Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Idol Speculation

As I sit here waiting for a student to show up (which seems unlikely for this half-hour session, DAMMIT -- why are they skipping this close to the end of the term?) I jumped over to the American Idol website to see who was left and what might be happening tonight.

Now that creepy kid (AKA Chicken Little, AKA Elf, AKA Kevin Covais) is gone, I feel a bit conflicted. I'm happy knowing that I won't have to cringe through any more of his squicky performances, but I'm also a little sad, because my biggest AI hater is gone.

So, I need another one, and lucky for me -- there are plenty to choose from!

Ace -- My Ace love which knew no limits when he sang "Father Figure" has plummeted the last two weeks. I can only hope that this weeks theme is kinder to him than 50's week or Stevie Wonder week. Two dingers in a row and I start humming, "You gotta know when to fold 'em."

Bucky -- My new creepy hater. All I hear is "Dueling Banjos" when I see him.

Chris -- I think I like him? He could also be a stunt double for Mr. Clean.

Elliott -- Whenever I type the name "Elliott" I always say it in that slow ET voice (ELL-EEE-AHHT) When I see this Elliott's first and last names together (Elliott Yamin) I always call him "Yelliott." Coincidence? I think not.

Katharine -- The girl can sing. Sadly, the girl cannot always dress.

Kellie -- Country. Ugh. Dumb blond. Double ugh. Last name "Pickler." She can't help that, but people in the audience are holding up giant pickle posters with her face in the middle. Unless American Idol is sponsored by Vlasic, this is NOT a good thing.

Lisa -- I can't say that I've seen much of Lisa. I saw her sing last week and it wasn't as bad as creepy kid, but it wasn't great either. She has been swirling the drain every week. I don't expect her to last much longer.

Mandisa -- The girl can sing. Woah, the girl can sing. Why does it bug me that her name is Mandisa? Why couldn't her name be Girldisa? Or Divadisa? Or GetouttamywayI'msomuchbetterthanally'alldisa. She's that good. So you know she'll never win.

Paris -- The girl can sing. Sadly the girl cannot talk. Step away from the helium.

Taylor -- The heartthrob dancing jiving dentist. Sure, he's 29. Uh huh. He looks like a golf caddy, sings like a drunken Bob Dylan and dances like he has a severe intestinal disorder. Somehow people love him. Me? I'm very meh.

Tonight is songs of the 21st century, giving only six years of material to work from. I'll give all my votes this week to the first contestant who sings "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."


Anonymous said...

Join the Pickler-haters, Tuna !! The public has had enough stupid blonde singers...plus, she's absolutely faking her stupidity which triples my hatred for her.

Oh, and thanks - I peed myself a little laughing at you calling for the Oscar-winning song...you da' bomb !!!


Kat said...

Pickler haters UNITE! I'm with Cops. They need to take her microphone away to spare us from comments such as "Whut's a ballsy?"