Spanning The Web

SAVED BY THE BATON
Copssister sent me a link to let me know that Miss America is turning back (Oh Man!), foreswearing its foolish ways and reinstating the Talent Competition -- sort of. Originally, talent was televised for the top 10, and then they had scaled it back to the top 5. This year the organization planned to allow only one contestant (already eliminated) to perform her talent during the broadcast. While that has some delicious implications (Sorry, you're ugly. NOW DANCE!), it just isn't the same. Now, they are going to show the talent from the top two contestants. COME ON! We promise to watch. Show Us The Talent!

IT REALLY WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest winner was announced a couple of weeks ago. This is the literary contest where applicants attempt to write in that stomach churning, heavy-laden prose that only a fruitcake salesman could love. Many congrats to the 2004 Winner, Dave Zobel, who offered up this paragraph as if it were a lone Chicken McNugget being sacrificed to The Gods of Deli-Style Honey Mustard Sauce:

"She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight...summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimps tail...though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism...not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein...and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand...and that brought her back to Ramon."

WHAT WOULD LUDWIG DO?
One of the many banes of my existence rears its musically ugly head every Christmas Season. This would when the local classical radio station starts playing cuts from albums like, What If Mozart Wrote 'Jingle Bells?' or What If The Haydn Wrote the entire soundtrack to the TV special 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' and then was unceremoniously dropped kicked onto the Island of Misfit Toys? Now, If I answered that question, the answer would be 1. Nobody would buy it, and, 2. We'd have a very merry Christmas, Indeed. Evidently I'm the only one that feels that way, because for reasons I cannot comprehend, these albums are actually POPULAR!

Not to be outdone, Some Guy has composed and entire Stairway to Heaven Suite, complete with verses in the style of Schubert, Holst, Glen Miller, Mahler, Bizet and Beethoven. I'm looking forward to PBSTuna playing this on the next pledge drive.

WISH LIST
The following are things I'll be adding to my wish list: An Anti-Radition Scarf and perhaps a matching Anti-Radiation Silver Waistcoast. I ain't afraid of no cell-phones!