Because I cannot tolerate spending a third day talking about Noah's waterpark in my basement, I'm going to turn my attention to the totally ridiculous and inane.
1. Example The First:
Already this product suffers from poor naming. Who among us didn't look at this title and instantly think PEE-lit (a urinary intervention product) rather than its intended "Peel-It," (a culinary intervention production) I decided to CLICK THROUGH and check it out.
Woah! I mean....WOAH! NOW what was the first thing you thought of? And if that weren't bad enough, check out some of the actual dialogue ripped from the web site commercial:
"Peelit's easy grip power handle fits the contours of your hand!"
"With the lightest touch, Peelit will caress your carrot peels away!"
Caressing Carrot Peels? No wonder everybody thinks The Internets are a dangerous place. Seriously. I'm quite certain this product was prominently featured in several episodes of "Sex and the City" and just screams delivered in a plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy. The million dollar question is, do you suppose they put a "not for personal use" warning on it like they did for the scrubbing bubbles toilet wand?
2. Example the Second
My email spam is at an all-time high lately. First of all, somebody is quite adamant that I should change careers. Just tonight Teri and Tyron both begged me to become a cop. They said I could be "that guy" in the bar who could say, "Yeah, I'm a cop" and then everybody would buy me drinks. Of course, the email also pointedly reminded me this occupation would require a criminal justice degree. Doh. There's always a catch....
3. Example the Third
Gmail is getting spammier (And Leon is getting Larger! <--- obscure movie reference) which is a bummer, but it's not so bad that it's not still amusing. For example, today's subject line winner was "U.S. Hot Stocks highlights crotch redundant." Thanks for the tip there, buddy. Now...step away from the Peelit.
Oh, and another funny one: "Baroque on Beaver!"
Wait. That's my gig.
4. Example the Fourth
A trip down Spam Lane wouldn't be complete without another shout out to the website Spamusement! ( Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines!) These are always clever, but today's somehow struck me as terribly funny. Pun Included.
DON'T MISS NEIL DIAMOND!