Batter Up!

Tonight the Tuna clan spent a grueling couple of hours sitting outside in the early evening sun accompanied by a gently blowing breeze watching Nephew Tuna play baseball. He is part of a 2nd grade league, so all the kids are however old second-graders are these days (that's too much math after 10pm so you figure it out yourself) and they play machine-pitch, which I learned tonight is one step up the athletic food chain from coach-pitch. The rules also vary in terms of how long you get to be at bat. You get five missed swings instead of three. There are no balls and strikes (just hits and misses) and if you hit foul balls you can be there all night until you either hit a fair ball or miss five times. Thankfully the last rule change is the game either lasts six full innings (even if the home team is ahead at the top of the 6th) or lasts until it's time to be done, which tonight came in at the one hour forty-five minute mark.

Despite the fact that Babe NephewTuna Ruth batted in the first run for his team, they pretty much got clobbered tonight. As the game reached the last half of what would be the last inning (bottom of the fourth) the coaches were making sure all the infielders and outfielders were still thinking baseball, were standing in the right place, weren't playing with bugs in the dirt, had their game faces on and were ready to go. "You ready outfield? You ready infield? Game on! Game on!"

Suddenly the pitcher yelled, "HEY MOM! WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?"

It wasn't exactly Hey, batter batter but it did give a whole new meaning to Home Plate.

Maybe he went home and had Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat...

Batter Up!

Tonight the Tuna clan spent a grueling couple of hours sitting outside in the early evening sun accompanied by a gently blowing breeze watching Nephew Tuna play baseball. He is part of a 2nd grade league, so all the kids are however old second-graders are these days (that's too much math after 10pm so you figure it out yourself) and they play machine-pitch, which I learned tonight is one step up the athletic food chain from coach-pitch. The rules also vary in terms of how long you get to be at bat. You get five missed swings instead of three. There are no balls and strikes (just hits and misses) and if you hit foul balls you can be there all night until you either hit a fair ball or miss five times. Thankfully the last rule change is the game either lasts six full innings (even if the home team is ahead at the top of the 6th) or lasts until it's time to be done, which tonight came in at the one hour forty-five minute mark.

Despite the fact that Babe NephewTuna Ruth batted in the first run for his team, they pretty much got clobbered tonight. As the game reached the last half of what would be the last inning (bottom of the fourth) the coaches were making sure all the infielders and outfielders were still thinking baseball, were standing in the right place, weren't playing with bugs in the dirt, had their game faces on and were ready to go. "You ready outfield? You ready infield? Game on! Game on!"

Suddenly the pitcher yelled, "HEY MOM! WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?"

It wasn't exactly Hey, batter batter but it did give a whole new meaning to Home Plate.

Maybe he went home and had Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat...

Grow Where You Are Planted

In anticipation of warmer weather, GramTuna and I made our annual pilgrimage to the various garden greeneries stock up on plants. We managed to show a tiny bit of restraint this year, which I like to think demonstrates that we have learned that buying one of everything without knowing where you're going to put it (much less if you have the space) is not necessarily a good idea.

Because of our history of horticultural excess we spend time every spring moving things around because wow, do these plants grow. At the moment we have pussy willows taller than the garage, orange day lilies ready to star in Little Shop of Horrors, and hostas so huge they need their own "beware" sign. Fred and Ginger are planning a coup of the back yard and I have enough chives and mint to open a combination baked potato/chewing gum store. The gentile gardening term for many of these plants is vigorous, but truth be told, most of them passed vigorous several years ago.

So every spring we rearrange a little bit. Some plants are so big they need to be divided. Some plants are being buried by their green behemoth brothers and sisters. Others just aren't working so well where they are, and it's time to find someplace new, so that means it's time to transplant.

Transplanting always feels a little scary. You hate to move what is already established. You worry about the root structure. Will it really be better off somewhere else? Will the soil be the same? The sunlight? The shade? Will it thrive in its new home? Funny, when you transplant there are discussions and considerations and decisions to be made that never seemed to matter during that midnight marathon planting session known as: Oh my God tomorrow is vacation and we have all these things to put in the ground, so just find an empty space and TAKE THIS PLANT AND SHOVE IT.

Yeah, we did that.
More than once.

But now we're buying less and tending more. Last year we made new flower beds on either side of our front walk. We said a little prayer and transplanted 18 plants. Every single one of them not only survived, but thrived. This weekend we cleaned out the front beds. We yanked the spent Forget-Me-Nots, shaking seeds all over the ground as we pulled, ensuring we'd have a new batch of puffy baby blue flower clouds next spring. Once they were gone, we had the space to move some old friends that needed a new home. We took lots of old dirt from its old home to mix into its new home. We made sure it was going to be put in just the right spot with just the right sun and just the right shade with lots of space to grow. And now, in just a few days, they are thriving.

Sure, they're just plants and we're just recreational gardeners. But even the weekend greent-thumber is always on the lookout for that perfect combination of sun, shade and good soil so that everything will have the chance to grow where they are planted.

Caretakers, all.

Grow Where You Are Planted

In anticipation of warmer weather, GramTuna and I made our annual pilgrimage to the various garden greeneries stock up on plants. We managed to show a tiny bit of restraint this year, which I like to think demonstrates that we have learned that buying one of everything without knowing where you're going to put it (much less if you have the space) is not necessarily a good idea.

Because of our history of horticultural excess we spend time every spring moving things around because wow, do these plants grow. At the moment we have pussy willows taller than the garage, orange day lilies ready to star in Little Shop of Horrors, and hostas so huge they need their own "beware" sign. Fred and Ginger are planning a coup of the back yard and I have enough chives and mint to open a combination baked potato/chewing gum store. The gentile gardening term for many of these plants is vigorous, but truth be told, most of them passed vigorous several years ago.

So every spring we rearrange a little bit. Some plants are so big they need to be divided. Some plants are being buried by their green behemoth brothers and sisters. Others just aren't working so well where they are, and it's time to find someplace new, so that means it's time to transplant.

Transplanting always feels a little scary. You hate to move what is already established. You worry about the root structure. Will it really be better off somewhere else? Will the soil be the same? The sunlight? The shade? Will it thrive in its new home? Funny, when you transplant there are discussions and considerations and decisions to be made that never seemed to matter during that midnight marathon planting session known as: Oh my God tomorrow is vacation and we have all these things to put in the ground, so just find an empty space and TAKE THIS PLANT AND SHOVE IT.

Yeah, we did that.
More than once.

But now we're buying less and tending more. Last year we made new flower beds on either side of our front walk. We said a little prayer and transplanted 18 plants. Every single one of them not only survived, but thrived. This weekend we cleaned out the front beds. We yanked the spent Forget-Me-Nots, shaking seeds all over the ground as we pulled, ensuring we'd have a new batch of puffy baby blue flower clouds next spring. Once they were gone, we had the space to move some old friends that needed a new home. We took lots of old dirt from its old home to mix into its new home. We made sure it was going to be put in just the right spot with just the right sun and just the right shade with lots of space to grow. And now, in just a few days, they are thriving.

Sure, they're just plants and we're just recreational gardeners. But even the weekend greent-thumber is always on the lookout for that perfect combination of sun, shade and good soil so that everything will have the chance to grow where they are planted.

Caretakers, all.

Timing is Everything

I was flipping channels last night when what to my wondering eyes did appear but the Miss Universe Pageant. And look, there's Miss USA. And Oh. My. GAWD.



It was practically a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction Did I really just see what I thought I saw? kind of moment. Classic.

Timing is Everything

I was flipping channels last night when what to my wondering eyes did appear but the Miss Universe Pageant. And look, there's Miss USA. And Oh. My. GAWD.



It was practically a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction Did I really just see what I thought I saw? kind of moment. Classic.

And This is the First One I Got

My Fortune Cookie told me: It is no good singing ballads when you are faced with a super-intelligent tongue. Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

Scary, dat.

Fortune Cookie Thing Cribbed from my pal Kat at The Sketch Factor.

And This is the First One I Got

My Fortune Cookie told me: It is no good singing ballads when you are faced with a super-intelligent tongue. Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

Scary, dat.

Fortune Cookie Thing Cribbed from my pal Kat at The Sketch Factor.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Coastguard :: Ocean

2. Buddies :: Pals

3. Nap :: Badly Needed, Seldom Gotten

4. Groan :: Moan

5. Sitcom :: 1/2 Hour Funnies

6. Reader :: Rabbit

7. Heroes :: LOVE THAT SHOW

8. Amazing :: Race

9. Woman :: W-O-M-A-N. Let me say it again...

10. Don't :: The first word in the mom dictionary

Had to look up Reader Rabbit, because even though it was the first thing that popped into my head, suddenly I couldn't remember who or what he, she or it was. As I was searching the cobwebby windmills of my mind, the next thing that popped into my head was Crusader Rabbit, and then I was all confused about who was which. Thankfully, the Internets helped straighten it all out.

Hip, Now, Electronically and Educationally Focused
Reader Rabbit

and his distant relative, Crusader Rabbit
Guess which one I grew up with?

Mutter along HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Coastguard :: Ocean

2. Buddies :: Pals

3. Nap :: Badly Needed, Seldom Gotten

4. Groan :: Moan

5. Sitcom :: 1/2 Hour Funnies

6. Reader :: Rabbit

7. Heroes :: LOVE THAT SHOW

8. Amazing :: Race

9. Woman :: W-O-M-A-N. Let me say it again...

10. Don't :: The first word in the mom dictionary

Had to look up Reader Rabbit, because even though it was the first thing that popped into my head, suddenly I couldn't remember who or what he, she or it was. As I was searching the cobwebby windmills of my mind, the next thing that popped into my head was Crusader Rabbit, and then I was all confused about who was which. Thankfully, the Internets helped straighten it all out.

Hip, Now, Electronically and Educationally Focused
Reader Rabbit

and his distant relative, Crusader Rabbit
Guess which one I grew up with?

Mutter along HERE.

Friday's Feast

It's a mid-afternoon dragging Friday Feast. Ha. I just wrote feats. What kind of feats are in store today?

Appetizer: List three emotions you experienced this week
Exhaustion as I try to avoid falling into a coma at work. It's sad that the alphabet isn't all that terribly exciting on a daily basis.
Exasperation as I try to fall into a coma at the appropriate hour of sleeping. It doesn't always work, and even the alphabet doesn't help.
Frustration as I attempt to navigate waters of my resident teenage typhoon. This means, pick an emotion, any emotion (the more irrational the better), and then change your mind every 15 seconds for the next several years.

Soup: Name a Car You'd Love to Have
New, Paid-For and Gas Efficient. I think I will call him George.

Salad: Describe Your Typical Morning Routine
Drag out of bed and into the bathroom. Watch the cat bust through a closed door and proceed to meow pathetically as she complains about her sorry state in life. Take a shower. Wake up TeenTuna. Get dressed. Wake TeenTuna up again. Pull together lunch. Threaten TeenTuna if she doesn't move it. Make sure all parties are appropriately clothed and have accomplished all basic morning hygiene rituals. Tell TeenTuna YES I MEAN BRUSH YOUR TEETH NOW. Grab the best breakfast in the world GramTuna's Grilled Cheese and head for the car. Drive to Burger King and shout "Church Ladies!!" at the drive-thru people so I get my kick-ass discount. Drop TeenTuna at school. Go to work. Attempt not to fall into a coma as I become one with the alphabet once again.

Main Course: Have You Ever Emailed Someone Famous? If so, who, and what did you say to them? Did they reply?
Well, there was this guy from Nigeria who needed my help and....

Dessert: Do You Listen to Podcasts? If so, which ones?
Thanks for outing my inner nerd. I am addicted to NPR's "This American Life" and I also follow "Driveway Moments" and "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." I'm sure there's a twelve-step for me out there somewhere. Wonder if it's podcast?

Friday's Feast

It's a mid-afternoon dragging Friday Feast. Ha. I just wrote feats. What kind of feats are in store today?

Appetizer: List three emotions you experienced this week
Exhaustion as I try to avoid falling into a coma at work. It's sad that the alphabet isn't all that terribly exciting on a daily basis.
Exasperation as I try to fall into a coma at the appropriate hour of sleeping. It doesn't always work, and even the alphabet doesn't help.
Frustration as I attempt to navigate waters of my resident teenage typhoon. This means, pick an emotion, any emotion (the more irrational the better), and then change your mind every 15 seconds for the next several years.

Soup: Name a Car You'd Love to Have
New, Paid-For and Gas Efficient. I think I will call him George.

Salad: Describe Your Typical Morning Routine
Drag out of bed and into the bathroom. Watch the cat bust through a closed door and proceed to meow pathetically as she complains about her sorry state in life. Take a shower. Wake up TeenTuna. Get dressed. Wake TeenTuna up again. Pull together lunch. Threaten TeenTuna if she doesn't move it. Make sure all parties are appropriately clothed and have accomplished all basic morning hygiene rituals. Tell TeenTuna YES I MEAN BRUSH YOUR TEETH NOW. Grab the best breakfast in the world GramTuna's Grilled Cheese and head for the car. Drive to Burger King and shout "Church Ladies!!" at the drive-thru people so I get my kick-ass discount. Drop TeenTuna at school. Go to work. Attempt not to fall into a coma as I become one with the alphabet once again.

Main Course: Have You Ever Emailed Someone Famous? If so, who, and what did you say to them? Did they reply?
Well, there was this guy from Nigeria who needed my help and....

Dessert: Do You Listen to Podcasts? If so, which ones?
Thanks for outing my inner nerd. I am addicted to NPR's "This American Life" and I also follow "Driveway Moments" and "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." I'm sure there's a twelve-step for me out there somewhere. Wonder if it's podcast?

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about GREENTUNA

iPod Songs Haiku
First Thirteen Played in Shuffle
(God, I Hope They're Good)


1. You're The Devil in Disguise (Elvis Presley)

Pity Poor Elvis
Devil's Disguise Was Simply
Fried 'Nama Sammich

2. Look Through My Eyes (Phil Collins)

GreenTuna's nightmare
TeenTuna repeats AGAIN
"You'll Be In My Heart"

3. Red Red Wine (UB40)

It's impossible
to hear this song and not bounce
up and down. Yah, mon!

4. Goose Never Be A Peacock (Harold Arlen Songbook)

These are great lyrics
"Biggity" and "Squinchify"
don't happen often.

5. Symphony no. 2 in D Major, op. 43 I. Allegretto (Sibelius)

Look! It's Classical!
Not much to say about this,
Guess I should Finnish.

6. Carnival of the Animals (Fantasia 2000)

Graceful flamingos
Standing, Swimming in the Sun?
Nope. Yo-Yo Battles

7. Hallelujah! (Handel's Soulful Messiah)

Syncopation breathes
New life into old classics
Jesus jumps for jazz.

8. Lonely People (America)

Just a pretty song
Like those I grew up hearing
We're all called "oldies"

9. Michigan Roads (Root Doctor)

This past New Year's Eve
Scout and I heard Root Doctor
What an awesome night

10. Far Away (Nickelback)

Must be a freebie
Never heard it before now
Meh. Yawn. Shrug. What's Next?

11. Gathering of Spirits (Carrie Newcomer)

If you do not know
Carrie Newcomer, go HERE
now now now now now.

12. Great American Melting Pot (Schoolhouse Rock)

I LOVE Schoolhouse Rock
Each Saturday I prayed for
Conjunction Junction

13. Hold My Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish - "Cracked Rear View")

Love me some Hootie
but his devil in disguise?
Cheap Burger King ads.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteens

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about GREENTUNA

iPod Songs Haiku
First Thirteen Played in Shuffle
(God, I Hope They're Good)


1. You're The Devil in Disguise (Elvis Presley)

Pity Poor Elvis
Devil's Disguise Was Simply
Fried 'Nama Sammich

2. Look Through My Eyes (Phil Collins)

GreenTuna's nightmare
TeenTuna repeats AGAIN
"You'll Be In My Heart"

3. Red Red Wine (UB40)

It's impossible
to hear this song and not bounce
up and down. Yah, mon!

4. Goose Never Be A Peacock (Harold Arlen Songbook)

These are great lyrics
"Biggity" and "Squinchify"
don't happen often.

5. Symphony no. 2 in D Major, op. 43 I. Allegretto (Sibelius)

Look! It's Classical!
Not much to say about this,
Guess I should Finnish.

6. Carnival of the Animals (Fantasia 2000)

Graceful flamingos
Standing, Swimming in the Sun?
Nope. Yo-Yo Battles

7. Hallelujah! (Handel's Soulful Messiah)

Syncopation breathes
New life into old classics
Jesus jumps for jazz.

8. Lonely People (America)

Just a pretty song
Like those I grew up hearing
We're all called "oldies"

9. Michigan Roads (Root Doctor)

This past New Year's Eve
Scout and I heard Root Doctor
What an awesome night

10. Far Away (Nickelback)

Must be a freebie
Never heard it before now
Meh. Yawn. Shrug. What's Next?

11. Gathering of Spirits (Carrie Newcomer)

If you do not know
Carrie Newcomer, go HERE
now now now now now.

12. Great American Melting Pot (Schoolhouse Rock)

I LOVE Schoolhouse Rock
Each Saturday I prayed for
Conjunction Junction

13. Hold My Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish - "Cracked Rear View")

Love me some Hootie
but his devil in disguise?
Cheap Burger King ads.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteens

Search by Title

In this age of too much time to waste to read too little time, I rely a lot on article titles to prompt me to click through or keep on keeping on. Some sites, like The Onion and Weekly World News (no grief here -- it's OK to read it ONLINE!) feature titles for fictitious news articles (except those Bat Boy ones. They're real.

Bigfoot Tracks Indicate Salsa Lesson

Newman Honored for Achievements in Salad Dressing

Then there is the fabulous Fark. I read these for the titles alone. Actual articles and news stories are forwarded to the site, but the captions for these articles are creatively crafted by the submitters, and are, in many cases, hysterically funny.

10 month old child receives his Firearm Owner's Identification Card. Hopefully a better shot than Dick Cheney

"Frankenberry appointed to county board." Count Chocula said to be considering run for state legislature

Tennessee state senator introduces bill requiring restaurants to tell customers which foods have trans-fat in them. Cracker Barrel and Waffle House print up signs that say "All Of It" just in case

Congratulations to Larry Birkhead, winner of the 2007 Anna Nicole Smith Vaginal Dumpster Invitational

(Yeah that last one was a little tacky, but I still think it's funny)


Now I can't tell if it's intentional or not, but lately it seems my local newspaper is getting into the game. In the last two days I've learned:

Wanda M. Wolverton of Lansing Enjoys Bowling

and

Good Samaritan's Lizard Stabbed to death by Visitor

Now that's some hard hitting journalism. Thank God for the Internets and their tubes of knowledge. I can't imagine missing this important stuff.

Search by Title

In this age of too much time to waste to read too little time, I rely a lot on article titles to prompt me to click through or keep on keeping on. Some sites, like The Onion and Weekly World News (no grief here -- it's OK to read it ONLINE!) feature titles for fictitious news articles (except those Bat Boy ones. They're real.

Bigfoot Tracks Indicate Salsa Lesson

Newman Honored for Achievements in Salad Dressing

Then there is the fabulous Fark. I read these for the titles alone. Actual articles and news stories are forwarded to the site, but the captions for these articles are creatively crafted by the submitters, and are, in many cases, hysterically funny.

10 month old child receives his Firearm Owner's Identification Card. Hopefully a better shot than Dick Cheney

"Frankenberry appointed to county board." Count Chocula said to be considering run for state legislature

Tennessee state senator introduces bill requiring restaurants to tell customers which foods have trans-fat in them. Cracker Barrel and Waffle House print up signs that say "All Of It" just in case

Congratulations to Larry Birkhead, winner of the 2007 Anna Nicole Smith Vaginal Dumpster Invitational

(Yeah that last one was a little tacky, but I still think it's funny)


Now I can't tell if it's intentional or not, but lately it seems my local newspaper is getting into the game. In the last two days I've learned:

Wanda M. Wolverton of Lansing Enjoys Bowling

and

Good Samaritan's Lizard Stabbed to death by Visitor

Now that's some hard hitting journalism. Thank God for the Internets and their tubes of knowledge. I can't imagine missing this important stuff.

Mama Bread

Last weekend when we were out visiting, the final stop was at an open house for a new TunaU graduate. The family were long-time friends of the Tuna clan, and we had known them since they arrived in America about fifteen years earlier as Armenian refugees. GramTuna had been their English language tutor, and over the years we watched their daughter (the now college graduate) grow, and we shared our lives and cultures over many meals and bottles of vodka. To this day I can still remember how to say "Happy New Year" in Russian; no small feat since at the time I would have been in no condition to do much more than fall down and sleep for the next 18 hours.

As we were sharing hugs and congratulations, the Grand Patriarch of the family ambled over to say hello. To this day he still has no real English skills so others reminded him who we were. With GramTuna, myself and TeenTuna standing in a row, they were explaining the whole Grandmother - Mother - Granddaughter concept, but he still seemed a little confused so they started again and just said, "Daughter - Daughter - Daughter." Then he smiled and we all laughed and decided that technically they were absolutely right. We were all daughter - daughter - daughters.

As I sat with my plate and my beer and my vodka shot glass, I was amazed at all the people I didn't know. What was once a core group of people had grown. Over time more refugees had arrived. Some married and had children of their own. Others had passed away, but we still drank to their memory and ate Mama bread. One of the first lessons the Tuna adults learned about our friends the Armenians was bread was an important part of any meal, especially when Vodka is involved. The Grand Matriarch was always in charge of making the bread, so, not knowing what else to call it, I called it "Mama Bread" and the name stuck. Mama didn't speak much English either, but she quickly learned "Mama Bread" and always smiled. There was always lots and lots of mama bread at every meal.

As we ate and drank under the tent, we learned the names of new babies, swapped stories of "the old days" and made toasts to the parents and the college graduate. With plates piled high and glasses always refilled, we complimented the many chefs who made the afternoon possible. Although she had passed away several years ago, the mama bread was still there in abundance, and we were told that they liked the name mama bread so much, they still call it that today. "She knew how important it was, " I said as I ripped off another piece. "It's more than just food. It isn't a meal unless you have mama bread."

We cleaned our plates and then stuffed some desserts in cracks that really didn't exist, but oh! it was worth it to try. We made many toasts: to parents and grandparents, to the graduate, and to the ever-growing number of family and friends. What was once a small group of people thrust into a new country grateful to be alive was now a thriving community of family and friends. And although we knew that what happens tomorrow is for today a mystery, everyone -- the daughters - daughters - daughters and the sons - sons - sons -- will be sure there are glasses to raise and mama bread to sustain everyone at the table. Mama taught them well.

To all the mamas, daughters and sons, Happy Mother's Day.

And Happy New Year, too.
Pass the mama bread.

Mama Bread

Last weekend when we were out visiting, the final stop was at an open house for a new TunaU graduate. The family were long-time friends of the Tuna clan, and we had known them since they arrived in America about fifteen years earlier as Armenian refugees. GramTuna had been their English language tutor, and over the years we watched their daughter (the now college graduate) grow, and we shared our lives and cultures over many meals and bottles of vodka. To this day I can still remember how to say "Happy New Year" in Russian; no small feat since at the time I would have been in no condition to do much more than fall down and sleep for the next 18 hours.

As we were sharing hugs and congratulations, the Grand Patriarch of the family ambled over to say hello. To this day he still has no real English skills so others reminded him who we were. With GramTuna, myself and TeenTuna standing in a row, they were explaining the whole Grandmother - Mother - Granddaughter concept, but he still seemed a little confused so they started again and just said, "Daughter - Daughter - Daughter." Then he smiled and we all laughed and decided that technically they were absolutely right. We were all daughter - daughter - daughters.

As I sat with my plate and my beer and my vodka shot glass, I was amazed at all the people I didn't know. What was once a core group of people had grown. Over time more refugees had arrived. Some married and had children of their own. Others had passed away, but we still drank to their memory and ate Mama bread. One of the first lessons the Tuna adults learned about our friends the Armenians was bread was an important part of any meal, especially when Vodka is involved. The Grand Matriarch was always in charge of making the bread, so, not knowing what else to call it, I called it "Mama Bread" and the name stuck. Mama didn't speak much English either, but she quickly learned "Mama Bread" and always smiled. There was always lots and lots of mama bread at every meal.

As we ate and drank under the tent, we learned the names of new babies, swapped stories of "the old days" and made toasts to the parents and the college graduate. With plates piled high and glasses always refilled, we complimented the many chefs who made the afternoon possible. Although she had passed away several years ago, the mama bread was still there in abundance, and we were told that they liked the name mama bread so much, they still call it that today. "She knew how important it was, " I said as I ripped off another piece. "It's more than just food. It isn't a meal unless you have mama bread."

We cleaned our plates and then stuffed some desserts in cracks that really didn't exist, but oh! it was worth it to try. We made many toasts: to parents and grandparents, to the graduate, and to the ever-growing number of family and friends. What was once a small group of people thrust into a new country grateful to be alive was now a thriving community of family and friends. And although we knew that what happens tomorrow is for today a mystery, everyone -- the daughters - daughters - daughters and the sons - sons - sons -- will be sure there are glasses to raise and mama bread to sustain everyone at the table. Mama taught them well.

To all the mamas, daughters and sons, Happy Mother's Day.

And Happy New Year, too.
Pass the mama bread.

On The Sixth Day

Saturday

Day Beginning
Dishes Doing
Bunny Cage Cleaning
Step Stools Assembling
Bank Banking
Grocery Shopping
Lawn Mowing
Bathroom Battling
Chemicals Inhaling
Cabinets Purging
Carpets Vacuuming
Trash Emptying
Laundry Washing
Mail Shredding
Tension Building
Flames Throwing
Mike's Opening
Frustrations Fading
Sleep Needing
Day Ending

Goodnight

On The Sixth Day

Saturday

Day Beginning
Dishes Doing
Bunny Cage Cleaning
Step Stools Assembling
Bank Banking
Grocery Shopping
Lawn Mowing
Bathroom Battling
Chemicals Inhaling
Cabinets Purging
Carpets Vacuuming
Trash Emptying
Laundry Washing
Mail Shredding
Tension Building
Flames Throwing
Mike's Opening
Frustrations Fading
Sleep Needing
Day Ending

Goodnight

Haiku for You

In honor of Yellow Emergency Coordinator Hard Hat Fire Drill Day, I've decided to sit here and write haiku until the stupid fire alarm sounds or else my boss comes back and I can foist hard hat duties on someone else while I go to lunch.

Each and every spring
ugly yellow hardhats bloom
Satan's daffodils
Forget the watched pots
Watched fire alarms never ring
much less boil over
Hurry, please hurry.
Important decisions loom:
Burger or Pizza?
Like the game of Hearts
Best to pass the yellow hat
Plastic Queen of Spades
It's finally here
(No, not the annual drill)
My boss. Lunchtime. BYE!
Full Belly Later
The Yellow Hat Stands Alone
Much like toxic cheese

Haiku for You

In honor of Yellow Emergency Coordinator Hard Hat Fire Drill Day, I've decided to sit here and write haiku until the stupid fire alarm sounds or else my boss comes back and I can foist hard hat duties on someone else while I go to lunch.

Each and every spring
ugly yellow hardhats bloom
Satan's daffodils
Forget the watched pots
Watched fire alarms never ring
much less boil over
Hurry, please hurry.
Important decisions loom:
Burger or Pizza?
Like the game of Hearts
Best to pass the yellow hat
Plastic Queen of Spades
It's finally here
(No, not the annual drill)
My boss. Lunchtime. BYE!
Full Belly Later
The Yellow Hat Stands Alone
Much like toxic cheese

Friday Feast

It's a mid-morning jonesing for a bagel but not gonna do it edition of Friday's Feast. What's for grub?

Appetizer: Tell About A Time When You Had to be Brave
I don't know about anybody but, but bravery tends shows up when you don't have any other options. In other words, you really have no control over the situation, so just living through it makes you brave by default, which, if you think about it, isn't bravery at all, it's survival. With that caveat, three episodes come to mind.
Episode The First: Our cast of characters include GramTuna, GreenTuna and BabyBrotherTuna who was ... I don't know ... in middle school, maybe? We had spent the day on Macinac Island and BBTuna just HAD to get fudge before the 8pm ferry home, which of course, we consequently missed. After sitting on the pier for forever and a day, and watching the weather turn increasingly bad, we found out they weren't going to run any more ferries to due rough waters. That was, until some yahoo decided at 11pm that he was taking a boat across. So onto the boat we went, and our entire trip back to the mainland was a reenactment of the storm scene from Gilligan's Island. Meanwhile, BBTuna, who doesn't know better to be scared out of his mind, is riding back with his fool head sticking out of a porthole, so he can wave to death all the faster. Occasionally he'd stick soaking face back inside and yell, "This is GREAT!" I plotted death by fudge.
Episode The Second: This may have been the same trip, but at this point, we had ditched the youngster at camp. GramTuna and I went camping somewhere in the great outdoors, and as dusk turned to night, a motorcycle guy set up camp. And then he came over to our camp and asked if we'd take his picture so he could send it to his girlfriend. He spent quite a great deal of time telling us about himself and how he'd just gotten out of prison. As pleased as I was that he paid his debt to society, GramTuna and I both decided at about 4am that we had PLENTY of sleep, and it was time to get the hell out of Dodge.
Episode The Third: The scene: Creepy Crawly Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. The cast: GramTuna, GreenTuna and TinyTuna (she was Tiny back then, so there). The time: DUSK. We drove into Creepy Crawly Sleepy Hollow Cemetery to find the graves of Emerson and Thoreau and other important dead people. Keeping in mind that I don't do well in cemeteries in the daytime, much less at DUSK, I tried to move the other two along. "What time does the cemetery close?" Asked TinyTuna. "Dusk," I said tersely. "What time is it now?" "DUSK." Sure enough, by the time everybody finished taking pictures in the dark, we drove to the front gate which was LOCKED. Then we drove to the second gate which was LOCKED. Then we drove back to the front gate and I pondered trying to squeeze around something to escape. No go. Then we drove back to the second gate and I pondered a 911 call to spring us from the cemetery. Finally we noticed a small side road which led to our eventual escape. I was scared poopless.


Soup: Which Upcoming Movie Are You Excited About Seeing?
Not so much excited, but my to-see list includes Shrek The Third, Ratatouille and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.


Salad: Name an Item You Always Try to Have on Hand
Mittens in a snowball fight. They're a lot more useful there than on foot.


Main Course: Imagine the Most Relaxing Room You Can Think of.
Now describe it!
ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Dessert: On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest) how spiritual or religious are you?
I think instead of a scale (and really, who wants to use a scale?) it's better to judge this like one of those carnival things that you test your strength by smashing the pad with a sledgehammer. Some days my faith is an enormous Scooby-Doo. Other days, it's a plastic snake. It just kind of depends.

Friday Feast

It's a mid-morning jonesing for a bagel but not gonna do it edition of Friday's Feast. What's for grub?

Appetizer: Tell About A Time When You Had to be Brave
I don't know about anybody but, but bravery tends shows up when you don't have any other options. In other words, you really have no control over the situation, so just living through it makes you brave by default, which, if you think about it, isn't bravery at all, it's survival. With that caveat, three episodes come to mind.
Episode The First: Our cast of characters include GramTuna, GreenTuna and BabyBrotherTuna who was ... I don't know ... in middle school, maybe? We had spent the day on Macinac Island and BBTuna just HAD to get fudge before the 8pm ferry home, which of course, we consequently missed. After sitting on the pier for forever and a day, and watching the weather turn increasingly bad, we found out they weren't going to run any more ferries to due rough waters. That was, until some yahoo decided at 11pm that he was taking a boat across. So onto the boat we went, and our entire trip back to the mainland was a reenactment of the storm scene from Gilligan's Island. Meanwhile, BBTuna, who doesn't know better to be scared out of his mind, is riding back with his fool head sticking out of a porthole, so he can wave to death all the faster. Occasionally he'd stick soaking face back inside and yell, "This is GREAT!" I plotted death by fudge.
Episode The Second: This may have been the same trip, but at this point, we had ditched the youngster at camp. GramTuna and I went camping somewhere in the great outdoors, and as dusk turned to night, a motorcycle guy set up camp. And then he came over to our camp and asked if we'd take his picture so he could send it to his girlfriend. He spent quite a great deal of time telling us about himself and how he'd just gotten out of prison. As pleased as I was that he paid his debt to society, GramTuna and I both decided at about 4am that we had PLENTY of sleep, and it was time to get the hell out of Dodge.
Episode The Third: The scene: Creepy Crawly Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. The cast: GramTuna, GreenTuna and TinyTuna (she was Tiny back then, so there). The time: DUSK. We drove into Creepy Crawly Sleepy Hollow Cemetery to find the graves of Emerson and Thoreau and other important dead people. Keeping in mind that I don't do well in cemeteries in the daytime, much less at DUSK, I tried to move the other two along. "What time does the cemetery close?" Asked TinyTuna. "Dusk," I said tersely. "What time is it now?" "DUSK." Sure enough, by the time everybody finished taking pictures in the dark, we drove to the front gate which was LOCKED. Then we drove to the second gate which was LOCKED. Then we drove back to the front gate and I pondered trying to squeeze around something to escape. No go. Then we drove back to the second gate and I pondered a 911 call to spring us from the cemetery. Finally we noticed a small side road which led to our eventual escape. I was scared poopless.


Soup: Which Upcoming Movie Are You Excited About Seeing?
Not so much excited, but my to-see list includes Shrek The Third, Ratatouille and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.


Salad: Name an Item You Always Try to Have on Hand
Mittens in a snowball fight. They're a lot more useful there than on foot.


Main Course: Imagine the Most Relaxing Room You Can Think of.
Now describe it!
ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Dessert: On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest) how spiritual or religious are you?
I think instead of a scale (and really, who wants to use a scale?) it's better to judge this like one of those carnival things that you test your strength by smashing the pad with a sledgehammer. Some days my faith is an enormous Scooby-Doo. Other days, it's a plastic snake. It just kind of depends.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about GREENTUNA
Thirteen Things I Could Do Without Hearing Ever Again

1. "Heart and Soul" Played By Anyone Under the Age of 16
I don't know how it happened, but Heart and Soul is the most hated piece in the kingdom of hated piano pieces. What's even worse, is its performance requires the combined lack of talent of not one but two people. At the sight of an empty keyboard, the starter pounds out the siren call of bump-ba-BUMP-ba, bump-ba-BUMP-ba, bump-ba-BUMP-ba, bump-ba-BUMP-ba until someone else shows up and excitedly sits themselves at the uppermost keys, ready to add their special touch. It doesn't take long for the whole thing to fall apart, but does that stop them? NO! It makes them play louder, as if one set of loud bad notes will triumph over the other. They may be the coalition of the willing, but every time I hear it, I'm the coalition of willing to kill for less.

2. Street Sweepers at 4:00 am
4:00 am is not sweeping time. It's sleeping time. And while it would be pretty inconvenient for a street sweeper to be puttering along a busy road during morning rush hour, there just has to be some better time for a rumbling sweeper creeping at 5mph than the middle of the night. Even the dirt is sleeping.

3. Cell Phone Conversations in Public Restrooms
I've come to peace (somewhat) with total strangers walking past me saying "Hello!" and me answering in kind before I realized they were talking on the phone and not to me. But yakking on a cell phone in a public restroom is going too far. I was commiserating on this very topic with a coworker who was beside herself because she needed to "do her business" in the privacy of a bathroom and she didn't want it broadcast over the phone. While I appreciate her sense of civility, it seems to me if someone is bound and determined to reach out and touch someone while they're in a public bathroom, I'm not going to turn my colon inside-out trying to be quiet. You have been warned.

4. Car Dealership commercials that include cowboy hats, Halloween costumes, or anyone whose name is preceded by the word "Crazy"
Because you know, I get all of these around here. There is the cowboy car dealer. There is the fat guy in a bad Batman suit car dealer, and I'm sure there has to be one Crazy Larry around these parts somewhere. My friends, these are the people for whom the TV mute button was created.

5. "Rob and Amber...You're Team Number ONE!"
Luckily, I didn't have to hear that too often during Amazing Race All-Stars. Thank you, Romber, for sucking a whole lot more this season. It made it much more fun to watch.

6. "And now, The President of the United States...."
This is one of the few reasons I'll actually turn off the television, because it's good to keep that old blood pressure down.

7. Fussy People at Concerts
Notice I didn't say fussy babies. Babies shouldn't be at concerts at all, at any time, ever. However, I'd love to see Auditorium Etiquette as required curriculum for grades K-12, with required remedial courses for adults. With TV, DVDs, TiVO and the like, I'm convinced that nobody knows how to act during a live performance. Even the Boston Pops had a big problem last night with unruly concert-goers. Really it's simple: Unless there is fire, blood or dead bodies, keep the mouth shut, and everybody stays happy.

8. The University Carillon clanking out a medley from "Fiddler on the Roof"
Carillons are meant to play a specific style of music that is meant to sound good (or at least somewhat decent) on the instrument. This, however, does not, or more specifically should not include show tunes and jazz standards. Unless, maybe the show is "Bells are Ringing". On second thought, no.

9. "You're Watching the Disney Channel!!"
Oh no I'm not.

10. NOO-cue-ler
Repeat after me Mr. President:
NEW-klee-er
NEW-klee-er
NEW-klee-er

11. "Mack the Knife" sung at Karaoke Night
Granted, Karaoke night is enough to send me over the edge as it is. But why is it that every drunken tone deaf male feels compelled to sing Mack The Knife -- a totally fabulous 97-verse song made famous by lots of people who actually could sing. I suppose I should be thankful that The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (clocking in at 6:14) isn't big on the Karaoke circuit.

12. "BUT, MOM!!!"
Every time I hear this my hackles are raised, my teeth are on edge and phasers are set to stun.

13. "Scooch down."
If this phrase is not familiar to you, thank your lucky stars that you've never had girl's day at the doctor's office. I'm just sayin.....

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteens

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about GREENTUNA
Thirteen Things I Could Do Without Hearing Ever Again

1. "Heart and Soul" Played By Anyone Under the Age of 16
I don't know how it happened, but Heart and Soul is the most hated piece in the kingdom of hated piano pieces. What's even worse, is its performance requires the combined lack of talent of not one but two people. At the sight of an empty keyboard, the starter pounds out the siren call of bump-ba-BUMP-ba, bump-ba-BUMP-ba, bump-ba-BUMP-ba, bump-ba-BUMP-ba until someone else shows up and excitedly sits themselves at the uppermost keys, ready to add their special touch. It doesn't take long for the whole thing to fall apart, but does that stop them? NO! It makes them play louder, as if one set of loud bad notes will triumph over the other. They may be the coalition of the willing, but every time I hear it, I'm the coalition of willing to kill for less.

2. Street Sweepers at 4:00 am
4:00 am is not sweeping time. It's sleeping time. And while it would be pretty inconvenient for a street sweeper to be puttering along a busy road during morning rush hour, there just has to be some better time for a rumbling sweeper creeping at 5mph than the middle of the night. Even the dirt is sleeping.

3. Cell Phone Conversations in Public Restrooms
I've come to peace (somewhat) with total strangers walking past me saying "Hello!" and me answering in kind before I realized they were talking on the phone and not to me. But yakking on a cell phone in a public restroom is going too far. I was commiserating on this very topic with a coworker who was beside herself because she needed to "do her business" in the privacy of a bathroom and she didn't want it broadcast over the phone. While I appreciate her sense of civility, it seems to me if someone is bound and determined to reach out and touch someone while they're in a public bathroom, I'm not going to turn my colon inside-out trying to be quiet. You have been warned.

4. Car Dealership commercials that include cowboy hats, Halloween costumes, or anyone whose name is preceded by the word "Crazy"
Because you know, I get all of these around here. There is the cowboy car dealer. There is the fat guy in a bad Batman suit car dealer, and I'm sure there has to be one Crazy Larry around these parts somewhere. My friends, these are the people for whom the TV mute button was created.

5. "Rob and Amber...You're Team Number ONE!"
Luckily, I didn't have to hear that too often during Amazing Race All-Stars. Thank you, Romber, for sucking a whole lot more this season. It made it much more fun to watch.

6. "And now, The President of the United States...."
This is one of the few reasons I'll actually turn off the television, because it's good to keep that old blood pressure down.

7. Fussy People at Concerts
Notice I didn't say fussy babies. Babies shouldn't be at concerts at all, at any time, ever. However, I'd love to see Auditorium Etiquette as required curriculum for grades K-12, with required remedial courses for adults. With TV, DVDs, TiVO and the like, I'm convinced that nobody knows how to act during a live performance. Even the Boston Pops had a big problem last night with unruly concert-goers. Really it's simple: Unless there is fire, blood or dead bodies, keep the mouth shut, and everybody stays happy.

8. The University Carillon clanking out a medley from "Fiddler on the Roof"
Carillons are meant to play a specific style of music that is meant to sound good (or at least somewhat decent) on the instrument. This, however, does not, or more specifically should not include show tunes and jazz standards. Unless, maybe the show is "Bells are Ringing". On second thought, no.

9. "You're Watching the Disney Channel!!"
Oh no I'm not.

10. NOO-cue-ler
Repeat after me Mr. President:
NEW-klee-er
NEW-klee-er
NEW-klee-er

11. "Mack the Knife" sung at Karaoke Night
Granted, Karaoke night is enough to send me over the edge as it is. But why is it that every drunken tone deaf male feels compelled to sing Mack The Knife -- a totally fabulous 97-verse song made famous by lots of people who actually could sing. I suppose I should be thankful that The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (clocking in at 6:14) isn't big on the Karaoke circuit.

12. "BUT, MOM!!!"
Every time I hear this my hackles are raised, my teeth are on edge and phasers are set to stun.

13. "Scooch down."
If this phrase is not familiar to you, thank your lucky stars that you've never had girl's day at the doctor's office. I'm just sayin.....

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteens

As I Was Saying

So anyway.

Well, sorry I've been AWOL. Between a little thing called finals week and a few thousand things on the old calendar, things have been busy. No excuse, I know. But my office, I'm happy to report, is much cleaner than it's been in a long, long time. There's visible floor and work surfaces that include ... SURFACE! That alone makes me a happier, calmer Tuna.

Today I wasted a great deal of time on the weather, which is currently of the suck. Unless you're a duck. In which case, it's not only awesome, it also rhymes. Ducks appreciate rhyming weather. Tunas? Not so much. My weather time-wastingness had to do with inserting some weather icons over there to the left. See them? Well, I had several more, and I wanted to make them display one at a time like a slide show. Pictures, I can do. But I'm nowhere near patient savvy enough to figure out the Java Flash Code or the AJAX whooozits necessary to make wads of code display one at a time, so after whispering sweet nothings to my boyfriend for several hours and getting nowhere, I gave up. Have no fear, though. This is going to bug me enough that I'll figure it out eventually. I'm annoying tenacious that way.

And for those of you wondering why I'm tracking the what where, it's home, vacation, roller coasters and family. Plus, the coldest place on earth and the hottest place on earth. Just in case you think you have it bad.


I spent some time last weekend giving Fabio the once over. Now, never you fear, the once over doesn't include a boiling pot of water and isn't code for hassenpfeffer. It's just that Fabio had become quite the hairy little dude and it was time for a spring trim. So after an hour or so, what was once something like this:



Became something closer to this:



(Fear not. It will grow back)
(Eventually)

In less hairy news, GramTuna celebrated her None-of-Your-Business How-Old-She-Is Birthday this weekend, and a grand time was had by all. Saturday wound up being a visiting kind of day, and we ended up seeing friends and family all day long. Even though it was a typical insanely busy Tuna Saturday, it wound up being a lot of fun. I told her all we needed was a horse, a buggy, and a whole mess of calico. Sunday was the formal family celebration, if by formal you mean Scout and NephewTuna bonding over basketball, baseball, Nintendo, hot dogs, ice cream, and that great male trifecta: scratching, belching and farting. I'm not sure I've ever seen NephewTuna laugh so hard for so long. Scout sure knows how to work a crowd.

Other things I feel the need to tell you that may or may not interest you in the slightest:

Amazing Race
Yeah, well, bummer. By the time we hit final three, I was voting for the cab driver to win. I think there should be a rule that all dating couples who wind up winning this thing remain a couple for the next year. If you're in it and win it on the couple pretext, dammit, you need to stay that way. But whatever. I still love Amazing Race and can't wait until the next go-round.

American Idol
Yes, I do actually watch this thing (more or less) with a kind of bemused interest. I'm too old to understand beat boxing and whatever that is except making little boy noises when you don't feel like or can't sing. A little is alright. But any more than a little is more than enough. So, beat boxing guy can go. I am also very lukewarm in regards to Melinda Doolittle. Yes, she has pipes, but you know this "oh gosh, ME? You like ME?" stuff has gotten old quickly. Plus, I don't know. I can't put my finger on it, but it seems so polished that it's detached. It'd be great listening, if I didn't have to watch it. Sadly, I don't love her. Jordin is ok, but tends to oversing, and LaKisha is a great singer who is lousy at picking her songs. My biggest complaint? Bee Gee night? Why? And if you're going to make them sing Bee Gee songs, then I just don't think you get the right to complain about the songs. You might as well have a Tiny Tim night and then complain because it sounds too karaoke. What else are you going to do with it? Yeesh.

Survivor
Started slow. Got fun. I still go online to watch the tribal council where Edgardo got the boot. I'm rooting for Yao-Man or Earl, which means they'll both lose. We'll see, though.

Heroes
I feel like such a cool person because I actually watch this show. I don't watch Lost. I don't watch Desperate Housewives. I never watched Alias or X-Files. But I watch Heroes. Every Monday night when it's on, TeenTuna keeps walking by asking, "what's happening on Heroes" but after about 5 minutes (or as soon as Sylar and his magical finger appear), she's running for the door yelling, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS!!" It's just too cool.

Bill Moyers
Is just the coolest guy ever.

As I Was Saying

So anyway.

Well, sorry I've been AWOL. Between a little thing called finals week and a few thousand things on the old calendar, things have been busy. No excuse, I know. But my office, I'm happy to report, is much cleaner than it's been in a long, long time. There's visible floor and work surfaces that include ... SURFACE! That alone makes me a happier, calmer Tuna.

Today I wasted a great deal of time on the weather, which is currently of the suck. Unless you're a duck. In which case, it's not only awesome, it also rhymes. Ducks appreciate rhyming weather. Tunas? Not so much. My weather time-wastingness had to do with inserting some weather icons over there to the left. See them? Well, I had several more, and I wanted to make them display one at a time like a slide show. Pictures, I can do. But I'm nowhere near patient savvy enough to figure out the Java Flash Code or the AJAX whooozits necessary to make wads of code display one at a time, so after whispering sweet nothings to my boyfriend for several hours and getting nowhere, I gave up. Have no fear, though. This is going to bug me enough that I'll figure it out eventually. I'm annoying tenacious that way.

And for those of you wondering why I'm tracking the what where, it's home, vacation, roller coasters and family. Plus, the coldest place on earth and the hottest place on earth. Just in case you think you have it bad.


I spent some time last weekend giving Fabio the once over. Now, never you fear, the once over doesn't include a boiling pot of water and isn't code for hassenpfeffer. It's just that Fabio had become quite the hairy little dude and it was time for a spring trim. So after an hour or so, what was once something like this:



Became something closer to this:



(Fear not. It will grow back)
(Eventually)

In less hairy news, GramTuna celebrated her None-of-Your-Business How-Old-She-Is Birthday this weekend, and a grand time was had by all. Saturday wound up being a visiting kind of day, and we ended up seeing friends and family all day long. Even though it was a typical insanely busy Tuna Saturday, it wound up being a lot of fun. I told her all we needed was a horse, a buggy, and a whole mess of calico. Sunday was the formal family celebration, if by formal you mean Scout and NephewTuna bonding over basketball, baseball, Nintendo, hot dogs, ice cream, and that great male trifecta: scratching, belching and farting. I'm not sure I've ever seen NephewTuna laugh so hard for so long. Scout sure knows how to work a crowd.

Other things I feel the need to tell you that may or may not interest you in the slightest:

Amazing Race
Yeah, well, bummer. By the time we hit final three, I was voting for the cab driver to win. I think there should be a rule that all dating couples who wind up winning this thing remain a couple for the next year. If you're in it and win it on the couple pretext, dammit, you need to stay that way. But whatever. I still love Amazing Race and can't wait until the next go-round.

American Idol
Yes, I do actually watch this thing (more or less) with a kind of bemused interest. I'm too old to understand beat boxing and whatever that is except making little boy noises when you don't feel like or can't sing. A little is alright. But any more than a little is more than enough. So, beat boxing guy can go. I am also very lukewarm in regards to Melinda Doolittle. Yes, she has pipes, but you know this "oh gosh, ME? You like ME?" stuff has gotten old quickly. Plus, I don't know. I can't put my finger on it, but it seems so polished that it's detached. It'd be great listening, if I didn't have to watch it. Sadly, I don't love her. Jordin is ok, but tends to oversing, and LaKisha is a great singer who is lousy at picking her songs. My biggest complaint? Bee Gee night? Why? And if you're going to make them sing Bee Gee songs, then I just don't think you get the right to complain about the songs. You might as well have a Tiny Tim night and then complain because it sounds too karaoke. What else are you going to do with it? Yeesh.

Survivor
Started slow. Got fun. I still go online to watch the tribal council where Edgardo got the boot. I'm rooting for Yao-Man or Earl, which means they'll both lose. We'll see, though.

Heroes
I feel like such a cool person because I actually watch this show. I don't watch Lost. I don't watch Desperate Housewives. I never watched Alias or X-Files. But I watch Heroes. Every Monday night when it's on, TeenTuna keeps walking by asking, "what's happening on Heroes" but after about 5 minutes (or as soon as Sylar and his magical finger appear), she's running for the door yelling, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS!!" It's just too cool.

Bill Moyers
Is just the coolest guy ever.