Monday, November 24, 2003


Before I decide to get all warm, fuzzy, pumpkin pie-ish on you, listing my many blessings of this life, I thought it only fair to chronicle my pet peeves. I figure this way, I'll be extra thankful in a couple of days. Undoubtedly, this list will grow throughout the day, as my brain starts kicking into action. Therefore, my annoyances, in no particular order:

Rude Drivers Rather broad, I know. Two particular subcategories come to mind. The first being people who take turns at a heart-stopping 2 mph. If you are one of these people and you hear a voice in the car behind you shouting "Amen, Already!", well that's probably me. A full recitation of the rosary is not necessary before you pull into McDonald's, Mmmmmkay? The second category is those people whom upon seeing their lane is closing due to construction, continue to drive down that same lane and smash their way in at the last possible point of the merge. Oh boy. I'm not a violent person, but I seriously want to hurt these people. Much like Sisyphus and the rock, I pray there is a special hell for these drivers. They will be stuck in an enormous line of traffic, and when they reach the head of the line, they are forcibly detoured back to the end once more.

Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving While shopping in my local mega grocery store on Saturday morning, I am blasted with The Little Drummer Boy pa-rum-pum-pum-pummmmming. This is not right. This does not put me in a holiday spirit. This does not make me want to buy presents, or wrapping paper, or cheap ornaments or candy canes or fruit baskets. This makes me want drop kick the little drummer boy right through the bin of frozen turkeys and shop somewhere else. Is it too much to ask to wait until the day after Thanksgiving? Much like football, there should be a holiday referee: tweeeeet! Flag on the play! Rushing the season. Repeat Thanksgiving. This, by the way, also applies to the Jolly Old Elf who arrived at our local mall one week after Halloween. Premature Santafication? Just say no.

People Who Think I Have Nothing Better To Do Than To Do All Their Work Wow. That's a mouthful. 'Tis the season in the academic world for college students to panic. Many are visiting the library for the first time all semester -- some for the first time ever. Their papers? Due tomorrow. Or even today. They want help. They want me to magically produce an armful of relevant materials for their papers. They have the audacity to get angry when all the materials on their subject are checked out. They come to the desk announcing "I'm writing a paper on Dead Composer Number 52." I nod. They don't speak, so I say slowly, "Ok....." Now they have to talk. "I need some materials," they finally add. I nod again. They don't speak again, so I saw slowly, "Ok......" But now they still aren't talking. So I am forced to ask that which should not be asked because I already know the answer: "So, what kind of searches have you done so far?" (Wait for it...Wait for it...) "Nothing." Aha! So their second statement was actually incomplete. Instead of "I need some materials," what they really meant to say was "I need you to find me all of my materials." Oh foolish students. I'll walk you to the computer. I'll show you how to use it, but then you're on your own -- at least for a while. I already have a couple college degrees, and I'm not here to do your homework.

Ambiguous Descriptions

From the same people who inspired my Crayola Crayon Color discussion (October 12th) I have another one. I'm continually perplexed by descriptions that essentially mean nothing. Today's case in point: Liquid bath soap. I recently purchased a bottle that claimed its scent was "Spring Rain". Now, in the case of some scents, I have a pretty good idea what their particular whiff is going to be. Pine-anything is going to be a bit too foresty for me. In the cases of lavender, gardenia, and other floral scents, I have an reasonable expectation that the whiff will resemble the flower, to varying degrees. As for "Spring Rain"? Well, word to the wise. It smells like Melted Skittles and it is nasss-ty. Even worse? It was buy one - get one free, so I'm stuck with this particular odeur for a while. Bleah.

The Lions See Ambiguous Descriptions above. Lions = Melted Skittles. Nasss-ty.

Sweetarts with no reds or purples It's just not right.

Things I haven't thought of yet Being forgetful

Lists (Note: This is not a List. I distinctly called it a chronicle) More on this later. Just know that it's coming...

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