Reality Roundup

Gather round cowpokes, because it's time for Reality Roundup. Lots of shows are riding into the sunset this week. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will care?

Amazing Race - Ends TONIGHT
It's been a good run for Amazing Race 7. Controversy, rule changes, rehashed reality stars, truck crashes, and more than one close race to the mat have made this a fun season. Of the final three teams (Romber, Kelly & Ron and Uchenna & Joyce), there is no clear favorite to win -- all are strong teams. I throw my fan favorite vote to Uchenna and Joyce. Which means they'll probably lose.

Survivor - 2 Eps Left - Ends Sunday, May 15th
Oh-Way-Oh! It's been a GREAT survivor season, complete with players being caught off-guard, which isn't easy to do when you consider this is the 10th go-round of the show. The last five standing are Caryn, Jenn, Katie, Ian and Tom. Of course I throw my fan favorite to Tom, who possesses that rare combination of strength, brains AND nice-itude, which, as we all know, does you NO good on reality TV. And since my fan favorite is Tom, he'll lose.


Fantasy-wise, things are fine, but it sure would be a pleasant surprise if CBS could get the points right the first time around, and not have to constantly tweak between Friday and mid-week. I'm not quite as ahead as this appears, since I've already answered my bonus questions for the following week, and I believe these points have already been factored in.

America's Next Top Model - 2 Eps Left - Ends Wed., MAY 18th
Four are left as they strike a pose in South Africa. Will Keenyah last another week when all we hear about is how she has *gasp* GAINED weight during the competition? Will Brittany continue to act like a loud-mouthed drunk? Will Kahlen grow a personality? Will Naima learn that a 4:30 deadline doesn't mean 5:15? I'd love to see a final two of Kahlen and Naima, which means it will never happen.

The Apprentice - 2 Eps Left - Ends Thursday, May 19th
Street Smarts vs. Book Smarts. Tana vs. Kendra in an all-female fight to the finish. I have to say, I like both of them, but my fan favorite edges slightly towards Tana, which means she won't win. But in this case, a Kendra win would be OK in my book too.

American Idol - Too Many Episodes Remaining - Ends Never
Four wannabees left. Sing you four, sing! What will the theme be this week? Who will be pitchy? Will Paula be coherent? Who will care? My fan favorite? Bo Bice by a mile. PLUS, he has the best response on Google when you type his name -- Bo Bice:
Did you mean Bob Ice?

Big Brother 6 -- STARTS THURSDAY, JULY 7th
Get ready and get set for another summer of fun. Big Brother is gearing up for a July 7th opening (so much for the rumor of early June). The old house has been torn down to make way for a brand spanking new 2-story number. Executive Producers Arnold and Allison are excited about the new digs, saying the new house will have more of a "loft" look. Personally, I thought you could achieve the same thing in an 8 x 12 foot dorm room, but what do I know? Rumors are still flying about the number of houseguests, estimates have been between 16 and 20, which may or may not include some familiar faces. Less than two months and counting......

Reality Roundup

Gather round cowpokes, because it's time for Reality Roundup. Lots of shows are riding into the sunset this week. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will care?

Amazing Race - Ends TONIGHT
It's been a good run for Amazing Race 7. Controversy, rule changes, rehashed reality stars, truck crashes, and more than one close race to the mat have made this a fun season. Of the final three teams (Romber, Kelly & Ron and Uchenna & Joyce), there is no clear favorite to win -- all are strong teams. I throw my fan favorite vote to Uchenna and Joyce. Which means they'll probably lose.

Survivor - 2 Eps Left - Ends Sunday, May 15th
Oh-Way-Oh! It's been a GREAT survivor season, complete with players being caught off-guard, which isn't easy to do when you consider this is the 10th go-round of the show. The last five standing are Caryn, Jenn, Katie, Ian and Tom. Of course I throw my fan favorite to Tom, who possesses that rare combination of strength, brains AND nice-itude, which, as we all know, does you NO good on reality TV. And since my fan favorite is Tom, he'll lose.


Fantasy-wise, things are fine, but it sure would be a pleasant surprise if CBS could get the points right the first time around, and not have to constantly tweak between Friday and mid-week. I'm not quite as ahead as this appears, since I've already answered my bonus questions for the following week, and I believe these points have already been factored in.

America's Next Top Model - 2 Eps Left - Ends Wed., MAY 18th
Four are left as they strike a pose in South Africa. Will Keenyah last another week when all we hear about is how she has *gasp* GAINED weight during the competition? Will Brittany continue to act like a loud-mouthed drunk? Will Kahlen grow a personality? Will Naima learn that a 4:30 deadline doesn't mean 5:15? I'd love to see a final two of Kahlen and Naima, which means it will never happen.

The Apprentice - 2 Eps Left - Ends Thursday, May 19th
Street Smarts vs. Book Smarts. Tana vs. Kendra in an all-female fight to the finish. I have to say, I like both of them, but my fan favorite edges slightly towards Tana, which means she won't win. But in this case, a Kendra win would be OK in my book too.

American Idol - Too Many Episodes Remaining - Ends Never
Four wannabees left. Sing you four, sing! What will the theme be this week? Who will be pitchy? Will Paula be coherent? Who will care? My fan favorite? Bo Bice by a mile. PLUS, he has the best response on Google when you type his name -- Bo Bice:
Did you mean Bob Ice?

Big Brother 6 -- STARTS THURSDAY, JULY 7th
Get ready and get set for another summer of fun. Big Brother is gearing up for a July 7th opening (so much for the rumor of early June). The old house has been torn down to make way for a brand spanking new 2-story number. Executive Producers Arnold and Allison are excited about the new digs, saying the new house will have more of a "loft" look. Personally, I thought you could achieve the same thing in an 8 x 12 foot dorm room, but what do I know? Rumors are still flying about the number of houseguests, estimates have been between 16 and 20, which may or may not include some familiar faces. Less than two months and counting......

Blogging for Books - Promises, Promises

In Joshilyn Jackson's book gods in Alabama, Arlene Fleet promises God she'll never lie again, stop fornicating with every boy she meets, and never cross the state line into Alabama again, as long as God keeps the body of the man she killed hidden.

For this month's Blogging for Books, write an original blog post about one of three topics: lying, fornicating, or going home.

This Blogging for Books entry is modified from a December 2003 post, Home.

Going Home

When violinist Isaac Stern was asked to describe what it felt like to be onstage, he said, "It's where I'm home; where I'm most happy to be."

Home. On one hand, it's a physical location. A place you can point to and identify. On the other hand, it's a feeling. Serenity, maybe. Peace, comfort, or happiness. Having that place in your life where you are "home" brings feelings of contentment and calm. Things match up. The physical and the spiritual are in synch.

But what happens when the physical location is no longer the spiritual location? When the feelings no longer live at that address? What happens when you feel as if there is no place that will bring you that peace of mind and peace of heart? It feels unsettling. It feels sad and empty.

There are times I've had a home -- that is to say, a physical location -- but not that feeling of contentment. I've had homes that never felt "homey" and jobs where I felt I didn't belong. Sometimes I could identify it, and other times I would bob around in seas of uncertainty, straining to figure out which direction I should go. I was always looking and wishing for that sign with a big arrow: Home this way! It certainly would have made things a lot easier. Bobbing is a bore and uncertainty is tiring.

It seems we are constantly seeking that place where the spiritual lives in the physical. Where we can not only experience peace and contentment, but also point to that place or that situation and say, "This is the place. This is the reason." Everybody takes their own journey at their own pace to find contentment. But it's hard for me to remember and even harder to accept when someone's concept of "home" and happiness is so different from my own.

Because of our electronic umbilical cord, we have the capacity to be an incredibly connected society. There is no greater wonder than having a simultaneous chat with family members down the street, across the country and around the world. Distance may not make a physical home possible, but the computer enables us to build a haven out of bits and bytes. It is here we can nurture our spiritual connection to family and friends by telling stories, sharing burdens and celebrating successes -- all the while decorating our lives with winking smiley faces and keystroke-saving acronyms, IMHO.

But these homes can be fragile structures. Where some see valuable connections to friends and family, others see nothing more than an alternate reality. To some, the designation “on-line friend” carries the implication that once the connection is lost, the person -- as well as the relationship -- is as well. These ephemeral friendships are nothing more than electronic mirages. It'’s the ultimate performance art. Can you hear me now?

In this act of going home -- journeying to that place of peace, serenity, and happiness -- we often face moments when we arrive at a crossroad and meet people from widely divergent paths. These encounters have the potential to be uncomfortable, uneasy, or messy, to say the least. But when we take the time to listen to the stories others have to tell and then share our own experiences, we not only may get a better understanding of exactly where home is, but also what home means.

We can be so focused on our own journey towards that which we call home, that we neglect to recognize those around us. Some are walking along the same path before travelling in a different direction. Some are searching for that sign with a big arrow, unsure which way to go. As you find yourself going home, be aware of those around you. Encourage those who are lost. Recognize those who walk nearby. Celebrate with others when your paths cross and share your stories. We may find peace and friendship in different ways and places, but ultimately, we are all searching for that feeling of happiness, community and contentment that comes from being home.

I'll look for you on my journeys.
I promise.

Blogging for Books - Promises, Promises

In Joshilyn Jackson's book gods in Alabama, Arlene Fleet promises God she'll never lie again, stop fornicating with every boy she meets, and never cross the state line into Alabama again, as long as God keeps the body of the man she killed hidden.

For this month's Blogging for Books, write an original blog post about one of three topics: lying, fornicating, or going home.

This Blogging for Books entry is modified from a December 2003 post, Home.

Going Home

When violinist Isaac Stern was asked to describe what it felt like to be onstage, he said, "It's where I'm home; where I'm most happy to be."

Home. On one hand, it's a physical location. A place you can point to and identify. On the other hand, it's a feeling. Serenity, maybe. Peace, comfort, or happiness. Having that place in your life where you are "home" brings feelings of contentment and calm. Things match up. The physical and the spiritual are in synch.

But what happens when the physical location is no longer the spiritual location? When the feelings no longer live at that address? What happens when you feel as if there is no place that will bring you that peace of mind and peace of heart? It feels unsettling. It feels sad and empty.

There are times I've had a home -- that is to say, a physical location -- but not that feeling of contentment. I've had homes that never felt "homey" and jobs where I felt I didn't belong. Sometimes I could identify it, and other times I would bob around in seas of uncertainty, straining to figure out which direction I should go. I was always looking and wishing for that sign with a big arrow: Home this way! It certainly would have made things a lot easier. Bobbing is a bore and uncertainty is tiring.

It seems we are constantly seeking that place where the spiritual lives in the physical. Where we can not only experience peace and contentment, but also point to that place or that situation and say, "This is the place. This is the reason." Everybody takes their own journey at their own pace to find contentment. But it's hard for me to remember and even harder to accept when someone's concept of "home" and happiness is so different from my own.

Because of our electronic umbilical cord, we have the capacity to be an incredibly connected society. There is no greater wonder than having a simultaneous chat with family members down the street, across the country and around the world. Distance may not make a physical home possible, but the computer enables us to build a haven out of bits and bytes. It is here we can nurture our spiritual connection to family and friends by telling stories, sharing burdens and celebrating successes -- all the while decorating our lives with winking smiley faces and keystroke-saving acronyms, IMHO.

But these homes can be fragile structures. Where some see valuable connections to friends and family, others see nothing more than an alternate reality. To some, the designation “on-line friend” carries the implication that once the connection is lost, the person -- as well as the relationship -- is as well. These ephemeral friendships are nothing more than electronic mirages. It'’s the ultimate performance art. Can you hear me now?

In this act of going home -- journeying to that place of peace, serenity, and happiness -- we often face moments when we arrive at a crossroad and meet people from widely divergent paths. These encounters have the potential to be uncomfortable, uneasy, or messy, to say the least. But when we take the time to listen to the stories others have to tell and then share our own experiences, we not only may get a better understanding of exactly where home is, but also what home means.

We can be so focused on our own journey towards that which we call home, that we neglect to recognize those around us. Some are walking along the same path before travelling in a different direction. Some are searching for that sign with a big arrow, unsure which way to go. As you find yourself going home, be aware of those around you. Encourage those who are lost. Recognize those who walk nearby. Celebrate with others when your paths cross and share your stories. We may find peace and friendship in different ways and places, but ultimately, we are all searching for that feeling of happiness, community and contentment that comes from being home.

I'll look for you on my journeys.
I promise.

Happy Mother's Day

It's greeting cards -- but mothers deserve a heck of a lot more than heavy pressed paper covered with glitter and verse.

It's flowers -- but mothers deserve beauty that lasts more than a week, has no thorns, and needs no watering or pruning.

It's presents -- but no amount of bedazzling could adequately express thanks for 365 days of a job well done.

Of course we love the greeting cards and the flowers and the presents. But it's the day to day that matters. Today on Mother's Day I had to go up north to hear a voice student's recital. But GramTuna and TinyTuna made sure I didn't have to go alone. We may not have spent the day being waited on hand and foot, but we spent the day together. And that was the best present of all.

On Mother's Day, I thanked my mother with heavy pressed paper and a present to say thank you for a job well done. And then I thanked my daughter just for being who she is, and for making my job of "mom" one of the best in the whole world.

The gifts were wholly inadequate.
The sentiment was entirely heartfelt.

I am amazingly lucky.

Happy Mother's Day

It's greeting cards -- but mothers deserve a heck of a lot more than heavy pressed paper covered with glitter and verse.

It's flowers -- but mothers deserve beauty that lasts more than a week, has no thorns, and needs no watering or pruning.

It's presents -- but no amount of bedazzling could adequately express thanks for 365 days of a job well done.

Of course we love the greeting cards and the flowers and the presents. But it's the day to day that matters. Today on Mother's Day I had to go up north to hear a voice student's recital. But GramTuna and TinyTuna made sure I didn't have to go alone. We may not have spent the day being waited on hand and foot, but we spent the day together. And that was the best present of all.

On Mother's Day, I thanked my mother with heavy pressed paper and a present to say thank you for a job well done. And then I thanked my daughter just for being who she is, and for making my job of "mom" one of the best in the whole world.

The gifts were wholly inadequate.
The sentiment was entirely heartfelt.

I am amazingly lucky.

Friday Feast

It's Friday! It's Feastday! It's Friday's Feast!

Appetizer: Name a store or restaurant you no longer visit because of a bad experience you had there.
It could be the Alzheimers talking, but I cannot think of an establishment that I have given up cold turkey. Instead I will relate a small tale of another customer who attempted such a feat.

Back in the olden days of the movie theatre biz, a big big big film release would mean a film would be shown on TWO WHOLE SCREENS, as opposed to a fifty-seven screen opening for an Aston Kutcher masterpiece. This meant films sold out, and sold out often.

One lovely weekend afternoon we were showing a Disney cartoon, and as a surprise to nobody, it sold out. As the time approached for the film to start, a woman dragging her tot came up to the box office (located inside a mall) and asked for tickets. I told her the film had sold out and she went insane at a very high decibel. She screamed at me and threatened me. What was I going to do, nail a couple of extra seats to the floor? I kept saying I was sorry, but she was having none of that. Her parting blow was to shout that she was never, NEVER, NEVER (CAPS LOCK and the whole deal) coming back again.

What she really meant was she was never, NEVER NEVER (CAPS LOCK and the whole deal) coming back again until two weeks later. When she came back. Again. And got her tickets. And saw the movie. Ahem.


Soup: If You Could Own Any Building in Existence, Which One Would You Want?
First thought was the Taj Mahal. But then I thought, "Nah. Who wants everybody tromping all over the place?" My second thought was The National Gallery of Art in Washington DC. But then I thought, "I'd love the art, but after awhile, I would have seen them all." My last thought was



The Sidney Opera House. It's Australia, it's on the water, it's music, dance or theatre every night, and I could have friends over!


Salad: What is Your Favorite Commercial These Days?
Sad to say, commercials are a bit bleah these days. Now that the sad guitar strummin' burger hawkin' purple-fringed Hootie appears to be a thing of the past, I continue to pine for the weirdest of weirds: The Quizno commercials. With those...things.

Main Course: When Was the Last Time You Felt Guilty About Spending Money, and What Was It You Purchased?
The key to successful money-spending is to have your rationalizations all lined up nice and neatly in a row. Because who can feel guilty about buying books? It's educational. And stuff.

Dessert: Friday's Feast is Going To Be Having It's First Birthday in 2 Weeks. What should we Do to celebrate?
Go to a movie.
Sing an opera.
Take Hootie to lunch
(On the moon)
Buy me a book.

Friday Feast

It's Friday! It's Feastday! It's Friday's Feast!

Appetizer: Name a store or restaurant you no longer visit because of a bad experience you had there.
It could be the Alzheimers talking, but I cannot think of an establishment that I have given up cold turkey. Instead I will relate a small tale of another customer who attempted such a feat.

Back in the olden days of the movie theatre biz, a big big big film release would mean a film would be shown on TWO WHOLE SCREENS, as opposed to a fifty-seven screen opening for an Aston Kutcher masterpiece. This meant films sold out, and sold out often.

One lovely weekend afternoon we were showing a Disney cartoon, and as a surprise to nobody, it sold out. As the time approached for the film to start, a woman dragging her tot came up to the box office (located inside a mall) and asked for tickets. I told her the film had sold out and she went insane at a very high decibel. She screamed at me and threatened me. What was I going to do, nail a couple of extra seats to the floor? I kept saying I was sorry, but she was having none of that. Her parting blow was to shout that she was never, NEVER, NEVER (CAPS LOCK and the whole deal) coming back again.

What she really meant was she was never, NEVER NEVER (CAPS LOCK and the whole deal) coming back again until two weeks later. When she came back. Again. And got her tickets. And saw the movie. Ahem.


Soup: If You Could Own Any Building in Existence, Which One Would You Want?
First thought was the Taj Mahal. But then I thought, "Nah. Who wants everybody tromping all over the place?" My second thought was The National Gallery of Art in Washington DC. But then I thought, "I'd love the art, but after awhile, I would have seen them all." My last thought was



The Sidney Opera House. It's Australia, it's on the water, it's music, dance or theatre every night, and I could have friends over!


Salad: What is Your Favorite Commercial These Days?
Sad to say, commercials are a bit bleah these days. Now that the sad guitar strummin' burger hawkin' purple-fringed Hootie appears to be a thing of the past, I continue to pine for the weirdest of weirds: The Quizno commercials. With those...things.

Main Course: When Was the Last Time You Felt Guilty About Spending Money, and What Was It You Purchased?
The key to successful money-spending is to have your rationalizations all lined up nice and neatly in a row. Because who can feel guilty about buying books? It's educational. And stuff.

Dessert: Friday's Feast is Going To Be Having It's First Birthday in 2 Weeks. What should we Do to celebrate?
Go to a movie.
Sing an opera.
Take Hootie to lunch
(On the moon)
Buy me a book.

Funkytown

Now that life is slowing down in the world of academia (thank the everliving Gods, because I am ready to drive all these students home myself), I finally have the time to turn my attention to the disaster formerly known as my office.

For eight months of the year my office is my fortress; my bunker in times of trouble. It is filled with books, scores, CDs, and enough paper to make a Redwood forest weep. Because my humble workspace is roughly the size of a closet, stacking is the name of the game. I am the Queen of precarious piles, and am able to build CD towers so tall that the Brady Bunch would throw their playing cards in the trash can and buy me BOTH the sewing machine and the rowboat.

But now that it's the merry month of May, it's time to TEAR DOWN THOSE WALLS.

For the past several days I've been engaged in an archeological excavation of my office. Large piles of papers have undergone a magical metamorphosis. Once bitter and full of work-related nastiness they have now aged and turned into a delectable pile of scrap, perfect for recycling. It's a beautiful thing.

Piles of other materials have also been moved out of my office with relative speed and ease, and right now -- comparatively speaking, mind you -- this place is looking good.

But I'm nowhere near done, and that's the problem. Everywhere I look I see what's left (believe me, it's ALOT), and to me, it's all cloud and no silver lining. Now there are piles of problems. Problems too complicated, problems too time-consuming, and problems just too ... problematic. They are all smashed in bookcases and on booktrucks staring at me; waiting for me to make the first move. It's not pretty.

And then
*sigh*
I go home.

Home is my cloudy office multiplied by a bazillion.

What happened? I started out with great promise in January. I was pitching, dumping, donating, cleaning and making real progress. Today? Let's just say I used to watch Clean Sweep so I could feel good about myself when compared to the slovenliness of others. But people who live in filthy glass houses shouldn't throw dirty socks.

So I'm trying to motivate myself to do, well, anything that would improve my current domestic situation. Because of the enormity of the task at hand, I am unsurprised to report that this week I am 0-for-4. This is actually worse than it seems because although I've done zero housework, I continue to cook food and wear clothing, thereby creating more dirty dishes and piles of laundry.

The worst part of all is I am 4-for-4 this week in feeling sorry for myself.
This needs to stop.

I'm tired of Funkytown.

Funkytown

Now that life is slowing down in the world of academia (thank the everliving Gods, because I am ready to drive all these students home myself), I finally have the time to turn my attention to the disaster formerly known as my office.

For eight months of the year my office is my fortress; my bunker in times of trouble. It is filled with books, scores, CDs, and enough paper to make a Redwood forest weep. Because my humble workspace is roughly the size of a closet, stacking is the name of the game. I am the Queen of precarious piles, and am able to build CD towers so tall that the Brady Bunch would throw their playing cards in the trash can and buy me BOTH the sewing machine and the rowboat.

But now that it's the merry month of May, it's time to TEAR DOWN THOSE WALLS.

For the past several days I've been engaged in an archeological excavation of my office. Large piles of papers have undergone a magical metamorphosis. Once bitter and full of work-related nastiness they have now aged and turned into a delectable pile of scrap, perfect for recycling. It's a beautiful thing.

Piles of other materials have also been moved out of my office with relative speed and ease, and right now -- comparatively speaking, mind you -- this place is looking good.

But I'm nowhere near done, and that's the problem. Everywhere I look I see what's left (believe me, it's ALOT), and to me, it's all cloud and no silver lining. Now there are piles of problems. Problems too complicated, problems too time-consuming, and problems just too ... problematic. They are all smashed in bookcases and on booktrucks staring at me; waiting for me to make the first move. It's not pretty.

And then
*sigh*
I go home.

Home is my cloudy office multiplied by a bazillion.

What happened? I started out with great promise in January. I was pitching, dumping, donating, cleaning and making real progress. Today? Let's just say I used to watch Clean Sweep so I could feel good about myself when compared to the slovenliness of others. But people who live in filthy glass houses shouldn't throw dirty socks.

So I'm trying to motivate myself to do, well, anything that would improve my current domestic situation. Because of the enormity of the task at hand, I am unsurprised to report that this week I am 0-for-4. This is actually worse than it seems because although I've done zero housework, I continue to cook food and wear clothing, thereby creating more dirty dishes and piles of laundry.

The worst part of all is I am 4-for-4 this week in feeling sorry for myself.
This needs to stop.

I'm tired of Funkytown.

Just What the Tuna Ordered

It says a lot when I can have a gut-wrenchingly bad day at work, come home and in a fit of anger start confiscating things that have been lying dormant all over the house, argue about whether said items (including the holy box of stickers) will ever be returned, collapse on the couch following an extra strength Tylenol/Sudafed dessert and wake up 15 minutes later only to find myself covered up with a blanket with TinyTuna sitting next to me, patting my head, asking me if I'm OK.

I love my kid.

Just What the Tuna Ordered

It says a lot when I can have a gut-wrenchingly bad day at work, come home and in a fit of anger start confiscating things that have been lying dormant all over the house, argue about whether said items (including the holy box of stickers) will ever be returned, collapse on the couch following an extra strength Tylenol/Sudafed dessert and wake up 15 minutes later only to find myself covered up with a blanket with TinyTuna sitting next to me, patting my head, asking me if I'm OK.

I love my kid.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say...And You Think

1. Texas::Toast
   
   
2. Scholarship::Money
   
   
3. Runner-up::Loser
   
   
4. Mustang Sally::Song
   
   
5. Jones:: Keeping Up With
   
   
6. Hard to get::Afar
   
   
7. Jewish::Tevye
   
   
8. Crew::Boat
   
   
9. Cable::TV
   
   
10. Assistant::Helper

Tevye. Right. I think I need to get that Fiddler on the Roof CD out of the car. And now, I guarantee I'll have Mustang Sally in my head all morning. Perfect for church, don't you think? Words courtesy of Unconcious Mutterings.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say...And You Think

1. Texas::Toast
   
   
2. Scholarship::Money
   
   
3. Runner-up::Loser
   
   
4. Mustang Sally::Song
   
   
5. Jones:: Keeping Up With
   
   
6. Hard to get::Afar
   
   
7. Jewish::Tevye
   
   
8. Crew::Boat
   
   
9. Cable::TV
   
   
10. Assistant::Helper

Tevye. Right. I think I need to get that Fiddler on the Roof CD out of the car. And now, I guarantee I'll have Mustang Sally in my head all morning. Perfect for church, don't you think? Words courtesy of Unconcious Mutterings.

Friday Feast

Friday Feast is Served. Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

Appetizer : Which keys do you have on your key chain?
The correct question should read, which keys DON'T you have on your key chain? Or, of all the keys on your key chain, how many of them are mystery keys and how many of them unlock things you no longer own?

21 total keys- 8 of which are college keys (3 of those are mystery keys)
- 5 house keys (2 of those are duplicates)
- 3 car keys
- 5 mystery keys (2 of those I think go to bike locks which I think I still have)

Now, I can hear many of you thinking, but why on earth do you carry all those keys? The answer, my dear friends, is easy. The more keys I have, the less likely I am to lose them. But the rumors that I have one of those janitor "keys on a retractable wire" deals is entirely untrue.


Soup: What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Assuming that spontaneity is something that you choose rather than something that has been forced upon you (see: "Dessert"), the most spontaneous thing that I can remember doing was taking a whirlwind weekend vacation when I was singing and auditioning in Europe. Having a free weekend, very little cash and a Eurail pass, I decided I would take a travel weekend. The only rule was, I had to travel in the train overnight, because I had no money for a hotel or hostel. My weekend ended up being: Leave Vienna and travel to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel to Paris. Spend the day in Paris. Leave Paris and travel to Rome. Spend the day in Rome. Leave Rome and travel back to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel back to Vienna. Collapse and return to sleeping on the floor of a studio apartment. Added bonuses of my whirlwind weekend:

• Going to Oktoberfest.
  
• Not remembering a single word of French when I went to Paris, and actually speaking German instead until I realized how stupid I was.
  
• Having the best meal ever in Rome, finally being warm for the first time in two months, and wandering around the Roman Forum trying to figure out which pile of rocks was which
• Going to Oktoberfest AGAIN. On the last day. With everybody else in Europe.
• Getting robbed in the train on my way home.
  

Salad: Who is the best Cook in your family?
Trick question! We all are! But I would say, TinyTuna has the best costume. Errr....apron.


Main Course: If you were to write a "how-to" book, what would the title be?
"Higher, Faster Louder. How-to release the inner Diva in You"


Dessert: Name A Recent Fad You've Tried
Isn't blogging supposed to be the newest fad in town?

Friday Feast

Friday Feast is Served. Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

Appetizer : Which keys do you have on your key chain?
The correct question should read, which keys DON'T you have on your key chain? Or, of all the keys on your key chain, how many of them are mystery keys and how many of them unlock things you no longer own?

21 total keys- 8 of which are college keys (3 of those are mystery keys)
- 5 house keys (2 of those are duplicates)
- 3 car keys
- 5 mystery keys (2 of those I think go to bike locks which I think I still have)

Now, I can hear many of you thinking, but why on earth do you carry all those keys? The answer, my dear friends, is easy. The more keys I have, the less likely I am to lose them. But the rumors that I have one of those janitor "keys on a retractable wire" deals is entirely untrue.


Soup: What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Assuming that spontaneity is something that you choose rather than something that has been forced upon you (see: "Dessert"), the most spontaneous thing that I can remember doing was taking a whirlwind weekend vacation when I was singing and auditioning in Europe. Having a free weekend, very little cash and a Eurail pass, I decided I would take a travel weekend. The only rule was, I had to travel in the train overnight, because I had no money for a hotel or hostel. My weekend ended up being: Leave Vienna and travel to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel to Paris. Spend the day in Paris. Leave Paris and travel to Rome. Spend the day in Rome. Leave Rome and travel back to Munich. Spend the day in Munich. Leave Munich and travel back to Vienna. Collapse and return to sleeping on the floor of a studio apartment. Added bonuses of my whirlwind weekend:

• Going to Oktoberfest.
  
• Not remembering a single word of French when I went to Paris, and actually speaking German instead until I realized how stupid I was.
  
• Having the best meal ever in Rome, finally being warm for the first time in two months, and wandering around the Roman Forum trying to figure out which pile of rocks was which
• Going to Oktoberfest AGAIN. On the last day. With everybody else in Europe.
• Getting robbed in the train on my way home.
  

Salad: Who is the best Cook in your family?
Trick question! We all are! But I would say, TinyTuna has the best costume. Errr....apron.


Main Course: If you were to write a "how-to" book, what would the title be?
"Higher, Faster Louder. How-to release the inner Diva in You"


Dessert: Name A Recent Fad You've Tried
Isn't blogging supposed to be the newest fad in town?

URL ABCs

So, it is the URL ABC game, stolen from my pal, The Defective Yeti. No, I don't really know him, but that's never stopped me in the past.

These are my URL ABCs:

• A is for americawestandasone.com/video.html - Am-er-UH-CUUUUUHHH!
• B is for blogger.com/home - Blogger. There's No Place Like Home
• C is for cbs.com/ - Survivor AND The Amazing Race. It's like a little patch of heaven on earth.
• D is for defectiveyeti.com/ - Seriously. That's was on top. No, really!
• E is for Irish Examiner Newspaper - Well, this is embarassing. This particular story was about Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Paris Latsis. Paris. And Paris. Get it? Actually, I was just clicking through. Really!
• F is for flickr.com/ - Flickr! Fotos! Fun!
• G is for greentuna.blogspot.com/ - C'est Moi
• H is for hbdirect.com/ - I was ordering Compact Discs. I was working! Really!
• I is for idolonfox.com/ - American Idol. And Constanscream is gone. Really!
• J is for jsbach.org/teldec.html - Oooo. Look how arty and farty I am. Now 30% less farty.
• K is for konfabulator.com/ - Konfabulator. Tweaky Widgety Toys for Your Computer.
• L is for nationalgeographic.com/ - National Geographic Pictures. And no, I don't have any idea why the URL for national geographic begins with the word "lava". But that's what is listed under "L" and as soon as I click on lava.nationalgeographic.com it turns into an unlava-like nationalgeographic.com. ANYWAY, Today's picture: Elephant!
• M is for msnbc.msn.com/ - News. Yawn.
• N is for Newsday. This story was the great buffalo escape of 2005.
• O is for onceadored.blogspot.com/ - odonnel known as rosie has a blog but its clear that capital letters and punctuation are strictly optional and why did i never notice the title of her blog before? oops questionmark anyway i think my next blog will greentuna is all that and a bag of chips dot blogspot dot com wonder if its taken? oops
  
• P is for p084.ezboard.com/bnewsandviews - Public Board for News and Views. All opinionated. All the Time
• Q is for Quirkily empty.
• R is for resources.survivorphoenix.com/ - Resources and spoilers for Survivor Phoenix. Research Research Research
• S is for stumbleupon.com/ - Stumble upon new websites. Not like I needed any help here.
• T is for tvguide.com/ - TV Guide. Oh yeah.
• U is for Unbelievably empty.
• V is for villagephotos.com/ - Village Photos. Where all my blog pictures live.
• W is for widgetgallery.com/ - Widgets! For the Konfabulator! Fun! Fun! Fun!
• X is for Xtremely empty.
• Y is for yahoo.com/ - Though I never recall actually visiting here.
• Z is for Zoinks! This is empty too!

URL ABCs

So, it is the URL ABC game, stolen from my pal, The Defective Yeti. No, I don't really know him, but that's never stopped me in the past.

These are my URL ABCs:

• A is for americawestandasone.com/video.html - Am-er-UH-CUUUUUHHH!
• B is for blogger.com/home - Blogger. There's No Place Like Home
• C is for cbs.com/ - Survivor AND The Amazing Race. It's like a little patch of heaven on earth.
• D is for defectiveyeti.com/ - Seriously. That's was on top. No, really!
• E is for Irish Examiner Newspaper - Well, this is embarassing. This particular story was about Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Paris Latsis. Paris. And Paris. Get it? Actually, I was just clicking through. Really!
• F is for flickr.com/ - Flickr! Fotos! Fun!
• G is for greentuna.blogspot.com/ - C'est Moi
• H is for hbdirect.com/ - I was ordering Compact Discs. I was working! Really!
• I is for idolonfox.com/ - American Idol. And Constanscream is gone. Really!
• J is for jsbach.org/teldec.html - Oooo. Look how arty and farty I am. Now 30% less farty.
• K is for konfabulator.com/ - Konfabulator. Tweaky Widgety Toys for Your Computer.
• L is for nationalgeographic.com/ - National Geographic Pictures. And no, I don't have any idea why the URL for national geographic begins with the word "lava". But that's what is listed under "L" and as soon as I click on lava.nationalgeographic.com it turns into an unlava-like nationalgeographic.com. ANYWAY, Today's picture: Elephant!
• M is for msnbc.msn.com/ - News. Yawn.
• N is for Newsday. This story was the great buffalo escape of 2005.
• O is for onceadored.blogspot.com/ - odonnel known as rosie has a blog but its clear that capital letters and punctuation are strictly optional and why did i never notice the title of her blog before? oops questionmark anyway i think my next blog will greentuna is all that and a bag of chips dot blogspot dot com wonder if its taken? oops
  
• P is for p084.ezboard.com/bnewsandviews - Public Board for News and Views. All opinionated. All the Time
• Q is for Quirkily empty.
• R is for resources.survivorphoenix.com/ - Resources and spoilers for Survivor Phoenix. Research Research Research
• S is for stumbleupon.com/ - Stumble upon new websites. Not like I needed any help here.
• T is for tvguide.com/ - TV Guide. Oh yeah.
• U is for Unbelievably empty.
• V is for villagephotos.com/ - Village Photos. Where all my blog pictures live.
• W is for widgetgallery.com/ - Widgets! For the Konfabulator! Fun! Fun! Fun!
• X is for Xtremely empty.
• Y is for yahoo.com/ - Though I never recall actually visiting here.
• Z is for Zoinks! This is empty too!

Make Your Child Go To School Day

Today is Take Your Child to Work Day.

If you take a moment to peer through your computer screen, you will notice that (much to her extreme dismay) TinyTuna is NOT here.

Oh, she wanted to be here. She begged. She pleaded. She even attempted the desperation argument, "But everybody else is going." Too bad for her. I was unmoved and I made her go to school. I was a mean mom.

It's not that I'm against children learning about work-place environments. It's not that I'm against the original premise of this day, which was, in fact, Take Your DAUGHTER to Work Day. It was meant to boost self-esteem and give girls exposure to the work environment. That became "unfair" to the boys, and now it is Take Your Daughters and sons To Work Day.

Whatever. Even if it were Take Your Grunty Rabbit To Work Day,
I'm not playing.

"Why Mean Mom?" I hear you ask. "Why not let TinyTuna come to the office? Why not be a positive role model for your child? FIE! FIE! For shame!"

I'll tell you why. According to the current school calendar, there is a Take Your Child to Work Day at least once a month, and usually more. In the 2004-2005 school year, TinyTuna has had 14 half-days, plus full days off for: Election Day (1), Thanksgiving (2), Christmas Break (10), MLK Day (1), Presidents Day (3 days IN ADDITION TO THE WEEKEND = 5 Total), Spring Break (5) and Memorial Day (1).

So that count again is:
14 half-days off
23 full days off

And these numbers do NOT include the holiest of holy: Snow Days.
I believe our 2004-2005 total for this unexpected joy = 3.

14 half days / 26 full days

NOW -- compare that figure with my workplace calendar:
Number of half days off= ZERO
Number of full days off = Thanksgiving (2), Christmas (2), New Years (2), Memorial Day (1)
Snow Days = HAHAHAHAHA

0 half days / 7 full days

When one compares time off, TinyTuna is still ahead of GreenTuna by 14 half days off and 19 full days off. She doesn't need a Take Your Child To Work DAY when she already gets a Take Your Child To Work MONTH.

TinyTuna can already do most procedures within my workplace. On top of that, she use a typewriter and a computer, check out materials, visit My Boyfriend, and get a high score on Real Arcade.

It's just things like fractions that she's not so hot at.

So, off to school she went. Pouts and all.
And I get my computer for the entire day.
Life is good, Mean Mom. Life is good.

Make Your Child Go To School Day

Today is Take Your Child to Work Day.

If you take a moment to peer through your computer screen, you will notice that (much to her extreme dismay) TinyTuna is NOT here.

Oh, she wanted to be here. She begged. She pleaded. She even attempted the desperation argument, "But everybody else is going." Too bad for her. I was unmoved and I made her go to school. I was a mean mom.

It's not that I'm against children learning about work-place environments. It's not that I'm against the original premise of this day, which was, in fact, Take Your DAUGHTER to Work Day. It was meant to boost self-esteem and give girls exposure to the work environment. That became "unfair" to the boys, and now it is Take Your Daughters and sons To Work Day.

Whatever. Even if it were Take Your Grunty Rabbit To Work Day,
I'm not playing.

"Why Mean Mom?" I hear you ask. "Why not let TinyTuna come to the office? Why not be a positive role model for your child? FIE! FIE! For shame!"

I'll tell you why. According to the current school calendar, there is a Take Your Child to Work Day at least once a month, and usually more. In the 2004-2005 school year, TinyTuna has had 14 half-days, plus full days off for: Election Day (1), Thanksgiving (2), Christmas Break (10), MLK Day (1), Presidents Day (3 days IN ADDITION TO THE WEEKEND = 5 Total), Spring Break (5) and Memorial Day (1).

So that count again is:
14 half-days off
23 full days off

And these numbers do NOT include the holiest of holy: Snow Days.
I believe our 2004-2005 total for this unexpected joy = 3.

14 half days / 26 full days

NOW -- compare that figure with my workplace calendar:
Number of half days off= ZERO
Number of full days off = Thanksgiving (2), Christmas (2), New Years (2), Memorial Day (1)
Snow Days = HAHAHAHAHA

0 half days / 7 full days

When one compares time off, TinyTuna is still ahead of GreenTuna by 14 half days off and 19 full days off. She doesn't need a Take Your Child To Work DAY when she already gets a Take Your Child To Work MONTH.

TinyTuna can already do most procedures within my workplace. On top of that, she use a typewriter and a computer, check out materials, visit My Boyfriend, and get a high score on Real Arcade.

It's just things like fractions that she's not so hot at.

So, off to school she went. Pouts and all.
And I get my computer for the entire day.
Life is good, Mean Mom. Life is good.