Tuesday, May 30, 2006

World Wide Wreck

I love my friends.
I love my friends when they send me funny things.
I love my friends when they send me sad things.
I love my friends when they send me poems.
I love my friends when they send me memes.

I love my friends especially a whole bunch when they send me cool web links that show the world going to hell via rudimentary blinky graphics. Towhit, ergo, and hence, I must share! Behold!

The World Wide Oh-Shit-o-Meter



Seriously cool, and so much better in its full-sized glory.

World Wide Wreck

I love my friends.
I love my friends when they send me funny things.
I love my friends when they send me sad things.
I love my friends when they send me poems.
I love my friends when they send me memes.

I love my friends especially a whole bunch when they send me cool web links that show the world going to hell via rudimentary blinky graphics. Towhit, ergo, and hence, I must share! Behold!

The World Wide Oh-Shit-o-Meter



Seriously cool, and so much better in its full-sized glory.

Monday, May 29, 2006

From Bad to Worse

Bad: Falling asleep with the television on.

Bad Bad: Having those weird "I left the TV on and this is what I'm dreaming" dreams.

Bad Bad Bad: Waking up at 2am, discovering my TV is still on (answering the question Why am I having such horrible dreams?) and realizing, to my horror, that the channel is showing the movie Deliverance.

From Bad to Worse

Bad: Falling asleep with the television on.

Bad Bad: Having those weird "I left the TV on and this is what I'm dreaming" dreams.

Bad Bad Bad: Waking up at 2am, discovering my TV is still on (answering the question Why am I having such horrible dreams?) and realizing, to my horror, that the channel is showing the movie Deliverance.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Friday's Feast

As TinyTuna is sitting next to me in my office and she yelled, "Oooo Friday's Feast" I now present (what else?) Friday's Feast ... tag-team style.

Appetizer: How old were you when you got your first credit card?
TinyTuna: **crickets**
GreenTuna: Probably 18.

Soup: When was the last time you felt out of place?
TinyTuna: **crickets**
GreenTuna: When I lost my bookmark.

Salad: Did you have a curfew when you were a teenager? If so, what time did you have to be home?
TinyTuna: Don't write CRICKETS!
GreenTuna: I'm sure I did. Probably midnight.
TinyTuna: **crickets**

Main Course: Name a person from history with whom you feel you have something in common.
TinyTuna: Thomas Paine.
GreenTuna: You had better explain that one
TinyTuna: He wrote things!

GreenTuna: **crickets**

TinyTuna: And I write things!
GreenTuna: **crickets**
TinyTuna: Is that OK?

GreenTuna: **crickets**

GreenTuna: Jiminy. **crickets**

Dessert: When you read a newspaper, which section do you go for first?
TinyTuna:
The comics!
GreenTuna: The comics!

Friday's Feast

As TinyTuna is sitting next to me in my office and she yelled, "Oooo Friday's Feast" I now present (what else?) Friday's Feast ... tag-team style.

Appetizer: How old were you when you got your first credit card?
TinyTuna: **crickets**
GreenTuna: Probably 18.

Soup: When was the last time you felt out of place?
TinyTuna: **crickets**
GreenTuna: When I lost my bookmark.

Salad: Did you have a curfew when you were a teenager? If so, what time did you have to be home?
TinyTuna: Don't write CRICKETS!
GreenTuna: I'm sure I did. Probably midnight.
TinyTuna: **crickets**

Main Course: Name a person from history with whom you feel you have something in common.
TinyTuna: Thomas Paine.
GreenTuna: You had better explain that one
TinyTuna: He wrote things!

GreenTuna: **crickets**

TinyTuna: And I write things!
GreenTuna: **crickets**
TinyTuna: Is that OK?

GreenTuna: **crickets**

GreenTuna: Jiminy. **crickets**

Dessert: When you read a newspaper, which section do you go for first?
TinyTuna:
The comics!
GreenTuna: The comics!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Idle Idol Haiku



Dearest Clay Aiken,
John, Paul, George and Ringo called.
They want their hair back.





Ever wonder what
Simon, Randy and Paula
do with their free time?





Think outside the ... box?
The mitten turns Hoffa search
into tasty treats!

Or maybe cupcakes
are in celebration of
Taylor and his claw.





Idle Idol Haiku



Dearest Clay Aiken,
John, Paul, George and Ringo called.
They want their hair back.





Ever wonder what
Simon, Randy and Paula
do with their free time?





Think outside the ... box?
The mitten turns Hoffa search
into tasty treats!

Or maybe cupcakes
are in celebration of
Taylor and his claw.





Sunday, May 21, 2006

Technicolor Haiku

Six days and eight technicolor dreamcoats later, we have emerged -- relatively unscathed -- from the far end of the book of Genesis. There are many, MANY stories for another day (namely tomorrow), but I can't leave without this parting thought:



Despite the hassles,
When the final curtain fell,
We still cried, "Encore!"

Technicolor Haiku

Six days and eight technicolor dreamcoats later, we have emerged -- relatively unscathed -- from the far end of the book of Genesis. There are many, MANY stories for another day (namely tomorrow), but I can't leave without this parting thought:



Despite the hassles,
When the final curtain fell,
We still cried, "Encore!"

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think:


1. Yours :: Mine

2. Charcoal :: Grill

3. Platitude :: Drivel

4. Graduation :: School

5. Hungry :: Famished

6. Somewhere :: Over the Rainbow

7. Nurse :: Doctor

8. Freak :: Lose your mind

9. Unbelievable :: Amazing

10. Walk :: Like an Egyptian

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think:


1. Yours :: Mine

2. Charcoal :: Grill

3. Platitude :: Drivel

4. Graduation :: School

5. Hungry :: Famished

6. Somewhere :: Over the Rainbow

7. Nurse :: Doctor

8. Freak :: Lose your mind

9. Unbelievable :: Amazing

10. Walk :: Like an Egyptian

Friday, May 19, 2006

Daily Haiku Take Two

As I was updating my page and transferring my links, I was saddened to see that the Daily Haiku site hadn't posted or updated in about six months.



Moment of silence
As we mourn Daily Haiku
What shall we do now?


I consulted my boyfriend and was thrilled to find a new site called (wait for it...) Daily Haiku (listed under "Political Shrubbery" on the right). Sadly, it's not really a play-along site, but it did, nonetheless, provide me a decent amount of high quality snorts with submissions like this one posted after a certain recent address to the nation on immigration reform.



And that's not all folks.
I'm renaming the "taco".
They're now "Georgewiches".


Duly inspired, I've decided to start my own Daily Haiku-itude. I encourage you all to add your own 5-7-5 verbal masterpieces in the comments section. Today's inspiration is none other than that famous Canadian Ethanol Mascot, Corn Cob Bob. It appears Mr. Cob Bob has had his share of hardship in life, including a 2005 banishment from a Canada Day Celebration.

Man. Don't mess with Canada.

Today's exercise: Write a haiku to (or about) our friend:
Corn Cob Bob.



Don't fear the reaper
Corn Cob Bob new mascot for
Jaundiced facial boils

Daily Haiku Take Two

As I was updating my page and transferring my links, I was saddened to see that the Daily Haiku site hadn't posted or updated in about six months.



Moment of silence
As we mourn Daily Haiku
What shall we do now?


I consulted my boyfriend and was thrilled to find a new site called (wait for it...) Daily Haiku (listed under "Political Shrubbery" on the right). Sadly, it's not really a play-along site, but it did, nonetheless, provide me a decent amount of high quality snorts with submissions like this one posted after a certain recent address to the nation on immigration reform.



And that's not all folks.
I'm renaming the "taco".
They're now "Georgewiches".


Duly inspired, I've decided to start my own Daily Haiku-itude. I encourage you all to add your own 5-7-5 verbal masterpieces in the comments section. Today's inspiration is none other than that famous Canadian Ethanol Mascot, Corn Cob Bob. It appears Mr. Cob Bob has had his share of hardship in life, including a 2005 banishment from a Canada Day Celebration.

Man. Don't mess with Canada.

Today's exercise: Write a haiku to (or about) our friend:
Corn Cob Bob.



Don't fear the reaper
Corn Cob Bob new mascot for
Jaundiced facial boils

Thursday, May 18, 2006

On My Go



This weekend marks the umpty-umpth (43rd, according to the banner) annual art festival. Divided into two separate shows -- the crifty crafty I can't believe anybody would make this much less buy this show on the south side of the street, and the ultra shi-shi I can't believe anybody would pay those prices for an inlaid wood chess set show on the north side of the street -- the art festival brings many surprises but one big guarantee: rain all weekend.

Be that as it may, the art festival goes on as scheduled, and this year an art festival scavenger hunt has been organized for all those going forth. Below is the official list of junk crap scary people unique artistic creations, creators and/or afficianados one might go out of your way to avoid meet at your neighborhood art festival.

Take a digital picture as proof of your discovery and submit it to pasblog at gmail dog com for verification. Official list and rules are below and also outlined in a bit more coherent manner over at People Are Strange. Void where prohibited. Yada Yada Yada.

Sadly, I will most likely not be participating in the scavenger hunt proper. However, if I get a chance to do some cleaning, I bet I could find a lot of it down in my basement.

THE OFFICIAL EAST LANSING ART FESTIVAL SCAVENGER HUNT LIST

1). Person with a tattoo that goes up the side of the neck to the ear. Bonus points if the person has nasty matted dreadlocks.

2). Twins dressed identically, even if they're not identical. Bonus points if they're over 10 years old. Extra double points if they're over 20 years old.

3). Gnarled stick/branches that is adorned with either fake little birds or little butterflies. Bonus points if the birds are covered with real feathers!

4). Dog with bandana around it's neck.

5). Person with reptile (iguana on a leash, snake, gecko, etc.)

6). Black & White picture of an old barn, framed with weathered old wood, from an old barn.

7). Frame with six openings, each filled with a different picture of a lighthouse. Bonus points for one with nine or more lighthouse filled openings.

8). Kid on a leash. Bonus points for one parent/guardian with two or more kids on leashes.

9). Cement Goose Clothing

10). Yard Statuary doing something (i.e., gnome drinking beer, raccoon with a watering can, frogs reading books, etc.)

11). Vase made out of blue glass.

12). Figures made out of copper wire.

13). Statue replica of Brussels' Mannekin Pis. Bonus points if it's working.

14). Painting measuring bigger than 4 feet by 4 feet

15). Clothing for sale made out of leather. Bonus points if it has fringes.

16). Reproduction of Georgia O'Keefe flower painting that's really a part of a woman's anatomy.

17). Art or craft made with twigs or lint or bottle caps

18). Things burned into wood. Bonus points if it is a moose.

19). Calico. Bonus points if it is a Calico moose.

20). Two pieces of Michigania in the same piece of art. Bonus points if it includes a moose.

21.) A piece of art that includes the word "hate" or "roadkill". Bonus points if it is a dead moose.

22.) Something in a grass skirt doing the hula. Bonus points if it is a moose.


THE OFFICIAL SCAVENGER HUNT RULES & IMPORTANT INFO


1. Anyone can participate. Bring your friends, family and random strangers. (Bonus points for cute dogs as long as they aren't wearing bandanas. Please, no geckos.)

2. Art Festival is both Saturday and Sunday (May 20 & 21, 2006). You can go any time, either day.

3. To submit your photos for "judging", email them in JPG or TIF format to pasblog@gmail.com no later than Tuesday, May 23, 2006.

4. The judges may (or may not) be sober, serious (bwah!) art critics. All judging is silly and meant to be in good fun.

5. If you'd like to "scavenge" with a group, meet up @ NOON, Saturday, May 20, 2006 by the Main Stage at the corner of MAC and Albert. (For real townies, in front of where the old Jersey Giant used to be before it moved next to the Barrel. For newbies, across from the Riv in front of the pharmacy.)

On My Go



This weekend marks the umpty-umpth (43rd, according to the banner) annual art festival. Divided into two separate shows -- the crifty crafty I can't believe anybody would make this much less buy this show on the south side of the street, and the ultra shi-shi I can't believe anybody would pay those prices for an inlaid wood chess set show on the north side of the street -- the art festival brings many surprises but one big guarantee: rain all weekend.

Be that as it may, the art festival goes on as scheduled, and this year an art festival scavenger hunt has been organized for all those going forth. Below is the official list of junk crap scary people unique artistic creations, creators and/or afficianados one might go out of your way to avoid meet at your neighborhood art festival.

Take a digital picture as proof of your discovery and submit it to pasblog at gmail dog com for verification. Official list and rules are below and also outlined in a bit more coherent manner over at People Are Strange. Void where prohibited. Yada Yada Yada.

Sadly, I will most likely not be participating in the scavenger hunt proper. However, if I get a chance to do some cleaning, I bet I could find a lot of it down in my basement.

THE OFFICIAL EAST LANSING ART FESTIVAL SCAVENGER HUNT LIST

1). Person with a tattoo that goes up the side of the neck to the ear. Bonus points if the person has nasty matted dreadlocks.

2). Twins dressed identically, even if they're not identical. Bonus points if they're over 10 years old. Extra double points if they're over 20 years old.

3). Gnarled stick/branches that is adorned with either fake little birds or little butterflies. Bonus points if the birds are covered with real feathers!

4). Dog with bandana around it's neck.

5). Person with reptile (iguana on a leash, snake, gecko, etc.)

6). Black & White picture of an old barn, framed with weathered old wood, from an old barn.

7). Frame with six openings, each filled with a different picture of a lighthouse. Bonus points for one with nine or more lighthouse filled openings.

8). Kid on a leash. Bonus points for one parent/guardian with two or more kids on leashes.

9). Cement Goose Clothing

10). Yard Statuary doing something (i.e., gnome drinking beer, raccoon with a watering can, frogs reading books, etc.)

11). Vase made out of blue glass.

12). Figures made out of copper wire.

13). Statue replica of Brussels' Mannekin Pis. Bonus points if it's working.

14). Painting measuring bigger than 4 feet by 4 feet

15). Clothing for sale made out of leather. Bonus points if it has fringes.

16). Reproduction of Georgia O'Keefe flower painting that's really a part of a woman's anatomy.

17). Art or craft made with twigs or lint or bottle caps

18). Things burned into wood. Bonus points if it is a moose.

19). Calico. Bonus points if it is a Calico moose.

20). Two pieces of Michigania in the same piece of art. Bonus points if it includes a moose.

21.) A piece of art that includes the word "hate" or "roadkill". Bonus points if it is a dead moose.

22.) Something in a grass skirt doing the hula. Bonus points if it is a moose.


THE OFFICIAL SCAVENGER HUNT RULES & IMPORTANT INFO


1. Anyone can participate. Bring your friends, family and random strangers. (Bonus points for cute dogs as long as they aren't wearing bandanas. Please, no geckos.)

2. Art Festival is both Saturday and Sunday (May 20 & 21, 2006). You can go any time, either day.

3. To submit your photos for "judging", email them in JPG or TIF format to pasblog@gmail.com no later than Tuesday, May 23, 2006.

4. The judges may (or may not) be sober, serious (bwah!) art critics. All judging is silly and meant to be in good fun.

5. If you'd like to "scavenge" with a group, meet up @ NOON, Saturday, May 20, 2006 by the Main Stage at the corner of MAC and Albert. (For real townies, in front of where the old Jersey Giant used to be before it moved next to the Barrel. For newbies, across from the Riv in front of the pharmacy.)

Resolution 1024 x 768

Eight hours later, the redesign is done.

I rather like it, if I do say so myself.
A bit cleaner and not way off to the left.
But yes, it doesn't work at 800 x 600 resolution.
I'm sorry about that, but honestly,
if you change your screen resolution
to 1024 x 768, it's not too small to read.

Try it.
TRY IT.

Not bad, eh?

An updated poll is on the left. Updated links are on the right.

If I've left your link out, have it wrong, or never had it to begin with and should have, please drop me a line at greentuna at g mail dot you know the rest.

No complaints until tomorrow but
Compliments may begin immediately.

Thank you.

Actually, it works more than it doesn't work. If you are in 800x600 resolution, you'll see that the only time things seem to bleed over to the right is when the picture is larger. So maybe...just maybe...if I keep the pictures smaller then the site will work whether you are using 800x600 or 1024x768. Here's to hoping, because I'm not inclined to change it.

Resolution 1024 x 768

Eight hours later, the redesign is done.

I rather like it, if I do say so myself.
A bit cleaner and not way off to the left.
But yes, it doesn't work at 800 x 600 resolution.
I'm sorry about that, but honestly,
if you change your screen resolution
to 1024 x 768, it's not too small to read.

Try it.
TRY IT.

Not bad, eh?

An updated poll is on the left. Updated links are on the right.

If I've left your link out, have it wrong, or never had it to begin with and should have, please drop me a line at greentuna at g mail dot you know the rest.

No complaints until tomorrow but
Compliments may begin immediately.

Thank you.

Actually, it works more than it doesn't work. If you are in 800x600 resolution, you'll see that the only time things seem to bleed over to the right is when the picture is larger. So maybe...just maybe...if I keep the pictures smaller then the site will work whether you are using 800x600 or 1024x768. Here's to hoping, because I'm not inclined to change it.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Once More, With Feeling

As the Tuna clan is quite fond of amusement park rides that spin and speed and dip and curve and flip your stomach inside-out, it is not unusual to see us, after a particularly fabulous ride, make a split second decision to (in the event of a short line only) run like the wind, and attempt to ride it again without waiting.

With a cry of let's do that again!! we bolt past our ride host and run like the wind in a giant circle all the way around the ride until we reach the entrance point once again.

This has nothing to do with anything except that for the past seven days I have seen the same damn rain cloud dumping the same damn rain on my same damn head while my same damn umbrella laughs rudely (albeit dryly) in the car because I'm too dumb to remember to bring it with me. I'm quite certain that somewhere up in the sky a mischievious grey nimbus stormus paininthebutticus finishes its afternoon drenching, yells let's do that again and runs like the wind back to Wisconsin.

Really. It's enough already.

Once More, With Feeling

As the Tuna clan is quite fond of amusement park rides that spin and speed and dip and curve and flip your stomach inside-out, it is not unusual to see us, after a particularly fabulous ride, make a split second decision to (in the event of a short line only) run like the wind, and attempt to ride it again without waiting.

With a cry of let's do that again!! we bolt past our ride host and run like the wind in a giant circle all the way around the ride until we reach the entrance point once again.

This has nothing to do with anything except that for the past seven days I have seen the same damn rain cloud dumping the same damn rain on my same damn head while my same damn umbrella laughs rudely (albeit dryly) in the car because I'm too dumb to remember to bring it with me. I'm quite certain that somewhere up in the sky a mischievious grey nimbus stormus paininthebutticus finishes its afternoon drenching, yells let's do that again and runs like the wind back to Wisconsin.

Really. It's enough already.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

TinyTuna and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Oooo, pretty!

In honor of TinyTuna's appearance this week with the national touring company's performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, I've made a sad, sad attempt at creating technicolor fish. Oh, if I only had Photoshop and/or knew how to use it.

Sad as my graphics may be, TinyTuna is very excited about the show. It's as if, now that she is onstage again, she is breathing the air of her people and everything is right with her universe. This is not unusual in and of itself, but considering what's been happening up until this time, life has been a bit messy.

The music arrived one month late.
The kids had two weeks to learn and memorize the show.
The kids are onstage nearly the entire time.

Have they been on the actual stage yet?
Not until tonight.

Have they worked with the cast yet?
Not until tonight.

Do they have their costumes yet?
Not until tonight.

When does the show open?
Tonight.

Is TinyTuna worried?
Hell no.
That's just the way theatre is.

Am I worried?
Maybe a little.
That's just the way motherhood is.

It was red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and grey and purple and white and pink and orange and BLUE!

TinyTuna and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Oooo, pretty!

In honor of TinyTuna's appearance this week with the national touring company's performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, I've made a sad, sad attempt at creating technicolor fish. Oh, if I only had Photoshop and/or knew how to use it.

Sad as my graphics may be, TinyTuna is very excited about the show. It's as if, now that she is onstage again, she is breathing the air of her people and everything is right with her universe. This is not unusual in and of itself, but considering what's been happening up until this time, life has been a bit messy.

The music arrived one month late.
The kids had two weeks to learn and memorize the show.
The kids are onstage nearly the entire time.

Have they been on the actual stage yet?
Not until tonight.

Have they worked with the cast yet?
Not until tonight.

Do they have their costumes yet?
Not until tonight.

When does the show open?
Tonight.

Is TinyTuna worried?
Hell no.
That's just the way theatre is.

Am I worried?
Maybe a little.
That's just the way motherhood is.

It was red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and grey and purple and white and pink and orange and BLUE!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Immune :: Protected from

2. Together :: Joined

3. Blank :: Empty

4. Professional :: Consistently reliable

5. Thousand :: Grand

6. Penetration :: Probe

7. Shutter :: Window

8. Upside down :: Cake

9. Neck :: Bottle

10. Unlisted :: Phone number

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Immune :: Protected from

2. Together :: Joined

3. Blank :: Empty

4. Professional :: Consistently reliable

5. Thousand :: Grand

6. Penetration :: Probe

7. Shutter :: Window

8. Upside down :: Cake

9. Neck :: Bottle

10. Unlisted :: Phone number

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Dinner Conversation

Reasons numbers 93-125 why you should never allow me to sit next to a seven-year old at dinner


GreenTuna: What position do you play in baseball?
NephewTuna: Sometimes outfield. Sometimes second basement.
GreenTuna: Man. Second basement is a hard place. How many basements are there?
NephewTuna: There is first base, second basement, and third basement.
GreenTuna: What about fourth basement?
NephewTuna: Well, there is a fourth base, but that's called home. So there are four basements, but just first, second, third, and home.
GreenTuna: If you get really good at baseball will they add another basement? Like fifth basement?
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Because that would be pretty cool. Playing baseball with 23 basements.
NephewTuna: You crack me up.


NephewTuna: Guess what? When I was playing baseball, I just about hit the coach in the face!
GreenTuna: With the ball or the bat?
NephewTuna: With the ball.
GreenTuna: Awesome! Why didn't you?
NephewTuna: He caught the ball.
GreenTuna: Bummer.
NephewTuna: I hit the audience with the ball once too.
GreenTuna: The audience?
NephewTuna: Yep. I was really whacking it that day.
GreenTuna: If you're hitting the audience you're facing the wrong direction!
NephewTuna: No I wasn't!
GreenTuna: Is the audience sitting in the outfield?
NephewTuna: No, it was a foul ball.
GreenTuna: Really foul.


GreenTuna: Hey, with your baseball games, do they shoot hot dogs out of a cannon?
NephewTuna: (laughing hysterically) WHAT?
GreenTuna: You know. Shoot hot dogs out of a cannon so people have a snack. The audience would love it.
NephewTuna: You know what would be funny?
GreenTuna: What?
NewphewTuna: If my coach was a robot and shot a hotdog out of his cannon, and then I hit it and it exploded.
GreenTuna: Oh yeah. Hysterical. Except there would be hot dog carnage all over the field.
TinyTuna: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
GreenTuna: Hot dog carnage. From a hot dog cannon.
TinyTuna: (Returning to her meal as if this is normal daily conversation) Oh.



NephewTuna: Guess what? Herman the Hermit Crab got a new shell!
GreenTuna: Is it a summertime shell?
NephewTuna: Uh...well...it's bigger!
GreenTuna: Ahhh! So he traded up? That's cool.
NephewTuna: Yeah. We didn't see him for a long long time
GreenTuna: Well, he was naked! He was probably shy and didn't want you spying on his nakedness.
NephewTuna: (cracking up) Yeah...he was naked.....heh...I have to go to the bathroom!
GreenTuna: Well, don't do it in your seat. Get away from me!


NephewTuna: Hey, there is my art teacher from school!
GreenTuna: Cool! You should tell her you just finished painting your house!
NephewTuna: Uh...why?
GreenTuna: So you can impress her.
NephewTuna: But we are painting my mom's bedroom.
GreenTuna: Really? What color
NephewTuna: Well, I wanted to paint it cowboy cafe brown, but my mom picked light chocolate brown.
GreenTuna: Wait -- wait -- wait. Cowboy Cafe Brown?
NephewTuna: Yeah!
GreenTuna: What's the difference between Cowboy Cafe Brown and Light Chocolate Brown?
NephewTuna: Well, they are both brown, but Cowboy Cafe Brown is a little darker.
GreenTuna: But that color makes no sense!
NephewTuna: Why not?
GreenTuna: Because cafes are places where you go to drink fancy-shmancy coffe like double latte espressos with sprinkles.
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Cowboys don't drink that stuff. They drink firewater and eat beans at the campfire. No cowboy ever goes into a cafe...
NephewTuna: Uh....but....uh...but I still like that color better.
GreenTuna: You can't. It isn't a real color.
NephewTuna: You're weird.


NephewTuna: Guess what? Next week I get to have pajama day in school!
GreenTuna: What the heck is that??
NephewTuna: We go to school and wear pajamas all day.
GreenTuna: No way!
NephewTuna: Way!
GreenTuna: Which pajamas are you going to wear?
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Spiderman? Batman? Boo-Bahs?
NephewTuna: What are Boo-Bahs?
GreenTuna: Barney? Telletubbies?
NephewTuna: No way!!
GreenTuna: Are you going to ride on the bus in your pajamas?
NephewTuna: Yeah, well....I think so...
GreenTuna: And fuzzy slippers?
NephewTuna: No!
GreenTuna: If I buy you a new pair of pajamas, will you wear them to pajama day and take a picture?
NephewTuna: Uh...ok! .... No! Wait! Uh...what kind of pajamas? (Detroit) Piston pajamas, sure!
GreenTuna: Oh no. You don't get to choose! ... HEY!
NephewTuna: What?
GreenTuna: Is your art teacher going to wear HER pajamas to school too?
NephewTuna: Uh....I.....uh......


NephewTuna: See that guy (points to a Detroit Piston basketball player)? See number 22? That's (insert some name here).
GreenTuna: The guy with the sun on his arm?
NephewTuna: Yeah.
GreenTuna: Why is he number 22?
NephewTuna: That's his number.
GreenTuna: Where are the other 21 guys?
NephewTuna: There aren't that many guys on a team.
GreenTuna: He must be bad if he's 22. That means 21 guys are better than he is.
NephewTuna: No! You get to pick a number and wear it.
GreenTuna: Oh! Does that mean I could be number four hundred seventy nine?
GramTuna: I think they have to be two digit numbers.
NephewTuna: (Parroting back information) Yeah! Two digit numbers.
GreenTuna: Oh. Could I choose to be negative 25?
NephewTuna: (Trying to figure it out on his fingers) Yeah! It has two digits.
GreenTuna: What about number three-point-five?
NephewTuna: Uh..........


GreenTuna:
Hey! what are those basketball guys doing now?
Nephew Tuna: They are sitting down and taking a break.
GreenTuna: Sitting down? Why! Do they get paid for sitting down?
NephewTuna: They have to rest!
GreenTuna: Can't they rest after the game?
NephewTuna: Games are long. There are four quarters and they each last like about an hour!
GreenTuna: Sure seems like it, doesn't it? I still think they should get up and play.
NephewTuna: You're weird.


Nephew Tuna: Guess who came to my school?
GreenTuna: Who?
Nephew Tuna: Dennis, the weather man!
GreenTuna: Did you ask him why he only gets to work the weekend shift?
NephewTuna: Uh...no....But guess what? He has to go to work at 4:00, and he isn't on TV until 7:00!!
GreenTuna: That's because he has to stand outside for three hours and decide if it's going to a sunny or snowing.
NephewTuna: Oh. Uh. No. There is a big machine.
GreenTuna: No way. He just sits there, and if he can't decide, he flips a coin.
NephewTuna: Uh.....
GreenTuna: Do you think he gets paid if he's wrong?
NephewTuna: You crack me up.
GreenTuna: Do you know what a perfect school day would be?
NephewTuna: What?
GreenTuna: Pajama day with Darrin the regular weather man AND a hot dog cannon.
NephewTuna: *BURP*
GreenTuna: Gah! Excuse you!!
NephewTuna: (totally cracking up) *FART*
GreenTuna: You're exploding from both ends at once! Time to go!!

Dinner Conversation

Reasons numbers 93-125 why you should never allow me to sit next to a seven-year old at dinner


GreenTuna: What position do you play in baseball?
NephewTuna: Sometimes outfield. Sometimes second basement.
GreenTuna: Man. Second basement is a hard place. How many basements are there?
NephewTuna: There is first base, second basement, and third basement.
GreenTuna: What about fourth basement?
NephewTuna: Well, there is a fourth base, but that's called home. So there are four basements, but just first, second, third, and home.
GreenTuna: If you get really good at baseball will they add another basement? Like fifth basement?
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Because that would be pretty cool. Playing baseball with 23 basements.
NephewTuna: You crack me up.


NephewTuna: Guess what? When I was playing baseball, I just about hit the coach in the face!
GreenTuna: With the ball or the bat?
NephewTuna: With the ball.
GreenTuna: Awesome! Why didn't you?
NephewTuna: He caught the ball.
GreenTuna: Bummer.
NephewTuna: I hit the audience with the ball once too.
GreenTuna: The audience?
NephewTuna: Yep. I was really whacking it that day.
GreenTuna: If you're hitting the audience you're facing the wrong direction!
NephewTuna: No I wasn't!
GreenTuna: Is the audience sitting in the outfield?
NephewTuna: No, it was a foul ball.
GreenTuna: Really foul.


GreenTuna: Hey, with your baseball games, do they shoot hot dogs out of a cannon?
NephewTuna: (laughing hysterically) WHAT?
GreenTuna: You know. Shoot hot dogs out of a cannon so people have a snack. The audience would love it.
NephewTuna: You know what would be funny?
GreenTuna: What?
NewphewTuna: If my coach was a robot and shot a hotdog out of his cannon, and then I hit it and it exploded.
GreenTuna: Oh yeah. Hysterical. Except there would be hot dog carnage all over the field.
TinyTuna: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
GreenTuna: Hot dog carnage. From a hot dog cannon.
TinyTuna: (Returning to her meal as if this is normal daily conversation) Oh.



NephewTuna: Guess what? Herman the Hermit Crab got a new shell!
GreenTuna: Is it a summertime shell?
NephewTuna: Uh...well...it's bigger!
GreenTuna: Ahhh! So he traded up? That's cool.
NephewTuna: Yeah. We didn't see him for a long long time
GreenTuna: Well, he was naked! He was probably shy and didn't want you spying on his nakedness.
NephewTuna: (cracking up) Yeah...he was naked.....heh...I have to go to the bathroom!
GreenTuna: Well, don't do it in your seat. Get away from me!


NephewTuna: Hey, there is my art teacher from school!
GreenTuna: Cool! You should tell her you just finished painting your house!
NephewTuna: Uh...why?
GreenTuna: So you can impress her.
NephewTuna: But we are painting my mom's bedroom.
GreenTuna: Really? What color
NephewTuna: Well, I wanted to paint it cowboy cafe brown, but my mom picked light chocolate brown.
GreenTuna: Wait -- wait -- wait. Cowboy Cafe Brown?
NephewTuna: Yeah!
GreenTuna: What's the difference between Cowboy Cafe Brown and Light Chocolate Brown?
NephewTuna: Well, they are both brown, but Cowboy Cafe Brown is a little darker.
GreenTuna: But that color makes no sense!
NephewTuna: Why not?
GreenTuna: Because cafes are places where you go to drink fancy-shmancy coffe like double latte espressos with sprinkles.
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Cowboys don't drink that stuff. They drink firewater and eat beans at the campfire. No cowboy ever goes into a cafe...
NephewTuna: Uh....but....uh...but I still like that color better.
GreenTuna: You can't. It isn't a real color.
NephewTuna: You're weird.


NephewTuna: Guess what? Next week I get to have pajama day in school!
GreenTuna: What the heck is that??
NephewTuna: We go to school and wear pajamas all day.
GreenTuna: No way!
NephewTuna: Way!
GreenTuna: Which pajamas are you going to wear?
NephewTuna: Uh...
GreenTuna: Spiderman? Batman? Boo-Bahs?
NephewTuna: What are Boo-Bahs?
GreenTuna: Barney? Telletubbies?
NephewTuna: No way!!
GreenTuna: Are you going to ride on the bus in your pajamas?
NephewTuna: Yeah, well....I think so...
GreenTuna: And fuzzy slippers?
NephewTuna: No!
GreenTuna: If I buy you a new pair of pajamas, will you wear them to pajama day and take a picture?
NephewTuna: Uh...ok! .... No! Wait! Uh...what kind of pajamas? (Detroit) Piston pajamas, sure!
GreenTuna: Oh no. You don't get to choose! ... HEY!
NephewTuna: What?
GreenTuna: Is your art teacher going to wear HER pajamas to school too?
NephewTuna: Uh....I.....uh......


NephewTuna: See that guy (points to a Detroit Piston basketball player)? See number 22? That's (insert some name here).
GreenTuna: The guy with the sun on his arm?
NephewTuna: Yeah.
GreenTuna: Why is he number 22?
NephewTuna: That's his number.
GreenTuna: Where are the other 21 guys?
NephewTuna: There aren't that many guys on a team.
GreenTuna: He must be bad if he's 22. That means 21 guys are better than he is.
NephewTuna: No! You get to pick a number and wear it.
GreenTuna: Oh! Does that mean I could be number four hundred seventy nine?
GramTuna: I think they have to be two digit numbers.
NephewTuna: (Parroting back information) Yeah! Two digit numbers.
GreenTuna: Oh. Could I choose to be negative 25?
NephewTuna: (Trying to figure it out on his fingers) Yeah! It has two digits.
GreenTuna: What about number three-point-five?
NephewTuna: Uh..........


GreenTuna:
Hey! what are those basketball guys doing now?
Nephew Tuna: They are sitting down and taking a break.
GreenTuna: Sitting down? Why! Do they get paid for sitting down?
NephewTuna: They have to rest!
GreenTuna: Can't they rest after the game?
NephewTuna: Games are long. There are four quarters and they each last like about an hour!
GreenTuna: Sure seems like it, doesn't it? I still think they should get up and play.
NephewTuna: You're weird.


Nephew Tuna: Guess who came to my school?
GreenTuna: Who?
Nephew Tuna: Dennis, the weather man!
GreenTuna: Did you ask him why he only gets to work the weekend shift?
NephewTuna: Uh...no....But guess what? He has to go to work at 4:00, and he isn't on TV until 7:00!!
GreenTuna: That's because he has to stand outside for three hours and decide if it's going to a sunny or snowing.
NephewTuna: Oh. Uh. No. There is a big machine.
GreenTuna: No way. He just sits there, and if he can't decide, he flips a coin.
NephewTuna: Uh.....
GreenTuna: Do you think he gets paid if he's wrong?
NephewTuna: You crack me up.
GreenTuna: Do you know what a perfect school day would be?
NephewTuna: What?
GreenTuna: Pajama day with Darrin the regular weather man AND a hot dog cannon.
NephewTuna: *BURP*
GreenTuna: Gah! Excuse you!!
NephewTuna: (totally cracking up) *FART*
GreenTuna: You're exploding from both ends at once! Time to go!!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Of Buddha and Bacharach


On the day that you were born


The Buddhists got together


And decided to create a dream


come true.


So they sprinkled blue dust everywhere


And golden starlight


Here at TunaU.


Last week at TunaU, amidst final exams, countless cases of Red Bull, 72 hours of commencement ceremonies, and bar night lasting longer than Hanukkah, a Tibetan monk began the long, arduous process of creating a sand mandala. Creation of a mandala is a form of meditation for the artist, and this particular image, The Palace of the Buddha of Wisdom, was created in honor of the students and their final exams. The mandala took several days to construct, and was finally finished on Friday, May 5th, in honor of GramTuna's birthday.

Well, it was either that, or a very cool coincidence.

On Sunday the mandala was destroyed, and the sands were scattered in the river. Destruction of the mandala symbolizes the impermanence of life and all that exists.

Rest assured, GramTuna didn't suffer the same fate.

Of Buddha and Bacharach


On the day that you were born


The Buddhists got together


And decided to create a dream


come true.


So they sprinkled blue dust everywhere


And golden starlight


Here at TunaU.


Last week at TunaU, amidst final exams, countless cases of Red Bull, 72 hours of commencement ceremonies, and bar night lasting longer than Hanukkah, a Tibetan monk began the long, arduous process of creating a sand mandala. Creation of a mandala is a form of meditation for the artist, and this particular image, The Palace of the Buddha of Wisdom, was created in honor of the students and their final exams. The mandala took several days to construct, and was finally finished on Friday, May 5th, in honor of GramTuna's birthday.

Well, it was either that, or a very cool coincidence.

On Sunday the mandala was destroyed, and the sands were scattered in the river. Destruction of the mandala symbolizes the impermanence of life and all that exists.

Rest assured, GramTuna didn't suffer the same fate.