Friday Poll

The results have been tabulated, the ballot boxes stuffed, and although the Evil Giant New York-Bombing Pigeon gave his best shot (ba-DUMP-bump), I'm here to tell you there was no stinkin' tie this week. Although voting was hot and heavy, the biggest losers were The 7-foot Messiahs. I just hope for all of y'alls sake that Harjas (the 7-foot tall David Hasslehoff Messiah version) doesn't wreak Holy Retribution on all you non-believers. But just in case, you might want to steer clear of Denver for awhile, since that's where the big rematch is scheduled to take place.



But enough about the losers! In a surprise to nobody who lives to hate the French (which, by the way, isn't me, even though I voted many times for the article)



The Eiffel Tower is a Portal to Hell!!

We should have all known, right? And just leave it to those nasty Froggy Frogs to say, "Parisians have known about the portal for years. Why do you think you don't see Frenchmen up there? We'd just as soon leave the tourists to the demons, especially the Americans."

Well, I never!

(113 votes)



Big Apple Facing New Bomb Threats: Giant Pigeon Terrorizes New York!!

The Hot Dog Vendor summed up the terror thusly: "It happens every day around lunchtime. You'll see people strolling through the park. Suddenly this big shadow will darken the sky, and people start to panic. That ol' bird swoops down, grabs whatever food he can, and lets the poop fly."

Well, what else is that poop gonna do....swim?

(65 votes)



Regin Philbin is Homeless!! (13 votes)

Somehow, I find this just the teensiest bit plausible.



Guy Finds a 'Free Lung' Coupon in a Pack of Cigarettes!! (9 votes)

Not a bad idea.



Battle of the 7-Foot Messiahs!! (6 votes)

You all knew this meant 7-feet TALL and not 7 actual feet, right? David Hasslehoff would never be a freak. ..... HA





AND NOW -- DRUMROLL PLEASE -- THIS WEEKS POLL:





12 Great Tips for a Sizzling Night of Romance, ALONE!!



18 Nurses Pregnant After Rest Home Viagra Party!!



Animal Loving Lifeguard Rescues Shark From Fat Swimmer!!



How to Make People Think You Really Do Like the Crap They Gave You For Christmas!!



Spend! Spend! Spend! Your Money Will be Worthless by June!!





Results Next Friday!!

Exclamation Points!!!