Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Picky, Picky, Picky


Item One: Trading Spaces, They Hated It
I'm warning you...If you loved this mess they aired on Monday night, you'd do well to bypass this paragraph. For those of you who live in a cave, Trading Spaces is the 2-day, $1k, 1-room redecorating show. TLC had been swamping its station with ads for this "They Hated It Show" for quite awhile. It was touted to be the show where people who had severely adverse reactions to their room (picky, picky, picky!) talked about what happened "after the show." The designer responsible for the mess was also given a chance to air their opinions. In reality, what the viewers got was a re-re-rehash of three old episodes, each of which was followed by a two minute interview with the designer of the offensive room, and the homeowners. The middle episode was the classic "Crying Pam" ( I have to leave the room now...BooHoo!!) episode. The designer? Doug. Now those of us who watch the show know Doug has the potential to throw a hefty hissy fit when slightly provoked. Overall, in the post-show interview, he had a few humorous jabs. Mr. And Mrs. Crying Pam said they repainted and redecorated in a "Country Barn" style. Doug dryly said "I don't decorate barns." He did mention that he had told Crying Pam afterwards "I'm sorry you're not happy with the room."

But. BUT. The designer that flipped my cakes was the new guy, Rick. He designed a seriously sucktastic room. Not mildly sucktastic. It was Asshatastic. It just blew. His response? I quote here:

I don't see myself as being bad. I just come from an alternative reality. I try to do work that's witty, a little sarcastic and never been seen before. I watched the reveal. I was so excited when they hated it! Either you love it or you hate it. Don't be in between on me. Therapy. Everybody involved in the show needs to go to therapy.

Dear TLC and MPDP,
You must, must, must fire this moron. He makes Hildi look sane.
He makes Frank's rooms look like the Wizard of Oz, BEFORE the
twister. When anybody on this show can make Doug seem like
a caring human being, something is seriously wrong. This soul
patch lovin' psycho case isn't eclectic. He's an Asshat. Learn
the difference now. And Quick.

Thank you for your time.
GreenTuna

PS -- Will Vern marry me?


Item Two: Teaching Day. Tuna Style
I teach voice to my Collegiate Scottish Tunas twice a week. They are an awesome group of kids and I love my job. One of my more challenging tasks is to assign repertoire to all my students. Thirty kids. Six songs each. You do the math. That's one heck of a lot of songs, and each one must pass its own picky, picky, picky test.

Question One: Can I stand to listen to this song for the next 13 weeks? Being the one in charge, I am never going to assign a song I hate. I have a fairly open mind, but some songs just bug beyond belief:

Nymphs and Shepherds, Come Away. Come Away.
Nymphs and Shepherds, Come Away. Come Away. Come, Come, Come, Come Away.


I mean really. I can hardly stand to even type the words. How can I make some poor college slob sing this drivel? Sorry Purcell. This song bites.

Question Two: Does the student have any sort of interest in this song? Some kids would reject every song I put in front of them if I let them. But then I think, kids are kids. It doesn't matter if they are 9 or 19. Everybody gets a limited number of veto options, but after that, I resort to TinyTuna logic: "You may wear the red shirt or the blue shirt. You may pick." (Translated, I approve of both, but I'll grant you the power to control your universe in a pre-approved manner). My students are the same. Just substitute "songs" for "shirts". I do try hard, however, to match songs to a students' personality. It's important, because if a student truly hates a piece, they will never practice the thing. One of my students said they liked "angst" songs. Now this kid has a super-sweet personality. Think MaryAnne on Gilligan's Island. It seems weird that she wants an angsty song, but I'll try. Think. Think. Think. I've got it! It's not so much "angst" as "super creepy lullaby". It's got bleeding stars, dying suns, broken needles and tattered bridal gowns. A real pick-me-upper. I start playing through it and this sweet kid starts jumping up and down for joy. It's the best song she's ever heard. It's exactly what she wanted. Ok. There ya go kid. Be sure to sing it for Grandma when you go home.

Come to think of it, it is a pretty cool song. There is something about unraveled spools and weeping stars that just speaks to me after a long day of work. It's good not to be too picky.

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