A couple of weeks ago a library-wide email was sent on our non-work list. It had all the magic words: Free and Television. It was an offer for a free 32-inch television. Like all freebies, this was a first-come, first served affair, with the only caveat being the winner had to pick it up. Pick it up as in pick it up and carry it out themselves, because the doctor of the owner's back wouldn't allow him to offer any assistance.
I tossed off a quick "I'll take it!" email, figuring I had no chance at this one because the original email was now a solid five minutes old. As luck would have it, I was the first responder, and now, the proud owner of a free 32-inch television.
My first problem was I owned no vehicle capable of transporting a free 32-inch television. No army of bungee cords would be able to hold this behemoth in the trunk of a Geo Prism. I managed to sweet-talk BSTuna and her van of great hugeness to help me retrieve the free 32-inch television. When we arrived at the house, the owner looked at us GIRLS and just shook his head. "No way you're gonna be able to lift that," he said. Within five minutes, he was asking if it would be ok if he got his video camera, because he couldn't believe it.
Please. We're tough. We're strong. We roar in numbers too big to ignore. We have hymns sung to us by Helen Reddy, and she's Canadian, meaning we roar in numbers too big to ignore multiplied by 1.1577. That alone should give one pause.
But I digress. Alot. Multiplied by 1.1577.
We grabbed the TV, walked it out the back door, across the deck, through the back yard and put it into the van. Off to Casa de Tuna we went, where we lugged it out of the van, across the yard (no way it was going through the back door), through the front door and onto the living room floor.
Where it still sits today.
Sadly, the downside to me owning a free 32-inch television is that in actuality, I have no place to put a free 32-inch television. This in turn might beg the question, then why the hell did you want it? The answer is simple: FREE.
It. was. free.
I seem to be genetically unable to resist the free, as is evidenced by a house full of stuff. So, while I figure out what to do with the older, lesser, not-free television of inferior size, my new free 32-inch television sits darkened, on the living room floor. I also have a largish entertainment center meaning I ahve a largish entertainment center problem, because said furniture has an opening that is just big enough for the older, lesser, not-free television of inferior size.
In the meantime, my freebie is currently serving double duty as a Toshiba jungle gym for the toddlers. And I can assure you, they love it. So I suppose free isn't so bad after all.