Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Have Yourself a Merry Little Gigmas

For the past several weeks TinyTuna has been rehearsing an extra 45 minutes prior to the regular 2-hour rehearsal for the children's touring choir. She is one of eight singers who will be going out into the community next month to fa-la-la herself into a merry little tizzy. Among her gigs are a couple of stints at the local snooty clothing store downtown .

As I picked her up from rehearsal tonight, we went through the usual questions of how was rehearsal? and what did you sing? She was listing off this song and that song. Although she was a bit fuzzy on details, when I asked her about the elite eight rehearsal she said they were practicing "the pretty songs" out of the little book.

Having sung WAY too many of these gigs myself over the years, I tried to sound encouraging. "It sounds like you'll have a lot of fun," I said as cheerfully as I could.

"Right," she said dryly. "We'll be standing in a corner, singing for $30 socks."

HoHoHo

Have Yourself a Merry Little Gigmas

For the past several weeks TinyTuna has been rehearsing an extra 45 minutes prior to the regular 2-hour rehearsal for the children's touring choir. She is one of eight singers who will be going out into the community next month to fa-la-la herself into a merry little tizzy. Among her gigs are a couple of stints at the local snooty clothing store downtown .

As I picked her up from rehearsal tonight, we went through the usual questions of how was rehearsal? and what did you sing? She was listing off this song and that song. Although she was a bit fuzzy on details, when I asked her about the elite eight rehearsal she said they were practicing "the pretty songs" out of the little book.

Having sung WAY too many of these gigs myself over the years, I tried to sound encouraging. "It sounds like you'll have a lot of fun," I said as cheerfully as I could.

"Right," she said dryly. "We'll be standing in a corner, singing for $30 socks."

HoHoHo

Monday, November 21, 2005

Quick Brown Foxes and Lazy Dogs

So, how's that novel coming?

Number of words required for official Nanowrimo novel: 50,000
Number of words I've written so far: Zero
Number of trees I've saved because of my extreme slackitude: Virtually, zillions

As of midnight tonight, number of days left in Nanowrimo: 9
As of midnight tonight, number of hours left in Nanowrimo: 1944
As of midnight tonight, number of minutes left in Nanowrimo: 116,640

Words per minute I am able to type: 85
As of midnight tonight, number of words I could type: 9,914,400
Which equates to a word surplus of: 9,864,400

Number of minutes required to type 50,000 words: 588
Number of hours required to type 50,000 words: 9.8
Number of days required to type 50,000 words: < 1

I am so going to bed.

Quick Brown Foxes and Lazy Dogs

So, how's that novel coming?

Number of words required for official Nanowrimo novel: 50,000
Number of words I've written so far: Zero
Number of trees I've saved because of my extreme slackitude: Virtually, zillions

As of midnight tonight, number of days left in Nanowrimo: 9
As of midnight tonight, number of hours left in Nanowrimo: 1944
As of midnight tonight, number of minutes left in Nanowrimo: 116,640

Words per minute I am able to type: 85
As of midnight tonight, number of words I could type: 9,914,400
Which equates to a word surplus of: 9,864,400

Number of minutes required to type 50,000 words: 588
Number of hours required to type 50,000 words: 9.8
Number of days required to type 50,000 words: < 1

I am so going to bed.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Unconscious Mutterings

Sunday morning, early church going muttering.

I say ... and you snore THINK:

1. Heads up ... Pay attention

2. Kicker ... Punchline

3. Aggressive ... Hostile

4. Getting Ugly ... Things are

5. To be continued ... Ha! You have to come back later

6. Twist ... Plot turn

7. Form ... Shape

8. On the road ... Traveling

9. Import ... Bring In

10. Flowers ... Pretty


No much to add to this one. Early church rehearsal, without which -- musically speaking -- things could get ugly. I have to get on the road early in order to purchase a large vat of icy cold fizzy brown diet goodness, without which -- GreenTunaistically speaking -- things could get ugly. How will it go today? I have no idea. This story is to be continued.

Unconscious Mutterings

Sunday morning, early church going muttering.

I say ... and you snore THINK:

1. Heads up ... Pay attention

2. Kicker ... Punchline

3. Aggressive ... Hostile

4. Getting Ugly ... Things are

5. To be continued ... Ha! You have to come back later

6. Twist ... Plot turn

7. Form ... Shape

8. On the road ... Traveling

9. Import ... Bring In

10. Flowers ... Pretty


No much to add to this one. Early church rehearsal, without which -- musically speaking -- things could get ugly. I have to get on the road early in order to purchase a large vat of icy cold fizzy brown diet goodness, without which -- GreenTunaistically speaking -- things could get ugly. How will it go today? I have no idea. This story is to be continued.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Friday's Feast

Time for a mid-afternoon snack!

Appetizer: When do you feel impatient?
Being a mother, an educator and an informational regurgitation device, I excel in impatience. It would be easier to answer the question "When don't I feel impatient?" Answer: When I'm asleep. And even then, it's iffy.

Salad: How many times in your life have you had a broken heart?
One is too many.

Soup: Name a book you would like to see be made into a movie
The Kite Runner

Main Course: If you could thank one teacher for what they taught you, who would it be, and what would you thank them for?
I would thank my first "real" voice teacher from my undergraduate days in college. Aside from having the patience (speaking of patience) to endure the years and years of teaching technique, she instilled a love of hard work, a respect for singers and composers and poets, and an unwavering demand for excellence that I have never forgotten and carry with me to this day.

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of pie?
PIE!
Blueberry, of course.
(Blueberry Pie Face!)

Friday's Feast

Time for a mid-afternoon snack!

Appetizer: When do you feel impatient?
Being a mother, an educator and an informational regurgitation device, I excel in impatience. It would be easier to answer the question "When don't I feel impatient?" Answer: When I'm asleep. And even then, it's iffy.

Salad: How many times in your life have you had a broken heart?
One is too many.

Soup: Name a book you would like to see be made into a movie
The Kite Runner

Main Course: If you could thank one teacher for what they taught you, who would it be, and what would you thank them for?
I would thank my first "real" voice teacher from my undergraduate days in college. Aside from having the patience (speaking of patience) to endure the years and years of teaching technique, she instilled a love of hard work, a respect for singers and composers and poets, and an unwavering demand for excellence that I have never forgotten and carry with me to this day.

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of pie?
PIE!
Blueberry, of course.
(Blueberry Pie Face!)

Reason #96 Why I Love The Internets

As I was writing my entry on TinyTuna's field trip, I wanted to find a picture to go with it. I started pawing through my boyfriend's photo album to find this picture:

Napoleon on His Horse


Unfortunately, I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention.
The first thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his horse.
................................................................with a beer


And the second thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his cow.


Oh well. I guess he always was a bit Bossy.
(ba-DUMP-bump!)

Reason #96 Why I Love The Internets

As I was writing my entry on TinyTuna's field trip, I wanted to find a picture to go with it. I started pawing through my boyfriend's photo album to find this picture:

Napoleon on His Horse


Unfortunately, I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention.
The first thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his horse.
................................................................with a beer


And the second thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his cow.


Oh well. I guess he always was a bit Bossy.
(ba-DUMP-bump!)

Tuna Complex

Yesterday TinyTuna and an entire bus load of sixth graders went on a field trip to participate in a "Mission to Mars" program. The kids were divided into two groups. While one group would be in the simulator traveling to Mars, the other group would be in Mission Control. When they finished the mission, each group would switch, ensuring that all the kids got a chance to do each part.

Before the field trip the kids were given their job assignments, and TinyTuna was over-the-moon excited that she was chosen to be a Communication Specialist. When she got home last night I asked her about her field trip and what exactly the job of "Communication Specialist" entailed.

"It was the BEST (CAPS LOCK, LEANED OVER!) job in the whole mission!" she exclaimed.

"Why is that?" I asked.

In her most dramatic, excited wide-eyed voice, she said, "Because I got to speak in a microphone, and everybody had to be quiet and listen to me and DO WHAT I SAID!"

Ahhhhh.

Something tells me her interpretation of her Mission to Mars assignment was a lot less of this:


And a LOT more of that:


Why am I not surprised?

Tuna Complex

Yesterday TinyTuna and an entire bus load of sixth graders went on a field trip to participate in a "Mission to Mars" program. The kids were divided into two groups. While one group would be in the simulator traveling to Mars, the other group would be in Mission Control. When they finished the mission, each group would switch, ensuring that all the kids got a chance to do each part.

Before the field trip the kids were given their job assignments, and TinyTuna was over-the-moon excited that she was chosen to be a Communication Specialist. When she got home last night I asked her about her field trip and what exactly the job of "Communication Specialist" entailed.

"It was the BEST (CAPS LOCK, LEANED OVER!) job in the whole mission!" she exclaimed.

"Why is that?" I asked.

In her most dramatic, excited wide-eyed voice, she said, "Because I got to speak in a microphone, and everybody had to be quiet and listen to me and DO WHAT I SAID!"

Ahhhhh.

Something tells me her interpretation of her Mission to Mars assignment was a lot less of this:


And a LOT more of that:


Why am I not surprised?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Dear Mr. Postman

As earlier reported, TinyTuna has now discovered the joys of email. It's become a somewhat convenient way to communicate during lunch or before or after school.

Sometimes the emails are about school itself
Dear Mother,
Today was great! We had science and then gym. You won't believe it but I ran a 10 min. jog today with everyone else, and I did the whole thing without walking. How cool is that! I also in orchestra got the fancy part for the piece I have played for you. The last thing is a little disappointing. I didn't get typing class, but I got Sing It, See It, and our first songs are from the Music Man. How double cool is that!! I hope you had a good day too.

Love your daughter,
TinyTuna

Sometimes the emails are apologies for, well, being 11
Dear Mom,

How are you today? I am SO SORRY about what happened this morning, and if their is anyway I can make it up to you I will. I hope you will forgive me for my attitude.

And sometimes the emails are for "just because"
Dear Mother,

How are you today? I asked about the book a few days ago and it is $5.00. I can pay for it. I would like to know how your day is going now and I love you very much!

TinyTuna

So this morning, when my email box binged, you wouldn't be surprised to hear that I stampeded to my inbox to see what kind of warm and fuzzy thoughts were sent my way today.

This was my reward:
Dear Mom,
There is no library after school today. More news of the day a kid in our hallway just barfed up a pile. EWE!

TinyTuna

It's hard to decide what I like the best about the whole email: the fact that she felt so compelled as to take time out of her busy morning and share this wonderful piece of information, or the fact that she can't spell EWWWWW. Whatever it is, The TinyTuna News has managed to sum up a lifetime of Mondays to perfection, and all before 10 am.

What a kid.

Dear Mr. Postman

As earlier reported, TinyTuna has now discovered the joys of email. It's become a somewhat convenient way to communicate during lunch or before or after school.

Sometimes the emails are about school itself
Dear Mother,
Today was great! We had science and then gym. You won't believe it but I ran a 10 min. jog today with everyone else, and I did the whole thing without walking. How cool is that! I also in orchestra got the fancy part for the piece I have played for you. The last thing is a little disappointing. I didn't get typing class, but I got Sing It, See It, and our first songs are from the Music Man. How double cool is that!! I hope you had a good day too.

Love your daughter,
TinyTuna

Sometimes the emails are apologies for, well, being 11
Dear Mom,

How are you today? I am SO SORRY about what happened this morning, and if their is anyway I can make it up to you I will. I hope you will forgive me for my attitude.

And sometimes the emails are for "just because"
Dear Mother,

How are you today? I asked about the book a few days ago and it is $5.00. I can pay for it. I would like to know how your day is going now and I love you very much!

TinyTuna

So this morning, when my email box binged, you wouldn't be surprised to hear that I stampeded to my inbox to see what kind of warm and fuzzy thoughts were sent my way today.

This was my reward:
Dear Mom,
There is no library after school today. More news of the day a kid in our hallway just barfed up a pile. EWE!

TinyTuna

It's hard to decide what I like the best about the whole email: the fact that she felt so compelled as to take time out of her busy morning and share this wonderful piece of information, or the fact that she can't spell EWWWWW. Whatever it is, The TinyTuna News has managed to sum up a lifetime of Mondays to perfection, and all before 10 am.

What a kid.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think:

1. Mighty :: Mouse

2. Gotta find time to :: Be

3. Statistic :: A Factoid Certain to be Ignored

4. Midnight :: Now

5. Thaw :: Melt

6. Hips :: Yep, There They Are

7. Reader :: Me

8. Related :: Family

9. Brilliant :: Smart

10. Posture :: Don't Slouch!


What have I been doing lately? Lots on this list. On Friday, I spent the day compiling #3 for work. Why? Good question, since I know darn well that no amount of irrefutable facts and figures can ever break through the closed minded Volcano decision makers. But I have them, just in case. Today I was able to hang out with #8, and I was able to #2, and it didn't involve grocery shopping, ten billion errands or laundry. It doesn't happen often enough, but grabbing an hour or so of spinning was an enormous Tuna surprise. Now that it's past #4 and I've had my one piece of obligatory Halloween candy -- curse you #6 -- it's time to call it a day. I thought ahead and now my bed is all toasty warm. How #9!

Mutter along here.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think:

1. Mighty :: Mouse

2. Gotta find time to :: Be

3. Statistic :: A Factoid Certain to be Ignored

4. Midnight :: Now

5. Thaw :: Melt

6. Hips :: Yep, There They Are

7. Reader :: Me

8. Related :: Family

9. Brilliant :: Smart

10. Posture :: Don't Slouch!


What have I been doing lately? Lots on this list. On Friday, I spent the day compiling #3 for work. Why? Good question, since I know darn well that no amount of irrefutable facts and figures can ever break through the closed minded Volcano decision makers. But I have them, just in case. Today I was able to hang out with #8, and I was able to #2, and it didn't involve grocery shopping, ten billion errands or laundry. It doesn't happen often enough, but grabbing an hour or so of spinning was an enormous Tuna surprise. Now that it's past #4 and I've had my one piece of obligatory Halloween candy -- curse you #6 -- it's time to call it a day. I thought ahead and now my bed is all toasty warm. How #9!

Mutter along here.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Friday's Feast

Time for another helping of Friday's Feast, served just under the wire, and just for you.

Appetizer: If somebody made a statue of you, in what pose would you like to be?
I'm not sure if it's a matter of in what pose I would like to be, but rather in what pose I would most likely be. The answer would be a close relative to Rodin's The Thinker. However, instead of resting my chin on my fist while deep in thought, I would undoubtedly be holding my head in both hands, keeping whatever shreds of sanity I had left from oozing out my ears.

Salad: What perfume/cologne does your best friend wear?
Alas I must plead extreme ignorance here, but doesn't everybody have a bottle of Channel No. Whateveryoulikebest in their arsenal? I know I do. Not that I ever wear it. But I have it.

Soup: Name something satisfying about your work
5pm.
Kidding!
(Maybe. Or maybe not)
Honestly, being surrounded by books on music, scores filled with music and CDs, my job is like Christmas day in and day out. If it weren't for those meddling college kids, it would be perfect.

Main Course: What was the last excuse you made, and why did you need to make it?
At a party tonight I declined glass of wine number two. My excuse was that I had to drive. Although it was entirely true, the real reason was if I had another glass of wine, I would have curled up in the corner and started to snore. I was just too sleepy.

Dessert: Complete this sentence: I wonder why _______________

I wonder why we exploit fears
and yet ignore a world of tears.

I wonder why we feel no shame
and yet assign to others blame.

I wonder if no more would die
If others simply wondered why?


Friday's Feast

Time for another helping of Friday's Feast, served just under the wire, and just for you.

Appetizer: If somebody made a statue of you, in what pose would you like to be?
I'm not sure if it's a matter of in what pose I would like to be, but rather in what pose I would most likely be. The answer would be a close relative to Rodin's The Thinker. However, instead of resting my chin on my fist while deep in thought, I would undoubtedly be holding my head in both hands, keeping whatever shreds of sanity I had left from oozing out my ears.

Salad: What perfume/cologne does your best friend wear?
Alas I must plead extreme ignorance here, but doesn't everybody have a bottle of Channel No. Whateveryoulikebest in their arsenal? I know I do. Not that I ever wear it. But I have it.

Soup: Name something satisfying about your work
5pm.
Kidding!
(Maybe. Or maybe not)
Honestly, being surrounded by books on music, scores filled with music and CDs, my job is like Christmas day in and day out. If it weren't for those meddling college kids, it would be perfect.

Main Course: What was the last excuse you made, and why did you need to make it?
At a party tonight I declined glass of wine number two. My excuse was that I had to drive. Although it was entirely true, the real reason was if I had another glass of wine, I would have curled up in the corner and started to snore. I was just too sleepy.

Dessert: Complete this sentence: I wonder why _______________

I wonder why we exploit fears
and yet ignore a world of tears.

I wonder why we feel no shame
and yet assign to others blame.

I wonder if no more would die
If others simply wondered why?


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Alternatives

If a $600 upside down tree is just too rich for your holiday blood, may I suggest a more fiscally responsible purchase? For the low, low price of $24.00, you can purchase your very own:


(Unassembled view)
...
...
...
...
...

Charlie Brown tree.

Thanks Urban Outfitters. Too bad you missed the whole point of the entire cartoon, which was to NOT spend a bunch of money on meaningless holiday decorations. My favorite part of the description:

The bendable branches allow you to make it look just how you want, super pathetic or just kind of pathetic.
What do you suppose it would mean if I made it super bendable, hung it upside down and then set it on fire? And, do you think this comes with instructions for assembly?

Link props to Boing Boing.

Alternatives

If a $600 upside down tree is just too rich for your holiday blood, may I suggest a more fiscally responsible purchase? For the low, low price of $24.00, you can purchase your very own:


(Unassembled view)
...
...
...
...
...

Charlie Brown tree.

Thanks Urban Outfitters. Too bad you missed the whole point of the entire cartoon, which was to NOT spend a bunch of money on meaningless holiday decorations. My favorite part of the description:

The bendable branches allow you to make it look just how you want, super pathetic or just kind of pathetic.
What do you suppose it would mean if I made it super bendable, hung it upside down and then set it on fire? And, do you think this comes with instructions for assembly?

Link props to Boing Boing.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Silent Night, Holy Wuh?

Would someone like to explain this to me, please?



It's an upside-down Christmas Tree.

Now excuse me for being contrary, but unless I'm celebrating Christmas on the USS Poseidon or I've overdone the adult egg nog, how is this a good idea? It looks like a cheap umbrella that lost a fight with 50 mph winds. Of course, Mr. Manufacturer has lots and lots of reasons why this should be your first holiday purchase. Which -- as a public service to each and every one of you that is itching to heat up your credit card right this very second -- I'm going to debunk here and now.

CLAIM: It's HISTORICAL! Yes, the description sadly attempts to justify its ridiculousness by making solemn references to 12th Century European Christmas practices.
REALITY: It's NONSENSE! Let us not forget that in the old Norse tradition, evergreen trees were burned to encourage the return of the sun. Although I hate to disagree with an Old Norse, I simply do not see the wisdom in laying out all that money and then putting a match to it. On second thought, were it not for the toxic fumes it would produce, it might not be a bad idea.

C LAIM: It's RELIGIOUSRIFFIC! Upside down trees remind the faithful of The Holy Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
REALITY: WHAT??? Never ever ever in all my church-going years, did I ever look at a cross and think, "Wow, this looks exactly like an upside down Christmas tree." Conversely, never ever ever in all my Christmas tree filled years did I ever look at a tree and think, "If I only turned this sucker upside down I'd have myself a living relic."

CLAIM: It's ERGONOMIC! "...the unusual tapering shape allows the tree to stand in places that do not accommodate a traditional holiday tree, such as between two armchairs or in a corner."
REALITY: HAHAHAHAHA! Let's think about this. Do you think when computer monitors needed a smaller footprint they said, "Let's turn it upside down and balance it on its head. Problem solved. More egg nog!"

CLAIM: It's SAFE! "...the tree'’s weighted base provides extra stability to prevent tipping and leaning..."
REALITY: MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

It just doesn't make sense.

Honestly, I think these kind of things (did you notice the $600 price tag?) are for people who feel the need to own and display the latest, biggest, most obnoxious non-necessary Christmas decoration available.

And they probably brought it home the one thing that most normal people would be too embarassed to buy, much less be seen riding on in public: A $4500 Segway.


"Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself free."

Silent Night, Holy Wuh?

Would someone like to explain this to me, please?



It's an upside-down Christmas Tree.

Now excuse me for being contrary, but unless I'm celebrating Christmas on the USS Poseidon or I've overdone the adult egg nog, how is this a good idea? It looks like a cheap umbrella that lost a fight with 50 mph winds. Of course, Mr. Manufacturer has lots and lots of reasons why this should be your first holiday purchase. Which -- as a public service to each and every one of you that is itching to heat up your credit card right this very second -- I'm going to debunk here and now.

CLAIM: It's HISTORICAL! Yes, the description sadly attempts to justify its ridiculousness by making solemn references to 12th Century European Christmas practices.
REALITY: It's NONSENSE! Let us not forget that in the old Norse tradition, evergreen trees were burned to encourage the return of the sun. Although I hate to disagree with an Old Norse, I simply do not see the wisdom in laying out all that money and then putting a match to it. On second thought, were it not for the toxic fumes it would produce, it might not be a bad idea.

C LAIM: It's RELIGIOUSRIFFIC! Upside down trees remind the faithful of The Holy Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
REALITY: WHAT??? Never ever ever in all my church-going years, did I ever look at a cross and think, "Wow, this looks exactly like an upside down Christmas tree." Conversely, never ever ever in all my Christmas tree filled years did I ever look at a tree and think, "If I only turned this sucker upside down I'd have myself a living relic."

CLAIM: It's ERGONOMIC! "...the unusual tapering shape allows the tree to stand in places that do not accommodate a traditional holiday tree, such as between two armchairs or in a corner."
REALITY: HAHAHAHAHA! Let's think about this. Do you think when computer monitors needed a smaller footprint they said, "Let's turn it upside down and balance it on its head. Problem solved. More egg nog!"

CLAIM: It's SAFE! "...the tree'’s weighted base provides extra stability to prevent tipping and leaning..."
REALITY: MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

It just doesn't make sense.

Honestly, I think these kind of things (did you notice the $600 price tag?) are for people who feel the need to own and display the latest, biggest, most obnoxious non-necessary Christmas decoration available.

And they probably brought it home the one thing that most normal people would be too embarassed to buy, much less be seen riding on in public: A $4500 Segway.


"Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself free."

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Deeper and Deeper :: Into debt

2. Can't Help :: Lovin' that man of mine

3. Devil's Advocate :: Really, really creepy movie

4. Superpower :: Not US

5. Threatening :: Bully

6. Played :: Fiddle

7. War :: Conflict

8. Violate :: Destroy

9. Invest :: Set Money Aside For

10. Choke :: Fail


Disparate items? I think not. This meme prompted me to do two things: First I had to go to IMDB and make sure I was thinking of the right movie for Devil's Advocate. I was. Oh, that was a really creepy movie. I don't really care for Keanu Reeves, but yowza, Al Pacino was amazing. The second thing I did was visit my boyfriend's picture album and look for a historical graphic to accompany number 6. I typed 'Nero Fiddle' in the search box. The overwhelming result for my search was this:



Oh Internets, how I love you. Have a pretzel.
Mutter along HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Deeper and Deeper :: Into debt

2. Can't Help :: Lovin' that man of mine

3. Devil's Advocate :: Really, really creepy movie

4. Superpower :: Not US

5. Threatening :: Bully

6. Played :: Fiddle

7. War :: Conflict

8. Violate :: Destroy

9. Invest :: Set Money Aside For

10. Choke :: Fail


Disparate items? I think not. This meme prompted me to do two things: First I had to go to IMDB and make sure I was thinking of the right movie for Devil's Advocate. I was. Oh, that was a really creepy movie. I don't really care for Keanu Reeves, but yowza, Al Pacino was amazing. The second thing I did was visit my boyfriend's picture album and look for a historical graphic to accompany number 6. I typed 'Nero Fiddle' in the search box. The overwhelming result for my search was this:



Oh Internets, how I love you. Have a pretzel.
Mutter along HERE.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

CLEEEEEK!

I got a new toy.

I must say, I was pleased to see that this is a serious digital camera, because I hate those ones that keep cracking jokes. So now that I have the POWER, I can really torture all y'all. Today's Installment:

THE AXIS OF EVIL


MILA the Meatloaf


GABBY the Gabbalicious


FABIO the Fluffy

Fabio nearly had a coronary after I took his picture. He started racing back and forth and began to kick and stomp his back feet to show he was a really scary not-to-be-messed with bunny. With long pointy teeth. Uh huh....... So I stuck my head in his cage and said, "Where are my kisses?" And he promptly forgot he was mad and licked my forehead. Silly Rabbit.

So far, I have very little understanding of what I'm doing, other than turn it on, point, click, and download it to the computer. There are so many eensy weensy icons all over this thing, It's going to take me awhile to learn what they all mean. Lesson number one was learning to get rid of red eye, because before I did that, Fabio looked downright demonic.

I'm most likely going to have to go to the bookstore (yippee!) and get a Digital Cameras for Dummies book, because lets face it, I don't know my ISO from a hole in the ground. And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on.

Edited to add: As I read TinyTuna this entry and got to the last sentence ("And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on") she looked at me and said, "Where's that??"

Oh. The truth, she hurts.

CLEEEEEK!

I got a new toy.

I must say, I was pleased to see that this is a serious digital camera, because I hate those ones that keep cracking jokes. So now that I have the POWER, I can really torture all y'all. Today's Installment:

THE AXIS OF EVIL


MILA the Meatloaf


GABBY the Gabbalicious


FABIO the Fluffy

Fabio nearly had a coronary after I took his picture. He started racing back and forth and began to kick and stomp his back feet to show he was a really scary not-to-be-messed with bunny. With long pointy teeth. Uh huh....... So I stuck my head in his cage and said, "Where are my kisses?" And he promptly forgot he was mad and licked my forehead. Silly Rabbit.

So far, I have very little understanding of what I'm doing, other than turn it on, point, click, and download it to the computer. There are so many eensy weensy icons all over this thing, It's going to take me awhile to learn what they all mean. Lesson number one was learning to get rid of red eye, because before I did that, Fabio looked downright demonic.

I'm most likely going to have to go to the bookstore (yippee!) and get a Digital Cameras for Dummies book, because lets face it, I don't know my ISO from a hole in the ground. And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on.

Edited to add: As I read TinyTuna this entry and got to the last sentence ("And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on") she looked at me and said, "Where's that??"

Oh. The truth, she hurts.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Friday's Feast

Well, it's been awhile since we've sat down to feast. What's on the menu today?

Appetizer: What was the last game you purchased?
Finally, a question I can answer! Without making something up! Without having to pick favorites! The last game I purchased was the logic puzzle Sudoku. I started playing Sudoku this past Spring (curse you, GramTuna!), and quickly became hooked. It's fun. It's addictive. It's brain exercise. It's something to do when the Friday New York Times crossword puzzle is just too damn hard. Try it now, thank me (or kill me) later.

Soup: Name something in which you DON'T believe
I don't believe that Pilgrims ate Mince Pie. How could they? They didn't have those nasty cans of mince goo, they didn't have can openers, and honestly...they were suffering enough as it was.

Salad: If you could choose a television personality to be your boss, who would you pick?
Uhhhhhh. What kind of question is that? Do I have to pick a television personality that was a boss on TV? Can I pick a television personality who is dead so I really wouldn't have any boss at all?

I pick:

Chef

Not only does he have great words of wisdom ("There's a time and place for everything, Children, and that's called college!), he sings and cooks too!

Main Course: What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
That life isn't fair, that I DO NOT understand geometry, that cheap wine after champagne is a very, very, very bad idea, and that sometimes, no matter how much I wish to the contrary, I cannot make everything better for other people.

Dessert: Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.
Any room in here

That allows me to be here

Friday's Feast

Well, it's been awhile since we've sat down to feast. What's on the menu today?

Appetizer: What was the last game you purchased?
Finally, a question I can answer! Without making something up! Without having to pick favorites! The last game I purchased was the logic puzzle Sudoku. I started playing Sudoku this past Spring (curse you, GramTuna!), and quickly became hooked. It's fun. It's addictive. It's brain exercise. It's something to do when the Friday New York Times crossword puzzle is just too damn hard. Try it now, thank me (or kill me) later.

Soup: Name something in which you DON'T believe
I don't believe that Pilgrims ate Mince Pie. How could they? They didn't have those nasty cans of mince goo, they didn't have can openers, and honestly...they were suffering enough as it was.

Salad: If you could choose a television personality to be your boss, who would you pick?
Uhhhhhh. What kind of question is that? Do I have to pick a television personality that was a boss on TV? Can I pick a television personality who is dead so I really wouldn't have any boss at all?

I pick:

Chef

Not only does he have great words of wisdom ("There's a time and place for everything, Children, and that's called college!), he sings and cooks too!

Main Course: What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
That life isn't fair, that I DO NOT understand geometry, that cheap wine after champagne is a very, very, very bad idea, and that sometimes, no matter how much I wish to the contrary, I cannot make everything better for other people.

Dessert: Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.
Any room in here

That allows me to be here

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Filed Under "Just Say No"

I just got back from my five minute run through the parking lot, across the train tracks and across the street to 7-11 for a Lordy, I'm Tired flavored Super Big Gulp. While I was waiting to pay, I noticed a bin of Kit Kats. Glorious, yummy, chocolately yet crispity crunchity cookie goodness Kit Kats. But then...

(Insert Large MINCE PIE FACE here)

I noticed they were "Oranges and Cream" flavor.

I mean.....EWWWWWWWWWW.

Filed Under "Just Say No"

I just got back from my five minute run through the parking lot, across the train tracks and across the street to 7-11 for a Lordy, I'm Tired flavored Super Big Gulp. While I was waiting to pay, I noticed a bin of Kit Kats. Glorious, yummy, chocolately yet crispity crunchity cookie goodness Kit Kats. But then...

(Insert Large MINCE PIE FACE here)

I noticed they were "Oranges and Cream" flavor.

I mean.....EWWWWWWWWWW.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Cows and Llamas

Remember this one?

In the game of Chutes and Ladders you move around on a board in the hopes of being the first to get to number 100 and be the winner.



Along the way if you land on a spot where you've done a good deed you can climb a ladder and skip a bunch of spaces. For example, according to the picture on space number 4, you have taken food without permission, used electric mixers and stoves without parental supervision, handled raw and/or undercooked dairy products, measured out chemical agents then greased AND floured a pan. What is the result? Why, you've made yourself a yummy, yummy cake that you share with NOBODY. Hooray! Climb up that ladder and skip from 4 to 14. Karma rewards your deeds with a veritable Stairway to Heaven.



Likewise, if you land on 16, then shame on you, for you are reading a comic book. It makes no difference that 1) you are actually reading, 2) knew where to locate an object known as a "book" in which to hide your comics, or 3) chose this activity over television, video games, and burning down the house while impersonating Julia Child. No! It's the Chute for you, sinner. Down, down, down you go to number 6, where you have to sit on a stool and wear the Tin Man's hat.

I've come to realize life isn't that much different from a never-ending Groundhog's Day version of Chutes and Ladders. Day in and day out I am constantly competing against life (or Karma, or fate, or just plain old dumb luck) in the hopes that I will win the game.

Managed to leave the house on time? Ladder, baby!
Forgot my lunch? Awww, Chute!

On and on and on it goes, from the trivial to the less-than-sublime. Traffic lights, lunch lines, parking, 6th grade homework, 6th grade behavior, bills, toddlers, laundry, dishes... It never stops. If I'm lucky it's two steps forward, one step backward. If I'm unlucky, it's one step forward, two steps backward. Mostly, I just fear those days when I have no feet at all.

My morning commute to TunaU provides me with one of my best Chutes and Ladders barometers of the day. Each morning I drive past several of the livestock research pastures, and how far traffic is backed up tells me how my day is going to be. It's a odd sort of livestock Magic 8-Ball. Will GreenTuna have a good day? Bossy says outlook not so good. If I'm stopped at the cows (and cowpies), it's chute city. Making it as far as the sheep isn't baaaaad, but when I make it to Llarry the Llama, happy days are here again and it's ladder time.

Unfortunately, making it past Old McTuna's farm is merely the first of many chutes and ladders. True Karma doesn't take the form of hamburger, wooly idols or Peruvian blankets. The ultimate test of the morning is getting past the three (count them, THREE) sets of train tracks. Cows might be bad, but being a train sandwich is much, much worse.

Of course, it is possible to work the system by changing the rules, calling in sick and go home.

Game over. VOLCANO!

Until tomorrow, when it's back to square one.

Chute.

Cows and Llamas

Remember this one?

In the game of Chutes and Ladders you move around on a board in the hopes of being the first to get to number 100 and be the winner.



Along the way if you land on a spot where you've done a good deed you can climb a ladder and skip a bunch of spaces. For example, according to the picture on space number 4, you have taken food without permission, used electric mixers and stoves without parental supervision, handled raw and/or undercooked dairy products, measured out chemical agents then greased AND floured a pan. What is the result? Why, you've made yourself a yummy, yummy cake that you share with NOBODY. Hooray! Climb up that ladder and skip from 4 to 14. Karma rewards your deeds with a veritable Stairway to Heaven.



Likewise, if you land on 16, then shame on you, for you are reading a comic book. It makes no difference that 1) you are actually reading, 2) knew where to locate an object known as a "book" in which to hide your comics, or 3) chose this activity over television, video games, and burning down the house while impersonating Julia Child. No! It's the Chute for you, sinner. Down, down, down you go to number 6, where you have to sit on a stool and wear the Tin Man's hat.

I've come to realize life isn't that much different from a never-ending Groundhog's Day version of Chutes and Ladders. Day in and day out I am constantly competing against life (or Karma, or fate, or just plain old dumb luck) in the hopes that I will win the game.

Managed to leave the house on time? Ladder, baby!
Forgot my lunch? Awww, Chute!

On and on and on it goes, from the trivial to the less-than-sublime. Traffic lights, lunch lines, parking, 6th grade homework, 6th grade behavior, bills, toddlers, laundry, dishes... It never stops. If I'm lucky it's two steps forward, one step backward. If I'm unlucky, it's one step forward, two steps backward. Mostly, I just fear those days when I have no feet at all.

My morning commute to TunaU provides me with one of my best Chutes and Ladders barometers of the day. Each morning I drive past several of the livestock research pastures, and how far traffic is backed up tells me how my day is going to be. It's a odd sort of livestock Magic 8-Ball. Will GreenTuna have a good day? Bossy says outlook not so good. If I'm stopped at the cows (and cowpies), it's chute city. Making it as far as the sheep isn't baaaaad, but when I make it to Llarry the Llama, happy days are here again and it's ladder time.

Unfortunately, making it past Old McTuna's farm is merely the first of many chutes and ladders. True Karma doesn't take the form of hamburger, wooly idols or Peruvian blankets. The ultimate test of the morning is getting past the three (count them, THREE) sets of train tracks. Cows might be bad, but being a train sandwich is much, much worse.

Of course, it is possible to work the system by changing the rules, calling in sick and go home.

Game over. VOLCANO!

Until tomorrow, when it's back to square one.

Chute.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

NaNoWriMo Sha Na Na

Today marks the first day of NaNoWriMo.

That again was NaNoWriMo.

For those who worry that I've either lapsed into baby talk (which will NEVER happen), or I'm drunk (which, for better or worse at 9:20am is not the case), NaNoWriMo stands for

National Novel Writing Month.

Considering the abysmal job I've done over the past several months of managing to hit the "post" button with little more than a non-thinking meme, writing a novel is the last thing on my agenda. However, I'm going to use NaNoWriMo to get my fingers back in gear and get things back on track. It's not like I don't have a wealth of trivialities to share...I am a Tuna, afterall, and between TinyTuna, The TunaClan, TunaU, The Scottish Singing Tunas, a huge personal distraction called a summertime basement flood, the summertime tales of Beeeeeeaver Iiiiiiiiislaaaaaand, Fabio (both flat and fluffy), The Toddlers (Get Down, and Stop It Now!) a host of friends and acquaintances, and a Presidential Administration that must be on the payroll Comedy Central, I've got plenty of material.

Now if I would just have a sick student. See the time stamp? That's what time I started this entry. And now? It's 5:34 pm.

I've even missed time for Wapner. It must be time to go home.

NaNoWriMo Sha Na Na

Today marks the first day of NaNoWriMo.

That again was NaNoWriMo.

For those who worry that I've either lapsed into baby talk (which will NEVER happen), or I'm drunk (which, for better or worse at 9:20am is not the case), NaNoWriMo stands for

National Novel Writing Month.

Considering the abysmal job I've done over the past several months of managing to hit the "post" button with little more than a non-thinking meme, writing a novel is the last thing on my agenda. However, I'm going to use NaNoWriMo to get my fingers back in gear and get things back on track. It's not like I don't have a wealth of trivialities to share...I am a Tuna, afterall, and between TinyTuna, The TunaClan, TunaU, The Scottish Singing Tunas, a huge personal distraction called a summertime basement flood, the summertime tales of Beeeeeeaver Iiiiiiiiislaaaaaand, Fabio (both flat and fluffy), The Toddlers (Get Down, and Stop It Now!) a host of friends and acquaintances, and a Presidential Administration that must be on the payroll Comedy Central, I've got plenty of material.

Now if I would just have a sick student. See the time stamp? That's what time I started this entry. And now? It's 5:34 pm.

I've even missed time for Wapner. It must be time to go home.