Saturday, December 10, 2005

Shut Up, Josh Groban

Grocery shopping?
Bad.

Grocery shopping in December?
Painful.

Grocery shopping in December on a Saturday?
Unwise.

Grocery shopping in December on a Saturday afternoon two weeks before Christmas?
Bad, Painful, Unwise and Stupid. Not to mention Dopey and Grumpy.

Anything worse than Grocery shopping in December on a Saturday afternoon two weeks before Christmas?
Yes.

What?
Grocery shopping in December on a Saturday afternoon two weeks before Christmas while the million moron march swarms the aisles in zombie formation making it impossible to navigate past the palates of Honey Nut Cheerios, sidewalk salt, Polar Express DVDs, inflatable Santas, natural fiber rugs, quesadilla makers and buy-one get-one-free bags of shrimp while having to listen to Josh Groban warbling in dulcet tones loud enough to cut the din of fussy children, Amiga electric shopping carts, and an employee on the loudspeaker announcing "The Chickens are gone. I repeat, the chickens are gone. Have a great day and thank you for shopping at Mega Mart."

During the holiday season I fully expect weekly reports in song on Mommy's affair with Santa or threats about pouting and crying. But Josh? No Santas. Not even a Dreidl. His contribution to my shopping experience was to tell me
You're still you. For those of you lucky enough not to know it, this is an astounding ditty consisting of one-sentences cliches strung together and hung up to rhyme in D-flat major. "Time Changes Everything??" BINGO!

My shopping list (such that it was) was reduced to a magazine, cheese cubes and purple burritos, and I considered myself lucky to get that much, only because zombies are an illiterate, lactose intolerant, burrito hating bunch. But no worries. After all was said and done, I was still me.

Whatever the hell that means.

Shut up, Josh Groban.

Through the darkness, I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong

I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all, you're still you

You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all, you're still you

I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong

And I believe in you

Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world I found one love
You're still you
After all, you're still you

1 comment:

Jay Ann Cox, PhD said...

*snifle* See? he just does something to me. Perhaps it's that he sings his lungs out and they are rather nice lungs. Perhaps I see my own child in his shoes someday.

Perhaps I'm a frustrated teenager in a woman's body, and I want to have Josh's babies.

But tell me, do you know of ANY song, popular or otherwise, that is geared for the 9 to 15 set, that ISN'T a string of one-line cliches? I have a friend who wrote a song "As Long As You Miss Me" that he intentionally made a series of one-liners. And it is their most popular song. It's a Zappa inspired thing. I'll blog the lyrics soon.

God Bless Tunaville and all its news. (Ha ha, my verification code included YANNI, or something very close. Speaking of fine musical talent.)