakes have done really well. King Kong was made a couple of times. Now? A Huge hit. War of the Worlds? Remake, and it did really well. "Walk the Line" ... was "Ray" with White people....Remake!"
Nicole Kidman seems to prefer couture from the house of Caspar the Friendly Ghost.
Best Supporting Actor goes to:
George Clooney - Syrianna.
Early Oscar Derby Lead : KatJam, Kyara and GreenTuna.
Jon Stewart Monologue Highlights:
"Schindlers List and Munich...as a Jew I have to say....I can't wait to see what happens to us next! TRILOGY!"
"I have sad news to report. Bjork is not here tonight. Cheney mistook her dress for a bird and shot her."
"Remakes. Remakes have done really well. King Kong was made a couple of times. Now? A Huge hit. War of the Worlds? Remake, and it did really well. "Walk the Line" ... was "Ray" with White people....Remake!"
Nicole Kidman seems to prefer couture from the house of Caspar the Friendly Ghost.
Best Supporting Actor goes to:
George Clooney - Syrianna.
Early Oscar Derby Lead : KatJam, Kyara and GreenTuna.
Live Oscar Blogging Part 1
Billy Crystal and Chris Rock in a tent....priceless.
Jon Stewart Monologue Highlights:
"Schindlers List and Munich...as a Jew I have to say....I can't wait to see what happens to us next! TRILOGY!"
"I have sad news to report. Bjork is not here tonight. Cheney mistook her dress for a bird and shot her."
"Remakes. Remakes have done really well. King Kong was made a couple of times. Now? A Huge hit. War of the Worlds? Remake, and it did really well. "Walk the Line" ... was "Ray" with White people....Remake!"
Nicole Kidman seems to prefer couture from the house of Caspar the Friendly Ghost.
Best Supporting Actor goes to:
George Clooney - Syrianna.
Early Oscar Derby Lead : KatJam, Kyara and GreenTuna.
Jon Stewart Monologue Highlights:
"Schindlers List and Munich...as a Jew I have to say....I can't wait to see what happens to us next! TRILOGY!"
"I have sad news to report. Bjork is not here tonight. Cheney mistook her dress for a bird and shot her."
"Remakes. Remakes have done really well. King Kong was made a couple of times. Now? A Huge hit. War of the Worlds? Remake, and it did really well. "Walk the Line" ... was "Ray" with White people....Remake!"
Nicole Kidman seems to prefer couture from the house of Caspar the Friendly Ghost.
Best Supporting Actor goes to:
George Clooney - Syrianna.
Early Oscar Derby Lead : KatJam, Kyara and GreenTuna.
Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... And You Think:
1. Upgrade :: Improve
2. Happy Ending :: Fairy Tales
3. Stale :: Old
4. Tripping :: Stumbling
5. Working :: Functional
6. Explicit :: Racy
7. Happy Place :: Beach
8. Tornado :: Twister
9. Medication :: Drugs
10. Muppet :: Kermit the Frog
That is one bizarre list. Care to Mutter? Join in here.
1. Upgrade :: Improve
2. Happy Ending :: Fairy Tales
3. Stale :: Old
4. Tripping :: Stumbling
5. Working :: Functional
6. Explicit :: Racy
7. Happy Place :: Beach
8. Tornado :: Twister
9. Medication :: Drugs
10. Muppet :: Kermit the Frog
That is one bizarre list. Care to Mutter? Join in here.
Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... And You Think:
1. Upgrade :: Improve
2. Happy Ending :: Fairy Tales
3. Stale :: Old
4. Tripping :: Stumbling
5. Working :: Functional
6. Explicit :: Racy
7. Happy Place :: Beach
8. Tornado :: Twister
9. Medication :: Drugs
10. Muppet :: Kermit the Frog
That is one bizarre list. Care to Mutter? Join in here.
1. Upgrade :: Improve
2. Happy Ending :: Fairy Tales
3. Stale :: Old
4. Tripping :: Stumbling
5. Working :: Functional
6. Explicit :: Racy
7. Happy Place :: Beach
8. Tornado :: Twister
9. Medication :: Drugs
10. Muppet :: Kermit the Frog
That is one bizarre list. Care to Mutter? Join in here.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Friday's Feast
Another Friday. Another Feast. Let's begin!
Appetizer: How many pillows and blankets do you sleep with?
Never enough in the winter. Throw a cat or two who don't like to share real estate into the mix, and you'll know why I dress like an Eskimo at bedtime.
Soup: What are you currently "addicted" to?
It's not addictions. It's extreme hobbies.
Salad: If you could make a small change to your current routine or schedule that would make you just a bit happier, what would it be?
I think if somebody could change a 5 p.m. to a 10 a.m., my workday would drastically improve and I would be just a bit happier.
Main Course: What adjective do you find yourself using often?
ASTOUNDED that anybody would keep track of this stuff.
Dessert: Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
No. No. No.
Appetizer: How many pillows and blankets do you sleep with?
Never enough in the winter. Throw a cat or two who don't like to share real estate into the mix, and you'll know why I dress like an Eskimo at bedtime.
Soup: What are you currently "addicted" to?
It's not addictions. It's extreme hobbies.
Salad: If you could make a small change to your current routine or schedule that would make you just a bit happier, what would it be?
I think if somebody could change a 5 p.m. to a 10 a.m., my workday would drastically improve and I would be just a bit happier.
Main Course: What adjective do you find yourself using often?
ASTOUNDED that anybody would keep track of this stuff.
Dessert: Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
No. No. No.
Friday's Feast
Another Friday. Another Feast. Let's begin!
Appetizer: How many pillows and blankets do you sleep with?
Never enough in the winter. Throw a cat or two who don't like to share real estate into the mix, and you'll know why I dress like an Eskimo at bedtime.
Soup: What are you currently "addicted" to?
It's not addictions. It's extreme hobbies.
Salad: If you could make a small change to your current routine or schedule that would make you just a bit happier, what would it be?
I think if somebody could change a 5 p.m. to a 10 a.m., my workday would drastically improve and I would be just a bit happier.
Main Course: What adjective do you find yourself using often?
ASTOUNDED that anybody would keep track of this stuff.
Dessert: Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
No. No. No.
Appetizer: How many pillows and blankets do you sleep with?
Never enough in the winter. Throw a cat or two who don't like to share real estate into the mix, and you'll know why I dress like an Eskimo at bedtime.
Soup: What are you currently "addicted" to?
It's not addictions. It's extreme hobbies.
Salad: If you could make a small change to your current routine or schedule that would make you just a bit happier, what would it be?
I think if somebody could change a 5 p.m. to a 10 a.m., my workday would drastically improve and I would be just a bit happier.
Main Course: What adjective do you find yourself using often?
ASTOUNDED that anybody would keep track of this stuff.
Dessert: Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
No. No. No.
Friday Oscar Update
I managed to catch (most of) Walk the Line last night. I dozed through a little bit, but overall thought it was a decent film. Biopics are an interesting animal. They are part Biography channel, part Hollywood hype, but from film to film, you're never quite sure what the proportions will be. I thought both Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon did credible jobs, though I never quite lost that "I'm watching Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon pretend to be Johnny Cash and June Carter" vibe. Phoenix, for one, still reminds me too much of the bad guy in Gladiator. One of the qualities I appreciated the most in the film is the fact that both leads did their own singing ... and did it very well. Thank you, Walk the Line, for not making me twitch through bad lip synching and vocal dubs.
Will Reese Witherspoon win? Maybe. I'd like to hope that there were roles this year that required a little more, but we'll see.
Two More Days until Oscar Sunday.
Ballots still available HERE.
Guesses welcome and even encouraged.
Will Reese Witherspoon win? Maybe. I'd like to hope that there were roles this year that required a little more, but we'll see.
Two More Days until Oscar Sunday.
Ballots still available HERE.
Guesses welcome and even encouraged.
Friday Oscar Update
I managed to catch (most of) Walk the Line last night. I dozed through a little bit, but overall thought it was a decent film. Biopics are an interesting animal. They are part Biography channel, part Hollywood hype, but from film to film, you're never quite sure what the proportions will be. I thought both Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon did credible jobs, though I never quite lost that "I'm watching Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon pretend to be Johnny Cash and June Carter" vibe. Phoenix, for one, still reminds me too much of the bad guy in Gladiator. One of the qualities I appreciated the most in the film is the fact that both leads did their own singing ... and did it very well. Thank you, Walk the Line, for not making me twitch through bad lip synching and vocal dubs.
Will Reese Witherspoon win? Maybe. I'd like to hope that there were roles this year that required a little more, but we'll see.
Two More Days until Oscar Sunday.
Ballots still available HERE.
Guesses welcome and even encouraged.
Will Reese Witherspoon win? Maybe. I'd like to hope that there were roles this year that required a little more, but we'll see.
Two More Days until Oscar Sunday.
Ballots still available HERE.
Guesses welcome and even encouraged.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
A GreenTuna PSA
Generally speaking, on these hallowed pages, I do not speak of personal matters. Partly because I'm private, partly because I'm sure nobody really cares all the much as to the state of my bowel movements, or drunken debaucheries on a Saturday night (1. Just fine thank you, and 2. Yeah, right). However, today I'm going to break ranks just a little bit and let you in on a big personal piece of information. Today I had a mammogram.
I realize that to most people this is not particularly newsworthy and most likely ranks right back down there with bowel movements (ba-DUMP-bump!). But I am making it newsworthy, dammit.
After successfully forgetting to schedule this routine female procedure for my entire adult life, my doctor finally wizened up, stopped giving me the form with the instructions to "just call and make an appointment" and gave it to the receptionist so she could be sure it was done now, and not five or six years down the line.
So this morning, off I went to face the monster. Bite the bullet. Feel the pinch? Such was my luck that this very same morning was also accompanied by freezing rain, sleet, hail, school closings, AND TinyTuna in tow (with her youthful Ward, GameBoy).
The nurse/technician lady was quite nice and I mentioned I was a "first-timer." As always, I just LOVED when she asked if I was pregnant, and I looked at her, wished I could raise one eyebrow, and simply said, "Only if Jesus wants a brother." Being rather pregnant herself, she cracked up and prepared the vice.
She ripped the adhesive off the back of what looked like an overgrown mouse pad and smooshed it all over the base of the smooshing pad. As if she were telling me the most scandalous secret ever, she said, "now since you've never had one before, you don't know, but let me just tell you ... this makes ALL the difference in the world." I nodded in an "Mmmmmkay" kind of way and prepared for the worst. After my first pose I could only say one thing:
"Are you kidding me? Is THIS IT?"
"Yep!" She said, as she changed her slides. That's about it.
I felt like the Grinch who had just been tricked out of seeing a gaggle of pissed-off Whos from Whoville.
"Seriously?" I asked. "This is IT?"
"Well," she said, "Sometimes it bothers some people more than others." And off she went to take the next slide.
As I got dressed, dragged TinyTuna to the car -- BattleShips bombing all the while -- and drove into work, I started compiling a little list to bring some sort of perspective to my morning.
The Top Several Things I Can Think Of
That are WORSE Than A Mammogram:
I realize that to most people this is not particularly newsworthy and most likely ranks right back down there with bowel movements (ba-DUMP-bump!). But I am making it newsworthy, dammit.
After successfully forgetting to schedule this routine female procedure for my entire adult life, my doctor finally wizened up, stopped giving me the form with the instructions to "just call and make an appointment" and gave it to the receptionist so she could be sure it was done now, and not five or six years down the line.
So this morning, off I went to face the monster. Bite the bullet. Feel the pinch? Such was my luck that this very same morning was also accompanied by freezing rain, sleet, hail, school closings, AND TinyTuna in tow (with her youthful Ward, GameBoy).
The nurse/technician lady was quite nice and I mentioned I was a "first-timer." As always, I just LOVED when she asked if I was pregnant, and I looked at her, wished I could raise one eyebrow, and simply said, "Only if Jesus wants a brother." Being rather pregnant herself, she cracked up and prepared the vice.
She ripped the adhesive off the back of what looked like an overgrown mouse pad and smooshed it all over the base of the smooshing pad. As if she were telling me the most scandalous secret ever, she said, "now since you've never had one before, you don't know, but let me just tell you ... this makes ALL the difference in the world." I nodded in an "Mmmmmkay" kind of way and prepared for the worst. After my first pose I could only say one thing:
"Are you kidding me? Is THIS IT?"
"Yep!" She said, as she changed her slides. That's about it.
I felt like the Grinch who had just been tricked out of seeing a gaggle of pissed-off Whos from Whoville.
"Seriously?" I asked. "This is IT?"
"Well," she said, "Sometimes it bothers some people more than others." And off she went to take the next slide.
As I got dressed, dragged TinyTuna to the car -- BattleShips bombing all the while -- and drove into work, I started compiling a little list to bring some sort of perspective to my morning.
The Top Several Things I Can Think Of
That are WORSE Than A Mammogram:
- Sixth Grade Math Books with No Examples
- Taxes
- Rain, Sleet, Hail, No School AND A Mammogram on the same day
- That American Idol Guy That Sang "Copacabana"
- M.C. Hammer's New Blog
- Barfing Up A Pile
- The Disney Channel
- The Bush Administration (BIG Boobs
caliber .244version 2.0) - Stupid Students
- UoM Winning Anything
- Driving the DC Beltway at Rush Hour (5:30am - 11:30pm)
- Simultaneous Broadcast of Good TV Shows > Number of VCRs
- A newly cleaned litter pan + one poop filled cat
- ONE TENNIS SHOE
- Having to stop making lists in order to do actual work
- Mince Pie
A GreenTuna PSA
Generally speaking, on these hallowed pages, I do not speak of personal matters. Partly because I'm private, partly because I'm sure nobody really cares all the much as to the state of my bowel movements, or drunken debaucheries on a Saturday night (1. Just fine thank you, and 2. Yeah, right). However, today I'm going to break ranks just a little bit and let you in on a big personal piece of information. Today I had a mammogram.
I realize that to most people this is not particularly newsworthy and most likely ranks right back down there with bowel movements (ba-DUMP-bump!). But I am making it newsworthy, dammit.
After successfully forgetting to schedule this routine female procedure for my entire adult life, my doctor finally wizened up, stopped giving me the form with the instructions to "just call and make an appointment" and gave it to the receptionist so she could be sure it was done now, and not five or six years down the line.
So this morning, off I went to face the monster. Bite the bullet. Feel the pinch? Such was my luck that this very same morning was also accompanied by freezing rain, sleet, hail, school closings, AND TinyTuna in tow (with her youthful Ward, GameBoy).
The nurse/technician lady was quite nice and I mentioned I was a "first-timer." As always, I just LOVED when she asked if I was pregnant, and I looked at her, wished I could raise one eyebrow, and simply said, "Only if Jesus wants a brother." Being rather pregnant herself, she cracked up and prepared the vice.
She ripped the adhesive off the back of what looked like an overgrown mouse pad and smooshed it all over the base of the smooshing pad. As if she were telling me the most scandalous secret ever, she said, "now since you've never had one before, you don't know, but let me just tell you ... this makes ALL the difference in the world." I nodded in an "Mmmmmkay" kind of way and prepared for the worst. After my first pose I could only say one thing:
"Are you kidding me? Is THIS IT?"
"Yep!" She said, as she changed her slides. That's about it.
I felt like the Grinch who had just been tricked out of seeing a gaggle of pissed-off Whos from Whoville.
"Seriously?" I asked. "This is IT?"
"Well," she said, "Sometimes it bothers some people more than others." And off she went to take the next slide.
As I got dressed, dragged TinyTuna to the car -- BattleShips bombing all the while -- and drove into work, I started compiling a little list to bring some sort of perspective to my morning.
The Top Several Things I Can Think Of
That are WORSE Than A Mammogram:
I realize that to most people this is not particularly newsworthy and most likely ranks right back down there with bowel movements (ba-DUMP-bump!). But I am making it newsworthy, dammit.
After successfully forgetting to schedule this routine female procedure for my entire adult life, my doctor finally wizened up, stopped giving me the form with the instructions to "just call and make an appointment" and gave it to the receptionist so she could be sure it was done now, and not five or six years down the line.
So this morning, off I went to face the monster. Bite the bullet. Feel the pinch? Such was my luck that this very same morning was also accompanied by freezing rain, sleet, hail, school closings, AND TinyTuna in tow (with her youthful Ward, GameBoy).
The nurse/technician lady was quite nice and I mentioned I was a "first-timer." As always, I just LOVED when she asked if I was pregnant, and I looked at her, wished I could raise one eyebrow, and simply said, "Only if Jesus wants a brother." Being rather pregnant herself, she cracked up and prepared the vice.
She ripped the adhesive off the back of what looked like an overgrown mouse pad and smooshed it all over the base of the smooshing pad. As if she were telling me the most scandalous secret ever, she said, "now since you've never had one before, you don't know, but let me just tell you ... this makes ALL the difference in the world." I nodded in an "Mmmmmkay" kind of way and prepared for the worst. After my first pose I could only say one thing:
"Are you kidding me? Is THIS IT?"
"Yep!" She said, as she changed her slides. That's about it.
I felt like the Grinch who had just been tricked out of seeing a gaggle of pissed-off Whos from Whoville.
"Seriously?" I asked. "This is IT?"
"Well," she said, "Sometimes it bothers some people more than others." And off she went to take the next slide.
As I got dressed, dragged TinyTuna to the car -- BattleShips bombing all the while -- and drove into work, I started compiling a little list to bring some sort of perspective to my morning.
The Top Several Things I Can Think Of
That are WORSE Than A Mammogram:
- Sixth Grade Math Books with No Examples
- Taxes
- Rain, Sleet, Hail, No School AND A Mammogram on the same day
- That American Idol Guy That Sang "Copacabana"
- M.C. Hammer's New Blog
- Barfing Up A Pile
- The Disney Channel
- The Bush Administration (BIG Boobs
caliber .244version 2.0) - Stupid Students
- UoM Winning Anything
- Driving the DC Beltway at Rush Hour (5:30am - 11:30pm)
- Simultaneous Broadcast of Good TV Shows > Number of VCRs
- A newly cleaned litter pan + one poop filled cat
- ONE TENNIS SHOE
- Having to stop making lists in order to do actual work
- Mince Pie
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Oscar Update
We were able to sneak out while TinyTuna was at rehearsal and we saw Capote. I can't say that I've ever been a Philip Seymour Hoffman fan, or a Truman Capote fan, for that matter. But the film was amazingly good, and I have to believe the Hoffman is going to be hard to beat.
Two Tuna Fins Way Up.
Only 4 More Days Until The Oscars!
Two Tuna Fins Way Up.
Only 4 More Days Until The Oscars!
Oscar Update
We were able to sneak out while TinyTuna was at rehearsal and we saw Capote. I can't say that I've ever been a Philip Seymour Hoffman fan, or a Truman Capote fan, for that matter. But the film was amazingly good, and I have to believe the Hoffman is going to be hard to beat.
Two Tuna Fins Way Up.
Only 4 More Days Until The Oscars!
Two Tuna Fins Way Up.
Only 4 More Days Until The Oscars!
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