Monday, November 28, 2011

Everybody Says Don't

It seems there should be a dos and don'ts subject list -- much like a fashion hits and misses --  when it comes to blogs.  Or maybe it should just be a huge don't list, and anything leftover is fair game.  To name just a few:

1.  Weather
A definite don't when the weather isn't unusual for the time of year and/or geographic location.  This includes summertime heat in Arizona and sleet, snow, arctic freeze, rain, floods, tornadoes, hail, heat and/or humidity in Michigan from January through December.  By the way, we are supposed to experience approximately 80% of all those options in the next 24 hours.  In Michigan. SIGH.

So you better make sure you have a pair of these
when you live in the state that looks like this.

2.  Cats
 If you write about cats, well, don't say I didn't warn you.  Writing about cats makes you the cat lady.  Writing about two cats makes you the single cat lady.  Writing about 65 cats makes you the crazy single cat lady.  My friends Gabby and Mila inform me I am not crazy.
Gabby says "Not crazy!" 
Mila says "Not crazy, but I really don't care."

3.  Politics
Yes, it's all the craze at the moment.  And by craze I mean crazy.  And by crazy I mean WHAT ON EARTH ARE THOSE REPUBLICANS DOING NOW?  Now before all the Republicans get upset with me for going all Caps-Lock on their ass, the Democrats aren't flaunting their crazy at the moment because they've all agreed to let the guy at the top take the heat.  Thanks, Jesus.

4.  Food
Blogging about food is a double-edged sword.  It's sort of like watching it on TV.  It's great for awhile, and then you're hungry, and then you're angry because you're hungry, and then you're angry because you're hungry and you're torturing yourself watching the secrets to making the perfect Ho-Ho and you don't have any perfect Ho-Hos.  You don't even have any imperfect Ho-Hos.

5.  Twilight
The movie. Not the time of day.  Blogs, like vampires don't sparkle.

6.  Holiday peeves
Oh, what an enormous category THIS is.  This includes Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Dead people that stepped on in Target, shoppers that got pepper-sprayed in Walmart and anything that includes the phrase Tickle Me, Elmo.  This also includes real or perceived injustices for or against Christmas Trees, Nativities, Carols, Holiday greetings, the Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas Smackdown, too many Christmas lights, not enough Christmas lights, wasteful spending, not enough spending, drunken debauchery at the office
Christmas party, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Rudolph,
Frosty and Herbie, who doesn't want to make toys. 

If you can make it past this gauntlet without any infractions, you're well on your way to creating a real blog DO instead of a blog don't.  Next up... Collegiate sports!

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