Wednesday, March 10, 2004

BODY DOUBLE
It's a bad time to be dead.

Let me clarify. It's a bad time to be a cadaver with a noble wish to become a useful and contributing member of society post-mortem. Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be cadavers, because donating a body to science just isn't going so well these days.

First there was the UCLA incident with the donated bodies being sold as "parts" to a body broker. Not surprisingly, once the family members discovered that their dearly departed were being sold like a package of mixed chicken parts, they were more than a little upset. I cannot wait to the Law and Order "ripped from the headlines" about this one. Or maybe I can.

Now, in a stunning twist of coincidences, it has been revealed that the Army has been a frequent shopper at the corpse surplus shop and has been blowing up cadavers to test land mines. How exactly are they testing them? To see if they work? To measure the exact carnage? I don't understand the how, but my imagination is good enough that I'm sure I don't want to know.

Just this morning I read that a Canadian farmer in Vancouver, British Columbia may have been very busy reenacting a scene out of the classic film "Motel Hell" (It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters!). I'm hoping that a certain someone does NOT bring me back any presents from her trip.

The news, however, is not all bad. The saving grace comes from (you'll never believe it) France, of all places, where it is legal to wed a corpse. Fortunately for the invited guests, the corpse is not required to attend the ceremony.

France and corpses -- I know there has to be a punchline in there somewhere.
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