Sunday, November 20, 2011

Lights Out

It's probably not fair for me to complain if I haven't read any of the books.  Or seen any of the movies all the way through.  But the movie (the first one, I guess) is on TV now practically all the time, so it's been impossible to ignore its existance.

But still, I simply have to say:  I don't get Twilight.

What little I've seen of the movie has been so excruciatingly dull, that I can't seem to stay awake more than 10 minutes, 9 of which are spent being annoyed.  The vampire guy spends his time looking moody, and speaking in boring hushed tones.  The only thing I can think of when I see him is, "Hey!  There's the guy who DIED in Harry Potter."  Other than that?  *Yawn*

The non-vampire girl spends her time staring at people, looking moody and speaking in boring hushed tones.  There's also a wolf-guy and I cannot quite figure out his ultimate purpose in these films.  And guess what?  He spends his time looking moody and speaking in boring hushed tones.  No wonder vampire guy decided to be a vampire.  There is nothing else to do.

Somehow readers young and not so young decided that this story was cutting edge and exciting.  I just don't see it.  Maybe I'm too old, or maybe I missed the vampire bus -- sparkly, at that -- but the only thing this film speaks to is a royal hazing courtesy of MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000).  In the meantime, I will be grateful for the existence of this cinematic pile of shlock.  After all, a girl has to sleep sometime, and a sure-fire sparkly cure for insomnia is a terrible thing to waste.

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