Thursday, September 29, 2005

Potent Potatoes for $200

In the Tuna household, nothing says fun like being a couch potato after dinner and yelling at the television. And no, I'm not dissing our presidential Shrubbery (this time -- NEE!), despite the abundance of yell-worthy material presented on the nightly news. I'm actually referring to the Holy Half-Hour of Jeopardy, where everyone can be a Ken Jennings in the privacy of their own home. Luckily I'm not a real contestant, because my answers are a lot closer to THIS

Announcer: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: HITLER!!
Marge: Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty: Bismarck
Contestant: Bismarck! (ping noise)
Bart: Hitler?!
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy

Announcer: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are Red, White.....and what?
Bart: Blue!
Homer: Yellow!
Bart: Orange! Red!
Patty: Green!
Homer: Black! White! Green!
Contestant: ....Green (ping noise)
than anything that resembles a correct answer. If I'm going to get it right, the question Who is Homer? had better refer to The Simpsons and not The Odyssey. I know my limits.

But that never stops me at home. I just keep yelling out anything I can think of, and if I still can't manage to come across the right guess, then I'll just yell, 'What she said!' when the points are finally awarded.

I'm also an armchair BET THE FARM!! quarterback when it comes to Double Jeopardy and Final Jeopardy. No guts, no glory, I always say when talking about other people's money.

But this week I got to move my ignorance to a public venue and cheer on a very good friend who was on Jeopardy. On Jeopardy as in ON THE TV AT WHICH I SCREAM. ON Jeopardy as in smart enough to be ON JEOPARDY knowing real answers -- not Hitler, North Dakota answers.

It was SO COOL.

The Tuna clan packed up our random Jeopardy knowledge and planted ourselves in the local pub to join friends and family for the big event. We ate and drank and watched and yelled and clapped and whooped and hollered. TinyTuna was beside herself with two equally miraculous events: somebody she knew was on Jeopardy, and there was FREE POPCORN!!! MOM, IT'S FREE!!! THE POPCORN IS FREE!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???

It meant life was good. Smartness was everywhere, and we had a great time cheering on our favorite contestant. Even better? On occasion, I knew an answer or two. For example: What Jeopardy contestant is getting a "Bad Girls" CD for Christmas?

Donna Summer says, "Bet the Farm!"

Toot Toot.
Beep Beep.

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