Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Roll Out The Role Models

Reason Number 896 that being a parent bites: You have to do things -- in the name of being a good role model -- you'd otherwise never do. And this happens all the time. Now that I'm a big 5th Grader my latest assignment is being able to name all 50 states. Is that all? Oh Nooooo! I have to correctly place them in the appropriate place on a map of the United States.


Of course, TinyTuna is in fifth grade, not me. But I can't help her if I don't know how to do it myself. And no, I can't put all the states on a map. There are a whole bunch of rectangle states that look EXACTLY THE SAME. Sure, I can do Florida, Michigan, California and Texas. I can probably get Oregon, Washington, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania too. But after that? Kansas? Where is Kansas? I don't know. It's a rectangle state. I think. I don't even know.

Should I be able to correctly label a map of my country? I suppose. But I always figured my brain has a finite amount of space, and God created maps so if I should have to travel to Kansas, I'll know which rectangle it is because my Godly map will tell me so. Should I be able to spout off all fifty states? I suppose it would come in handy when I have to make my Miss America (BRING BACK THE TALENT, DAMMIT) scorecard. There is nothing worse than coming up with 46 states and then having to do a Google search for the rest.

So, I'm learning my 50 states. There are 4-A's, no-B's, 4-C's, 1 each of D, F, G and H...and then I fell asleep. All I know is there are a buttload of M's and N's. Darn North This and New That. And then I have to learn where they go on a map. By Friday. Ugh. What's a poor MittenTuna to do?

Maybe I can get some extra credit for knowing all seven dwarves. There's Grumpy, Doc, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, uh...Sleazy, and...uh....that other guy.

It's going to be a long year.


nk said...

...and Bashful!

Minnesota is west of Wisconsin, North and South Dakota the rectangles to the west of that.

So "hi" from the top rectangle west of Minnesota!

Anonymous said...

Must be genetic. Do you think any of our "school" can do it? Probably not. And we're not even ashamed about it. Ha!

Anonymous said...

My children are all grown now but over the years I invested a ton of money, time, and energy supplementing the "education" they were supposedly getting in school. The best investment, by far, was a very inexpensive jigsaw puzzle of the US which happened to show the capitals and major products of each state. They both have told me that over the years putting that puzzle together, and competing with each other doing so, served as a basis they used all through school, even in a couple of cases on a few questions in college classes.

But, dear Tuna, I empathize with your pain. Why do teachers always assign projects the parents have to do? I hated building models of things when I WAS a student and hated it even more when my kids were. And I challenge anybody to prove that it teaches anything other than where you can find art supplies after 10:00 p.m.

mensch71 said...

I seem to recall someone snickering when Michelle and I told you how we used to quiz each other on the states when we were traveling on business. Bet you wish we had S&B this week, huh? Call me this week and I'll sing you the chant to remember the states...

Anonymous said...

My daughter is only 3, so I guess I had better start 'figgerin out dem dar states', 5th grade is coming!!