Ahh, the Olympics. That wonderful, 17-day event where athletes from AMERICA come and compete and win lots and lots and lots of GOLD MEDALS. During those 17 days we watch lots of commercials with a few sporting events thrown in, but only those events featuring AMERICA and AMERICAN ATHLETES winning AMERICAN GOLD MEDALS.
Four days in, and I'm already hyped-out.
I might not get to see as much Olympic competition as I'd like, but HEY -- I did find out that the twin male gymnasts from Wisconsin were born 20 minutes apart! Damn the athletic competitions! More UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!
There seem to be three categories of athletes at the Olympics: First there are AMERICAN ATHELETES! WINNING THE GOLD! LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM! LOOK AT THEM GO!! Next, there are American Athletes with disappointing performances. They trained so very hard, and when the time came they just couldn't produce. They shall forever be on the "Agony of Defeat" tape reels as a foil for AMERICANS! WINNING THE GOLD! LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM! ON BOXES OF WHEATIES! Last but not least there are... There are... Who are these people? Well, There are these other unimportant people. We don't know who they are but we know that they are the losers WHEN THE AMERICANS WIN THE GOLD!!
I'm sorry Katie Couric. Same to you Bob Costas. I just cannot take NBC coverage of the AMERICAN OLYMPICS (with a bunch of other people we really don't care much about at all). For the next 17 days, I'm grabbing a maple leaf or two and watching the Olympics on my local CBC station. I promise not to make fun of Canadians for the next 13 days.