Thursday, July 01, 2004

Referral Service

Today it is time to update my list of referrals. These are search strings people have used (with some very odd spellings) to find, well....something, and have somehow ended up swimming around here. I love and welcome all visitors, so long as you say something nice and then send a chain email to twenty of your closest friends telling them that if they don't come visit, they'll be doing the Cha-Cha with Beelzebub for the next billion years.

All Things Tuna

~~ Diet Substitution for Tuna ~~

Why? What's better than tuna? Nothing! What else could you ever want besides tuna? Nothing! Tuna on a box and with a fox and here and there and everywhere. But, if you absolutely, positively must have a substitution for Tuna, then may I suggest: Blueberry Pie.

~~ tuna in oil vs tuna in water ~~

Look people, this is easy if you just think about it. Where do tunas swim? In water. Where do they frolic? In water. You don't see Tunas come gushing out of some Texan Oil Well. So keep them in water. Where they belong.

~~ more lesson on learning tuna fish ~~

Tuna fish am smart. That's why they swim in schools. Ba-DUMP-bump.

~~ tuna clipper ~~

Like the Alberta Clipper but with a much cooler name.

The Hollywood Connection

~~ broccoli dana carvey waves ~~ and

~~ Chords Chopping Broccoli ~~

Ok. The Chopping Broccoli song is hysterical. What are the chords? I don't know! But they are surely the same chords four sad chords that make up any slow rocker, angsty-type ballad. If you're all that interested I could sit down and write them out for you, except for the fact that I am not all that interested. The key is to pound this mind-numbingly banal chord progression on a piano over and over again as loud as humanly possible in the key of D minor -- the saddest of all keys.

~~ Mr. Rogers Neighborhood ~~

It's a pretty cool place, if just a little slow. Daniel Tiger and Meow-Meow kitty and stuff. Quick heads up -- I don't think he's home.

~~ Marissa Tomei Parents ~~

I'm sure she has some. Unless she is a pod-person.

~~ Journals Over Sophhia Coppola ~~

The wording amuses me. It's like Moon Over Miami, or Mind Over Matter. Journals about?. Yes. Journals on? well, the phraseology still works. Journals over? Not so much. Except come to think of it, after "Lost in Translation" I am pretty much over Sophia Coppola as well. Maybe I should start a journal.

~~ Kirstie Allie is Fat ~~

Now. I want whoever keeps searching "Kirstie Allie is Fat" to fess up and then tell me why. It's not that I care, but I get this search A LOT and wonder what I have to do with it.

Miscellaneous Miscellania

~~ Moma cats eating kittens ~~


~~ Instructions and origami pterodactyl ~~

The only origami pterodactyl reference I know is from the movie Airplane

(Johnny, what can you make out of this? [Hands him the weather briefing] This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...). No instructions though, sorry.

~~ forgot a bathing suit ~~

Yes. Once I did.

~~ how to make yourself cry ~~

See answer below:

~~ Carrottop Hamster ~~

The scariest, horriblest, worstest twisty twist imaginable. I'd take a million mimes and a jillion Juns. Just. No. Carrottop.


Kat said...

So... speaking of all things tuna, the hubby and I had his parents over for a cookout last night. We made steaks for me and my father in law, and tuna steaks for him and his mother in law. The hubby was making some sort of spice concoction to coat the tuna in, and I said to him, "What are you putting on that Green Tuna?" And yeah. Felt real silly after that.


mensch71 said...

What about CarrotHeart? That's a scary twist to contemplate: carnivorous HG eats wee little HG only to be eaten by Julie Chen.

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Thanks for giving me a good laugh before I leave! I will see you in a couple of days!!!

GreenTuna said...

CarrotHeart! Heh. You---ate---my---Carrot---Heart!
Except for Chen, it would be a 3-month feast.

Anonymous said...

A "Oh broccoli" reference. That song is so pitiful and moarnful, hee!!!! This is why I read Green Tuna, you are wonderful my dear, simply wonderful!

lifeonhold said...

BWAH! You funny lady! Please make this a regular column!

As for putting Carrottop in the BB house....((shudder)) ... pleeze don't give BB that idea! OMG, I'd have to kill myslef!