Friday, December 04, 2015

The Gentle Art of Persuasion


BUT SOFT, WHAT EMAIL THROUGH YONDER WINDOWS (7) BREAKS?  
IT IS DECEMBER AND THE SALES BEGIN AT DAWN.

Here are actual opening phrases found in the subject headings of emails still (and probably forever) unopened, in my Inbox.  It's easy to be annoyed, but it's much more fun to laugh.

From my friends at Sears, who specialize in passive-aggression

  • PLEASE OPEN ASAP! 
  • A special surprise!
  • NO JOKE
  • Psst... Friendly reminder
  • OMG (What?!)
  • Did you forget?  
  • (We're serious!)

From my friends at eBay, who just want to be my buddy, guy.
  • Here's an invite!
  • To: You, From: Us!
  • You're in!

From Gardeners Supply, who attempted a pun, then went for full-on guilt
  • Have a Crate Christmas
  • Come back!

From Best Buy, who wins the Grim Reaper award
  • It's Your Last Day!

From Expedia, who employs a Jekyll & Hyde-type strategy
  • Yay!
  • Oh no!
  • Woo-Hoo!
  • Uh-oh!
  • Calling all travelers!
  • Beware, all travelers!
  • Lucky you!
  • OMG Alert!

From Petco, who is convinced I'm too slow for their liking.
  • Run, Don't Walk!
  • Hurry!
  • You Have Until the Stroke of Midnight!
  • The Clock is Ticking
  • THIS. IS. IT.


But despite all the holiday hustle and bustle, it's clear that E! Online remembers the one true reason for the season.
  • Kylie Jenner shows her butt!


Happy December, y'all!

3 comments:

MissMeliss said...

The frantic, panicked-sounding email messages from retailers of all ilks really drive me crazy. It's a sale; no one will die if the sale price or featured object is not obtained.

Glad to know the entertainment mags have their priorities sorted out.

bozoette said...

I like the ones that mention "Absolutely last day!" and "Only hours left!", then renege on it in the next email: "SALE EXTENDED!!"

Christine Hannan said...

Hey GT! Will you be posting again? Was just thinking of you - I think I started following you about 10 years ago!