Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Let My People Go

First, a little quiz.

Question 1: Who is this?


Hopefully you all said, "Val Kilmer." I like to start easy.
OK, now. When you think of Val Kilmer, do you think of:

A. BATMAN


B. JIM MORRISON


C. AN ANIMATED CARTOON


D. CHARLTON HESTON


Well, hang onto your hats and pray that you answered "D", because here it comes. The one, the only....


(starring Val Kilmer as Moses)

Oy Veh. Where do I begin?

Well, let's start with THE PITCH:

The TEN COMMANDMENTS is a story about faith, persistence, triumph and everlasting love. It chronicles the story of Moses leading the Hebrews from captivity out of Egypt, and the passions that would drive the people to sacrifice their children, betray their kinsmen, and ultimately rise up against the greatest imperial power the world had ever known. This spectacular pop musical tells the 3,300-year-old story of Moses' exodus from Egypt into a journey of happiness, life, and rebirth - one of the most moving stories of civilization.

Somehow they have the Old Testament (Big Beards, WOOF WOOF) sounding like a cross between a Harlequin romance and Terminator Two.

Next, let's take a look at the composers. The original score was composed by Pascal Obispo and yes, you had better click on that link boys and girls, and tell me, does this look like somebody particularly familiar with the trials and tribulations of the Hebrew People? I'm not sure Moses would go for the pink feather boa, much less the dragon tattoo.

Next, there is music by film composer Patrick Leonard. Now, if you're like me (and perhaps more's the pity if you are) you may have said "Who's that??" After having a conference with my boyfriend I have come to find out that he has composed music for such classic films as Who's That Girl? Although working on a Madonna film may feel like forty years of suffering, it does not a composer make.

I think my favorite line in the advertising blitz is: The Ten Commandments, which has previously played in Europe, has undergone revisions with a new production team for its American debut.

Revisions? Like what?

NOW WITH 63% FEWER PLAGUES!


or maybe

WATCH AS THE AMERICANS REACH THE PROMISED LAND FIRST IN THEIR QUEST FOR MILK AND HONEY AND A GOLD MEDAL!!

Mostly, I'm waiting for the songs. Because you know, the possibilities are endless...

-- Green Frogs Keep Rainin' On My Head
-- Are You Going To Scarborough Pharoah?
-- Walk Like an Egyptian
-- A Tisket, A Tasket, He Floated in a Basket


Where's Adam Sandler when you need him?

Tell Big Bird and Grover, It's time for Passover
Get in your Land Rover,
and come celebrate Passover....

3 comments:

TV Junkie said...

AAAAAAhahahahahahahahhahaha.... You're killin' me, Tuna! I'm rushing right out and buying my tickets!

Anonymous said...

Oy, gah!
The Party of the Red Sea, set to music!

~grace

Genny said...

That's playing just down the street from me. I've been seeing ads for ages.

Do the Ten Commandments *really* need to be set to music? I mean, really?

I had no idea about Val Kilmer though. Lord help us.