Saturday, May 13, 2006

Dinner Conversation

Reasons numbers 93-125 why you should never allow me to sit next to a seven-year old at dinner

GreenTuna: What position do you play in baseball?
NephewTuna: Sometimes outfield. Sometimes second basement.
GreenTuna: Man. Second basement is a hard place. How many basements are there?
NephewTuna: There is first base, second basement, and third basement.
GreenTuna: What about fourth basement?
NephewTuna: Well, there is a fourth base, but that's called home. So there are four basements, but just first, second, third, and home.
GreenTuna: If you get really good at baseball will they add another basement? Like fifth basement?
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Because that would be pretty cool. Playing baseball with 23 basements.
NephewTuna: You crack me up.

NephewTuna: Guess what? When I was playing baseball, I just about hit the coach in the face!
GreenTuna: With the ball or the bat?
NephewTuna: With the ball.
GreenTuna: Awesome! Why didn't you?
NephewTuna: He caught the ball.
GreenTuna: Bummer.
NephewTuna: I hit the audience with the ball once too.
GreenTuna: The audience?
NephewTuna: Yep. I was really whacking it that day.
GreenTuna: If you're hitting the audience you're facing the wrong direction!
NephewTuna: No I wasn't!
GreenTuna: Is the audience sitting in the outfield?
NephewTuna: No, it was a foul ball.
GreenTuna: Really foul.

GreenTuna: Hey, with your baseball games, do they shoot hot dogs out of a cannon?
NephewTuna: (laughing hysterically) WHAT?
GreenTuna: You know. Shoot hot dogs out of a cannon so people have a snack. The audience would love it.
NephewTuna: You know what would be funny?
GreenTuna: What?
NewphewTuna: If my coach was a robot and shot a hotdog out of his cannon, and then I hit it and it exploded.
GreenTuna: Oh yeah. Hysterical. Except there would be hot dog carnage all over the field.
GreenTuna: Hot dog carnage. From a hot dog cannon.
TinyTuna: (Returning to her meal as if this is normal daily conversation) Oh.

NephewTuna: Guess what? Herman the Hermit Crab got a new shell!
GreenTuna: Is it a summertime shell?
NephewTuna:'s bigger!
GreenTuna: Ahhh! So he traded up? That's cool.
NephewTuna: Yeah. We didn't see him for a long long time
GreenTuna: Well, he was naked! He was probably shy and didn't want you spying on his nakedness.
NephewTuna: (cracking up) Yeah...he was naked.....heh...I have to go to the bathroom!
GreenTuna: Well, don't do it in your seat. Get away from me!

NephewTuna: Hey, there is my art teacher from school!
GreenTuna: Cool! You should tell her you just finished painting your house!
NephewTuna: Uh...why?
GreenTuna: So you can impress her.
NephewTuna: But we are painting my mom's bedroom.
GreenTuna: Really? What color
NephewTuna: Well, I wanted to paint it cowboy cafe brown, but my mom picked light chocolate brown.
GreenTuna: Wait -- wait -- wait. Cowboy Cafe Brown?
NephewTuna: Yeah!
GreenTuna: What's the difference between Cowboy Cafe Brown and Light Chocolate Brown?
NephewTuna: Well, they are both brown, but Cowboy Cafe Brown is a little darker.
GreenTuna: But that color makes no sense!
NephewTuna: Why not?
GreenTuna: Because cafes are places where you go to drink fancy-shmancy coffe like double latte espressos with sprinkles.
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Cowboys don't drink that stuff. They drink firewater and eat beans at the campfire. No cowboy ever goes into a cafe...
NephewTuna: Uh....but....uh...but I still like that color better.
GreenTuna: You can't. It isn't a real color.
NephewTuna: You're weird.

NephewTuna: Guess what? Next week I get to have pajama day in school!
GreenTuna: What the heck is that??
NephewTuna: We go to school and wear pajamas all day.
GreenTuna: No way!
NephewTuna: Way!
GreenTuna: Which pajamas are you going to wear?
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Spiderman? Batman? Boo-Bahs?
NephewTuna: What are Boo-Bahs?
GreenTuna: Barney? Telletubbies?
NephewTuna: No way!!
GreenTuna: Are you going to ride on the bus in your pajamas?
NephewTuna: Yeah, well....I think so...
GreenTuna: And fuzzy slippers?
NephewTuna: No!
GreenTuna: If I buy you a new pair of pajamas, will you wear them to pajama day and take a picture?
NephewTuna: Uh...ok! .... No! Wait! Uh...what kind of pajamas? (Detroit) Piston pajamas, sure!
GreenTuna: Oh no. You don't get to choose! ... HEY!
NephewTuna: What?
GreenTuna: Is your art teacher going to wear HER pajamas to school too?
NephewTuna: Uh....I.....uh......

NephewTuna: See that guy (points to a Detroit Piston basketball player)? See number 22? That's (insert some name here).
GreenTuna: The guy with the sun on his arm?
NephewTuna: Yeah.
GreenTuna: Why is he number 22?
NephewTuna: That's his number.
GreenTuna: Where are the other 21 guys?
NephewTuna: There aren't that many guys on a team.
GreenTuna: He must be bad if he's 22. That means 21 guys are better than he is.
NephewTuna: No! You get to pick a number and wear it.
GreenTuna: Oh! Does that mean I could be number four hundred seventy nine?
GramTuna: I think they have to be two digit numbers.
NephewTuna: (Parroting back information) Yeah! Two digit numbers.
GreenTuna: Oh. Could I choose to be negative 25?
NephewTuna: (Trying to figure it out on his fingers) Yeah! It has two digits.
GreenTuna: What about number three-point-five?
NephewTuna: Uh..........

Hey! what are those basketball guys doing now?
Nephew Tuna: They are sitting down and taking a break.
GreenTuna: Sitting down? Why! Do they get paid for sitting down?
NephewTuna: They have to rest!
GreenTuna: Can't they rest after the game?
NephewTuna: Games are long. There are four quarters and they each last like about an hour!
GreenTuna: Sure seems like it, doesn't it? I still think they should get up and play.
NephewTuna: You're weird.

Nephew Tuna: Guess who came to my school?
GreenTuna: Who?
Nephew Tuna: Dennis, the weather man!
GreenTuna: Did you ask him why he only gets to work the weekend shift?
NephewTuna: guess what? He has to go to work at 4:00, and he isn't on TV until 7:00!!
GreenTuna: That's because he has to stand outside for three hours and decide if it's going to a sunny or snowing.
NephewTuna: Oh. Uh. No. There is a big machine.
GreenTuna: No way. He just sits there, and if he can't decide, he flips a coin.
NephewTuna: Uh.....
GreenTuna: Do you think he gets paid if he's wrong?
NephewTuna: You crack me up.
GreenTuna: Do you know what a perfect school day would be?
NephewTuna: What?
GreenTuna: Pajama day with Darrin the regular weather man AND a hot dog cannon.
NephewTuna: *BURP*
GreenTuna: Gah! Excuse you!!
NephewTuna: (totally cracking up) *FART*
GreenTuna: You're exploding from both ends at once! Time to go!!


lifeonhold said...

Heeee. That was quite a workout for Nephew Tuna. Seems he was quite able to keep up. Sharp fellow.

mensch71 said...

Watching a bit of the "Three Stooges" again? Bwah.

DRCS (who took MommyMensch to brunch instead).

Happy Mother's Day to one of my favorite Moms.



Angel said...

bahahaha Life's no fun if you can't mess with kids' brains!