Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Googleween

Art through the ages. Or at least since 1999. Google comes up with fun artistic doodles that coincide with holidays or other noteworthy events. Here are their Halloween Doodles:

1999 Doodle
Clean, neat and symmetrical. Matching pumpkins -- Get used to pumpkins (hey, a pumpkin!) -- means less time wasted designing TWO festive gourds, and all the iconic non-Halloween Google colors remain firmly in place.



2000 Doodle
In one short year we see a bit more creativity. Gone are the primary colors and now we're down to a more appropriate black-orange-yellow combination. The spider web is a nice touch, but the pumpkins (hey, a pumpkin!) whom I've named "Growly" and "Goofy" are kind of ... dippy. I'd go back to the matching 1999 version.


2001 Doodle
Google cartoony goodness. Welcome back, Blue, Red and Green. All that black and orange a bit too depressing, eh? This doodle goes for the whimsical, with an obvious Ghostbuster's ripoff, a better looking pumpkin than 2000 (hey, a pumpkin!), and a cat that looks neither scared nor scary. I think the word I'm looking for here is ... electrocuted.


2002 Doodle
This year Google goes for a more integrated holiday landscape effect. It's interesting that they dared to obscure some letters (Gooole? Gooqle?) but the primary blue, red and green are still there to make sure you know THIS IS GOOGLE, DAMMIT. Still, it seems slightly more artistic and slightly less "let's just do something stupid with the "O" in the middle ... Hey, a pumpkin!"


2003 Doodle
This doodle appears to be the Satanic love-child between Google Doodles 2001 and 2002. Now we have landscape (sort of) and cartoony goodness. None of it works, particularly. Noteworthy is the fact that Google finally stepped away from the math equation pumpkin="O" and changed it to kid dressed up like an egg with a sheet over his head (egg ghost?) = "O". The pumpkin has moved on to bigger and better things, namely the E. Actually, I think the pumpkin is the most interesting part of the picture.



2004 Doodle
Big change, eh? Although still with the primary colors (gak), Google starts getting creative with its big bad self. And look! No pumpkins! It seems being banished to the final "e" position in 2003 was a warning that it was about to get pushed off the page altogether. Poor, poor pumpkin. Seeya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! As punishment for five years of bad-acts with the letter "O", Google has thrown them into the bubbling cauldron of green goo with a single eyeball for flavor. The fact that Google finally stepped away from the pumpkins makes this design a huge improvement.


2005 Doodle
Better and better. Still no pumpkins, but check out the bats hanging, and the nearly washed out red "O". The "L" this year has undergone an improvement from last year's simplistic broom. The castle is pretty cool, and nice moon. Oh, and guess what? No pumpkins!


2006 Doodle
The year of the Frankengoogle. This is very cool in that you can recognize the logo (yes, primary colors, we see you), but the bandages obscure it nicely. I especially like the bolts coming out of the "o" and the skeleton hand "e" is just awesome. And once again...no pumpkins!


2007 Doodle
We've come a long way since 1999. This is downright impressive. Finally Google accepts the fact that we don't live in a cave and can easily recognize its standard logo, so it might just be alright if they make something more artistic and less "hey a pumpkin!" Kudos. Pass the Milk Duds.

Happy Googleween.

Happy Googleween

Art through the ages. Or at least since 1999. Google comes up with fun artistic doodles that coincide with holidays or other noteworthy events. Here are their Halloween Doodles:

1999 Doodle
Clean, neat and symmetrical. Matching pumpkins -- Get used to pumpkins (hey, a pumpkin!) -- means less time wasted designing TWO festive gourds, and all the iconic non-Halloween Google colors remain firmly in place.



2000 Doodle
In one short year we see a bit more creativity. Gone are the primary colors and now we're down to a more appropriate black-orange-yellow combination. The spider web is a nice touch, but the pumpkins (hey, a pumpkin!) whom I've named "Growly" and "Goofy" are kind of ... dippy. I'd go back to the matching 1999 version.


2001 Doodle
Google cartoony goodness. Welcome back, Blue, Red and Green. All that black and orange a bit too depressing, eh? This doodle goes for the whimsical, with an obvious Ghostbuster's ripoff, a better looking pumpkin than 2000 (hey, a pumpkin!), and a cat that looks neither scared nor scary. I think the word I'm looking for here is ... electrocuted.


2002 Doodle
This year Google goes for a more integrated holiday landscape effect. It's interesting that they dared to obscure some letters (Gooole? Gooqle?) but the primary blue, red and green are still there to make sure you know THIS IS GOOGLE, DAMMIT. Still, it seems slightly more artistic and slightly less "let's just do something stupid with the "O" in the middle ... Hey, a pumpkin!"


2003 Doodle
This doodle appears to be the Satanic love-child between Google Doodles 2001 and 2002. Now we have landscape (sort of) and cartoony goodness. None of it works, particularly. Noteworthy is the fact that Google finally stepped away from the math equation pumpkin="O" and changed it to kid dressed up like an egg with a sheet over his head (egg ghost?) = "O". The pumpkin has moved on to bigger and better things, namely the E. Actually, I think the pumpkin is the most interesting part of the picture.



2004 Doodle
Big change, eh? Although still with the primary colors (gak), Google starts getting creative with its big bad self. And look! No pumpkins! It seems being banished to the final "e" position in 2003 was a warning that it was about to get pushed off the page altogether. Poor, poor pumpkin. Seeya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! As punishment for five years of bad-acts with the letter "O", Google has thrown them into the bubbling cauldron of green goo with a single eyeball for flavor. The fact that Google finally stepped away from the pumpkins makes this design a huge improvement.


2005 Doodle
Better and better. Still no pumpkins, but check out the bats hanging, and the nearly washed out red "O". The "L" this year has undergone an improvement from last year's simplistic broom. The castle is pretty cool, and nice moon. Oh, and guess what? No pumpkins!


2006 Doodle
The year of the Frankengoogle. This is very cool in that you can recognize the logo (yes, primary colors, we see you), but the bandages obscure it nicely. I especially like the bolts coming out of the "o" and the skeleton hand "e" is just awesome. And once again...no pumpkins!


2007 Doodle
We've come a long way since 1999. This is downright impressive. Finally Google accepts the fact that we don't live in a cave and can easily recognize its standard logo, so it might just be alright if they make something more artistic and less "hey a pumpkin!" Kudos. Pass the Milk Duds.

Happy Googleween.

Take This Gown and Shove It

Today there is no greater joy in my life than knowing I am once and for all finished with the entire abysmal mess known as trick-or-treating because TeenTuna, having officially reached Teenhood, has bypassed the appropriate window for door to door begging. Now, before you all get upset about me being a mean mom (which make no mistake, I am), let me assure you that I already took her to the store and let her select her own bag of candy. So she gets all the bounty and I suffer through none of the hassle. It's win-win all the way.

In fact, this year she appears to be so over (teen-speak) Halloween, that given the chance to wear a costume to school today, she chose jeans and a black t-shirt that said "Trick or Treat." I told her she looked lovely. And she did. And I didn't have to go digging the basement for old costumes. It was all good.

However, as many of you may remember, Halloween wasn't always so easy. In fact, there are ancient written reports (ok, not that ancient) of Halloweens past, that I thought would be best to share this with you once again today, because for all you trick-or-treating adults out there, I feel your pain.

The fifth book of The Halloween Pentatunatuch was originally discovered and published on October 31st, 2003. The remaining books were previously only available in a fragmented, modern translation. But now they have been painstakingly restored to their original language and intent. So before you grab your tot and prepare for an evening of whining, crying, rain, snow and "HE TOOK TWO AND I ONLY HAVE ONE!" sit back and enjoy the misery of others. And just remember that tonight I'll be enjoying my Milk Duds in a warm dry movie theater. ~~ GreenTuna


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The First.
In The Beginning

1:1 In the tenth month of The Year of Our Lord, Halloween was without plans, and void;
1:2 And a darkness was upon the face of TinyTuna.
1:3 And TinyTuna cried, "Let there be Princess Costumes!" And terror filled GreenTuna, as she prayed for a deliverer from this nightmare. And the Lord wast no help whatsoever as he declareth he was staying out of this one. And lo, the mother distracteth the child with French Fries. And there were no Princess Costumes on the first day, and it was good.
1:4 And TinyTuna cried again for Princess Costumes whilst in the midst of the waters of her bath. And her mother pretendeth not to hear. And there were no Princess Costumes on the second day, and it was good.
1:5 And TinyTuna cried in a loud voice again for Princess Costumes whilst playing in the grass underneath the fruit trees. And her heart was filled with hope as her mother hissed, "maybe later". But TinyTuna was knewest not the language of the serpent, and understandeth not that “"maybe later"” was naught more than a serpent tongue uttering, "No". And there were no Princess Costumes on the third day, and it was good.
1:6 Again and again TinyTuna cried in a loud voice for Princess Costumes, and each time the mother's heart was hardened. And there were no Princess Costumes on the fourth day, and it was good.
1:7 Plea begat plea. It was the fifth day.
1:8 Begging begat begging. It was the sixth day.
1:9 And on the seventh day, TinyTuna rested not. It was the first week.
1:10 It was only the first week. And it was not good.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Second.
The Exodus

2:1 Now these are the names of the Princesses:
2:2 Ariel, Jasmine,
2:3 Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty
2:4 Snow White and Belle
2:5 And thou wouldst have to have been abiding under a rock not to know their names and the land upon which they dwelled.
2:6 For Lo, it was the House of Disney.
2:7 And the time dreweth near, and TinyTuna become annoying unto the ends of the earth.
2:8 And GreenTuna cried unto the heavens, saying, "Behold! The power of TinyTuna is mightier than I. "
2:9 And with a heavy heart, GreenTuna gathered up her bread, and TinyTuna’'s whine and journeyed forth.
2:10 And to passeth the time, TinyTuna sangeth songs from Disney's Greatest Hits Volume Three louder than a plague of locusts.
2:11 And GreenTuna wished to be anywhere else, even in the belly of a whale, for lo, she hadst been reading ahead and wast jumping the gun, biblically speaking.
2:12 And TinyTuna rested not. It was the second week.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Third.
Noah Means Noah and That's Final

3:1 And lo, TinyTuna and GreenTuna followed the Eastern onStar directions to the marketplace. GramTuna wast there also, for her servitude unto this nightmarish holiday was past, and mocking pleased her greatly.
3:2 And TinyTuna beheld the Holy Land, and sang forth her praises.
3:3 And the people of the land also sang forth praises, for they kneweth that a golden cash cow hadst entered their midst.
3:4 And TinyTuna brought forth to her mother two of every kind of creature: Costumes, Shoes, Wands, Plastic Pails, Crowns, Wigs, and all sorts of manner that hadst nothing to do with Halloween whatsoever.
3:5 And verily, GreenTuna protested greatly, telling TinyTuna, “"Thou must be out of thine mind! For Lo, I wouldst first have to rob a bank and then build an addition out of gopher wood in order to afford and then store all the riches you desireth!"
3:6 And TinyTuna releasethed the flood gates and cried for forty days and forty nights.
3:7 Or so it seemed.
3:8 And TinyTuna rested not. It was the third week.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Fourth.
The Law and the Profits.

4:1 And when the waters receedeth, GreenTuna spoke plainly of her love for TinyTuna despite her refusal to purchase an $85 Gown of Many Colors.
4:2 And GramTuna brought forth the suggestion that TinyTuna might enjoy being something other than a Princess.
4:3 And GreenTuna pondered in her heart if GramTuna had eaten breakfast from the forbidden tree of Crack.
4:4 And verily, TinyTuna ignoreth them all, saying, No. She desirethed to be a princess.
4:5 And GreenTuna lost her temper and utterethed between clenched teeth, "Thou shalt find a costume elsewhere or thou shalt have nothing."
4:6 And TinyTuna kneweth she wast betwixt a rock and a hard place, and sighed, saying, "Wither thou goest, I will go."
4:7 And they journeyed long, until they reached a New Holy Land that opened verily at the dawn of day, and closethed late into the evening. And TinyTuna rested not until her eyes beheld another Princess Costume.
4:8 It had not the mark of Disney, but wast long and twirlethed greatly, which brought TinyTuna great joy.
4:9 It had not the mark of Disney, and wast still more than GreenTuna wished to pay.
4:10 But truly it was the fourth week, and GreenTuna knewest that the time was at hand, and the spirit of Halloween was upon them.
4:11 Recognizing that she too wast betwixt a rock and a hard place, she carefully divided her bread amongst the garment and the crown and the plastic pail and gave all that she had to Halloween USA.
4:12 It was the fourth week.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Fifth.
The Ten Tuna Commandments

And lo, the night of Trick or Treating did approach. And GreenTuna returneth to her home, bringing with her the commandments for observing a most right Halloween. And she brought forth TinyTuna, and sat her down so she may hear again those familiar words of the season. And GreenTuna began by offering a prayer that truly, this might be the one year when the commandments would be heard and followed, and the her child would behave in a manner befitting of her age and station, and not as an embarrassing Philistine, as is often the case. When the prayer was completeth, GreenTuna opened the commandments, gave TinyTuna the look of death, and began to speak, saying,

5:1 Thou shalt say "Trick or Treat" at each and every door. Thou shalt not say "Bring Me a Shrubbery" as that was a one-year only exception that verily didst bring great joy to the elders. Thou shalt add neither "Arrrrgh" nor "Ahoy Me Mateys" within the Treat or Treat plea, for verily, thou choseth not to be a pirate, despite the pleas of thine mother.

5:2 Thou shalt say, "Thank You" at each and every door post-treat. Failure to do so will result in being sent back to say it.

5:3 Thou shalt say all door sayings in a voice loud to tumble the walls of Jericho and loud enough so all grown ups can hear it. We shall not accept, "but I DID say it" in that whiny school voice that thou useth and we abhorreth so greatly.

5:4 Thou shalt use sidewalks where they exist and thou shalt refrain from trampling the neighbor's flowers.

5:5 Thou shalt hold hands or stand within grabbing range of an adult when crossing the street.

5:6 Thou shalt not trick or treat past the sanctioned time of 8pm. The window for trick or treating may be slammethed shut early by thine elders if thou art too cranky, or not following the rules.

5:7 Thou shalt eat no candy until the time we returneth home. There shalt be no exceptions to this rule, so thou wouldst be wise to hear these words plainly, and not ask a second time.

5:8 Honor thy mother and bring her offerings of Milk Duds, SweetTarts and Mini Snickers, for lo, it is good in her sight.

5:9 Thou shalt not fight with thy cousin, for all fights cause distress to parents and maketh the venemous bile of anger arise in thine mother. Thou shalt not fight over: who gets the biggest piece of pizza for dinner, who gets what to drink, who stands in the middle for pictures, who reaches the trick or treat porch first, who rings the doorbell first, who knocks on the door first, who takes candy out of the bowl first, who says trick or treat the loudest, who says trick or treat first, who says thank you the loudest, who says thank you first, who tells on the other cousin first about whatever infraction the child deems has occurred, who decides which side of the street to go down first, and so on and so on and so on. Thou shalt remember that thou art the child and haveth no power whatsoever. Thou shalt also remember the parents giveth and the parents taketh away, and this includes candy, privileges and other things thou holdest dear to thine over-competitive heart. Thou shalt do well to remember this rule all of your days.

5:10 Thou shalt not covet thy cousin's candy, for verily thou and thine cousin didst visit the same homes. Thou shalt have one piece following trick or treating and the rest shall be saved for later, for verily, thy candy lies in numbers greater than the stars of heaven. If thou canst remember and follow these commandments, thou might have candy all your days -- or at least until that time when thy parent tires of the hassle, and taketh the rest to work. For lo, the boss finds favor with chocolate and the co-workers eateth anything.

Amen.

Take This Gown and Shove It

Today there is no greater joy in my life than knowing I am once and for all finished with the entire abysmal mess known as trick-or-treating because TeenTuna, having officially reached Teenhood, has bypassed the appropriate window for door to door begging. Now, before you all get upset about me being a mean mom (which make no mistake, I am), let me assure you that I already took her to the store and let her select her own bag of candy. So she gets all the bounty and I suffer through none of the hassle. It's win-win all the way.

In fact, this year she appears to be so over (teen-speak) Halloween, that given the chance to wear a costume to school today, she chose jeans and a black t-shirt that said "Trick or Treat." I told her she looked lovely. And she did. And I didn't have to go digging the basement for old costumes. It was all good.

However, as many of you may remember, Halloween wasn't always so easy. In fact, there are ancient written reports (ok, not that ancient) of Halloweens past, that I thought would be best to share this with you once again today, because for all you trick-or-treating adults out there, I feel your pain.

The fifth book of The Halloween Pentatunatuch was originally discovered and published on October 31st, 2003. The remaining books were previously only available in a fragmented, modern translation. But now they have been painstakingly restored to their original language and intent. So before you grab your tot and prepare for an evening of whining, crying, rain, snow and "HE TOOK TWO AND I ONLY HAVE ONE!" sit back and enjoy the misery of others. And just remember that tonight I'll be enjoying my Milk Duds in a warm dry movie theater. ~~ GreenTuna


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The First.
In The Beginning

1:1 In the tenth month of The Year of Our Lord, Halloween was without plans, and void;
1:2 And a darkness was upon the face of TinyTuna.
1:3 And TinyTuna cried, "Let there be Princess Costumes!" And terror filled GreenTuna, as she prayed for a deliverer from this nightmare. And the Lord wast no help whatsoever as he declareth he was staying out of this one. And lo, the mother distracteth the child with French Fries. And there were no Princess Costumes on the first day, and it was good.
1:4 And TinyTuna cried again for Princess Costumes whilst in the midst of the waters of her bath. And her mother pretendeth not to hear. And there were no Princess Costumes on the second day, and it was good.
1:5 And TinyTuna cried in a loud voice again for Princess Costumes whilst playing in the grass underneath the fruit trees. And her heart was filled with hope as her mother hissed, "maybe later". But TinyTuna was knewest not the language of the serpent, and understandeth not that “"maybe later"” was naught more than a serpent tongue uttering, "No". And there were no Princess Costumes on the third day, and it was good.
1:6 Again and again TinyTuna cried in a loud voice for Princess Costumes, and each time the mother's heart was hardened. And there were no Princess Costumes on the fourth day, and it was good.
1:7 Plea begat plea. It was the fifth day.
1:8 Begging begat begging. It was the sixth day.
1:9 And on the seventh day, TinyTuna rested not. It was the first week.
1:10 It was only the first week. And it was not good.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Second.
The Exodus

2:1 Now these are the names of the Princesses:
2:2 Ariel, Jasmine,
2:3 Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty
2:4 Snow White and Belle
2:5 And thou wouldst have to have been abiding under a rock not to know their names and the land upon which they dwelled.
2:6 For Lo, it was the House of Disney.
2:7 And the time dreweth near, and TinyTuna become annoying unto the ends of the earth.
2:8 And GreenTuna cried unto the heavens, saying, "Behold! The power of TinyTuna is mightier than I. "
2:9 And with a heavy heart, GreenTuna gathered up her bread, and TinyTuna’'s whine and journeyed forth.
2:10 And to passeth the time, TinyTuna sangeth songs from Disney's Greatest Hits Volume Three louder than a plague of locusts.
2:11 And GreenTuna wished to be anywhere else, even in the belly of a whale, for lo, she hadst been reading ahead and wast jumping the gun, biblically speaking.
2:12 And TinyTuna rested not. It was the second week.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Third.
Noah Means Noah and That's Final

3:1 And lo, TinyTuna and GreenTuna followed the Eastern onStar directions to the marketplace. GramTuna wast there also, for her servitude unto this nightmarish holiday was past, and mocking pleased her greatly.
3:2 And TinyTuna beheld the Holy Land, and sang forth her praises.
3:3 And the people of the land also sang forth praises, for they kneweth that a golden cash cow hadst entered their midst.
3:4 And TinyTuna brought forth to her mother two of every kind of creature: Costumes, Shoes, Wands, Plastic Pails, Crowns, Wigs, and all sorts of manner that hadst nothing to do with Halloween whatsoever.
3:5 And verily, GreenTuna protested greatly, telling TinyTuna, “"Thou must be out of thine mind! For Lo, I wouldst first have to rob a bank and then build an addition out of gopher wood in order to afford and then store all the riches you desireth!"
3:6 And TinyTuna releasethed the flood gates and cried for forty days and forty nights.
3:7 Or so it seemed.
3:8 And TinyTuna rested not. It was the third week.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Fourth.
The Law and the Profits.

4:1 And when the waters receedeth, GreenTuna spoke plainly of her love for TinyTuna despite her refusal to purchase an $85 Gown of Many Colors.
4:2 And GramTuna brought forth the suggestion that TinyTuna might enjoy being something other than a Princess.
4:3 And GreenTuna pondered in her heart if GramTuna had eaten breakfast from the forbidden tree of Crack.
4:4 And verily, TinyTuna ignoreth them all, saying, No. She desirethed to be a princess.
4:5 And GreenTuna lost her temper and utterethed between clenched teeth, "Thou shalt find a costume elsewhere or thou shalt have nothing."
4:6 And TinyTuna kneweth she wast betwixt a rock and a hard place, and sighed, saying, "Wither thou goest, I will go."
4:7 And they journeyed long, until they reached a New Holy Land that opened verily at the dawn of day, and closethed late into the evening. And TinyTuna rested not until her eyes beheld another Princess Costume.
4:8 It had not the mark of Disney, but wast long and twirlethed greatly, which brought TinyTuna great joy.
4:9 It had not the mark of Disney, and wast still more than GreenTuna wished to pay.
4:10 But truly it was the fourth week, and GreenTuna knewest that the time was at hand, and the spirit of Halloween was upon them.
4:11 Recognizing that she too wast betwixt a rock and a hard place, she carefully divided her bread amongst the garment and the crown and the plastic pail and gave all that she had to Halloween USA.
4:12 It was the fourth week.


The Halloween Pentatunatuch. Book The Fifth.
The Ten Tuna Commandments

And lo, the night of Trick or Treating did approach. And GreenTuna returneth to her home, bringing with her the commandments for observing a most right Halloween. And she brought forth TinyTuna, and sat her down so she may hear again those familiar words of the season. And GreenTuna began by offering a prayer that truly, this might be the one year when the commandments would be heard and followed, and the her child would behave in a manner befitting of her age and station, and not as an embarrassing Philistine, as is often the case. When the prayer was completeth, GreenTuna opened the commandments, gave TinyTuna the look of death, and began to speak, saying,

5:1 Thou shalt say "Trick or Treat" at each and every door. Thou shalt not say "Bring Me a Shrubbery" as that was a one-year only exception that verily didst bring great joy to the elders. Thou shalt add neither "Arrrrgh" nor "Ahoy Me Mateys" within the Treat or Treat plea, for verily, thou choseth not to be a pirate, despite the pleas of thine mother.

5:2 Thou shalt say, "Thank You" at each and every door post-treat. Failure to do so will result in being sent back to say it.

5:3 Thou shalt say all door sayings in a voice loud to tumble the walls of Jericho and loud enough so all grown ups can hear it. We shall not accept, "but I DID say it" in that whiny school voice that thou useth and we abhorreth so greatly.

5:4 Thou shalt use sidewalks where they exist and thou shalt refrain from trampling the neighbor's flowers.

5:5 Thou shalt hold hands or stand within grabbing range of an adult when crossing the street.

5:6 Thou shalt not trick or treat past the sanctioned time of 8pm. The window for trick or treating may be slammethed shut early by thine elders if thou art too cranky, or not following the rules.

5:7 Thou shalt eat no candy until the time we returneth home. There shalt be no exceptions to this rule, so thou wouldst be wise to hear these words plainly, and not ask a second time.

5:8 Honor thy mother and bring her offerings of Milk Duds, SweetTarts and Mini Snickers, for lo, it is good in her sight.

5:9 Thou shalt not fight with thy cousin, for all fights cause distress to parents and maketh the venemous bile of anger arise in thine mother. Thou shalt not fight over: who gets the biggest piece of pizza for dinner, who gets what to drink, who stands in the middle for pictures, who reaches the trick or treat porch first, who rings the doorbell first, who knocks on the door first, who takes candy out of the bowl first, who says trick or treat the loudest, who says trick or treat first, who says thank you the loudest, who says thank you first, who tells on the other cousin first about whatever infraction the child deems has occurred, who decides which side of the street to go down first, and so on and so on and so on. Thou shalt remember that thou art the child and haveth no power whatsoever. Thou shalt also remember the parents giveth and the parents taketh away, and this includes candy, privileges and other things thou holdest dear to thine over-competitive heart. Thou shalt do well to remember this rule all of your days.

5:10 Thou shalt not covet thy cousin's candy, for verily thou and thine cousin didst visit the same homes. Thou shalt have one piece following trick or treating and the rest shall be saved for later, for verily, thy candy lies in numbers greater than the stars of heaven. If thou canst remember and follow these commandments, thou might have candy all your days -- or at least until that time when thy parent tires of the hassle, and taketh the rest to work. For lo, the boss finds favor with chocolate and the co-workers eateth anything.

Amen.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Cultivating Calm

There are only a few more days until October is wiped off the calendar and November rears its far-too-busy-for-its-own-good head. The days start moving fast and furious once November arrives, and the next thing you know its Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Taxes and death. Ho! Ho! Ho!

I plan to mark the days without fail beginning November 1st with the opening bell of NaBloPoMo and ending January 1st with the closing bell of Holidailies. This means sunshine, lollipops and puppies for those of you who get cranky when I don't post more often, and 60 days of torture, Tuna-style, for those of you who feel the Internet is already overloaded with mindless minutiae.

I'm here to make everybody happy and prove I'm an equal-opportunity panderer. You're welcome or I'm sorry. Whatever works for you.

I have several things up my sleeve to keep my blog busy over the next several weeks and to avoid falling into that trap of describing my lunch on a daily basis. Today? Pizza! I'm not going to spill the beans until November 1st, but suffice it to say, I'm not entering this exercise without some sort of plan. Oh, I have a plan, alright. Of course, it may get abandoned by day three, but as of right now, I have a plan.

Over the last several months I have been aware of trying to cultivate calm in my life. Sometimes this has been done nearly frenetically. Must have calm NOW. Must regain control over the insanity of life NOW. Must find peace, contentment, understanding and happiness NOW. I have to admit, demanding calm in ones life is not only contradictory, it usually doesn't work. But at the same time, I've found that calm doesn't generally knock on the door, or roust you from an afternoon nap. It's neither gentleman caller nor Boy Scout, so if you don't do something slightly proactive, nothing is going to happen and you'll never get across the street.

It's a fine, fine line between demanding calm sit down for dinner NOW and hoping it might drop by for a casual chat.

I've found the best solution for me is two-fold. First of all, I've been actively reengaging in things that cultivate calm. I've been reading a great deal, which is fairly unheard of outside of my annual book-a-day marathon during my week at the beach. I've been re-energizing myself with music, finding lots of new repertoire, but this time for myself, not for my students. I've been cleaning more for peace of mind than for fear of death by lint. I've found time to get myself outside to breathe fresh air and remember where the truly beautiful things are in this world.

In short, I've been busy actively cultivating calm.

But perhaps more important is that I've made a conscious decision to be open and aware. Aware that calm exists in any situation, and open to seeing and experiencing that peace. It might not be as demanding as hiking or reading or singing or cleaning, but being mindful of the possibilities that lie within people and places and circumstances has already brought me a sense of peace and appreciation that I might have otherwise missed.

Over the next few months I hope to talk a little more about being open and aware. Sure, there will be the usual memes and cartoons and jokes and whatnot. But two months is a long time to talk about what I had for lunch, so here's to hoping that I'm open and aware to the so much more that exists in my life.

And tomorrow? It's leftovers.
Just in case you wanted to know.

Cultivating Calm

There are only a few more days until October is wiped off the calendar and November rears its far-too-busy-for-its-own-good head. The days start moving fast and furious once November arrives, and the next thing you know its Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Taxes and death. Ho! Ho! Ho!

I plan to mark the days without fail beginning November 1st with the opening bell of NaBloPoMo and ending January 1st with the closing bell of Holidailies. This means sunshine, lollipops and puppies for those of you who get cranky when I don't post more often, and 60 days of torture, Tuna-style, for those of you who feel the Internet is already overloaded with mindless minutiae.

I'm here to make everybody happy and prove I'm an equal-opportunity panderer. You're welcome or I'm sorry. Whatever works for you.

I have several things up my sleeve to keep my blog busy over the next several weeks and to avoid falling into that trap of describing my lunch on a daily basis. Today? Pizza! I'm not going to spill the beans until November 1st, but suffice it to say, I'm not entering this exercise without some sort of plan. Oh, I have a plan, alright. Of course, it may get abandoned by day three, but as of right now, I have a plan.

Over the last several months I have been aware of trying to cultivate calm in my life. Sometimes this has been done nearly frenetically. Must have calm NOW. Must regain control over the insanity of life NOW. Must find peace, contentment, understanding and happiness NOW. I have to admit, demanding calm in ones life is not only contradictory, it usually doesn't work. But at the same time, I've found that calm doesn't generally knock on the door, or roust you from an afternoon nap. It's neither gentleman caller nor Boy Scout, so if you don't do something slightly proactive, nothing is going to happen and you'll never get across the street.

It's a fine, fine line between demanding calm sit down for dinner NOW and hoping it might drop by for a casual chat.

I've found the best solution for me is two-fold. First of all, I've been actively reengaging in things that cultivate calm. I've been reading a great deal, which is fairly unheard of outside of my annual book-a-day marathon during my week at the beach. I've been re-energizing myself with music, finding lots of new repertoire, but this time for myself, not for my students. I've been cleaning more for peace of mind than for fear of death by lint. I've found time to get myself outside to breathe fresh air and remember where the truly beautiful things are in this world.

In short, I've been busy actively cultivating calm.

But perhaps more important is that I've made a conscious decision to be open and aware. Aware that calm exists in any situation, and open to seeing and experiencing that peace. It might not be as demanding as hiking or reading or singing or cleaning, but being mindful of the possibilities that lie within people and places and circumstances has already brought me a sense of peace and appreciation that I might have otherwise missed.

Over the next few months I hope to talk a little more about being open and aware. Sure, there will be the usual memes and cartoons and jokes and whatnot. But two months is a long time to talk about what I had for lunch, so here's to hoping that I'm open and aware to the so much more that exists in my life.

And tomorrow? It's leftovers.
Just in case you wanted to know.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Monday Madness

What does it say when you are late to teach a voice lesson because random chunks of random roads are closed throughout downtown because the police are busy detonating suspicious devices in the middle of the busy multi-lane roads where ALL THE TRAFFIC REALLY NEEDS TO BE DRIVING BECAUSE IT'S RUSH HOUR, DAMMIT?

Too bad my student didn't have any songs about potentially deadly garbage bags.

Monday Madness

What does it say when you are late to teach a voice lesson because random chunks of random roads are closed throughout downtown because the police are busy detonating suspicious devices in the middle of the busy multi-lane roads where ALL THE TRAFFIC REALLY NEEDS TO BE DRIVING BECAUSE IT'S RUSH HOUR, DAMMIT?

Too bad my student didn't have any songs about potentially deadly garbage bags.

Monday Mysteries


Does anyone else find it slightly odd that when choosing from 10 different products for the weekly Health and Personal Care sales, Amazon decided to feature a picture of BATTERIES? I'm mean OK, yeah but .... did you really want to go there?

Monday Mysteries


Does anyone else find it slightly odd that when choosing from 10 different products for the weekly Health and Personal Care sales, Amazon decided to feature a picture of BATTERIES? I'm mean OK, yeah but .... did you really want to go there?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Inaugural :: Ball

2. Pledge :: Of Allegiance

3. String :: Bass (that's the instrument, not the fish)

4. Trot :: Fox

5. Fitness :: Gym

6. Cinder :: Block

7. Edge :: Beginning

8. 31 :: I could go for that

9. Blue :: Velvet

10. Leather :: Sofa


All. Over. The. Map. I thought we were going patriotic, and then it took a turn into bizzarro land. I should explain #7 -- I often use the term "From the Edge" as "Go back and start again at the beginning." Edge here means the edge of the paper where the notes start. Somehow I like to think that's cool and hip, but let's face it...I'm not 31 anymore.

And I wonder what it's going to take to get Bobby Vinton singing "Blue Velvet" out of my brain? Love the huge scoop by the backup singingers... BluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuE Velvet!

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Inaugural :: Ball

2. Pledge :: Of Allegiance

3. String :: Bass (that's the instrument, not the fish)

4. Trot :: Fox

5. Fitness :: Gym

6. Cinder :: Block

7. Edge :: Beginning

8. 31 :: I could go for that

9. Blue :: Velvet

10. Leather :: Sofa


All. Over. The. Map. I thought we were going patriotic, and then it took a turn into bizzarro land. I should explain #7 -- I often use the term "From the Edge" as "Go back and start again at the beginning." Edge here means the edge of the paper where the notes start. Somehow I like to think that's cool and hip, but let's face it...I'm not 31 anymore.

And I wonder what it's going to take to get Bobby Vinton singing "Blue Velvet" out of my brain? Love the huge scoop by the backup singingers... BluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuE Velvet!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Quick Hits


You know you're old... when you turn on Saturday Night Live just in time for the opening monologue and you find yourself staring at some stranger on the screen and you have NO IDEA ON EARTH who the host is. And then to make matters worse, you've never heard of the musical guest either.

It's the scariest night of the year. Tonight we went to the symphony because TeenTuna was among the cast of thousands singing with the orchestra. As we left the concert we had to wend our way through campus and downtown. Because it was Saturday night, the usual hordes of stumblers were making their way from watering hole one to watering hole two. However, the number of stumblers seemed to be larger than usual, and it took me several blocks to figure out it was the Saturday night before Halloween, so not only were there stumblers, there were be-costumed stumblers. We decided to avoid downtown and Bar-Boulevard as much as possible, but as we waited at a stoplight, TeenTuna looked out her window and said, "OH MY GOD, WHAT IS HE WEARING? .... IS HE WEARING A ... DIAPER???" I just looked at her and said, "Be grateful he's wearing that much. The night is still young.

Teach by doing. I know some people learn by observing. Others learn by something archaic called reading the directions (I know...it's blasphemous). Still other must take the hands on approach to learn a new skill. I definitely fall into the last category and simply must learn by doing, not by watching or reading or listening. I think it's training attention deficit HEY AN APPLE! syndrome. Since I learn by doing I generally take that approach when I teach as well. Might as well jump right in and muddle through for a bit until you figure things out, right? That would be why late this afternoon, if you had the misfortune of wandering through my kitchen you would have observed TeenTuna -- also known as The Coalition of the Unwilling -- being forced to wash a sink full of dirty dishes that she had let pile up oh these last several days. She grumped and complained and ewwww GROSSed her way through the entire affair while GreenTuna -- also known as The Coalition of Forget the Coalition, This is Dictatorship Whether You Like it or Not -- enjoyed watching her experience what the dictator (who must double as a maid) goes through all the time. We're hoping the message was received loud and clear and there might be a little more dish washage on the front end. We'll see.


But Not to Complain All The Time
. I am proud of TeenTuna for lots of things, not the least of which is her ability to correctly use and put into practice the family saying, Save it for the Car. Knowing when to flap the gums and zip the lip is a skill many grownups haven't yet mastered. We save LOTS of things for the car, which makes it one of the most interesting places I know.

Who Knew? Today we went to DSW. I knew it was a shoe store, but had never been inside. TeenTuna asked what DSW meant. I had no idea, but decided it was something like "Dat's Shoe Warehouse." I have since heard the "D" stands for "Designer." Not "Dat" or "Disbe" or the full on "disbedat." Designer. I dunno...I still like my answer better.


Happiness is...lots of things, but today happiness was a clean bunny cage, a new bag full of soft, luscious sheep and llama fluff, a clean refrigerator AND freezer, a new pair of jeans in a smaller size (oh yeah!), TWO under-the-counter iPod/Radio/TV players originally $170 purchased for $35 (with a MAGNETIC REMOTE. Do you know how AWESOME THAT IS??) and TeenTuna correctly defining the word poseur ... after we saved it for the car. I'd call that a good day.

Quick Hits


You know you're old... when you turn on Saturday Night Live just in time for the opening monologue and you find yourself staring at some stranger on the screen and you have NO IDEA ON EARTH who the host is. And then to make matters worse, you've never heard of the musical guest either.

It's the scariest night of the year. Tonight we went to the symphony because TeenTuna was among the cast of thousands singing with the orchestra. As we left the concert we had to wend our way through campus and downtown. Because it was Saturday night, the usual hordes of stumblers were making their way from watering hole one to watering hole two. However, the number of stumblers seemed to be larger than usual, and it took me several blocks to figure out it was the Saturday night before Halloween, so not only were there stumblers, there were be-costumed stumblers. We decided to avoid downtown and Bar-Boulevard as much as possible, but as we waited at a stoplight, TeenTuna looked out her window and said, "OH MY GOD, WHAT IS HE WEARING? .... IS HE WEARING A ... DIAPER???" I just looked at her and said, "Be grateful he's wearing that much. The night is still young.

Teach by doing. I know some people learn by observing. Others learn by something archaic called reading the directions (I know...it's blasphemous). Still other must take the hands on approach to learn a new skill. I definitely fall into the last category and simply must learn by doing, not by watching or reading or listening. I think it's training attention deficit HEY AN APPLE! syndrome. Since I learn by doing I generally take that approach when I teach as well. Might as well jump right in and muddle through for a bit until you figure things out, right? That would be why late this afternoon, if you had the misfortune of wandering through my kitchen you would have observed TeenTuna -- also known as The Coalition of the Unwilling -- being forced to wash a sink full of dirty dishes that she had let pile up oh these last several days. She grumped and complained and ewwww GROSSed her way through the entire affair while GreenTuna -- also known as The Coalition of Forget the Coalition, This is Dictatorship Whether You Like it or Not -- enjoyed watching her experience what the dictator (who must double as a maid) goes through all the time. We're hoping the message was received loud and clear and there might be a little more dish washage on the front end. We'll see.


But Not to Complain All The Time
. I am proud of TeenTuna for lots of things, not the least of which is her ability to correctly use and put into practice the family saying, Save it for the Car. Knowing when to flap the gums and zip the lip is a skill many grownups haven't yet mastered. We save LOTS of things for the car, which makes it one of the most interesting places I know.

Who Knew? Today we went to DSW. I knew it was a shoe store, but had never been inside. TeenTuna asked what DSW meant. I had no idea, but decided it was something like "Dat's Shoe Warehouse." I have since heard the "D" stands for "Designer." Not "Dat" or "Disbe" or the full on "disbedat." Designer. I dunno...I still like my answer better.


Happiness is...lots of things, but today happiness was a clean bunny cage, a new bag full of soft, luscious sheep and llama fluff, a clean refrigerator AND freezer, a new pair of jeans in a smaller size (oh yeah!), TWO under-the-counter iPod/Radio/TV players originally $170 purchased for $35 (with a MAGNETIC REMOTE. Do you know how AWESOME THAT IS??) and TeenTuna correctly defining the word poseur ... after we saved it for the car. I'd call that a good day.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Friday's Feast

It's the uninspired, too-tired to think, too-full from lunch edition of Friday Feast. I haven't even looked at the questions yet...let's hope they're good.

Appetizer: Name a great website you would recommend to others.
Oh no you don't. The "say which one you love the best" isn't going to work with me. I can't pick a favorite. I can't pick a best. If I pick a popular culture one, I'll look like an idiot. If I pick a snobbish education one, I'll look like a snobbish educator. If I pick mine, I'll just look pathetic. So my recommendation? Go to Google and pick your own. It's not like there aren't eleventy-five bazillion out there ready to suck the minutes out of your life, like this one. Or this one. Or this one over here.

Soup: On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the highest) how often do you dream at night?
Do people really keep track of these things? Heck, I can't even find two matching shoes much less tally my dreams.

Salad: Did you have a pet as a child? If so, what kind and what was it's name?
Oh boy. Now, here's a REAL question. Over the years The Tuna clan's pet menagerie has included cats, dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice (yuck), fish, hermit crabs, turtles and an alligator. I've probably forgotten several, but those were some of the more memorable. The names were all over the map, but there wasn't a Fido, Rover, Rex or Princess in the bunch. And the alligator? Way too cool to have a name.

Main Course: If you had a chance to star in a commercial, what would you choose to advertise?
Some sort of wonderful device that instantaneously kills all commercials, otherwise known as an OFF BUTTON.

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of hard candy?
Purple.

Friday's Feast

It's the uninspired, too-tired to think, too-full from lunch edition of Friday Feast. I haven't even looked at the questions yet...let's hope they're good.

Appetizer: Name a great website you would recommend to others.
Oh no you don't. The "say which one you love the best" isn't going to work with me. I can't pick a favorite. I can't pick a best. If I pick a popular culture one, I'll look like an idiot. If I pick a snobbish education one, I'll look like a snobbish educator. If I pick mine, I'll just look pathetic. So my recommendation? Go to Google and pick your own. It's not like there aren't eleventy-five bazillion out there ready to suck the minutes out of your life, like this one. Or this one. Or this one over here.

Soup: On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the highest) how often do you dream at night?
Do people really keep track of these things? Heck, I can't even find two matching shoes much less tally my dreams.

Salad: Did you have a pet as a child? If so, what kind and what was it's name?
Oh boy. Now, here's a REAL question. Over the years The Tuna clan's pet menagerie has included cats, dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice (yuck), fish, hermit crabs, turtles and an alligator. I've probably forgotten several, but those were some of the more memorable. The names were all over the map, but there wasn't a Fido, Rover, Rex or Princess in the bunch. And the alligator? Way too cool to have a name.

Main Course: If you had a chance to star in a commercial, what would you choose to advertise?
Some sort of wonderful device that instantaneously kills all commercials, otherwise known as an OFF BUTTON.

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of hard candy?
Purple.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

BOMP!

Will it be the bad-haired Gothites? Will it be the on-again-off-again dating couple? Will it be the rocket scientists? Will it be married female Episcopal ministers? Who will be the first team across the finish line and the winners of Amazing Race 12?

Season Premiere
Sunday, November 4th.
As TeenTuna would say: OMG!

BOMP!

Will it be the bad-haired Gothites? Will it be the on-again-off-again dating couple? Will it be the rocket scientists? Will it be married female Episcopal ministers? Who will be the first team across the finish line and the winners of Amazing Race 12?

Season Premiere
Sunday, November 4th.
As TeenTuna would say: OMG!

Yeah, That's About The Way It Goes

Yeah, That's About The Way It Goes

Late Night Conversations

Last night as TeenTuna was going to bed, I was stretched out next to her with my arm draped over my eyes, listening to to her daily adventures and trying to stay awake.

TeenTuna: The schedule was all messed up today because it was Drug Prevention day in school.

GreenTuna: (Half asleep) Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know. So, I had to go to gym, and...

GreenTuna: And not do drugs.

TeenTuna: No. Tennis. But yesterday we had free gym day so I played somethingsomething I started falling asleep here.

GreenTuna: Sounds like fun. Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: And then we had to go see this drug movie.

GeenTuna: Just say no.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know. But the movie was cool.

GreenTuna: (Wondering if I fell asleep and missed something) Cool?

TeenTuna: Yeah.

GreenTuna: Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know. I want to see if we can get it.

GreenTuna: Get what?

TeenTuna: The movie.

GreenTuna: Wow. That must have been some movie.

TeenTuna: Yeah. It had great songs.

GreenTuna: Songs? You liked the songs?

TeenTuna: Yeah. You know with me, it's all about the music.

GreenTuna: I guess so. Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know.

GreenTuna: Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?

TeenTuna: Ok mom. Yes, Yes I know. I won't do drugs.

GreenTuna: Good. My work here is done. Goodnight.

I guess TeenTuna wasn't the only one dealing with drug awareness day. Maybe his presentation didn't have a good sound track...

Late Night Conversations

Last night as TeenTuna was going to bed, I was stretched out next to her with my arm draped over my eyes, listening to to her daily adventures and trying to stay awake.

TeenTuna: The schedule was all messed up today because it was Drug Prevention day in school.

GreenTuna: (Half asleep) Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know. So, I had to go to gym, and...

GreenTuna: And not do drugs.

TeenTuna: No. Tennis. But yesterday we had free gym day so I played somethingsomething I started falling asleep here.

GreenTuna: Sounds like fun. Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: And then we had to go see this drug movie.

GeenTuna: Just say no.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know. But the movie was cool.

GreenTuna: (Wondering if I fell asleep and missed something) Cool?

TeenTuna: Yeah.

GreenTuna: Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know. I want to see if we can get it.

GreenTuna: Get what?

TeenTuna: The movie.

GreenTuna: Wow. That must have been some movie.

TeenTuna: Yeah. It had great songs.

GreenTuna: Songs? You liked the songs?

TeenTuna: Yeah. You know with me, it's all about the music.

GreenTuna: I guess so. Don't do drugs.

TeenTuna: Yeah, I know.

GreenTuna: Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?

TeenTuna: Ok mom. Yes, Yes I know. I won't do drugs.

GreenTuna: Good. My work here is done. Goodnight.

I guess TeenTuna wasn't the only one dealing with drug awareness day. Maybe his presentation didn't have a good sound track...