Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.I got up this morning and took a quick romp through my email. Much to my delight I had BLOG comments! Being as comment-hungry as any attention seeking Blogger, I dashed off to see what they said
Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spamThe first comment started innocently enough: I really liked your blog. I'll be sure to add you to my bookmarks. But that was followed by: I have a home equity loan site/blog. It pretty much covers home equity loan related stuff. Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?You may have noticed I removed the $!((@#)$+!\@! web link, cause I'm not helping any rata-frata spammer. But boy, I sure am glad to hear that a home equity loan site pretty much covers home equity loan related stuff. As opposed to, I don't know, quantum physics.
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
What the freak?
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?So, from now on, you'll notice a slight difference in the comment section. At the bottom of the comment form, you'll be asked to type the squiggly letters, also known as captchas which is short for
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Turing test to tell
Clear as mud, right?
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?Also known as a "Reverse Turing Test," these little annoyances (and yes, they are annoying. I hate them) require that you prove you are a human, rather than a computer. So, I apologize ahead of time for one more hoop you have to jump through. But I don't think anybody should have to read about fabulous real estate, lower mortgages or bigger body parts that I, for one, don't possess. But Please, PLEASE leave comments. Don't let the Vikings scare you away.
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!But, with apologies to the good people at Hormel, and constant love and affection for Monty Python
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!I just have to say, I DON'T LIKE SPAM!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!