Monday, February 28, 2005

Ripped from the Bloglines

I have to say, I kind of miss the olden days when TinyTuna had to bring in a current events topic for the class. We would go out of our way to find something interesting, humorous or quirky that didn't involve guns, death, or Republicans. Just Kidding! Alas, 5th grade doesn't seem to include daily current events, so I have no outlet for all these newsworthy gems.

Except here.

You Might As Well Jump
Sponsored by Eddie Van Halen and a case of Mexican Beans, all good citizens of Planet Earth must click here to find out when you need to JUMP to help "stop global warming, extend daytime hours and create a more homogeneous climate." If World Peace is not involved, I'm not biting.

Another One of Your Rights....
Kraft makes road-kill candy. Public ponders both colors and flavors.
.............................................................Has Been Taken Away
From the AP Newswire: Production of road-kill shaped candy has come to a screeching halt. The AP Newswire passes on the obvious "puts the brakes on..." follow-up.

You Know, A Train! Choo-Chooo!!
Someone should have explained that "Take the A-Train" should not be taken literally.

Animals are ALWAYS Funny
Go FISH.
Maybe it was a CHEESEHEAD preparing for Jump Day.

Crime and Punishment??
Something tells me Super Nanny would NOT sign off on this one...

Double Cheese, Hold the Orcs
Why interrupt gaming for such mundane activities such as sustenance? It's all about multitasking, baby. Battle a dark elf WHILE you order a large pizza supreme. What's next? Wait. I don't want to know.

Come On And Dance
In what is actually kind of sad news, The Numa Numa guy is going into hiding. He's depressed. He's embarrassed. (He works at Staples!) Anyway, what a bummer. Come back, Numa Numa guy! We love you!!

Ripped from the Bloglines

I have to say, I kind of miss the olden days when TinyTuna had to bring in a current events topic for the class. We would go out of our way to find something interesting, humorous or quirky that didn't involve guns, death, or Republicans. Just Kidding! Alas, 5th grade doesn't seem to include daily current events, so I have no outlet for all these newsworthy gems.

Except here.

You Might As Well Jump
Sponsored by Eddie Van Halen and a case of Mexican Beans, all good citizens of Planet Earth must click here to find out when you need to JUMP to help "stop global warming, extend daytime hours and create a more homogeneous climate." If World Peace is not involved, I'm not biting.

Another One of Your Rights....
Kraft makes road-kill candy. Public ponders both colors and flavors.
.............................................................Has Been Taken Away
From the AP Newswire: Production of road-kill shaped candy has come to a screeching halt. The AP Newswire passes on the obvious "puts the brakes on..." follow-up.

You Know, A Train! Choo-Chooo!!
Someone should have explained that "Take the A-Train" should not be taken literally.

Animals are ALWAYS Funny
Go FISH.
Maybe it was a CHEESEHEAD preparing for Jump Day.

Crime and Punishment??
Something tells me Super Nanny would NOT sign off on this one...

Double Cheese, Hold the Orcs
Why interrupt gaming for such mundane activities such as sustenance? It's all about multitasking, baby. Battle a dark elf WHILE you order a large pizza supreme. What's next? Wait. I don't want to know.

Come On And Dance
In what is actually kind of sad news, The Numa Numa guy is going into hiding. He's depressed. He's embarrassed. (He works at Staples!) Anyway, what a bummer. Come back, Numa Numa guy! We love you!!

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Oscar Wrapup

Best Actor
Jamie Foxx (Ray)

Best Director
Clint Eastwood (Million $ Baby)

Best Movie
Million $ Baby

Best Observation Regarding Martin Scorsese's Losing Streak
blurryv1510n: Martin has no Oscars. He will win an Oscar if his next movie has Sean Astin in it....or he could just direct a movie about a stupid boxer on a sinking ship looking for the one ring.

OSCAR POOL 2005 FINAL TALLY -- 24 Total Categories -- 35 Ballots

WIN
16 = Jette, TVJunkie, GreenTuna

PLACE
13 = Cindy, Nancy

SHOW
12 = Ruby, Cops

HONORABLE MENTIONS
11 = Anne, Lifeonhold, Jubileee, Rivetergirl, Odie, Doom Song,
10 = GramTuna
9 = NK, Julie O., Gforce
8 = Kat, Brad, Sam, Kyara, Bozoette, KiteLady,
7 = Lemony Snickett, NikkiG, Melissa, Angel G., TinyTuna, TVWish
6 = Mensch
5 = LeannWoo, T,
3 = IshKabibil, Slae,
2 = Grandma

Thanks to everybody who came along for the ride.
See you at the movies!

Oscar Wrapup

Best Actor
Jamie Foxx (Ray)

Best Director
Clint Eastwood (Million $ Baby)

Best Movie
Million $ Baby

Best Observation Regarding Martin Scorsese's Losing Streak
blurryv1510n: Martin has no Oscars. He will win an Oscar if his next movie has Sean Astin in it....or he could just direct a movie about a stupid boxer on a sinking ship looking for the one ring.

OSCAR POOL 2005 FINAL TALLY -- 24 Total Categories -- 35 Ballots

WIN
16 = Jette, TVJunkie, GreenTuna

PLACE
13 = Cindy, Nancy

SHOW
12 = Ruby, Cops

HONORABLE MENTIONS
11 = Anne, Lifeonhold, Jubileee, Rivetergirl, Odie, Doom Song,
10 = GramTuna
9 = NK, Julie O., Gforce
8 = Kat, Brad, Sam, Kyara, Bozoette, KiteLady,
7 = Lemony Snickett, NikkiG, Melissa, Angel G., TinyTuna, TVWish
6 = Mensch
5 = LeannWoo, T,
3 = IshKabibil, Slae,
2 = Grandma

Thanks to everybody who came along for the ride.
See you at the movies!

Oscar Update IV

Best Song
Al Otro Lado - Motorcycle Diaries

Best Actress
Hillary Swank - Million $ Baby

Best Foreign Film
Sea Inside (Spain)

Original Screenplay
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Oscar Pool Leaderboard (After 21)
Jette (14)
TVJunkie (13)
GreenTuna (13)
Cindy (12)

Oscar Update IV

Best Song
Al Otro Lado - Motorcycle Diaries

Best Actress
Hillary Swank - Million $ Baby

Best Foreign Film
Sea Inside (Spain)

Original Screenplay
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Oscar Pool Leaderboard (After 21)
Jette (14)
TVJunkie (13)
GreenTuna (13)
Cindy (12)

Oscar Update III

Live Action Short
Wasp

Animated Short
Ryan

Cinematography
Aviator

Sound
Ray

Sound Editing
Incredibles

Documentary Short
Mighty Times

Score
Finding Neverland

Best Comment #1 By Someone Who Didn't Fill Out an Oscar Ballot:
blurryv1510n: I hope they let Kate Winslet present another award. Her dress was very #9966FF.

Best Comment #2 By Someone Who Didn't Fill Out an Oscar Ballot:
blurryv1510n: Antonio looks like he's been singing for several hours instead of several seconds.

Best Conversation Best Not Uttered on a Sunday
blurryv1510n: Is Jesus gonna win at least one Oscar?
Nankeenoodle: I don't believe so. I think they've done all his categories.
blurryv1510n: I wish they'd get a reaction shot from Jesus.

Oscar Pool Leaderboard (After 17)
Cindy (11)
Jette (11)
TVJunkie (11)
GreenTuna (10)

Oscar Update III

Live Action Short
Wasp

Animated Short
Ryan

Cinematography
Aviator

Sound
Ray

Sound Editing
Incredibles

Documentary Short
Mighty Times

Score
Finding Neverland

Best Comment #1 By Someone Who Didn't Fill Out an Oscar Ballot:
blurryv1510n: I hope they let Kate Winslet present another award. Her dress was very #9966FF.

Best Comment #2 By Someone Who Didn't Fill Out an Oscar Ballot:
blurryv1510n: Antonio looks like he's been singing for several hours instead of several seconds.

Best Conversation Best Not Uttered on a Sunday
blurryv1510n: Is Jesus gonna win at least one Oscar?
Nankeenoodle: I don't believe so. I think they've done all his categories.
blurryv1510n: I wish they'd get a reaction shot from Jesus.

Oscar Pool Leaderboard (After 17)
Cindy (11)
Jette (11)
TVJunkie (11)
GreenTuna (10)

Oscar Update II

Documentary
Born Into Brothels

Editing
Aviator

Screenplay Adaptation
Sideways

Visual Effects
Spiderman 2

Best Chat Comment While Watching
The Counting Crows Sing "Accidentally in Love"
Blurry: "He could bury himself in the ground and disguise himself as a carrot."

Oscar Pool Leader Board - After 10 Categories
GreenTuna (9)
TVJunkie (8)
Cindy (8)
NK (8)
Jette (7)
Lifeonhold (7)

Oscar Update II

Documentary
Born Into Brothels

Editing
Aviator

Screenplay Adaptation
Sideways

Visual Effects
Spiderman 2

Best Chat Comment While Watching
The Counting Crows Sing "Accidentally in Love"
Blurry: "He could bury himself in the ground and disguise himself as a carrot."

Oscar Pool Leader Board - After 10 Categories
GreenTuna (9)
TVJunkie (8)
Cindy (8)
NK (8)
Jette (7)
Lifeonhold (7)

Oscar Update

Art Direction
Aviator

Supporting Actor

Morgan Freeman (Million $ Baby)

Animated Feature

The Incredibles

Makeup

Lemony Snickett's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Worst Song Presentation in the History of Ever
Beyonce and her slaughtering of the French language.

GreenTuna: Currently 3 for 4
Current Leader of the Oscar Pool: Lifeonhold (4 - for - 4)

Costumes
Aviator

Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett

Star Who Had to Do The Loser Technical Awards
Scarlett Johansen

Co-Leaders of the Oscar Pool (All 5 - for - 6)
NK
Lifeonhold
TVJunkie
GreenTuna

Oscar Update

Art Direction
Aviator

Supporting Actor

Morgan Freeman (Million $ Baby)

Animated Feature

The Incredibles

Makeup

Lemony Snickett's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Worst Song Presentation in the History of Ever
Beyonce and her slaughtering of the French language.

GreenTuna: Currently 3 for 4
Current Leader of the Oscar Pool: Lifeonhold (4 - for - 4)

Costumes
Aviator

Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett

Star Who Had to Do The Loser Technical Awards
Scarlett Johansen

Co-Leaders of the Oscar Pool (All 5 - for - 6)
NK
Lifeonhold
TVJunkie
GreenTuna

You Say You Want A Revolution?

GLITTER IS ON VH-1

The monkeys are staging a revolt.
Monkeys cannot count when Mariah stinks up screen.

Need. More. Bananas.

You Say You Want A Revolution?

GLITTER IS ON VH-1

The monkeys are staging a revolt.
Monkeys cannot count when Mariah stinks up screen.

Need. More. Bananas.

Oscar, Oscar

The Shakespeare-typing monkeys have been temporarily reassigned from their usual clerical duties in order to tabulate the Oscar Pool ballots. This has proven to be extremely difficult, due to the fact that they keep getting distrcted by Sunday afternoon NASCAR races.

Be that as it may, here are thoughts on the top six categories.

Best Film
Unsurprisingly, The Tuna Pool shows it to be a close race between The Aviator and Million Dollar Baby. Very surprisingly, there is also strong, strong support for Finding Neverland. If Sideways wins, we'll all be in the collective doghouse.

Tuna's Pick: Million Dollar Baby
. Not a very scientific guess, considering that I haven't seen Aviator or Neverland. But if I can really, really like Baby -- A Clint Eastwood boxing film -- then there must be something to it.
The Pool: Aviator (11) -- Million Dollar Baby (8) -- Finding Neverland (7) -- Ray (4) -- Sideways (0)

Best Actor
The overwhelming opinion here is that if one dozes off during the Best Actor award, one won't be missing anything.

Tuna's Pick: Jamie Foxx -Ray. He WAS Ray. It was a seamless portrayal. That being said, if Don Cheadle somehow managed a win, I'd be very, very happy.
The Pool: Jamie Foxx - Ray (21) -- Johnny Depp - Neverland (7) -- Leonardo DiCaprio - Aviator (1) -- Clint Eastwood - Million $ Baby (1) -- Don Cheadle - Hotel Rwanda (0)

Best Actress

The Tuna Pool agrees that it is a tight race between Bening and Swank, and there is also some support for Kate Winslett in Eternal Sunshine.

Tuna's Pick: Hilary Swank. I always think if I watch a film and don't spend the entire time thinking, "Hey there's (insert actor's name here) then they've done a great job. Hilary Swank did a great job. Besides, Annette Bening has Warren Beatty. What else could she want?
The Pool: Hillary Swank - Million Dollar Baby (13) -- Annette Bening - Being Julia (7) -- Kate Winslett - Eternal Sunshine (6) -- Imelda Staunton - Vera Drake (2) -- Catalina Sandino Moreno - Maria Full of Grace (2)

Best Supporting Actor
The pool is in absolute agreement that Jamie Foxx is NOT winning this award. Although Alda, Church and Owen tied for second, the overwhelming majority thinks it's Morgan Freeman's year.
Tuna's Pick: Morgan Freeman. He is amazing in whatever he does. Plus, he was on Electric Company and can turn a can into a cane. Sorry Hawkeye. Back to Nova you go.
The Pool: Morgan Freeman - Million Dollar Baby (15) -- Alan Alda - Aviator (5) -- Thomas Hayden Church - Sideways (5) -- Clive Owen - Closer (5)

Best Supporting Actress
The pool declares this to be a three-way race between Cate Blanchett, Virginia Madsen and Natalie Portman.
Tuna's Pick: Cate Blanchett. I haven't seen the film, so I've done this as a token Aviator olive branch. Give 'em one biggie and let 'em go home. Virginia Madsen was great in Sideways, and I think she could really be a spoiler -- er, pleasant surprise -- here. Just remember, this is always one of the funkier awards of the night. Can anyone say Marissa Tomei??
The Pool: Cate Blanchett - Aviator (13) -- Virginia Madsen - Sideways (9) -- Natalie Portman - Closer (5) -- Laura Linney - Kinsey (2) -- Sophie Okonedo - Hotel Rwanda (1)

Best Director

Yes, yes. Everyone thinks it's Scorsese's year.
Tuna's Pick: Clint Eastwood - Million $ Baby. I think it's much harder to make a quiet film that is realistic and not dull, honest and not pandering, than it is to make an enormous spectacle that is hours and hours on end. Plus, I already did the whole olive branch thing with supporting actress. That was enough.
The Pool: Scorsese - Aviator (16) -- Eastwood - Million $ Baby (11) -- Hackford - Ray (2) -- Leigh - Vera Drake (1) -- Payne - Sideways (0)

Remember, there is still time to make your picks.
Operators standing by now.

Better buy more bananas.

Oscar, Oscar

The Shakespeare-typing monkeys have been temporarily reassigned from their usual clerical duties in order to tabulate the Oscar Pool ballots. This has proven to be extremely difficult, due to the fact that they keep getting distrcted by Sunday afternoon NASCAR races.

Be that as it may, here are thoughts on the top six categories.

Best Film
Unsurprisingly, The Tuna Pool shows it to be a close race between The Aviator and Million Dollar Baby. Very surprisingly, there is also strong, strong support for Finding Neverland. If Sideways wins, we'll all be in the collective doghouse.

Tuna's Pick: Million Dollar Baby
. Not a very scientific guess, considering that I haven't seen Aviator or Neverland. But if I can really, really like Baby -- A Clint Eastwood boxing film -- then there must be something to it.
The Pool: Aviator (11) -- Million Dollar Baby (8) -- Finding Neverland (7) -- Ray (4) -- Sideways (0)

Best Actor
The overwhelming opinion here is that if one dozes off during the Best Actor award, one won't be missing anything.

Tuna's Pick: Jamie Foxx -Ray. He WAS Ray. It was a seamless portrayal. That being said, if Don Cheadle somehow managed a win, I'd be very, very happy.
The Pool: Jamie Foxx - Ray (21) -- Johnny Depp - Neverland (7) -- Leonardo DiCaprio - Aviator (1) -- Clint Eastwood - Million $ Baby (1) -- Don Cheadle - Hotel Rwanda (0)

Best Actress

The Tuna Pool agrees that it is a tight race between Bening and Swank, and there is also some support for Kate Winslett in Eternal Sunshine.

Tuna's Pick: Hilary Swank. I always think if I watch a film and don't spend the entire time thinking, "Hey there's (insert actor's name here) then they've done a great job. Hilary Swank did a great job. Besides, Annette Bening has Warren Beatty. What else could she want?
The Pool: Hillary Swank - Million Dollar Baby (13) -- Annette Bening - Being Julia (7) -- Kate Winslett - Eternal Sunshine (6) -- Imelda Staunton - Vera Drake (2) -- Catalina Sandino Moreno - Maria Full of Grace (2)

Best Supporting Actor
The pool is in absolute agreement that Jamie Foxx is NOT winning this award. Although Alda, Church and Owen tied for second, the overwhelming majority thinks it's Morgan Freeman's year.
Tuna's Pick: Morgan Freeman. He is amazing in whatever he does. Plus, he was on Electric Company and can turn a can into a cane. Sorry Hawkeye. Back to Nova you go.
The Pool: Morgan Freeman - Million Dollar Baby (15) -- Alan Alda - Aviator (5) -- Thomas Hayden Church - Sideways (5) -- Clive Owen - Closer (5)

Best Supporting Actress
The pool declares this to be a three-way race between Cate Blanchett, Virginia Madsen and Natalie Portman.
Tuna's Pick: Cate Blanchett. I haven't seen the film, so I've done this as a token Aviator olive branch. Give 'em one biggie and let 'em go home. Virginia Madsen was great in Sideways, and I think she could really be a spoiler -- er, pleasant surprise -- here. Just remember, this is always one of the funkier awards of the night. Can anyone say Marissa Tomei??
The Pool: Cate Blanchett - Aviator (13) -- Virginia Madsen - Sideways (9) -- Natalie Portman - Closer (5) -- Laura Linney - Kinsey (2) -- Sophie Okonedo - Hotel Rwanda (1)

Best Director

Yes, yes. Everyone thinks it's Scorsese's year.
Tuna's Pick: Clint Eastwood - Million $ Baby. I think it's much harder to make a quiet film that is realistic and not dull, honest and not pandering, than it is to make an enormous spectacle that is hours and hours on end. Plus, I already did the whole olive branch thing with supporting actress. That was enough.
The Pool: Scorsese - Aviator (16) -- Eastwood - Million $ Baby (11) -- Hackford - Ray (2) -- Leigh - Vera Drake (1) -- Payne - Sideways (0)

Remember, there is still time to make your picks.
Operators standing by now.

Better buy more bananas.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Friday Feast

It's Friday, so that means Friday Feast day. Some fun questions today...

Appetizer: Name something that makes you scream
Isn't the answer supposed to be Ice Cream?
Answer: An enormous pile of unmatched, unfolded black and navy blue socks and a 15-watt lightbulb.

Soup: Who is a musician you enjoy listening to when you want to relax?
Surely this is a hypothetical question because as I understand life, "relaxing" is an unproven, mythological state of being, existing in that infinitesimally small space that separates an over-caffeinated hyperactive stress filled life and dead-to-the-world zombified sleep. Who has the time for a transition phase?
Answer: Not Singers, for singers make me think, and analyze, and critique. My most recent purchase, however, would be Yo Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone. Listen to the squib from The Mission called Gabriel's Oboe.

Salad: What was the last book you purchased?
Ooooo, It's questions like this that make me wish I had picked up something really smart and profound and thought-provoking.
Answer: Something really smart, profound and thought-provoking:
The Sweet Potato Queens' Big Ass Cookbook (And Financial Planner)


Main Course: If You Could Live One Day As Any Historical Figure, Who Would It Be, and What Would You Do?
Aieeeee! This is a very hard question for the self-proclaimed Queen of Indecision. There are too many choices. Do I go Musical? Artistic? Literary? Sports? Political? Animal? Vegetable? Mineral?
Answer: Marie Antoinette. I'd bring a lot of cake.

Dessert: Tell about a time when you were lost. Where did you end up? How long did it take you to get back where you were going?
Listen my children, and you will hear
of the midnight ride of Tuna Revere
One if by land and two if by sea
Twas supposed to be Berlin, but it was Tivoli.
Answer: As in Gardens. As in Copenhagen. The Tuna clan had boarded an overnight train and planned to spend the next day in Berlin at the Brandenburg Gate and various art museums. When we awoke and looked out the window we saw...Nothing. No-thing. We saw metal. We puzzled and puzzed and wondered what on earth was going on. We were swallowed up in the belly of the metal whale for what seemed was forever, and when we finally emerged and figured out what was what, we were some 220 miles off course. As luck and fate would have it, we were well-equipped with Eurail passes, so we simply changed our plans for the day and hung out in Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen. Six other passengers on the (now obviously mis-marked) train weren't so lucky, and were escorted off the train when we arrived so they could settle their bill.

Friday Feast

It's Friday, so that means Friday Feast day. Some fun questions today...

Appetizer: Name something that makes you scream
Isn't the answer supposed to be Ice Cream?
Answer: An enormous pile of unmatched, unfolded black and navy blue socks and a 15-watt lightbulb.

Soup: Who is a musician you enjoy listening to when you want to relax?
Surely this is a hypothetical question because as I understand life, "relaxing" is an unproven, mythological state of being, existing in that infinitesimally small space that separates an over-caffeinated hyperactive stress filled life and dead-to-the-world zombified sleep. Who has the time for a transition phase?
Answer: Not Singers, for singers make me think, and analyze, and critique. My most recent purchase, however, would be Yo Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone. Listen to the squib from The Mission called Gabriel's Oboe.

Salad: What was the last book you purchased?
Ooooo, It's questions like this that make me wish I had picked up something really smart and profound and thought-provoking.
Answer: Something really smart, profound and thought-provoking:
The Sweet Potato Queens' Big Ass Cookbook (And Financial Planner)


Main Course: If You Could Live One Day As Any Historical Figure, Who Would It Be, and What Would You Do?
Aieeeee! This is a very hard question for the self-proclaimed Queen of Indecision. There are too many choices. Do I go Musical? Artistic? Literary? Sports? Political? Animal? Vegetable? Mineral?
Answer: Marie Antoinette. I'd bring a lot of cake.

Dessert: Tell about a time when you were lost. Where did you end up? How long did it take you to get back where you were going?
Listen my children, and you will hear
of the midnight ride of Tuna Revere
One if by land and two if by sea
Twas supposed to be Berlin, but it was Tivoli.
Answer: As in Gardens. As in Copenhagen. The Tuna clan had boarded an overnight train and planned to spend the next day in Berlin at the Brandenburg Gate and various art museums. When we awoke and looked out the window we saw...Nothing. No-thing. We saw metal. We puzzled and puzzed and wondered what on earth was going on. We were swallowed up in the belly of the metal whale for what seemed was forever, and when we finally emerged and figured out what was what, we were some 220 miles off course. As luck and fate would have it, we were well-equipped with Eurail passes, so we simply changed our plans for the day and hung out in Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen. Six other passengers on the (now obviously mis-marked) train weren't so lucky, and were escorted off the train when we arrived so they could settle their bill.

Friday Roundup

Lots of catch-up this morning...

Item The First: OSCAR OSCAR
The oft-celebrated and sometimes insomnia-curing Academy Awards are (monster truck voice) SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! If you haven't yet consulted your crystal ball, there is still time. Make your predictions, enter the OSCAR POOL and let your voice be heard! It's free, it's fun, and history shows that those who actually haven't seen ANY of the movies do quite well. TinyTuna will be making her picks, and tomorrow I'll offer my opinions based on absolutely nothing.

Item The Second: Blogging For Books
I ran across Blogging for Books while reading one of many favorite blogs, MissMeliss: Scritture. It piqued my interest, but the topic for the month was a bit daunting: Risk. Since I tend to equate the word risk with things like jumping out of airplanes and wrasslin' gators, I don't particularly consider myself to be a big risk-taker. But it struck me one night as I was driving home from teaching (where many ideas tend to strike), that we take risks every day, and for many different reasons. Big or small, calculated or happenstance, they are all markers -- tiny roadside signs -- of the paths we choose to take as we journey through this existence.

My entry for "Risk" was a personal account of a difficult time that happened some twelve years ago. I was struck by all the truly heartfelt comments I received, and I worried a bit, because you worried for me. That was so sweet, and I thank you, and honestly...I'm fine. I wanted to write the piece not to exorcise some sadness, but simply to remember. It will always be one of many, many markers in my life; a little road sign that shows the decision I made -- the risk I took -- and a little arrow saying, She went that way --->

The results for this round have been posted, and I am proud and very humbled to say, I was selected as one of three winners. The entries were marvelous and the competition was difficult. Many thanks to the readers, and the judges and can I just say how excited I am, because I get a new book!

Item The Third: Survivor Fantasy
Last night was the first night that points were awarded for Survivor Pulau Fantasy League. Our tribe did pretty well overall, and so far the points are really, really close. Yikes!




Item The Fourth: Friday Poll!!
Not enough for a quorum. It's like eating vegetables. It's like doing sit-ups. It's like housework. You don't have to like it. You just have to do it! Remember, cheating is not just allowed, it's encouraged! When you're finished stuffing the ballot box with Toddler Straitjackets, be sure to hop, skip and jump over to The Sketch Factor to play Guess the Doodle. (Correct answer: girl)

10 minutes later: Alas, no more Doodle-Guessing, but go over to The Sketch Factor anyway, and vote for the American Idol Rocker of your choice. The correct answer is Bo, because he sang, Give me The Beach Boys...

Friday Roundup

Lots of catch-up this morning...

Item The First: OSCAR OSCAR
The oft-celebrated and sometimes insomnia-curing Academy Awards are (monster truck voice) SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! If you haven't yet consulted your crystal ball, there is still time. Make your predictions, enter the OSCAR POOL and let your voice be heard! It's free, it's fun, and history shows that those who actually haven't seen ANY of the movies do quite well. TinyTuna will be making her picks, and tomorrow I'll offer my opinions based on absolutely nothing.

Item The Second: Blogging For Books
I ran across Blogging for Books while reading one of many favorite blogs, MissMeliss: Scritture. It piqued my interest, but the topic for the month was a bit daunting: Risk. Since I tend to equate the word risk with things like jumping out of airplanes and wrasslin' gators, I don't particularly consider myself to be a big risk-taker. But it struck me one night as I was driving home from teaching (where many ideas tend to strike), that we take risks every day, and for many different reasons. Big or small, calculated or happenstance, they are all markers -- tiny roadside signs -- of the paths we choose to take as we journey through this existence.

My entry for "Risk" was a personal account of a difficult time that happened some twelve years ago. I was struck by all the truly heartfelt comments I received, and I worried a bit, because you worried for me. That was so sweet, and I thank you, and honestly...I'm fine. I wanted to write the piece not to exorcise some sadness, but simply to remember. It will always be one of many, many markers in my life; a little road sign that shows the decision I made -- the risk I took -- and a little arrow saying, She went that way --->

The results for this round have been posted, and I am proud and very humbled to say, I was selected as one of three winners. The entries were marvelous and the competition was difficult. Many thanks to the readers, and the judges and can I just say how excited I am, because I get a new book!

Item The Third: Survivor Fantasy
Last night was the first night that points were awarded for Survivor Pulau Fantasy League. Our tribe did pretty well overall, and so far the points are really, really close. Yikes!




Item The Fourth: Friday Poll!!
Not enough for a quorum. It's like eating vegetables. It's like doing sit-ups. It's like housework. You don't have to like it. You just have to do it! Remember, cheating is not just allowed, it's encouraged! When you're finished stuffing the ballot box with Toddler Straitjackets, be sure to hop, skip and jump over to The Sketch Factor to play Guess the Doodle. (Correct answer: girl)

10 minutes later: Alas, no more Doodle-Guessing, but go over to The Sketch Factor anyway, and vote for the American Idol Rocker of your choice. The correct answer is Bo, because he sang, Give me The Beach Boys...

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Clean Screen, Take 2

For those of you who missed my Public Service announcement Post earlier this month asking if you wanted your screen cleaned, the link is back (and changed) and is HERE.

Clean Screen, Take 2

For those of you who missed my Public Service announcement Post earlier this month asking if you wanted your screen cleaned, the link is back (and changed) and is HERE.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

But First, A Number

Last night, as I was suffering through American Idol, I had a Kiss This Guy kind of moment. For those of you wondering what the heck I'm talking about, Kiss This Guy is a website devoted to misheard song lyrics, ala the real lyrics are kiss the sky and somebody thought the lyrics were kiss this guy. If you've never trolled through this site, please be sure you are in the privacy of your own home wearing some Depends or something, because you don't want to have to explain yourself with tears running down your face, sitting in a puddle doubled over in laughter.

So, there I was watching American Idol which was extremely marginal, and Rocker Guy Number One got up on stage to sing his number. His selection for the evening was a very familiar song called Drift Away. I'm sort of half singing away, thinking this guy is pretty good as I sit there folding a pile of clothes, when all of a sudden, I hear lyrics I've never heard before.

Oh, Give me the beat boys, and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your Rock 'n Roll and drift away...

BEAT, BOYS?

You mean, it isn't BEACH BOYS?

Now, granted -- in my feeble defense -- I never understood how the song writer managed to equate The Beach Boys with Rock 'n Roll, but who was I to question? And if you think about it, how much sense does it make for a singer to be asking for the BEAT? Do they have no sense of rhythm? This song is in four-four time, and said requested rhythm doesn't get any easier than that, unless you only have 3 fingers.

So now I'll have to recalibrate my brain to the "correct" lyrics. Maybe I'll pretend the singer needs more vitamins and minerals, and is asking for a BEET.

It could happen.

In other totally non-related news, I sure hope the next round of American Idol looks alot more like THIS.

But First, A Number

Last night, as I was suffering through American Idol, I had a Kiss This Guy kind of moment. For those of you wondering what the heck I'm talking about, Kiss This Guy is a website devoted to misheard song lyrics, ala the real lyrics are kiss the sky and somebody thought the lyrics were kiss this guy. If you've never trolled through this site, please be sure you are in the privacy of your own home wearing some Depends or something, because you don't want to have to explain yourself with tears running down your face, sitting in a puddle doubled over in laughter.

So, there I was watching American Idol which was extremely marginal, and Rocker Guy Number One got up on stage to sing his number. His selection for the evening was a very familiar song called Drift Away. I'm sort of half singing away, thinking this guy is pretty good as I sit there folding a pile of clothes, when all of a sudden, I hear lyrics I've never heard before.

Oh, Give me the beat boys, and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your Rock 'n Roll and drift away...

BEAT, BOYS?

You mean, it isn't BEACH BOYS?

Now, granted -- in my feeble defense -- I never understood how the song writer managed to equate The Beach Boys with Rock 'n Roll, but who was I to question? And if you think about it, how much sense does it make for a singer to be asking for the BEAT? Do they have no sense of rhythm? This song is in four-four time, and said requested rhythm doesn't get any easier than that, unless you only have 3 fingers.

So now I'll have to recalibrate my brain to the "correct" lyrics. Maybe I'll pretend the singer needs more vitamins and minerals, and is asking for a BEET.

It could happen.

In other totally non-related news, I sure hope the next round of American Idol looks alot more like THIS.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Art for Art's Sake

I love art. Doesn't matter what flavor, I love art. I've been following with some interest the newest piece of installation art known as The Gates recently installed in New York City's Central Park by the artist Christo. Although I'm sorry to say I won't be in New York before the project is removed, I was heartened to discover that The Gates has inspired other would-be artists to greatness.



The crackers.

Art for Art's Sake

I love art. Doesn't matter what flavor, I love art. I've been following with some interest the newest piece of installation art known as The Gates recently installed in New York City's Central Park by the artist Christo. Although I'm sorry to say I won't be in New York before the project is removed, I was heartened to discover that The Gates has inspired other would-be artists to greatness.



The crackers.

Muppets & Beatles & Hunchbacks, Oh My!

The setting was quite lovely, actually. Several of us were enjoying a yummy post-Church Sunday brunch in a quaint local restaurant that was a train station in a former life. The setting was warm and cozy, and our group was seated in our usual alcove of misbehavior.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Most of our group chose the Sunday Brunch Buffet. TinyTuna opted for Spaghetti after successfully talking the waiter into substituting fries for garlic bread, thus releasing her from the impossible decision of ordering the much inferior Hamburger WITH The Holy French Fries of Antioch, or the much preferred Spaghetti WITHOUT the Holy French Fries of Antioch.

I expect she will excel in her future career of high-stakes negotiations.

Cutting through the din of customers and clanking plates was the strains of a piano being played from the second floor:

Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds....(bomp bomp)
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds....(bomp bomp)
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds....(bomp bomp)
Aaaahhhhhhhh......Aaaaahhhhhhh!


It was an odd choice at best for background piano music, and several of us speculated that it might be a player piano, which would in turn, upgrade the song choice from weird to quaint. But alas, it was a real person who seemed to be playing out of a book that was probably titled:

Sunday Singalong: A Reader's Digest Collection of Movie Themes, Disney Hits and Popular Songs -- BEGINNING PIANO EDITION!!!

To say that it was special was either a gross understatement or an insult to specialness everywhere. It was akin to My First Piano Recital -- 6th Grade Edition and our little alcove turned into a haven of humor. For you must understand, the entertainment (such that it was) was being paid (oh yes, I asked the Roast Beef Man). And you must understand that E-Z note songbooks consist of no more than three different chords per song in the right hand, and a single bass note in the left hand that either pa-thwumps along on every single beat like an elephant, or bomp-bomps on the offbeat when the right hand is resting from its strenuous C-Chord F-Chord G-Chord mania.

Having just left a solemn Lenten service of intraspection, our first order of business was the rearrange the lyrics in a sort of Sunday School/Fortune Cookie combination.

Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...With Jesus...In Bed...
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...With Jesus...In Bed...
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...With Jesus...In Bed...
AaaaahhhhhhhHaHaHaHaHaHahaHaHaHaHaHa......


The brunch wore on, and the hits, as they say, just kept a-comin:

On Golden Pond (With Jesus in Bed)
Forrest Gump (With Jesus in Bed)
A Whole New World (With Jesus in Bed)
You Were Always on My Mind (With Jesus in Bed)

And so on and so forth.

At one point, I felt the need to seek out some food, so I excused myself from the table and ventured toward the platter of ultra fresh (mooing) beef. As I waited with antici --- (say it!) --- pation to get my food, the pianist was obviously trying to pick the next big hit. As I carried my plate to the table, she started in:

It's time to play the music! (bomp bomp!)
It's time to light the lights! (bomp bomp!)

Yes, indeed. At this semi-fancy Sunday affair, it was Time to Meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show Tonight (With Jesus in Bed -- Bomp Bomp!) I giggled uncontrollably and headed back to the table. Evidently they were all waiting for me, because the minute I reached the top of the stairs all eyes were on me and then we erupted en masse into complete and utter hysteria. It was that kind of day.

She stumped us only once, and although I knew the piece, somehow I just didn't quite have my mind wrapped around The Theme from Jurassic Park. Thankfully the table next to ours helped out a bit. Her big finish was a HIGHLY DRAMATIC (read: loud and extra bangy) rendition of EVERY SINGLE SONG FROM Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame, EVEN THE ONES NOBODY EXCEPT TINYTUNA KNOWS. That uplifting medly of deformity, hatred and intolerance lasted a good ten minutes.

Finally the piano returned to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, and we took that to be our cue to beat feet out of there. After all, if you're around when the pianist makes it to the end of

Sunday Singalong: A Reader's Digest Collection of Movie Themes, Disney Hits and Popular Songs -- BEGINNING PIANO EDITION!!!

and goes back to the beginning for seconds, you've been there long enough.
(With Jesus in Bed)

Muppets & Beatles & Hunchbacks, Oh My!

The setting was quite lovely, actually. Several of us were enjoying a yummy post-Church Sunday brunch in a quaint local restaurant that was a train station in a former life. The setting was warm and cozy, and our group was seated in our usual alcove of misbehavior.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Most of our group chose the Sunday Brunch Buffet. TinyTuna opted for Spaghetti after successfully talking the waiter into substituting fries for garlic bread, thus releasing her from the impossible decision of ordering the much inferior Hamburger WITH The Holy French Fries of Antioch, or the much preferred Spaghetti WITHOUT the Holy French Fries of Antioch.

I expect she will excel in her future career of high-stakes negotiations.

Cutting through the din of customers and clanking plates was the strains of a piano being played from the second floor:

Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds....(bomp bomp)
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds....(bomp bomp)
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds....(bomp bomp)
Aaaahhhhhhhh......Aaaaahhhhhhh!


It was an odd choice at best for background piano music, and several of us speculated that it might be a player piano, which would in turn, upgrade the song choice from weird to quaint. But alas, it was a real person who seemed to be playing out of a book that was probably titled:

Sunday Singalong: A Reader's Digest Collection of Movie Themes, Disney Hits and Popular Songs -- BEGINNING PIANO EDITION!!!

To say that it was special was either a gross understatement or an insult to specialness everywhere. It was akin to My First Piano Recital -- 6th Grade Edition and our little alcove turned into a haven of humor. For you must understand, the entertainment (such that it was) was being paid (oh yes, I asked the Roast Beef Man). And you must understand that E-Z note songbooks consist of no more than three different chords per song in the right hand, and a single bass note in the left hand that either pa-thwumps along on every single beat like an elephant, or bomp-bomps on the offbeat when the right hand is resting from its strenuous C-Chord F-Chord G-Chord mania.

Having just left a solemn Lenten service of intraspection, our first order of business was the rearrange the lyrics in a sort of Sunday School/Fortune Cookie combination.

Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...With Jesus...In Bed...
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...With Jesus...In Bed...
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...With Jesus...In Bed...
AaaaahhhhhhhHaHaHaHaHaHahaHaHaHaHaHa......


The brunch wore on, and the hits, as they say, just kept a-comin:

On Golden Pond (With Jesus in Bed)
Forrest Gump (With Jesus in Bed)
A Whole New World (With Jesus in Bed)
You Were Always on My Mind (With Jesus in Bed)

And so on and so forth.

At one point, I felt the need to seek out some food, so I excused myself from the table and ventured toward the platter of ultra fresh (mooing) beef. As I waited with antici --- (say it!) --- pation to get my food, the pianist was obviously trying to pick the next big hit. As I carried my plate to the table, she started in:

It's time to play the music! (bomp bomp!)
It's time to light the lights! (bomp bomp!)

Yes, indeed. At this semi-fancy Sunday affair, it was Time to Meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show Tonight (With Jesus in Bed -- Bomp Bomp!) I giggled uncontrollably and headed back to the table. Evidently they were all waiting for me, because the minute I reached the top of the stairs all eyes were on me and then we erupted en masse into complete and utter hysteria. It was that kind of day.

She stumped us only once, and although I knew the piece, somehow I just didn't quite have my mind wrapped around The Theme from Jurassic Park. Thankfully the table next to ours helped out a bit. Her big finish was a HIGHLY DRAMATIC (read: loud and extra bangy) rendition of EVERY SINGLE SONG FROM Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame, EVEN THE ONES NOBODY EXCEPT TINYTUNA KNOWS. That uplifting medly of deformity, hatred and intolerance lasted a good ten minutes.

Finally the piano returned to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, and we took that to be our cue to beat feet out of there. After all, if you're around when the pianist makes it to the end of

Sunday Singalong: A Reader's Digest Collection of Movie Themes, Disney Hits and Popular Songs -- BEGINNING PIANO EDITION!!!

and goes back to the beginning for seconds, you've been there long enough.
(With Jesus in Bed)

Diversionary Tactics

For all you lucky so-and-sos who are celebrating Dead Presidents by sitting at home in your pajamas pondering the sales on La-z-Boy recliners and washing machines, let me inspire you with this labor of love.



Brian Berg "Cardstacker" and Guinness World Record Holder (presumably for cardstacking, though sometimes you just never know) has been working since February 11th to create the NYC Skyline out of cards. He is scheduled to finish the project today, and all proceeds from this endeavor will be donated to tsunami relief.

One question I have:
Do you think he wants the row-boat or the sewing machine?

Diversionary Tactics

For all you lucky so-and-sos who are celebrating Dead Presidents by sitting at home in your pajamas pondering the sales on La-z-Boy recliners and washing machines, let me inspire you with this labor of love.



Brian Berg "Cardstacker" and Guinness World Record Holder (presumably for cardstacking, though sometimes you just never know) has been working since February 11th to create the NYC Skyline out of cards. He is scheduled to finish the project today, and all proceeds from this endeavor will be donated to tsunami relief.

One question I have:
Do you think he wants the row-boat or the sewing machine?

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Numa Numa Revolution

OK -- I must be really tired, because every time I watch this I start laughing all over again. After having a little chat with my boyfriend I have found a whole treasure trove of Numaistas.

The original site had this to say:
You people are crazy! Just to let you all know, yes, this is the original location of the Numa Numa Dance... right here on NG. The internet sent it around like crazy, and it's wound up on over 80 websites that I could find, with an appearance on CNN, and just now on VH1's Best Week Ever. I've received tons of e-mail's and hits to my website, and I just want to thank you for all the feedback that you've given me.

For people who still don't know, yes that is me in the video, and the song is entitled "Dragostea Din Tea" by the Romanian pop band "O-Zone".

This is the special version where you can turn the subtitles on and off, and play it without the pictures in-between.

And what is SO GREAT about the subtitles? The song is about love and leaving and Linden trees, of all things. That's practically Schubert and Goethe...

And then, came all the Parodies...

Dumbass Dumbass Dance

"This is a parody of the Numa Numa dance. A lot of people love the original, but I'm sick of it. It takes no effort to make yourself out as a dumbass on camera for the whole world wide web to watch so I did just that..."

Mario Hii

Game over? No, not quite yet...


All of this makes me quite misty-eyed for the beloved Peanut Butter Jelly with a Baseball Bat...

Numa Numa Revolution

OK -- I must be really tired, because every time I watch this I start laughing all over again. After having a little chat with my boyfriend I have found a whole treasure trove of Numaistas.

The original site had this to say:
You people are crazy! Just to let you all know, yes, this is the original location of the Numa Numa Dance... right here on NG. The internet sent it around like crazy, and it's wound up on over 80 websites that I could find, with an appearance on CNN, and just now on VH1's Best Week Ever. I've received tons of e-mail's and hits to my website, and I just want to thank you for all the feedback that you've given me.

For people who still don't know, yes that is me in the video, and the song is entitled "Dragostea Din Tea" by the Romanian pop band "O-Zone".

This is the special version where you can turn the subtitles on and off, and play it without the pictures in-between.

And what is SO GREAT about the subtitles? The song is about love and leaving and Linden trees, of all things. That's practically Schubert and Goethe...

And then, came all the Parodies...

Dumbass Dumbass Dance

"This is a parody of the Numa Numa dance. A lot of people love the original, but I'm sick of it. It takes no effort to make yourself out as a dumbass on camera for the whole world wide web to watch so I did just that..."

Mario Hii

Game over? No, not quite yet...


All of this makes me quite misty-eyed for the beloved Peanut Butter Jelly with a Baseball Bat...

Numa Numa

I have no idea what this means, or why I have played it numerous times tonight, but I felt compelled to share. Enjoy, I guess.

Numa Numa

I have no idea what this means, or why I have played it numerous times tonight, but I felt compelled to share. Enjoy, I guess.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Friday Feast

It's a new Friday and a new Friday Feast. What's on the menu today?

Appetizer: Name Two Things That You Do That You Consider Beneficial To Your Health
In theory, this answer should include Jane Fonda, Tony Little, Slim Fast, Fergie and vacuum cleaners with a high powered surgical hose attachment.
Answer:
1. Anything that does NOT include Jane Fonda, Tony Little, Slim Fast, Fergie and vacuum cleaners with a high powered surgical hose attachment.
2. Breathing.


Soup: If you made a New Year's Resolution, How's It Going so Far?
(Channeling Big Gay Al) Just Super! Thanks for asking!!
Answer: I'm resolutely unresolved. Thanks for asking!!

Salad: Name Something That Has Happened Lately That Bothers You
Well, this one time, at band camp...
Answer: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Innauguration Day.

Main Course: What Is Your Favorite Quote, and Who Said It?
I can't pick just one, but this is a good one.
Answer: Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake (Nietzsche)

Dessert: What Do You Collect?
No Moss. Wait, that's gather. Dust? Maybe. I am a firm believer in not collecting collectibles for the sole purpose of having collectibles that collect nothing but ... dust. Circular logic!
Answer: Expensive, creative habits, namely music, books, needle- and fiber-arts.

Friday Feast

It's a new Friday and a new Friday Feast. What's on the menu today?

Appetizer: Name Two Things That You Do That You Consider Beneficial To Your Health
In theory, this answer should include Jane Fonda, Tony Little, Slim Fast, Fergie and vacuum cleaners with a high powered surgical hose attachment.
Answer:
1. Anything that does NOT include Jane Fonda, Tony Little, Slim Fast, Fergie and vacuum cleaners with a high powered surgical hose attachment.
2. Breathing.


Soup: If you made a New Year's Resolution, How's It Going so Far?
(Channeling Big Gay Al) Just Super! Thanks for asking!!
Answer: I'm resolutely unresolved. Thanks for asking!!

Salad: Name Something That Has Happened Lately That Bothers You
Well, this one time, at band camp...
Answer: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Innauguration Day.

Main Course: What Is Your Favorite Quote, and Who Said It?
I can't pick just one, but this is a good one.
Answer: Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake (Nietzsche)

Dessert: What Do You Collect?
No Moss. Wait, that's gather. Dust? Maybe. I am a firm believer in not collecting collectibles for the sole purpose of having collectibles that collect nothing but ... dust. Circular logic!
Answer: Expensive, creative habits, namely music, books, needle- and fiber-arts.

Friday Roundup

Item the First: The finalists for the Blogging for Books project have been posted. With a wee bit of pride, I'm pleased to report that I am in the company of six amazing writers. Take a look here and then sign up for the next round in March.

Item the Second: Much to my dismay, it seems that Miss Tracy-Anne Collins has passed along my name to Miss Jennifer Wilkins, who had Janice Cook send me an email using the account belonging to Stacey-Rodriguez. No mention of clevage [sic], but this time it's a hot tub and she tells me she has "lingerie ready for this." *sighs and puts on her explaining face* Really, Miss Jennifer Wilkins, since when do they make swim-gerie? That's right. They don't. You wear skimpies in a hot tub and you'll be calling all sorts of professionals to clean out your various pipes. I have decided I will forward the names of both Miss Tracy-Anne Collins and Miss Jennifer Wilkins to Mr. Olsom Berghart, a personal treasurer to Mikhail Khodorkovsky the Richest man in Russia. Perhaps they might like to invest in his Oil operation by sending their personal bank information and in return receiving 4% of the profits...

Item the Third: FRIDAY POLL!!
The boxes have been stuffed, and all the ballots we didn't like were left by the side of the road. The results have been tabulated, and this week, even the state of Ohio couldn't save our nation's deity. The winner, by a slim margin, was none other than Dick Clark and his evil minions who will survive the nuclear blast.

True.

And now, A NEW POLL!!!

A Hot Name Makes Women Sexier!!

Aliens Claim Jacko Is Their Son!!!

Are You In Love -- Or Just Plain Whipped?

Shocking Real Reason Why Hillary Collapsed...Tight Thong Cut Off Blood Supply!

Strap Down Your Bratty Kids With Toddler Straitjackets!!


Vote Now!!
(That means YOU, Miss Tracy-Anne Collins AND Miss Jennifer Watkins!!!)

Friday Roundup

Item the First: The finalists for the Blogging for Books project have been posted. With a wee bit of pride, I'm pleased to report that I am in the company of six amazing writers. Take a look here and then sign up for the next round in March.

Item the Second: Much to my dismay, it seems that Miss Tracy-Anne Collins has passed along my name to Miss Jennifer Wilkins, who had Janice Cook send me an email using the account belonging to Stacey-Rodriguez. No mention of clevage [sic], but this time it's a hot tub and she tells me she has "lingerie ready for this." *sighs and puts on her explaining face* Really, Miss Jennifer Wilkins, since when do they make swim-gerie? That's right. They don't. You wear skimpies in a hot tub and you'll be calling all sorts of professionals to clean out your various pipes. I have decided I will forward the names of both Miss Tracy-Anne Collins and Miss Jennifer Wilkins to Mr. Olsom Berghart, a personal treasurer to Mikhail Khodorkovsky the Richest man in Russia. Perhaps they might like to invest in his Oil operation by sending their personal bank information and in return receiving 4% of the profits...

Item the Third: FRIDAY POLL!!
The boxes have been stuffed, and all the ballots we didn't like were left by the side of the road. The results have been tabulated, and this week, even the state of Ohio couldn't save our nation's deity. The winner, by a slim margin, was none other than Dick Clark and his evil minions who will survive the nuclear blast.

True.

And now, A NEW POLL!!!

A Hot Name Makes Women Sexier!!

Aliens Claim Jacko Is Their Son!!!

Are You In Love -- Or Just Plain Whipped?

Shocking Real Reason Why Hillary Collapsed...Tight Thong Cut Off Blood Supply!

Strap Down Your Bratty Kids With Toddler Straitjackets!!


Vote Now!!
(That means YOU, Miss Tracy-Anne Collins AND Miss Jennifer Watkins!!!)

Thursday, February 17, 2005

An Open Letter

Dear Tracy-Anne Collins,

For weeks now you -- or more specifically someone on your behalf -- has been sending me emails telling me how excited you are to meet me. I think there has been some confusion, and I feel it is my duty to clear the air of all misunderstandings.

First of all, if you want a date, you damn well better ask me yourself. Today's email came from Alex George, whose email address actually says Mary Hernandez. Color me skeptical, but I think somebody is fishy here. Who is this Alex George and why is s/he using Mary Hernandez's account? I should give you fair warning that I've seen all ten seasons of Law and Order, plus a fair number of Hawaii-5-0s, Matlocks, Murder She Wrotes, Ironsides and Kojaks, so you'd better think twice before trying to pull a fast one on me. I didn't just fall off the tuna truck, you know.

Additionally, although I'm no Miss Manners, I think it's pretty bad form to make somebody else do your secretarial work, especially where dating is concerned. I'm no Roxanne, and I'm betting you're no Cyrano either, so buck up little camper, and send your own emails.

Oh, and I'm not even going to get into the discussion of the subject line of said emails. That's nasty, baby.

Next. Despite the earlier emails that quite frankly bordered on desperate -- ok, they were just pitiful -- you or your secretarial team may have noticed that I never responded. Miss Tracy-Anne Collins, no offense, but I don't want to go on a date with you, despite your last ditch effort this morning to let me know that 1. you are in great shape, and 2. your biggest asset is your clevage [sic]. Again, I hate to tell you this, but cleavage just isn't that big of a draw for me. I've got my own, thanks. And something tells me that those who cannot spell cleavage probably don't have much of one anyway. I'm just saying.

I understand your home is within 1.5 miles of me. This, of course, made me all tingly (NOT THAT WAY) wondering where you live. Are you the annoying neighbors with the multitude of yapping dogs? Are the fastidious neighbor down the road who sweeps her driveway with a broom every single morning? Do you pass me in the grocery store, glancing at me furtively while lightly fingering the scrubbing bubbles toilet brushes?

WARNING: DO NOT USE FOR PERSONAL HYGIENE. THIS MEANS YOU, MISS TRACY-ANNE COLLINS!

I know my night with you has been CONFIRMED, and that you want me to dress nice and bring clothes fresh for the morning. I just can't let the morning pass without letting you know, Miss Tracy-Anne Collins that much like Miss Otis, Miss GreenTuna regrets she is unable to lunch today. I have neither the time nor the inclination to sip wine and look at your house. I should think, being a woman of the 21st century, you would have better things to do as well.

I suggest perhaps you might try turning off your computer for awhile. Instead of spamming and scamming your way into my heart, why don't you venture out some Friday night. It is a college town, afterall, and I'm sure there are plenty of desperate youngsters around who would love nothing more than to gaze upon your ample assets. If you don't have a car, don't worry. I'm sure the clue bus will be along any time to help you out.

Sincerely Submitted,
GreenTuna

An Open Letter

Dear Tracy-Anne Collins,

For weeks now you -- or more specifically someone on your behalf -- has been sending me emails telling me how excited you are to meet me. I think there has been some confusion, and I feel it is my duty to clear the air of all misunderstandings.

First of all, if you want a date, you damn well better ask me yourself. Today's email came from Alex George, whose email address actually says Mary Hernandez. Color me skeptical, but I think somebody is fishy here. Who is this Alex George and why is s/he using Mary Hernandez's account? I should give you fair warning that I've seen all ten seasons of Law and Order, plus a fair number of Hawaii-5-0s, Matlocks, Murder She Wrotes, Ironsides and Kojaks, so you'd better think twice before trying to pull a fast one on me. I didn't just fall off the tuna truck, you know.

Additionally, although I'm no Miss Manners, I think it's pretty bad form to make somebody else do your secretarial work, especially where dating is concerned. I'm no Roxanne, and I'm betting you're no Cyrano either, so buck up little camper, and send your own emails.

Oh, and I'm not even going to get into the discussion of the subject line of said emails. That's nasty, baby.

Next. Despite the earlier emails that quite frankly bordered on desperate -- ok, they were just pitiful -- you or your secretarial team may have noticed that I never responded. Miss Tracy-Anne Collins, no offense, but I don't want to go on a date with you, despite your last ditch effort this morning to let me know that 1. you are in great shape, and 2. your biggest asset is your clevage [sic]. Again, I hate to tell you this, but cleavage just isn't that big of a draw for me. I've got my own, thanks. And something tells me that those who cannot spell cleavage probably don't have much of one anyway. I'm just saying.

I understand your home is within 1.5 miles of me. This, of course, made me all tingly (NOT THAT WAY) wondering where you live. Are you the annoying neighbors with the multitude of yapping dogs? Are the fastidious neighbor down the road who sweeps her driveway with a broom every single morning? Do you pass me in the grocery store, glancing at me furtively while lightly fingering the scrubbing bubbles toilet brushes?

WARNING: DO NOT USE FOR PERSONAL HYGIENE. THIS MEANS YOU, MISS TRACY-ANNE COLLINS!

I know my night with you has been CONFIRMED, and that you want me to dress nice and bring clothes fresh for the morning. I just can't let the morning pass without letting you know, Miss Tracy-Anne Collins that much like Miss Otis, Miss GreenTuna regrets she is unable to lunch today. I have neither the time nor the inclination to sip wine and look at your house. I should think, being a woman of the 21st century, you would have better things to do as well.

I suggest perhaps you might try turning off your computer for awhile. Instead of spamming and scamming your way into my heart, why don't you venture out some Friday night. It is a college town, afterall, and I'm sure there are plenty of desperate youngsters around who would love nothing more than to gaze upon your ample assets. If you don't have a car, don't worry. I'm sure the clue bus will be along any time to help you out.

Sincerely Submitted,
GreenTuna

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

On The Internet...

...Nobody knows you're a dog

Of course, the big news last night wasn't that Paul Abdul cannot act when she tried to fake out half the American Idol contestants into thinking they were cut, when if fact they weren't. The real news was the 2005 Best In Show Winner from the Westminster Kennel Club


Carlee. Woof.

Carlee had to beat out a Bloodhound, a Border Collie (ala "Babe"), a big white puffy dog, a kick-me dog that could stunt double as a dust mop, and a little brown Toto-esque dog who was (and they were serious about this) "the big comeback story" because she "took time out" to have puppies.

And some other dogs I can't remember.

But the big -- REALLY BIG -- news was the near $600,000 price tag that these two paintings earned at the annual "Dogs in Art" auction, that is held in conjunction with the dog show.



The top picture, "A Bold Bluff" is described as, "A St. Bernard stares down his opponents while holding a weak hand. The bottom picture, "Waterloo" is described as, "The St. Bernard has astounded the other players and taken the pot!"

I guess so. To the tune of about $600k.

Need more dog junk?
Check out this page courtesty of The Snoop Dawg Gizoogle. It's the next best thing to Barbara Billingsly providing a personal translation (Oooo! Obscure movie reference!!)

On The Internet...

...Nobody knows you're a dog

Of course, the big news last night wasn't that Paul Abdul cannot act when she tried to fake out half the American Idol contestants into thinking they were cut, when if fact they weren't. The real news was the 2005 Best In Show Winner from the Westminster Kennel Club


Carlee. Woof.

Carlee had to beat out a Bloodhound, a Border Collie (ala "Babe"), a big white puffy dog, a kick-me dog that could stunt double as a dust mop, and a little brown Toto-esque dog who was (and they were serious about this) "the big comeback story" because she "took time out" to have puppies.

And some other dogs I can't remember.

But the big -- REALLY BIG -- news was the near $600,000 price tag that these two paintings earned at the annual "Dogs in Art" auction, that is held in conjunction with the dog show.



The top picture, "A Bold Bluff" is described as, "A St. Bernard stares down his opponents while holding a weak hand. The bottom picture, "Waterloo" is described as, "The St. Bernard has astounded the other players and taken the pot!"

I guess so. To the tune of about $600k.

Need more dog junk?
Check out this page courtesty of The Snoop Dawg Gizoogle. It's the next best thing to Barbara Billingsly providing a personal translation (Oooo! Obscure movie reference!!)

Monday, February 14, 2005

Point - Counterpoint

Half Empty ---


Half Full ---


Other Takes: Ze's Blog -- SpamMusement -- The Onion

Whatever your pleasure, Happy Monday.

Point - Counterpoint

Half Empty ---


Half Full ---


Other Takes: Ze's Blog -- SpamMusement -- The Onion

Whatever your pleasure, Happy Monday.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Double Feature

Since TinyTuna was very busy yesterday with her last weekend of costume crewing a local production of Winnie-The-Pooh (plus attending the all-important cast party following the last show), GramTuna and I decided to abandon all housework for a second weekend in a row, and we took in a double feature.

Our first selection was Oscar-nominated Million Dollar Baby

2005 Oscar Nominations
Best Director - Clint Eastwood
Best Editing
Best Motion Picture
Best Actor - Clint Eastwood
Best Supporting Actor - Morgan Freeman
Best Actress - Hilary Swank
Best Screenplay Adaptation

I wasn't thrilled about seeing this film, and had it not been an Oscar nominee, I wouldn't have. It was a Clint Eastwood movie (strike one) and it was a boxing movie (strike two). As the lights dimmed I looked at GramTuna and said dryly, "This better not suck."

Two hours later the lights came back up again, and we were sitting there, stunned, in the back row. It wasn't anything like I expected. Clint Eastwood was quite good, Hilary Swank was stunning, and yes it's true: Morgan Freeman could read the phone book and I'd love him.

What I loved about this film was its simplicity. It wasn't a boxing movie at all. It was a movie with boxing in it. The film had a decided lack of contemporary movie cliches: car chases, poorly disguised music videos, casts of thousands and nonsensical violence. It was lean and honest and centered around people, hopes, desires, dreams, hardships, triumphs and heartbreak. Despite all that, it wasn't heavy handed, and it didn't preach. The story unfolded simply and at the end it drew no conclusion -- that was left for the viewers to interpret. Maybe that is the best tribute any film could receive.

Hilary Swank is a front-runner for the Best Actress statue, and deservedly so. The film has a lot of positive buzz going into the Oscars. Best director nods are always a bit of an enigma because best motion picture winners do not always go hand in hand with best director winners. Morgan Freeman is a strong contender for supporting actor, although I loved Thomas Hayden Church in Sideways.

One last tidbit: Gram and I uttered a unison "WHAT?" when the credits rolled and we found out that in addition to directing, producing and acting in this film, Clint Eastwood also did the soundtrack. And it -- like the movie -- was quite good. Is there anything this guy doesn't do?

After a short break, we headed into film number two. Hotel Rwanda.

2005 Oscar Nominations
Best Actor - Don Cheadle
Best Actress - Sophie Okonedo
Best Original Screenplay

Unlike my feelings preceding the screening of Million Dollar Baby, I was quite excited to see Hotel Rwanda. And just like the first film, when the credits started to roll, all I could do is sit there stunned and say, "wow." Comparing Hotel Rwanda to Million Dollar Baby is an apples to oranges kind of affair, but I'd use the exact same words to describe them. I had imagined Hotel Rwanda would be shocking and horrifying, but the fact that it also managed to be uplifting and challenged its audience to be better global neighbors is perhaps the best tribute this film could receive.

It's hard to describe the performances of Don Cheadle and Sophie Okonedo. Stunning? Flawless? Moving? Yes it was all that, and more. Simply put, it was the perfect cast for the roles. There had been talk of using bigger named actors (Denzel Washington and Will Smith, among others) to help the boxoffice draw. I'm pleased the director was able to make this film with Don Cheadle -- the actor he envisioned from the outset to play this role.

After seeing a film like this, Oscar predictions become much tougher. I still have a hunch Jamie Foxx will take the Oscar for Ray, but if Don Cheadle won for Hotel Rwanda, I would be very, very happy.

Two films in one day. One was nothing like what I was expecting. One was exactly like what I was expecting. And both were outstanding.