Sunday, November 27, 2011

Twenty Questions




Me:  Hello. May I ask you a question?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  We welcome your asking.

Me:  OK, here is my question.  May I...

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question. We are so pleased you chose us when you wanted to ask a question.

Me:  So is that a yes?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Please answer the following 10 pages of questions.

Me:  But I just wanted to ask one question, not ten pages.

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Asking to ask a question is a complex procedure. 

Me:  I'm confused.  I just want to ask...

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  If you need to come back later to ask to ask your question later, be sure to click save.

Me:  WAIT

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Please remember there is a time limit to ask to ask your question.

Me : Time limit...?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.

Me:  OK, fine.  I've filled out the pages of questions and I'm ready to...

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  You need to send outside confirmation that you are fit to ask to ask a question.

Me:  Fit to ask to ask?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Please write a thorough analysis in 250 words or less on the topic of diversity and its importance to your existence.  Include examples of how you handle group dynamics, and then tell two stories about profound life experiences that left you permanently changed which include a championship football game, a lost puppy and that unfortunate episode at the mall.  You know the one I mean.

Me:  But I...oh, alright.  This seems like a lot of work just to ask a question.

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Before we can answer this question, you need to pay the oracle.

Me:  Pay the oracle?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  There is a small processing fee to best serve you in asking to ask your question.

Me:  I have to pay you to ask a question?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Payment is required to allow you to ask to ask a question.

Me:  Seriously?  OK, fine.  It's an important question, so I guess I have no choice but to pay you to ask a question.

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Payment has been received.  Please click continue.

Me:  OK, I'm all ready.  Are you ready?

Oracle:  Thank you for asking if you may ask a question.  Please proceed.

Me:  OK.  Starting over.  May I ask you a question?

Oracle:  No.


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