Saturday, December 11, 2010

This Just In....

In case you haven't heard, we're all going to die.

To be more specific, what I really mean to say is, tonight and tomorrow it's going to snow. And we're all going to die.

To expand on that theme, what I'm getting at here is that tonight and tomorrow in mid-December in the state of Michigan that is full of lake-effect Lakes and snowmobile trails EVERYWHERE, it's going to snow. And we're all going to die.

To be truly clear, although it isn't technically winter YET (the druids don't dance around the igloo for another ten days), it is going to snow ANYWAY.  In the middle of December.  In Michigan.  And there will be snow on the ground.  And we will be very surprised that it is snowing in December in Michigan.  So surprised that we'll die.  Hitting a car, deer, or tree might be involved, but the WE'RE GOING TO DIE warning didn't mention that specifically, so we might just die from snowprise.

I know this (the snowing and dying part) because I get EMERGENCY emails from the CAPS-LOCK EMERGENCY EMAIL system.  This is the same system that used to tell me what color to be afraid of.  Or maybe it was what color the terrorists were afraid of.  I never quite understood.  Anyway, the EMERGENCY EMAILS also tell me the EMERGENCY WEATHER, like snow in December.  Which is important to know, because around here (where I actually never put the shovel away after last winter), snow just shows up, uninvited, all the time, without warning.  It's a really inconsiderate weather event.

In honor of dying, I prepared myself by buying fresh gasoline and filling up the snow-blower so it can blow that snow away and maybe I won't die after all.  The bad news is, I can't get the snow-blower started, so unless I set it on fire (the snow blower, not the snow), I might be stuck with all that uninvited snow after all.

And you know what happens next.

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