Sunday, November 07, 2010

Pants on Fire

Things I learned this weekend.  Or more exactly, Lies I disproved.  Like a Sunday night installment of MythBusters.

1. The weekend is for rest and relaxation.
It is pure fantasy to look at the calendar and see two entirely bank squares on Saturday and Sunday.  Saturday is filled with all the things you have to do during the week that you just have no time to do because hey, you work for a living.  Do people really spend the weekend playing?  If the answer is yes, I'm not sure I want to know, because I'd either punch you or sob.

2. Gaining an hour in the fall means more sleep.
WRONG!  So wrong.  First you have to spend inordinate amounts of time changing the clocks.  And don't forget the stove clock that always gets forgotten.  Oh, and that one clock radio that nobody really knows how to work, but sure as you don't change the time, it will go off randomly between the hours of midnight and 5 am.  When you finally get all the house clocks done, then there is your watch.  And when you finally remember that one, there is THE CAR.  I've found car clocks come in two varieties -- super easy to change, or, see that one clock radio above.  When and if you get all the clocks changed, and you crawl into bed for a long  winters nap +60 minutes, the trick is STAYING ASLEEP.  I can't speak for anybody else, but my internal clock doesn't read calendars all that well, so I was wide awake at 4am, because 4am is the old 5am and 5am means time to get up and get moving.  Bleaugh........

3.  People who work retail are snarly, rude, and a general pain in the ass.
Maybe so, but this weekend was a pleasant surprise on the other end of the spectrum.  With much shopping that needed to be done, we found all our store workers to be friendly, helpful humans.  Every once in awhile humanity manages to surprise you.  I was grateful for that one.  We had much to whack off the list and we were entirely successful.

4.  Teenagers have no taste or manners
Oh nay nay.  This weekend ended up being back to school shopping for winter clothes.  We found sales, we found cute clothes and a very patient and savvy TeenTuna.  Shopping (especially of the clothes variety) can be an enormous strain on all parties involved, and we came out with what we needed, and we still managed to be speaking to each other.  Even better?  A bucketful of thank-yous.  Win Win Win!

5.  Score a lot of points and you'll win the game.
Not if the other guys score a lot of points +2.  Poor Illinois.  You were on the losing end of a basketball game played on the gridiron in shoulder pads.  Maybe next time both teams should let the defense come to the game.

6.  The Amazing Race.  Tonight at 8pm!
Ho Ho Ho.  I'd laugh if I were able to stay awake.  It's currently 55 minutes late and counting.  Phil, I don't want to sleep through the eyebrows, but after a weekend filled with shopping, no sleeping, teenager toting, one concert, one rehearsal, long church and 65 points scored in vain, it's been a long weekend.  Maybe I'll grab a Diet Coke.  I hear those are pretty good at keeping you awakzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

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