Wednesday, May 19, 2004

World Wide Guilt-net

I'm starting to feel really guilty. It's not that I've done anything, but the electronically speaking, I'm starting to get a complex.

Take my email. Today I received an email whose subject line read: Have we done something wrong, GreenTuna? The first sentence of the email continues: Dear GreenTuna, I’m starting to think we may have done something wrong. We haven’t heard from you in ages!

Was I supposed to write? Was I supposed to call? Here's the deal: If I come back to the fold and buy several doodads, Company B won't have to go to therapy because of my horrifyingly callous behavior.

Right before Mother's Day, my email went into guilt-overdrive. No longer content with the soft-sell, these were vicious attack-guilt emails, rather than the previous passive aggressive emails of Company B.

The first was innocent enough: Did You Forget? The second, however, cut right to the heart of the matter: Stop Dilly-Dallying! It's Mother's Day, for Pete's Sake!

Sheesh. First of all, No, I had not forgotten. It was five days before Mother's Day. I don't think it's fair to guilt somebody for forgetting an event that has not yet occurred. If it were the day after, then sure, "forgotten" applies, and those who were legitimately "forgetful" are fair game. But give me a break. Secondly, Stop Dilly-Dallying? Who says that anymore? I half feared my next email would be in CAPS LOCK LEANED OVER screaming, "HEY LOSER, WE'RE TALKING TO YOU! SHE CHANGED YOUR DIAPER, NOW GET THAT APRIL-FRESH BUTT IN GEAR AND BUY HER SOME FLOWERS, DAGNABIT!"

Dagnabit would have fit in quite nicely with Dilly-Dallying, if you ask me.

If it isn't the emails, then it's Blog comment lines. These crack me up, because I'm telling you, it works on me every time. I feel guilt. 100% Grade-A Homogenized Guilt. I don't always do something about it, but more times than not, I will add my two cents to the comment section so I do have to read the sad-sack message anymore.

Truth be told, if the new (somewhat annoying) comment option on Blogger gave me the opportunity to add my own guilt-inducing message, I'd do it in a second.

Stop Dilly-Dallying! Leave a comment, for Pete's Sake. Dagnabit!

I just have one question. Who is Pete, and what does he get out of the deal?


TV Junkie said...

Well, at least you aren't being bombarded by e-mails trying to sell you V!a Gr A.


Anonymous said...

You've not lived until you receive the "XXX - Barn Animal Action" e-mail. No, I did not open it to read prior to deleting.


Hammie said...

My friends are worse than spam. If I get another "Everyone boycott the gas stations at 4:02 pm on the 12th of June!" I am going to scream...

Anonymous said...

Ha...I still get the farm girls gone bad emails.

I'm with you on the new blogger comments. I really want to openly solicit for them, but I gave up the Catholic guilt thing a while ago. What can you do?