Friday, April 29, 2005

Friday Feast

Friday Feast is Served. Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

Appetizer : Which keys do you have on your key chain?
The correct question should read, which keys DON'T you have on your key chain? Or, of all the keys on your key chain, how many of them are mystery keys and how many of them unlock things you no longer own?

21 total keys- 8 of which are college keys (3 of those are mystery keys)
- 5 house keys (2 of those are duplicates)
- 3 car keys
- 5 mystery keys (2 of those I think go to bike locks which I think I still have)

Now, I can hear many of you thinking, but why on earth do you carry all those keys? The answer, my dear friends, is easy. The more keys I have, the less likely I am to lose them. But the rumors that I have one of those janitor "keys on a retractable wire" deals is entirely untrue.


Soup: What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Assuming that spontaneity is something that you choose rather than something that has been forced upon you (see: "Dessert"), the most spontaneous thing that I can remember doing was taking a whirlwind weekend vacation when I was singing and auditioning in Europe. Having a free weekend, very little cash and a Eurail pass, I decided I would take a travel weekend. The only rule was, I had to travel in the train overnight, because I had no money for a hotel or hostel. My weekend ended up being: Leave Vienna and travel to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel to Paris. Spend the day in Paris. Leave Paris and travel to Rome. Spend the day in Rome. Leave Rome and travel back to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel back to Vienna. Collapse and return to sleeping on the floor of a studio apartment. Added bonuses of my whirlwind weekend:
  • Going to Oktoberfest.
  • Not remembering a single word of French when I went to Paris, and actually speaking German instead until I realized how stupid I was.
  • Having the best meal ever in Rome, finally being warm for the first time in two months, and wandering around the Roman Forum trying to figure out which pile of rocks was which
  • Going to Oktoberfest AGAIN. On the last day. With everybody else in Europe.
  • Getting robbed in the train on my way home.

Salad: Who is the best Cook in your family?

Trick question! We all are! But I would say, TinyTuna has the best costume. Errr....apron.


Main Course: If you were to write a "how-to" book, what would the title be?
"Higher, Faster Louder. How-to release the inner Diva in You"


Dessert: Name A Recent Fad You've Tried
Isn't blogging supposed to be the newest fad in town?

Friday Feast

Friday Feast is Served. Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

Appetizer : Which keys do you have on your key chain?
The correct question should read, which keys DON'T you have on your key chain? Or, of all the keys on your key chain, how many of them are mystery keys and how many of them unlock things you no longer own?

21 total keys- 8 of which are college keys (3 of those are mystery keys)
- 5 house keys (2 of those are duplicates)
- 3 car keys
- 5 mystery keys (2 of those I think go to bike locks which I think I still have)

Now, I can hear many of you thinking, but why on earth do you carry all those keys? The answer, my dear friends, is easy. The more keys I have, the less likely I am to lose them. But the rumors that I have one of those janitor "keys on a retractable wire" deals is entirely untrue.


Soup: What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Assuming that spontaneity is something that you choose rather than something that has been forced upon you (see: "Dessert"), the most spontaneous thing that I can remember doing was taking a whirlwind weekend vacation when I was singing and auditioning in Europe. Having a free weekend, very little cash and a Eurail pass, I decided I would take a travel weekend. The only rule was, I had to travel in the train overnight, because I had no money for a hotel or hostel. My weekend ended up being: Leave Vienna and travel to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel to Paris. Spend the day in Paris. Leave Paris and travel to Rome. Spend the day in Rome. Leave Rome and travel back to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel back to Vienna. Collapse and return to sleeping on the floor of a studio apartment. Added bonuses of my whirlwind weekend:
  • Going to Oktoberfest.
  • Not remembering a single word of French when I went to Paris, and actually speaking German instead until I realized how stupid I was.
  • Having the best meal ever in Rome, finally being warm for the first time in two months, and wandering around the Roman Forum trying to figure out which pile of rocks was which
  • Going to Oktoberfest AGAIN. On the last day. With everybody else in Europe.
  • Getting robbed in the train on my way home.

Salad: Who is the best Cook in your family?

Trick question! We all are! But I would say, TinyTuna has the best costume. Errr....apron.


Main Course: If you were to write a "how-to" book, what would the title be?
"Higher, Faster Louder. How-to release the inner Diva in You"


Dessert: Name A Recent Fad You've Tried
Isn't blogging supposed to be the newest fad in town?

Thursday, April 28, 2005

URL ABCs

So, it is the URL ABC game, stolen from my pal, The Defective Yeti. No, I don't really know him, but that's never stopped me in the past.

These are my URL ABCs:
  • A is for americawestandasone.com/video.html - Am-er-UH-CUUUUUHHH!
  • B is for blogger.com/home - Blogger. There's No Place Like Home
  • C is for cbs.com/ - Survivor AND The Amazing Race. It's like a little patch of heaven on earth.
  • D is for defectiveyeti.com/ - Seriously. That's was on top. No, really!
  • E is for Irish Examiner Newspaper - Well, this is embarassing. This particular story was about Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Paris Latsis. Paris. And Paris. Get it? Actually, I was just clicking through. Really!
  • F is for flickr.com/ - Flickr! Fotos! Fun!
  • G is for greentuna.blogspot.com/ - C'est Moi
  • H is for hbdirect.com/ - I was ordering Compact Discs. I was working! Really!
  • I is for idolonfox.com/ - American Idol. And Constanscream is gone. Really!
  • J is for jsbach.org/teldec.html - Oooo. Look how arty and farty I am. Now 30% less farty.
  • K is for konfabulator.com/ - Konfabulator. Tweaky Widgety Toys for Your Computer.
  • L is for nationalgeographic.com/ - National Geographic Pictures. And no, I don't have any idea why the URL for national geographic begins with the word "lava". But that's what is listed under "L" and as soon as I click on lava.nationalgeographic.com it turns into an unlava-like nationalgeographic.com. ANYWAY, Today's picture: Elephant!
  • M is for msnbc.msn.com/ - News. Yawn.
  • N is for Newsday. This story was the great buffalo escape of 2005.
  • O is for onceadored.blogspot.com/ - odonnel known as rosie has a blog but its clear that capital letters and punctuation are strictly optional and why did i never notice the title of her blog before? oops questionmark anyway i think my next blog will greentuna is all that and a bag of chips dot blogspot dot com wonder if its taken? oops
  • P is for p084.ezboard.com/bnewsandviews - Public Board for News and Views. All opinionated. All the Time
  • Q is for Quirkily empty.
  • R is for resources.survivorphoenix.com/ - Resources and spoilers for Survivor Phoenix. Research Research Research
  • S is for stumbleupon.com/ - Stumble upon new websites. Not like I needed any help here.
  • T is for tvguide.com/ - TV Guide. Oh yeah.
  • U is for Unbelievably empty.
  • V is for villagephotos.com/ - Village Photos. Where all my blog pictures live.
  • W is for widgetgallery.com/ - Widgets! For the Konfabulator! Fun! Fun! Fun!
  • X is for Xtremely empty.
  • Y is for yahoo.com/ - Though I never recall actually visiting here.
  • Z is for Zoinks! This is empty too!

URL ABCs

So, it is the URL ABC game, stolen from my pal, The Defective Yeti. No, I don't really know him, but that's never stopped me in the past.

These are my URL ABCs:
  • A is for americawestandasone.com/video.html - Am-er-UH-CUUUUUHHH!
  • B is for blogger.com/home - Blogger. There's No Place Like Home
  • C is for cbs.com/ - Survivor AND The Amazing Race. It's like a little patch of heaven on earth.
  • D is for defectiveyeti.com/ - Seriously. That's was on top. No, really!
  • E is for Irish Examiner Newspaper - Well, this is embarassing. This particular story was about Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Paris Latsis. Paris. And Paris. Get it? Actually, I was just clicking through. Really!
  • F is for flickr.com/ - Flickr! Fotos! Fun!
  • G is for greentuna.blogspot.com/ - C'est Moi
  • H is for hbdirect.com/ - I was ordering Compact Discs. I was working! Really!
  • I is for idolonfox.com/ - American Idol. And Constanscream is gone. Really!
  • J is for jsbach.org/teldec.html - Oooo. Look how arty and farty I am. Now 30% less farty.
  • K is for konfabulator.com/ - Konfabulator. Tweaky Widgety Toys for Your Computer.
  • L is for nationalgeographic.com/ - National Geographic Pictures. And no, I don't have any idea why the URL for national geographic begins with the word "lava". But that's what is listed under "L" and as soon as I click on lava.nationalgeographic.com it turns into an unlava-like nationalgeographic.com. ANYWAY, Today's picture: Elephant!
  • M is for msnbc.msn.com/ - News. Yawn.
  • N is for Newsday. This story was the great buffalo escape of 2005.
  • O is for onceadored.blogspot.com/ - odonnel known as rosie has a blog but its clear that capital letters and punctuation are strictly optional and why did i never notice the title of her blog before? oops questionmark anyway i think my next blog will greentuna is all that and a bag of chips dot blogspot dot com wonder if its taken? oops
  • P is for p084.ezboard.com/bnewsandviews - Public Board for News and Views. All opinionated. All the Time
  • Q is for Quirkily empty.
  • R is for resources.survivorphoenix.com/ - Resources and spoilers for Survivor Phoenix. Research Research Research
  • S is for stumbleupon.com/ - Stumble upon new websites. Not like I needed any help here.
  • T is for tvguide.com/ - TV Guide. Oh yeah.
  • U is for Unbelievably empty.
  • V is for villagephotos.com/ - Village Photos. Where all my blog pictures live.
  • W is for widgetgallery.com/ - Widgets! For the Konfabulator! Fun! Fun! Fun!
  • X is for Xtremely empty.
  • Y is for yahoo.com/ - Though I never recall actually visiting here.
  • Z is for Zoinks! This is empty too!

Make Your Child Go To School Day

Today is Take Your Child to Work Day.

If you take a moment to peer through your computer screen, you will notice that (much to her extreme dismay) TinyTuna is NOT here.

Oh, she wanted to be here. She begged. She pleaded. She even attempted the desperation argument, "But everybody else is going." Too bad for her. I was unmoved and I made her go to school. I was a mean mom.

It's not that I'm against children learning about work-place environments. It's not that I'm against the original premise of this day, which was, in fact, Take Your DAUGHTER to Work Day. It was meant to boost self-esteem and give girls exposure to the work environment. That became "unfair" to the boys, and now it is Take Your Daughters and sons To Work Day.

Whatever. Even if it were Take Your Grunty Rabbit To Work Day,
I'm not playing.

"Why Mean Mom?" I hear you ask. "Why not let TinyTuna come to the office? Why not be a positive role model for your child? FIE! FIE! For shame!"

I'll tell you why. According to the current school calendar, there is a Take Your Child to Work Day at least once a month, and usually more. In the 2004-2005 school year, TinyTuna has had 14 half-days, plus full days off for: Election Day (1), Thanksgiving (2), Christmas Break (10), MLK Day (1), Presidents Day (3 days IN ADDITION TO THE WEEKEND = 5 Total), Spring Break (5) and Memorial Day (1).

So that count again is:
14 half-days off
23 full days off

And these numbers do NOT include the holiest of holy: Snow Days.
I believe our 2004-2005 total for this unexpected joy = 3.

14 half days / 26 full days

NOW -- compare that figure with my workplace calendar:
Number of half days off= ZERO
Number of full days off = Thanksgiving (2), Christmas (2), New Years (2), Memorial Day (1)
Snow Days = HAHAHAHAHA

0 half days / 7 full days

When one compares time off, TinyTuna is still ahead of GreenTuna by 14 half days off and 19 full days off. She doesn't need a Take Your Child To Work DAY when she already gets a Take Your Child To Work MONTH.

TinyTuna can already do most procedures within my workplace. On top of that, she use a typewriter and a computer, check out materials, visit My Boyfriend, and get a high score on Real Arcade.

It's just things like fractions that she's not so hot at.

So, off to school she went. Pouts and all.
And I get my computer for the entire day.
Life is good, Mean Mom. Life is good.

Make Your Child Go To School Day

Today is Take Your Child to Work Day.

If you take a moment to peer through your computer screen, you will notice that (much to her extreme dismay) TinyTuna is NOT here.

Oh, she wanted to be here. She begged. She pleaded. She even attempted the desperation argument, "But everybody else is going." Too bad for her. I was unmoved and I made her go to school. I was a mean mom.

It's not that I'm against children learning about work-place environments. It's not that I'm against the original premise of this day, which was, in fact, Take Your DAUGHTER to Work Day. It was meant to boost self-esteem and give girls exposure to the work environment. That became "unfair" to the boys, and now it is Take Your Daughters and sons To Work Day.

Whatever. Even if it were Take Your Grunty Rabbit To Work Day,
I'm not playing.

"Why Mean Mom?" I hear you ask. "Why not let TinyTuna come to the office? Why not be a positive role model for your child? FIE! FIE! For shame!"

I'll tell you why. According to the current school calendar, there is a Take Your Child to Work Day at least once a month, and usually more. In the 2004-2005 school year, TinyTuna has had 14 half-days, plus full days off for: Election Day (1), Thanksgiving (2), Christmas Break (10), MLK Day (1), Presidents Day (3 days IN ADDITION TO THE WEEKEND = 5 Total), Spring Break (5) and Memorial Day (1).

So that count again is:
14 half-days off
23 full days off

And these numbers do NOT include the holiest of holy: Snow Days.
I believe our 2004-2005 total for this unexpected joy = 3.

14 half days / 26 full days

NOW -- compare that figure with my workplace calendar:
Number of half days off= ZERO
Number of full days off = Thanksgiving (2), Christmas (2), New Years (2), Memorial Day (1)
Snow Days = HAHAHAHAHA

0 half days / 7 full days

When one compares time off, TinyTuna is still ahead of GreenTuna by 14 half days off and 19 full days off. She doesn't need a Take Your Child To Work DAY when she already gets a Take Your Child To Work MONTH.

TinyTuna can already do most procedures within my workplace. On top of that, she use a typewriter and a computer, check out materials, visit My Boyfriend, and get a high score on Real Arcade.

It's just things like fractions that she's not so hot at.

So, off to school she went. Pouts and all.
And I get my computer for the entire day.
Life is good, Mean Mom. Life is good.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Your caption here

...On your mark...get set....GO!


Hey! This is where the deer and the antelope play!


Only in Maryland.

Your caption here

...On your mark...get set....GO!


Hey! This is where the deer and the antelope play!


Only in Maryland.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think ...

  1. Detachment::Retina

  2. Regard::Broadway

  3. Community:: Theater

  4. Strike three:: You're Out

  5. Congregation:: Church

  6. Generous::Nice

  7. Pretention::Uppity

  8. Pregnant::Not it

  9. Drinking::Binge

  10. Brilliance::Shiny


I dunno about this. I'm beginning to think I'm a moron.
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings.
Originally seen and then stolen from MissMeliss Scritture

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think ...

  1. Detachment::Retina

  2. Regard::Broadway

  3. Community:: Theater

  4. Strike three:: You're Out

  5. Congregation:: Church

  6. Generous::Nice

  7. Pretention::Uppity

  8. Pregnant::Not it

  9. Drinking::Binge

  10. Brilliance::Shiny


I dunno about this. I'm beginning to think I'm a moron.
Want to play? Go to Unconscious Mutterings.
Originally seen and then stolen from MissMeliss Scritture

America, We Hurl As One

As spotted on News and Views (thanks, Cops!) I feel it is my DUTY to share the following piece of patriotic ... stuff ... full of inspirational words and music:

America, We Stand As One

As I was watching this traffic wreck of a music video, the first thing that caught my eye was the following disclaimer:
America We Stand As One and Dennis Madalone did not authorize or assist in the production,
creation, or concept behind alternative "spoof" videos of America We Stand As One.
DO NOT BE FOOLED BY IMITATIONS!
After watching this train wreck, I STAMPEDED to see my boyfriend, and I whispered America We Stand As One Spoof in his ear, hoping for a big, big payoff.

I wasn't disappointed.

But before I bring you the spoof, which, I warn you now is full of not-appropriate for work type verbiage (unless you're a sailor), I thought I'd bring you some reviews of the aforementioned video from the Internets:

From MacAddict Forum
  • "Cut that hair, hippie!" (MustafaMond)
  • "Where can I get some of that flag water?" (Touque Guy)
  • "That's not true, is it? That can't be true. I refuse to believe that's true. It's a spoof. Please, tell me it's a spoof. Some bozo wouldn't pretend to be a dead fireman dancing with angels and American flags, would he?" (SchnickyShnack)
  • "Never before have I seen so many cliches culminated in one source." (Jax)
  • "Now I have to go poke my eyes out." (Mars Attacks)

From Praguetv/forum
  • "For the past fourteen years, Dennis Madalon was best known as stunt coordinator on Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deep Space 9. "Not only his physical prowess but also his charisma landed him appearances on Regis and Kathy Lee".... I think he landed on his head one too many times working a stunt coordinator. (Colin the angry young man)
  • "Is it just me, or is the resemblance to Weird Al Yankovic sort of eerie?" (ck1)

From: Stereogum
  • "Sincere posturing, outstretched arms, curly mullet, ripped jeans, cameltoe, pained close-ups, profile silhouette, blustery wind, fist-pumping, united-front lineup, rushing ocean waters... Wow! This video is like, ALL the 80s video cliches rolled into one." (Avatar)
  • "Three letters: W. T. F." (Isaac B2)
So, without further adieu, I bring you, THE SPOOF.

But wait, there's more. Oh yes, there is more. Not more patriotic grandstanding, because really, how much can anyone take on a Monday morning?

Behold, I bring you, The Apache Dance.

Oh Internets, I love you so.

America, We Hurl As One

As spotted on News and Views (thanks, Cops!) I feel it is my DUTY to share the following piece of patriotic ... stuff ... full of inspirational words and music:

America, We Stand As One

As I was watching this traffic wreck of a music video, the first thing that caught my eye was the following disclaimer:
America We Stand As One and Dennis Madalone did not authorize or assist in the production,
creation, or concept behind alternative "spoof" videos of America We Stand As One.
DO NOT BE FOOLED BY IMITATIONS!
After watching this train wreck, I STAMPEDED to see my boyfriend, and I whispered America We Stand As One Spoof in his ear, hoping for a big, big payoff.

I wasn't disappointed.

But before I bring you the spoof, which, I warn you now is full of not-appropriate for work type verbiage (unless you're a sailor), I thought I'd bring you some reviews of the aforementioned video from the Internets:

From MacAddict Forum
  • "Cut that hair, hippie!" (MustafaMond)
  • "Where can I get some of that flag water?" (Touque Guy)
  • "That's not true, is it? That can't be true. I refuse to believe that's true. It's a spoof. Please, tell me it's a spoof. Some bozo wouldn't pretend to be a dead fireman dancing with angels and American flags, would he?" (SchnickyShnack)
  • "Never before have I seen so many cliches culminated in one source." (Jax)
  • "Now I have to go poke my eyes out." (Mars Attacks)

From Praguetv/forum
  • "For the past fourteen years, Dennis Madalon was best known as stunt coordinator on Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deep Space 9. "Not only his physical prowess but also his charisma landed him appearances on Regis and Kathy Lee".... I think he landed on his head one too many times working a stunt coordinator. (Colin the angry young man)
  • "Is it just me, or is the resemblance to Weird Al Yankovic sort of eerie?" (ck1)

From: Stereogum
  • "Sincere posturing, outstretched arms, curly mullet, ripped jeans, cameltoe, pained close-ups, profile silhouette, blustery wind, fist-pumping, united-front lineup, rushing ocean waters... Wow! This video is like, ALL the 80s video cliches rolled into one." (Avatar)
  • "Three letters: W. T. F." (Isaac B2)
So, without further adieu, I bring you, THE SPOOF.

But wait, there's more. Oh yes, there is more. Not more patriotic grandstanding, because really, how much can anyone take on a Monday morning?

Behold, I bring you, The Apache Dance.

Oh Internets, I love you so.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

We're On A Mission...From God

Best phone message EVER, left after spending the previous ninety minutes wrapped in the loving arms of The Lord:

Hi! This is TinyTuna. Mom and I are on our way to brunch, and I wanted to invite you to come join us. We hope to see you there, even though you're a dirty rotten church skipper.

Bye!!

We're On A Mission...From God

Best phone message EVER, left after spending the previous ninety minutes wrapped in the loving arms of The Lord:

Hi! This is TinyTuna. Mom and I are on our way to brunch, and I wanted to invite you to come join us. We hope to see you there, even though you're a dirty rotten church skipper.

Bye!!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Where Have All The Tunas Gone?

It appears that Village Photos -- the website that hosts all my images -- is currently down for the count.

Find The Fish

STRANGE WOMAN:
Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish!
STRANGE MAN:
A-fish, a-fish, a-fish, a-fishy, ooooh.
STRANGE WOMAN:
Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish!
STRANGE MAN:
That went wherever I did go.
I miss my fish.

Where Have All The Tunas Gone?

It appears that Village Photos -- the website that hosts all my images -- is currently down for the count.

Find The Fish

STRANGE WOMAN:
Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish!
STRANGE MAN:
A-fish, a-fish, a-fish, a-fishy, ooooh.
STRANGE WOMAN:
Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish!
STRANGE MAN:
That went wherever I did go.
I miss my fish.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Nubbin Watch

It is the time of year that GramTuna, TinyTuna and I take to watching the dirt.

It's nubbin season.

Nubbins are Tuna terminology for new garden growth. And after a long (L-O-N-G) winter with lots of snow, there is nothing better than clearing away the dead leaves and searching for nubbins. Nubbins mean growth and renewal. Nubbins mean we made it. Nubbins mean spring is finally here.

Just knowing that nubbin season is around the corner is enough to make me giddy. When we were in New York, GramTuna and I spent several hours at the Staten Island Botanical Garden. Located between the water and an urban area best described as GET OUT -- the grounds consist of several different themed gardens, such as:

We imagined that the Botanical Garden was quite a magnificent place. But we could only imagine, because we saw nothing. No roses. No peonies. No shade flowers. No water in the pond. Nothing. We walked around for about three hours and looked at dirt.

And we had a ball.

Even with nothing blooming, it was inspirational. We stood by a construction fence and looked down at the future site of The Garden of Healing, constructed in tribute to those lost in the tragedy of 9/11. Right now there isn't much to see: it's just a winding path and a lot of mud. Someday it will be trees and flowers and things that grow; a quiet sanctuary for those searching for peace and healing.

Watching dirt and searching for nubbins may not seem like much, but after waiting for so long, when you finally find one, it instantly erases all the long, dark, cold nights of winter. We don't have to see the flower. The nubbin is promise enough.

Yesterday, a special nubbin finally made its appearance. We've been looking and waiting for this one for a very, very long time. Some nubbins cannot be rushed, and this one, like so many others, was no different. But now that it's here, the difficulty of waiting doesn't seem to matter anymore. Finding a nubbin means we don't have to look at the dirt anymore. The promise has been fulfilled and life has started again.

Dear little TunaSan, you're almost one day old.
I am told you are peaceful and noble.
Although I haven't seen this littlest nubbin yet,
I know it is a beautiful and priceless addition to the garden.
Welcome to our family.

Auntie GreenTuna

Nubbin Watch

It is the time of year that GramTuna, TinyTuna and I take to watching the dirt.

It's nubbin season.

Nubbins are Tuna terminology for new garden growth. And after a long (L-O-N-G) winter with lots of snow, there is nothing better than clearing away the dead leaves and searching for nubbins. Nubbins mean growth and renewal. Nubbins mean we made it. Nubbins mean spring is finally here.

Just knowing that nubbin season is around the corner is enough to make me giddy. When we were in New York, GramTuna and I spent several hours at the Staten Island Botanical Garden. Located between the water and an urban area best described as GET OUT -- the grounds consist of several different themed gardens, such as:

We imagined that the Botanical Garden was quite a magnificent place. But we could only imagine, because we saw nothing. No roses. No peonies. No shade flowers. No water in the pond. Nothing. We walked around for about three hours and looked at dirt.

And we had a ball.

Even with nothing blooming, it was inspirational. We stood by a construction fence and looked down at the future site of The Garden of Healing, constructed in tribute to those lost in the tragedy of 9/11. Right now there isn't much to see: it's just a winding path and a lot of mud. Someday it will be trees and flowers and things that grow; a quiet sanctuary for those searching for peace and healing.

Watching dirt and searching for nubbins may not seem like much, but after waiting for so long, when you finally find one, it instantly erases all the long, dark, cold nights of winter. We don't have to see the flower. The nubbin is promise enough.

Yesterday, a special nubbin finally made its appearance. We've been looking and waiting for this one for a very, very long time. Some nubbins cannot be rushed, and this one, like so many others, was no different. But now that it's here, the difficulty of waiting doesn't seem to matter anymore. Finding a nubbin means we don't have to look at the dirt anymore. The promise has been fulfilled and life has started again.

Dear little TunaSan, you're almost one day old.
I am told you are peaceful and noble.
Although I haven't seen this littlest nubbin yet,
I know it is a beautiful and priceless addition to the garden.
Welcome to our family.

Auntie GreenTuna

Friday Feast

Friday's Feast is served!

Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep
There can only be one answer to this question.
Behold! The sleeping chair of death!



I bought this chair when I was about 27 months pregnant with no signs of relief. It was back-ordered and then delayed, and it was the one time I remember my head spinning completely around while I used my fragile condition of impending motherhood to totally browbeat some poor sales associate into free delivery and assembling. Don't' mess with the overdue pregnant lady.


Soup: Who brings out the best in you?
Now how can I answer this question? It's like Bart and Lisa Simpson telling Maggie to "come to the one you love" and then watching her go up to the television and give it a big hug. Who brings out the best in me? I suppose it depends on the day, the activity, and how open I am to the insights and challenges others bring to my life.


Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day?
Being neither a duck nor an Easy-Listening Top 40 ballad, I suppose what I like to do on a rainy day is stay inside and stay dry.


Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough...
Winning lottery tickets and matching socks.


Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first?
The one I can find.

Friday Feast

Friday's Feast is served!

Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep
There can only be one answer to this question.
Behold! The sleeping chair of death!



I bought this chair when I was about 27 months pregnant with no signs of relief. It was back-ordered and then delayed, and it was the one time I remember my head spinning completely around while I used my fragile condition of impending motherhood to totally browbeat some poor sales associate into free delivery and assembling. Don't' mess with the overdue pregnant lady.


Soup: Who brings out the best in you?
Now how can I answer this question? It's like Bart and Lisa Simpson telling Maggie to "come to the one you love" and then watching her go up to the television and give it a big hug. Who brings out the best in me? I suppose it depends on the day, the activity, and how open I am to the insights and challenges others bring to my life.


Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day?
Being neither a duck nor an Easy-Listening Top 40 ballad, I suppose what I like to do on a rainy day is stay inside and stay dry.


Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough...
Winning lottery tickets and matching socks.


Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first?
The one I can find.

Reality Update

SURVIVOR
Good grief. It's been a month since I've last reported on the Survivor Fantasy League.



Over the past few weeks, Cops has made an amazing surge, displacing Honeylife and Hershey Bears. The rest of us have remained static, which (if you're me) is a good thing. Still in all, it just takes one week to really screw you up, so I'm proceeding with caution over the remaining weeks.

I had a big chuckle over the trivia bonus points this week. There are three questions worth 20, 40 and 60 points, respectively, and, according to CBS, each gets progressively harder. This week's 60 point mind blowing question?

When Janu was cast away to an uninhabited island, did she eventually start a fire?

A yes or no question is the hardest thing they could come up with? It seems there is a Survivor trivia writer out there who needs to lay down their torch.


AMAZING RACE
1. As long as Romber loses, I'm happy.
2. This just in: Rupert won't be on Amazing Race 8.
I dunno. If I had to suffer through an entire season of Romber, somebody should have to suffer through an entire series of The Rupert Bunch.

APPRENTICE
I've got dibs on Tana. Never mess with a Mary Kay rep.

BIG BROTHER 6
Already the BB wheels have started to turn. Word has it that the game will start earlier than previous years (I've seen a house entry date of June 24th with the first episode on June 28th) and end a bit later (I've seen October 2nd). I've also read of an increased number of players (up to 20) which should prove interesting, if not a little confusing. We'll see...

Reality Update

SURVIVOR
Good grief. It's been a month since I've last reported on the Survivor Fantasy League.



Over the past few weeks, Cops has made an amazing surge, displacing Honeylife and Hershey Bears. The rest of us have remained static, which (if you're me) is a good thing. Still in all, it just takes one week to really screw you up, so I'm proceeding with caution over the remaining weeks.

I had a big chuckle over the trivia bonus points this week. There are three questions worth 20, 40 and 60 points, respectively, and, according to CBS, each gets progressively harder. This week's 60 point mind blowing question?

When Janu was cast away to an uninhabited island, did she eventually start a fire?

A yes or no question is the hardest thing they could come up with? It seems there is a Survivor trivia writer out there who needs to lay down their torch.


AMAZING RACE
1. As long as Romber loses, I'm happy.
2. This just in: Rupert won't be on Amazing Race 8.
I dunno. If I had to suffer through an entire season of Romber, somebody should have to suffer through an entire series of The Rupert Bunch.

APPRENTICE
I've got dibs on Tana. Never mess with a Mary Kay rep.

BIG BROTHER 6
Already the BB wheels have started to turn. Word has it that the game will start earlier than previous years (I've seen a house entry date of June 24th with the first episode on June 28th) and end a bit later (I've seen October 2nd). I've also read of an increased number of players (up to 20) which should prove interesting, if not a little confusing. We'll see...

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Return to Sender

According to the AP, The new Pope has an email address.

That's right. Pope Benedict XVI is ready to receive your emails expressing your best wishes, or perhaps your prayer requests, not to mention offers for LOW LOW mortgages, pharmaceuticals from Canada, and, my personal favorite: letters from Tracy-Anne Collins.

benedictxvi@vatican.va

How many Hail Marys do you get for Spamming the Pope?
I don't think this is covered in Leviticus.

Return to Sender

According to the AP, The new Pope has an email address.

That's right. Pope Benedict XVI is ready to receive your emails expressing your best wishes, or perhaps your prayer requests, not to mention offers for LOW LOW mortgages, pharmaceuticals from Canada, and, my personal favorite: letters from Tracy-Anne Collins.

benedictxvi@vatican.va

How many Hail Marys do you get for Spamming the Pope?
I don't think this is covered in Leviticus.

Monday, April 18, 2005

A Horse is a Horse, Of Course, Of Course

Over the weekend GramTuna and I dragged TinyTuna to OPENING DAY at the local plant emporium where we planned to meet up with BSTuna and drool over all things green. TinyTuna, already having enjoyed breakfast with the Grill Dogs, a three mile hike with the Church Aunts and a trip to the grocery store, had no idea this excursion was also on her agenda. Breaking the news to her went something like this:

GreenTuna: Get your shoes on! We're going to go out and about!

TinyTuna: Where?

GreenTuna:
We are going to meet BSTuna!

TinyTuna: Where??

GreenTuna:
It will be FUN!

TinyTuna: (Knowing she is in trouble because I STILL haven't answered her question) WHERE??

GreenTuna: GUESS!

TinyTuna: Sewing store.
GreenTuna: Nope.
TinyTuna: Spinning store.
GreenTuna: Nope.
TinyTuna: Bunny show.
GreenTuna: Nope.
TinyTuna: I don't know.
GreenTuna: Plant Store!
TinyTuna: AWW MOM!!!!!!!

But I promised her there would be treats at the plant store (which there were), and we wouldn't be there any more than an hour or so (which we weren't), because GramTuna had to get home. So, she got in the car (what else could she do?) and off we went.

Nowadays, local plant emporiums are about much more than plants. Keep in mind, I'm not talking a Home Depot kind of place, which isn't a plant emporium at all, but is more like a lawn mower and screwdriver emporium with a few greens strategically placed to make Our Lady of Concrete Warehouses look a little warmer and more inviting. No, what I'm talking about are the locally owned businesses who are not only well versed in the fifty-seven varieties of coleus, but also the statuary, bird feeders, walking tiles and other outdoor googahs designed to beautify your home and lighten your wallet.

When we arrived at said plant emporium, we met up with BSTuna and spent time looking at seeds and plants and other trinkets of the outdoors. And then TinyTuna saw this


and went ballistic. Taken from the Trail of Painted Ponies series, this particular horse, Skyrider, is derived from a Hopi Indian legend. TinyTuna was beside herself. She had to have it. I just nodded and said yes, it was pretty, and then I tried to oosh her on her way. It was tough because she just kept going back. It was so beautiful. The most beautiful thing she had ever seen blah de blah which one did I like the best? Once I finally got her interested in other trinkets and doodads, I lagged behind until I caught a worker bee. I gave her the old "follow me" head nod, and through clenched teeth I told her I wanted the horse but she needed to do it secretly and I'd follow in a minute and pay for it. She said no problem, and I went back to rejoin the gang.

After about five minutes it seemed as if we were ready to move outside and look at plants. I quietly told GramTuna I had "something to do" and for her to keep TinyTuna occupied for a few minutes. Gram said ok, and off I went to take care of TinyTuna's late birthday present. After paying for the horse and running it out to the car, I returned to the greenhouse to catch up with the group.

TinyTuna: WHERE WERE YOU???

GreenTuna: I had to go to the bathroom.

TinyTuna: THE HORSE IS GONE!!!!


GreenTuna:
It is?

TinyTuna: WHERE IS IT???


GreenTuna:
How should I know? I had to go to the bathroom.

TinyTuna: CONFESS!!!!!!!!


GreenTuna:
Confess what?

TinyTuna: CONFESS!!!!!!!!


GreenTuna:
(Trying not to laugh) Maybe somebody else saw it and bought it.

TinyTuna: CONFESS!!!!!!!!


GreenTuna:
I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

TinyTuna: WITH A HORSE??????


At this point, we all burst into hysterics. But I wasn't going to back down, and of course, neither was she. Finally I gave her the mother-eye and said, "You know, If I DID get a horse and I wanted it to be a SURPRISE, I sure would be DISAPPOINTED if somebody tried to RUIN my special surprise.....

And off I went.

And up she shut.

And the next day she was surprised when she opened her present from Herman the Crab, and found a box for something totally different. Whether she forgot about the horse or just pretended, she remembered the importance of special surprises, and that's what really counted.

A Horse is a Horse, Of Course, Of Course

Over the weekend GramTuna and I dragged TinyTuna to OPENING DAY at the local plant emporium where we planned to meet up with BSTuna and drool over all things green. TinyTuna, already having enjoyed breakfast with the Grill Dogs, a three mile hike with the Church Aunts and a trip to the grocery store, had no idea this excursion was also on her agenda. Breaking the news to her went something like this:

GreenTuna: Get your shoes on! We're going to go out and about!

TinyTuna: Where?

GreenTuna:
We are going to meet BSTuna!

TinyTuna: Where??

GreenTuna:
It will be FUN!

TinyTuna: (Knowing she is in trouble because I STILL haven't answered her question) WHERE??

GreenTuna: GUESS!

TinyTuna: Sewing store.
GreenTuna: Nope.
TinyTuna: Spinning store.
GreenTuna: Nope.
TinyTuna: Bunny show.
GreenTuna: Nope.
TinyTuna: I don't know.
GreenTuna: Plant Store!
TinyTuna: AWW MOM!!!!!!!

But I promised her there would be treats at the plant store (which there were), and we wouldn't be there any more than an hour or so (which we weren't), because GramTuna had to get home. So, she got in the car (what else could she do?) and off we went.

Nowadays, local plant emporiums are about much more than plants. Keep in mind, I'm not talking a Home Depot kind of place, which isn't a plant emporium at all, but is more like a lawn mower and screwdriver emporium with a few greens strategically placed to make Our Lady of Concrete Warehouses look a little warmer and more inviting. No, what I'm talking about are the locally owned businesses who are not only well versed in the fifty-seven varieties of coleus, but also the statuary, bird feeders, walking tiles and other outdoor googahs designed to beautify your home and lighten your wallet.

When we arrived at said plant emporium, we met up with BSTuna and spent time looking at seeds and plants and other trinkets of the outdoors. And then TinyTuna saw this


and went ballistic. Taken from the Trail of Painted Ponies series, this particular horse, Skyrider, is derived from a Hopi Indian legend. TinyTuna was beside herself. She had to have it. I just nodded and said yes, it was pretty, and then I tried to oosh her on her way. It was tough because she just kept going back. It was so beautiful. The most beautiful thing she had ever seen blah de blah which one did I like the best? Once I finally got her interested in other trinkets and doodads, I lagged behind until I caught a worker bee. I gave her the old "follow me" head nod, and through clenched teeth I told her I wanted the horse but she needed to do it secretly and I'd follow in a minute and pay for it. She said no problem, and I went back to rejoin the gang.

After about five minutes it seemed as if we were ready to move outside and look at plants. I quietly told GramTuna I had "something to do" and for her to keep TinyTuna occupied for a few minutes. Gram said ok, and off I went to take care of TinyTuna's late birthday present. After paying for the horse and running it out to the car, I returned to the greenhouse to catch up with the group.

TinyTuna: WHERE WERE YOU???

GreenTuna: I had to go to the bathroom.

TinyTuna: THE HORSE IS GONE!!!!


GreenTuna:
It is?

TinyTuna: WHERE IS IT???


GreenTuna:
How should I know? I had to go to the bathroom.

TinyTuna: CONFESS!!!!!!!!


GreenTuna:
Confess what?

TinyTuna: CONFESS!!!!!!!!


GreenTuna:
(Trying not to laugh) Maybe somebody else saw it and bought it.

TinyTuna: CONFESS!!!!!!!!


GreenTuna:
I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

TinyTuna: WITH A HORSE??????


At this point, we all burst into hysterics. But I wasn't going to back down, and of course, neither was she. Finally I gave her the mother-eye and said, "You know, If I DID get a horse and I wanted it to be a SURPRISE, I sure would be DISAPPOINTED if somebody tried to RUIN my special surprise.....

And off I went.

And up she shut.

And the next day she was surprised when she opened her present from Herman the Crab, and found a box for something totally different. Whether she forgot about the horse or just pretended, she remembered the importance of special surprises, and that's what really counted.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Friday Feast

It's still Friday for another hour or so, and even though I'm absolutely stuffed from dinner, I'm going to submit my weekly Friday Feast! What yummies do we have today?

Appetizer: What Was Your First "Real" Job
I went out and got a "real" job on the first day I could legally work: my sixteenth birthday. I was hired to work in the dining room of a retirement center, and it was an experience I'll never forget. At the time, this particular facility was fairly new and somewhat upscale. But this didn't make the job any easier. In fact, we youngsters worked under an incredible amount of pressure, trying to seat, serve, bus and reset a meal at 5pm and again at 6pm.

Over the 18 months I worked there, I learned many important lessons:
  • You cannot seat, serve, bus and reset a meal in an hour. ESPECIALLY in a retirement center where it might take someone 15 minutes just to get themselves and their walkers in the door.
  • The people who take the longest to get themselves in the door are the ones who get the angriest when That bastard FRED from the second floor STOLE MY SEAT.
  • Everything is the waiters/waitresses' fault. From the illiterate cooks who cannot read meal slips to That bastard FRED from the second floor who STOLE MY SEAT.
  • Whiny behavior is not limited to pre-schoolers.
  • Some of the most interesting, caring and wonderful people you'll ever meet will be in their 70s, 80s, 90s and above.
But there were many important lessons I didn't learn until much later:
  • Life is more difficult and a bit sadder when a person is no longer able to enjoy the comfort and freedom of their own home, their own schedule and their own cooking, and the rest of us should cut them some slack.
  • No matter how annoying it can be to listen to whining and complaining, you'll always feel a hole in the pit of your stomach when that familiar face doesn't show up for dinner anymore. Even if it is That bastard FRED from the second floor.
  • We hid the weapons of mass destruction. That wasn't fruit cocktail in your jello.

Soup: Where would you go to spark your creativity?
Nowhere. Meaning, if I purposefully go someplace as if to say, "Ok, creativity. POOF! APPEAR! POOF! APPEAR!" Creativity is going to say, "Poof THIS, sucka." I think it's a lot better for creativity to come to me, and it usually comes when I am doing something mundane, like driving or walking or gardening or reading through a pile of music.


Salad: Complete this sentence, "I am embarrassed when..."
Geez, take your pick:
  • "In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible—whatever that means." (March, 16, 2005)
  • "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." (February 22, 2005)
  • "It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life." (December 21, 2004)
  • "Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." (September 17, 2004)
  • "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country." (September 6, 2004)

Main Course: What values did your parents instill in you?
There is no substitute for hard work, strong convictions, personal responsibility and a wicked sense of humor.


Dessert: Name Three Fads from your Teenage Years
I'm thinking if I have to ask my boyfriend about what might have been a fad when I was a teenager, it either wasn't faddish enough, or else (and more likely) I wasn't paying attention. Sadly, anything that was a fad back then has now come full circle and is cool, hip...and Retro! So I'm guessing this means low slung jeans, tunic shirts and long stringy hair. But you know, I didn't do it then and I don't do it now. Yuck.

Friday Feast

It's still Friday for another hour or so, and even though I'm absolutely stuffed from dinner, I'm going to submit my weekly Friday Feast! What yummies do we have today?

Appetizer: What Was Your First "Real" Job
I went out and got a "real" job on the first day I could legally work: my sixteenth birthday. I was hired to work in the dining room of a retirement center, and it was an experience I'll never forget. At the time, this particular facility was fairly new and somewhat upscale. But this didn't make the job any easier. In fact, we youngsters worked under an incredible amount of pressure, trying to seat, serve, bus and reset a meal at 5pm and again at 6pm.

Over the 18 months I worked there, I learned many important lessons:
  • You cannot seat, serve, bus and reset a meal in an hour. ESPECIALLY in a retirement center where it might take someone 15 minutes just to get themselves and their walkers in the door.
  • The people who take the longest to get themselves in the door are the ones who get the angriest when That bastard FRED from the second floor STOLE MY SEAT.
  • Everything is the waiters/waitresses' fault. From the illiterate cooks who cannot read meal slips to That bastard FRED from the second floor who STOLE MY SEAT.
  • Whiny behavior is not limited to pre-schoolers.
  • Some of the most interesting, caring and wonderful people you'll ever meet will be in their 70s, 80s, 90s and above.
But there were many important lessons I didn't learn until much later:
  • Life is more difficult and a bit sadder when a person is no longer able to enjoy the comfort and freedom of their own home, their own schedule and their own cooking, and the rest of us should cut them some slack.
  • No matter how annoying it can be to listen to whining and complaining, you'll always feel a hole in the pit of your stomach when that familiar face doesn't show up for dinner anymore. Even if it is That bastard FRED from the second floor.
  • We hid the weapons of mass destruction. That wasn't fruit cocktail in your jello.

Soup: Where would you go to spark your creativity?
Nowhere. Meaning, if I purposefully go someplace as if to say, "Ok, creativity. POOF! APPEAR! POOF! APPEAR!" Creativity is going to say, "Poof THIS, sucka." I think it's a lot better for creativity to come to me, and it usually comes when I am doing something mundane, like driving or walking or gardening or reading through a pile of music.


Salad: Complete this sentence, "I am embarrassed when..."
Geez, take your pick:
  • "In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible—whatever that means." (March, 16, 2005)
  • "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." (February 22, 2005)
  • "It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life." (December 21, 2004)
  • "Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." (September 17, 2004)
  • "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country." (September 6, 2004)

Main Course: What values did your parents instill in you?
There is no substitute for hard work, strong convictions, personal responsibility and a wicked sense of humor.


Dessert: Name Three Fads from your Teenage Years
I'm thinking if I have to ask my boyfriend about what might have been a fad when I was a teenager, it either wasn't faddish enough, or else (and more likely) I wasn't paying attention. Sadly, anything that was a fad back then has now come full circle and is cool, hip...and Retro! So I'm guessing this means low slung jeans, tunic shirts and long stringy hair. But you know, I didn't do it then and I don't do it now. Yuck.

Now

Now that New York is traveled and sung (yes, I still have more stories)...
Now that swim lessons are over...
Now that the taxes are figured, signed, and mailed...
Now that my Opera Workshop class has performed well...
Now that Carmina performances #1 and #2 are finished (high notes and all)...
Now that my annual library budget is nearly spent...
Now that flowers and grass and even dandelions are growing...

Now I can actually be a functioning human being again.

You'd think that my calendar would be a blank slate. Well, that's never going to happen. But looking over the remainder of April, May and June, I do spy an empty day here and there, and I am practically giddy at the thought of keeping it empty, or filling it with something more fun and less frantic.

I don't know whether to dig in the dirt or cook or clean or read a book or spin or sew or flop on the couch. I'd like to do one of everything right about now.

I think I'll start with sleeping.
Sleeping without worrying myself into a 5am wakeup call.
Now this is gonna be good.

Now

Now that New York is traveled and sung (yes, I still have more stories)...
Now that swim lessons are over...
Now that the taxes are figured, signed, and mailed...
Now that my Opera Workshop class has performed well...
Now that Carmina performances #1 and #2 are finished (high notes and all)...
Now that my annual library budget is nearly spent...
Now that flowers and grass and even dandelions are growing...

Now I can actually be a functioning human being again.

You'd think that my calendar would be a blank slate. Well, that's never going to happen. But looking over the remainder of April, May and June, I do spy an empty day here and there, and I am practically giddy at the thought of keeping it empty, or filling it with something more fun and less frantic.

I don't know whether to dig in the dirt or cook or clean or read a book or spin or sew or flop on the couch. I'd like to do one of everything right about now.

I think I'll start with sleeping.
Sleeping without worrying myself into a 5am wakeup call.
Now this is gonna be good.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

My Dog Ate My Homework

...and other excuses of our day.

I'm hugely busy for another 48 hours. Please stay on the line and GreenTuna will be with your shortly. To tide you over with a quick tale from the front, I will tell you that last night I got to enjoy TinyTuna's graduation from D.A.R.E., which is the "Drugs are bad, Mmmkay?" program put on by the local law enforcement agency in conjunction with (not "conjugation" you stupid spell checker) with the school district. She got a Tshirt, a certificate, and a blue tongue from the cake frosting. I got a gym full of fidgety kids, parents who talk on their cell phones during the program, and ten (10!!) fifth-grade student speeches about what they learned from Office Mark.

My favorite was the speech that told of the evils of Marry-Anna.

So class, repeat after me:
Marry-Anna is bad, Mmmmkay?

My Dog Ate My Homework

...and other excuses of our day.

I'm hugely busy for another 48 hours. Please stay on the line and GreenTuna will be with your shortly. To tide you over with a quick tale from the front, I will tell you that last night I got to enjoy TinyTuna's graduation from D.A.R.E., which is the "Drugs are bad, Mmmkay?" program put on by the local law enforcement agency in conjunction with (not "conjugation" you stupid spell checker) with the school district. She got a Tshirt, a certificate, and a blue tongue from the cake frosting. I got a gym full of fidgety kids, parents who talk on their cell phones during the program, and ten (10!!) fifth-grade student speeches about what they learned from Office Mark.

My favorite was the speech that told of the evils of Marry-Anna.

So class, repeat after me:
Marry-Anna is bad, Mmmmkay?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Blogging for Books - Cruelty

b4b.jpgWe like to think of ourselves as nice people. Yet even the nicest person can engage in cruel, vindictive, or just plain mean behavior. For this Blogging for Books, write about the meanest thing you have ever done - either to another person or to yourself.

It was a warm day in late spring -- much like the days are now -- and I was at work. Our quarters were old and cramped, much like the building itself. Air conditioning was a luxury we enjoyed a great deal...when we went somewhere else. So during the warmer months, every window in our little corner of heaven was flung wide open to let in some fresh air, along with a mess of mosquitoes, a swarm of mud wasps and the occasional bird.

The library had been in a critical space shortage for the past twenty-seven years or so, and because of that, there were no actual study spaces available. Every possible inch of floor space was filled with shelving units and every possible shelf was warped from weight of too many books. Yet somehow, because of -- rather than in spite of -- our meager working environment, the second floor managed to be the social hub of the department.

It would seem that this particular morning was indistinguishable from every other morning at work. Here I was, sitting in front of my trusty 2-ton Olympia manual typewriter, a Diet Coke to my right and a pile of work to my left. While I worked, I chatted with my boss.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But this was no ordinary morning. I had a secret, and I had a plan. This morning I had come into work early, armed with Malice Aforethought.

And a five foot tall cardboard standee of Rambo.

I told the secretaries that I had forgotten my office keys, and I needed to borrow the master so I could let myself in. Being the lovely, helpful, and thankfully naive ladies that they were, they gladly handed over the goods.

All systems were go.

I ran up to the second floor and let myself into the office of the symphony conductor. He was a loud and jovial kind of guy who stopped by the library every morning to give us grief. Day in and day out the conversation began with a hearty, "Hey, PAL!" bellowed loudly enough to be heard on the next floor. This greeting would be followed by our daily morning banter, which often consisted of an argument over who was better: The Boston Celtics or The Detroit Pistons. When he tired of being wrong, he would leave the library, turn the corner and walk down the hallway to his own office.

Although he never made it into the office before 8:30 am, I knew I didn't have much time. Grabbing a roll of tape, I worked quickly. The end result, I'm proud to say, was nothing less than fantastic. Entering the slightly darkened office, the first thing that would be seen was a five foot tall waist-high sweaty, bloody hulk of armed and dangerously scary cardboard sitting in his chair behind his desk, staring from across the room.

I tossed the tape back in the library, ran the keys back downstairs, grabbed my Diet Coke and my pile of work and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally I heard the all-too-familiar, "Hey PAL!" from downstairs. Grabbing a piece of paper, I loaded it into my trusty 2-ton Olympia, so I would look busy. I typed a bunch of nonsense and waited for him to make his way upstairs.

Nothing happened. No morning visit. No witty banter. Damn! How would I know when he got to his office? How would I know when he opened the door? I didn't want to miss his reaction to

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!"

His Armenian bellow snapped me out of my litany of panic.

"WHAT DA HELL??!!!!!"

I typed as quickly as I could, xpoanelaks dvpoaifnasld kfasoviasndf laskdfjpa owerja sldfaspdoie;ldnf, howling with laughter on the inside. My boss got up and walked down the hall to see what was going on. She was gone for a long time, and when she finally returned, I had typed three-quarters of a page of nonsense.

"You'll never believe this," she said as she returned.

"Oh?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could manage. "What's up?"

"There is this big...this big...THING taped to his office chair!"

I started chuckling. "Really?" I asked.

"I don't know what it is," she said, "But it sure scared him!"

I idly thumbed through my pile of work. "Actually," I said nonchalantly, "It's Rambo." I paused for a moment, and then added, "Looks pretty sweet, doesn't it?" Glancing up up from my work, I smiled a wicked little smile, and then returned to my faux typing.

Over the next hour, many students, professors and staffmembers made their pilgrimage to the second floor to hear the story and see for themselves. All that was missing was a few camels and some myrrh.

After the excitement finally wore off, my PAL, the boisterous symphony conductor finally put two and two together and remembered that a certain someone -- in addition to working in a library -- also worked in a movie theatre. The minute he burst into my office yelling, "ALLRIGHT PAL! I KNOW YOU DID THIS!!" I erupted into fits of laughter. I had gotten him, and gotten him good.

CODA: It's only fair to note that no good deed goes unpunished. No good prank does, either. I was the reigning Queen of Cruelty for several months until I walked into work one morning and found a photocopy of my engagement announcement taped to the front door. My engagement announcement, that is, to Boston Celtic basketball star, Larry Bird. MY PAL, the symphony conductor, had taken my recently published engagement announcement and removed every trace of my fiancee. He even went so far as to cut out the face in the original picture and substituted it, along with every mention of his name with all things Larry Bird.

"Har Har," I said dryly as I tore it off the door.

It only took me another hour and a half to remove the other two hundred copies that he had plastered all over the building.

Blogging for Books - Cruelty

b4b.jpgWe like to think of ourselves as nice people. Yet even the nicest person can engage in cruel, vindictive, or just plain mean behavior. For this Blogging for Books, write about the meanest thing you have ever done - either to another person or to yourself.

It was a warm day in late spring -- much like the days are now -- and I was at work. Our quarters were old and cramped, much like the building itself. Air conditioning was a luxury we enjoyed a great deal...when we went somewhere else. So during the warmer months, every window in our little corner of heaven was flung wide open to let in some fresh air, along with a mess of mosquitoes, a swarm of mud wasps and the occasional bird.

The library had been in a critical space shortage for the past twenty-seven years or so, and because of that, there were no actual study spaces available. Every possible inch of floor space was filled with shelving units and every possible shelf was warped from weight of too many books. Yet somehow, because of -- rather than in spite of -- our meager working environment, the second floor managed to be the social hub of the department.

It would seem that this particular morning was indistinguishable from every other morning at work. Here I was, sitting in front of my trusty 2-ton Olympia manual typewriter, a Diet Coke to my right and a pile of work to my left. While I worked, I chatted with my boss.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But this was no ordinary morning. I had a secret, and I had a plan. This morning I had come into work early, armed with Malice Aforethought.

And a five foot tall cardboard standee of Rambo.

I told the secretaries that I had forgotten my office keys, and I needed to borrow the master so I could let myself in. Being the lovely, helpful, and thankfully naive ladies that they were, they gladly handed over the goods.

All systems were go.

I ran up to the second floor and let myself into the office of the symphony conductor. He was a loud and jovial kind of guy who stopped by the library every morning to give us grief. Day in and day out the conversation began with a hearty, "Hey, PAL!" bellowed loudly enough to be heard on the next floor. This greeting would be followed by our daily morning banter, which often consisted of an argument over who was better: The Boston Celtics or The Detroit Pistons. When he tired of being wrong, he would leave the library, turn the corner and walk down the hallway to his own office.

Although he never made it into the office before 8:30 am, I knew I didn't have much time. Grabbing a roll of tape, I worked quickly. The end result, I'm proud to say, was nothing less than fantastic. Entering the slightly darkened office, the first thing that would be seen was a five foot tall waist-high sweaty, bloody hulk of armed and dangerously scary cardboard sitting in his chair behind his desk, staring from across the room.

I tossed the tape back in the library, ran the keys back downstairs, grabbed my Diet Coke and my pile of work and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally I heard the all-too-familiar, "Hey PAL!" from downstairs. Grabbing a piece of paper, I loaded it into my trusty 2-ton Olympia, so I would look busy. I typed a bunch of nonsense and waited for him to make his way upstairs.

Nothing happened. No morning visit. No witty banter. Damn! How would I know when he got to his office? How would I know when he opened the door? I didn't want to miss his reaction to

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!"

His Armenian bellow snapped me out of my litany of panic.

"WHAT DA HELL??!!!!!"

I typed as quickly as I could, xpoanelaks dvpoaifnasld kfasoviasndf laskdfjpa owerja sldfaspdoie;ldnf, howling with laughter on the inside. My boss got up and walked down the hall to see what was going on. She was gone for a long time, and when she finally returned, I had typed three-quarters of a page of nonsense.

"You'll never believe this," she said as she returned.

"Oh?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could manage. "What's up?"

"There is this big...this big...THING taped to his office chair!"

I started chuckling. "Really?" I asked.

"I don't know what it is," she said, "But it sure scared him!"

I idly thumbed through my pile of work. "Actually," I said nonchalantly, "It's Rambo." I paused for a moment, and then added, "Looks pretty sweet, doesn't it?" Glancing up up from my work, I smiled a wicked little smile, and then returned to my faux typing.

Over the next hour, many students, professors and staffmembers made their pilgrimage to the second floor to hear the story and see for themselves. All that was missing was a few camels and some myrrh.

After the excitement finally wore off, my PAL, the boisterous symphony conductor finally put two and two together and remembered that a certain someone -- in addition to working in a library -- also worked in a movie theatre. The minute he burst into my office yelling, "ALLRIGHT PAL! I KNOW YOU DID THIS!!" I erupted into fits of laughter. I had gotten him, and gotten him good.

CODA: It's only fair to note that no good deed goes unpunished. No good prank does, either. I was the reigning Queen of Cruelty for several months until I walked into work one morning and found a photocopy of my engagement announcement taped to the front door. My engagement announcement, that is, to Boston Celtic basketball star, Larry Bird. MY PAL, the symphony conductor, had taken my recently published engagement announcement and removed every trace of my fiancee. He even went so far as to cut out the face in the original picture and substituted it, along with every mention of his name with all things Larry Bird.

"Har Har," I said dryly as I tore it off the door.

It only took me another hour and a half to remove the other two hundred copies that he had plastered all over the building.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Friday Feast

Today is a very special Friday Feast Day.

Appetizer: What is a symbol that inspires you?

______________________
______________________
______________________
______________________
______________________

It may not look like much, but add a clef or two





and the possibilities are infinite.
This spot --
on the edge -- is where it all begins.


Soup: Name something (either serious or funny) that has happened in your life that you would consider a miracle.
Despite a certain someone's protestations that TODAY counts, eleven years ago TONIGHT (10:04 pm for those of me who were counting) the most serious, the funniest and just plain old best damn miracle happened as TinyTuna made her long awaited, albeit 3-week late entrance into this world. Every single day has been an adventure that I wouldn't have missed for anything.

To TinyTuna, who amazes me and inspires me every single day,
who, for the next 365 days, at age 11 is officially ODD

H
APPY BIRTHDAY!


Salad: How do you handle criticism?
Being a musician, criticism is a simple fact of life. I learned early on to listen to all criticism, accept it for what it was, take from it the valuable lessons that need to be learned, disregard comments that fall outside the scope of the task at hand, and just keep going. As long as criticism is constructive and not destructive, it's just another learning tool.


Main Course: Complete this sentence: I feel alone when...
...everybody leaves?
...I'm driving home from a long day of teaching, it's late and I'm exhausted.


Dessert: Name one TV show you wouldn't want to be caught dead watching.
I suppose the worst thing to happen would be to die with the clicker in hand when you're in the Middle of Masterpiece Theatre, and then when the paramedics show up the next morning, it looks like you're watching Teletubbies.

Friday Feast

Today is a very special Friday Feast Day.

Appetizer: What is a symbol that inspires you?

______________________
______________________
______________________
______________________
______________________

It may not look like much, but add a clef or two





and the possibilities are infinite.
This spot --
on the edge -- is where it all begins.


Soup: Name something (either serious or funny) that has happened in your life that you would consider a miracle.
Despite a certain someone's protestations that TODAY counts, eleven years ago TONIGHT (10:04 pm for those of me who were counting) the most serious, the funniest and just plain old best damn miracle happened as TinyTuna made her long awaited, albeit 3-week late entrance into this world. Every single day has been an adventure that I wouldn't have missed for anything.

To TinyTuna, who amazes me and inspires me every single day,
who, for the next 365 days, at age 11 is officially ODD

H
APPY BIRTHDAY!


Salad: How do you handle criticism?
Being a musician, criticism is a simple fact of life. I learned early on to listen to all criticism, accept it for what it was, take from it the valuable lessons that need to be learned, disregard comments that fall outside the scope of the task at hand, and just keep going. As long as criticism is constructive and not destructive, it's just another learning tool.


Main Course: Complete this sentence: I feel alone when...
...everybody leaves?
...I'm driving home from a long day of teaching, it's late and I'm exhausted.


Dessert: Name one TV show you wouldn't want to be caught dead watching.
I suppose the worst thing to happen would be to die with the clicker in hand when you're in the Middle of Masterpiece Theatre, and then when the paramedics show up the next morning, it looks like you're watching Teletubbies.