Monday, May 24, 2004

Fear the Tutu

~~I have no idea who these children are~~

The Tutu is a dark force possessing powers of terrifying proportions. It is able to reduce creatures to quivering masses or pathetic puddles of tears. The Tutu can transform itself from the cutest of creatures to the deadliest of demons in the blink of an eye. Like the Chimera, The Tutu is part human, part sequins and part netting. The more The Tutu sparkles, the less human it becomes. The Tutu is indeed a formidable foe.

Forget school bullys. Forget guidance counselors and educational curricula and after-school made-for-TV specials espousing the two great tenets of modern-day childhood psychology: Bullys are Bad (and) Don't be a Bully.

Bah. The bully can only dream of what The Tutu has become.

This weekend was round one of pint-sized performances. If you have never seen a group of pre-kindergarten ballerinas do their stuff, well, you're missing out. Cute? Ohmygosh, yes. Words cannot adequately describe the cuteness.

But there is always one -- and it's ALWAYS in a tutu -- who is the queen of mean. She is Bossy McBossy-Tights. And you had better not be in her way.

On Saturday, as dance class number 75 made its way on stage to look cute, attempt a ballet hop and a fairy skip or two and generally make the entire adult population melt, The Tutu appeared. It seemed that ballerina #2 was quite certain she was supposed to be standing to ballerina #1. So she moved to be next to ballerina #1 and instantly got gently nudged back in place by The Tutu. Ballerina #2 attempted to move again, and was met with an elbow to her gut. Words were exchanged, accompanied by hands on hips and punctuated by some ballet-slippered foot stomping. Finally, The Tutu thought she had things under control, but here came ballerina #2 back again to take her rightful spot next to ballerina #1. This time The Tutu served up a little shove to go with the elbow, leaving ballerina #2 bawling center stage and The Tutu looking quite proud of herself.

What did the adults do to right this injustice? We went awwww!

Yeah...a lot of help we were.

The teacher rushed on stage, put all the dancers in their appropriate spots and gave ballerina #2 a quick hug before the dance began. With that, the music started to play, and ballerina #2 spent the entire time wiping her eyes and nose on her costume sleeve while The Tutu executed extra-bouncy jumps and skips with a wide smile. She even threw in a couple of extra bows at the end.

Because she could.


Anonymous said...

Would this be a Tiny Tutu?

Gary said...

There's always one in every crowd. She will grow up to be the exact same type of woman gives you the evil eye when SHE cuts you off in traffic while talking on her cell phone, as if YOU were completely in the wrong.

I wouldn't think it would be a Tiny Tutu engaged in that behaviour, or there would be another major "teaching moment" at the Tuna household...

babyfishfel said...

The hell kind of scary ass chimeras you been hanging out with? Are they drag queen chimeras?

Anonymous said...

hmm, have not been to the site since the big revision. not sure what I think.

I do have a concern that my neice is going to be a Bossy McBossy-Tights...