Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A: Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief

Q: Name Three Professionals that did NOT visit the S.S.Tuna Today

I'm afraid to say "what a day" because the "what a day" still has 3.5 hours left. But to give you an idea of the morning:

Bounced out of bed by an enormous thunder.
Observed pouring rain outside.
Ran like the WIND to check on the basement.
No water.

Went back down to check one more time before going back to bed.
Ran like the WIND upstairs yelling, "It's on my side" to get the turkey baster (seriously)
Already had a huge pot in the basement
Started sucking.
Started cussing.

Decided the turkey baster was worthless. Got a pail.
Continued bailing.
Not more sucking.
Lots more cussing.

I bail.
Gram runs it outside.
I bail
Gram runs it outside.

Gram declares this sucks.
Gram drives like the WIND to the store.
We are the proud owners of a submersible sump pump.

Attached hoses to the sump pump, turned it on and prayed.
Pump Pump Pump.
No more bailing.
More cursing because a part of my basement is once again WET.

A setback to be sure, but at least we saw the problem firsthand and managed to contain it to a much smaller area than yesterday.

The rest of the day was filled with visitors. Hello Mr. Drain Cleaner Man! Snake those drains! Hello TunaVille City Water People! Stare at those manholes! Hello Mr. Furnace Man! Thank goodness THAT puppy is ok. Hello Mr. Dumpster Man! We think we love you most of all!!!

Now that we are dumpster-fied, the real fun has begun. We have been hauling and pitching all afternoon. It's hard to get too sentimental when things are covered with slime. Most interesting problem so far: Getting at two boxes on the basement floor that just fit underneath a wooden workshelf. I couldn't move the boxes no way no how, so I tore at the side. Books. Yikes. The problem was, the paper absorbed water and the books expanded. Everything was totally jammed. The solution? A hammer. Seriously. I whomped on them until they budged.

Bye Bye "Go Ask Alice" -- I remember when you were considered to be radical reading. You're still a good book.

Most ironic toss of the day was awarded to the dripping, nasty "14,000 Things to be Happy About." Evidently ending a sentence with a preposition must be in that list somewhere. It's now being happy in the dumpster. Where it belongs.


Anonymous said...

If I lived anywhere close to you, I'd totally volunteer to help bail/bin, or feed you at the end of the day. Alas, all I can offer is sympathy.

bozoette said...

I'm sending dry thoughts your way -- I'd be there with missmeliss too.

Gary said...

I hope things dry up soon, Tuna!

Anonymous said...

Poor Tuna. I know you wanted to clean out your basement, but that's just fucked up. (oops, damn preposition!)