Thursday, February 22, 2007

Open Letters

Several open letters to people, places or things that will never read them:

An Open Letter to the NBC series Heroes
Dear Heroes,
I love your show and make sure I am sitting in front of my television every Monday night to find out what's happening NEXT! And if I miss the tiniest bit, you, in your infinite wisdom, have provided the whole, entire and complete episode online that I can watch for free. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

I love all the different Heroes and their special powers, but I have to admit I uttered an involuntary "That is SWEET!" out loud this past week when you introduced "Wireless" girl. It goes to show that I am truly a product of my environment when I don't care that much about having the powers of invisibility, or flight, or time travel, or telekinesis, or mind reading, or saving cheerleaders to save the world, and all I really want is free high-speed internet I can access in my head.


An Open Letter to the CDC
Dear CDC,
After I cleaned out my refrigerator, I'm pretty sure there were several strains (and cures) for all sorts of infectious diseases in my sink. I was going to invite you over for a party to have at it, but I just couldn't take it any longer and had to do the dishes. Maybe next time.


An Open Letter to my tribute to Jenga I have made in my Dish Drainer
Dear Currently Clean but Precariously Placed Tottering Tower Tupperware,
Please, please, please for the love of God, don't fall. And if you fall, fall away from the litter box. No. Strike that. Just don't fall.


An Open Letter to the Cats Racing Through the House as if Possessed
Stop it now, or else.


An Open Letter to the Motion Picture Academy of America
Dear MPAA,

Are there any Oscar nominated films worth watching? Because honestly, in the past two weeks I've seen so much junk I'm starting to feel like a regular on Sanford and Son.

Wishing the only only Duds in life were of the Milk variety,

An Open Letter to my cat, Gabby
I was serious back there. Get off my dresser and Stop it NOW.

Wondering how one successfully threatens a cat,

1 comment:

lifeonhold said...

Your Open Letters are a great hit! They need to be a regular feature.

Yeah, I want the Wireless power too!