Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Silent Night, Holy Wuh?

Would someone like to explain this to me, please?

It's an upside-down Christmas Tree.

Now excuse me for being contrary, but unless I'm celebrating Christmas on the USS Poseidon or I've overdone the adult egg nog, how is this a good idea? It looks like a cheap umbrella that lost a fight with 50 mph winds. Of course, Mr. Manufacturer has lots and lots of reasons why this should be your first holiday purchase. Which -- as a public service to each and every one of you that is itching to heat up your credit card right this very second -- I'm going to debunk here and now.

CLAIM: It's HISTORICAL! Yes, the description sadly attempts to justify its ridiculousness by making solemn references to 12th Century European Christmas practices.
REALITY: It's NONSENSE! Let us not forget that in the old Norse tradition, evergreen trees were burned to encourage the return of the sun. Although I hate to disagree with an Old Norse, I simply do not see the wisdom in laying out all that money and then putting a match to it. On second thought, were it not for the toxic fumes it would produce, it might not be a bad idea.

C LAIM: It's RELIGIOUSRIFFIC! Upside down trees remind the faithful of The Holy Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
REALITY: WHAT??? Never ever ever in all my church-going years, did I ever look at a cross and think, "Wow, this looks exactly like an upside down Christmas tree." Conversely, never ever ever in all my Christmas tree filled years did I ever look at a tree and think, "If I only turned this sucker upside down I'd have myself a living relic."

CLAIM: It's ERGONOMIC! "...the unusual tapering shape allows the tree to stand in places that do not accommodate a traditional holiday tree, such as between two armchairs or in a corner."
REALITY: HAHAHAHAHA! Let's think about this. Do you think when computer monitors needed a smaller footprint they said, "Let's turn it upside down and balance it on its head. Problem solved. More egg nog!"

CLAIM: It's SAFE! "...the tree'’s weighted base provides extra stability to prevent tipping and leaning..."

It just doesn't make sense.

Honestly, I think these kind of things (did you notice the $600 price tag?) are for people who feel the need to own and display the latest, biggest, most obnoxious non-necessary Christmas decoration available.

And they probably brought it home the one thing that most normal people would be too embarassed to buy, much less be seen riding on in public: A $4500 Segway.

"Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself free."


Anonymous said...

Segways look like fun, but I wonder how they are on streets littered with dead branches of all sizes and badly in need of repaving.

The "tree" looks sort of like a large glittery g-string or bikini bottom.

Anonymous said...

Ummm...while it doesn't make the concept much better, everything I've heard about the upside down Christmas tree is that it's supposed to be suspended from the ceiling, not placed upside down on the floor.


The Rainbow Zebra said...

Ok, I think a Segway would be cool, but mainly because of my CFS/FMS--it would make getting around places a lot easier ;)

I wondered why CNN was showing an upside-down tree today LOL

Jay Ann Cox, PhD said...

Is this weird? I thought it was an evergreen homage to the uterus.