Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Forever in Blue Jeans

Amongst the many things I do not yet own, an an iPod is at the top of my list. I can't say that I crave one, but I will cop to mildly wanting one, mostly because everybody else has one. I justify my techno-envy by ticking off all the wondrous things I could do with it. Admittedly, up to now I haven't particularly missed NOT doing all these wondrous things, but iPods are out there, luring me with sleek whiteness and looking very, very cool.

Another reason I do not yet own an iPod is because if I bought one, I would have to buy the BIGGEST iPod in the Pod Kingdom. My reasoning is, if I'm going to plunk down good money for a cool, sleek , gotta have it iPod, I want it to be the coolest, sleekest, biggest Gig-est iPod they make, which, for those of you playing along, is a 60 Gig Video iPod for the low low (snort) price of $399.


But I'm not ready to plunk down $400, and it seems that iPods NEVER go on sale, so I continue to make do, walking through life Podless.

It seems, though, when I'm ready to commit, not only will I need an iPod, I'll also need an entirely new wardrobe able to accommodate my new life as an iPodamaniac. First, I'll need a TuneBuckle

which seems to present several problems right off the bat. First of all, I'm pretty sure the buckle doesn't come with the flat stomach, and you may complete that thought however you like. But suffice it to say, 1. I don't want to have to go digging around for the thing, and 2. How many pieces of cake will it take before it become a hands-free device and you can appear on the "Stupid Human Tricks" segment of The Letterman show? Secondly, an iPod on your gut pretty much defeats the purpose of watching last night's episode of Lost, unless you're playing it for your golden retriever. But hey, gotta have the buckle, right?

Not to be outdone, Levi Strauss has announced a new line of blue jeans designed to be iPod compatible. "But weren't they already compatible? Didn't they have pockets?" I hear you cry. Yes, they had pockets. But pockets are to jeans as Pong is to Video games. Scoffing at the thought of mortal pockets, Levis has designed jeans with "an integrated iPod remote control, as well as an iPod dock and retractable earphones."

(I think iPod dock means pocket, but being Podless, I really don't know)

Question: With all these electronics and wires hanging from various denim orifices, what happens if it rains?

To complete the ensemble -- or more specifically, to provide a foundation upon which to build -- there are also iPod Boxers to be had. (Website not for the weak-hearted, especially if you use the "zoom in" feature)

What an amazing country we live in when our skivvies are specially designed to hold our toys. And the best design detail? Operational instructions on the waistband...just in case you forget!!

When TinyTuna and I study for her Social Studies test in "cultures" I'm going to tell her about "free enterprise" and how, in the great 50 states, underwear makers are allowed -- nay, encouraged -- to design, manufacture and profit from iPod Undies. Free from governmental control. God Bless America!

You have to wonder what's next. Socks with USB ports? Shoelaces that double as wireless routers? With iPod pants and belts and underoos, the burning question is which Pod pocket and clothing caddy will you choose, and which will you leave behind?

I bet the only answer is to buy three.


Gary said...

Hey, I'm lucky I got my iPod for free, for test driving a Grand Cherokee. (Offered only to previous or current Jeep owners..) It's only a lowly iPod Shuffle though, but I still get to wear the oh-so-in white earbuds, so I'm semi-cool.

Anonymous said...


How about those "classis suspender trunks?"

Whoa, Nelly.

bozoette said...

Since I already have an iPod mini (which I love), I'll the other thing in those boxers...

Jay Ann Cox, PhD said...

I just wanted to thank you for posting the photo of the boxers. Thank you. Truly.