Unconscious Mutterings

Sunday morning, early church going muttering.

I say ... and you snore THINK:

1. Heads up ... Pay attention

2. Kicker ... Punchline

3. Aggressive ... Hostile

4. Getting Ugly ... Things are

5. To be continued ... Ha! You have to come back later

6. Twist ... Plot turn

7. Form ... Shape

8. On the road ... Traveling

9. Import ... Bring In

10. Flowers ... Pretty

No much to add to this one. Early church rehearsal, without which -- musically speaking -- things could get ugly. I have to get on the road early in order to purchase a large vat of icy cold fizzy brown diet goodness, without which -- GreenTunaistically speaking -- things could get ugly. How will it go today? I have no idea. This story is to be continued.

Unconscious Mutterings

Sunday morning, early church going muttering.

I say ... and you snore THINK:

1. Heads up ... Pay attention

2. Kicker ... Punchline

3. Aggressive ... Hostile

4. Getting Ugly ... Things are

5. To be continued ... Ha! You have to come back later

6. Twist ... Plot turn

7. Form ... Shape

8. On the road ... Traveling

9. Import ... Bring In

10. Flowers ... Pretty

No much to add to this one. Early church rehearsal, without which -- musically speaking -- things could get ugly. I have to get on the road early in order to purchase a large vat of icy cold fizzy brown diet goodness, without which -- GreenTunaistically speaking -- things could get ugly. How will it go today? I have no idea. This story is to be continued.

Friday's Feast

Time for a mid-afternoon snack!

Appetizer: When do you feel impatient?
Being a mother, an educator and an informational regurgitation device, I excel in impatience. It would be easier to answer the question "When don't I feel impatient?" Answer: When I'm asleep. And even then, it's iffy.

Salad: How many times in your life have you had a broken heart?
One is too many.

Soup: Name a book you would like to see be made into a movie
The Kite Runner

Main Course: If you could thank one teacher for what they taught you, who would it be, and what would you thank them for?
I would thank my first "real" voice teacher from my undergraduate days in college. Aside from having the patience (speaking of patience) to endure the years and years of teaching technique, she instilled a love of hard work, a respect for singers and composers and poets, and an unwavering demand for excellence that I have never forgotten and carry with me to this day.

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of pie?
PIE!
Blueberry, of course.
(Blueberry Pie Face!)

Friday's Feast

Time for a mid-afternoon snack!

Appetizer: When do you feel impatient?
Being a mother, an educator and an informational regurgitation device, I excel in impatience. It would be easier to answer the question "When don't I feel impatient?" Answer: When I'm asleep. And even then, it's iffy.

Salad: How many times in your life have you had a broken heart?
One is too many.

Soup: Name a book you would like to see be made into a movie
The Kite Runner

Main Course: If you could thank one teacher for what they taught you, who would it be, and what would you thank them for?
I would thank my first "real" voice teacher from my undergraduate days in college. Aside from having the patience (speaking of patience) to endure the years and years of teaching technique, she instilled a love of hard work, a respect for singers and composers and poets, and an unwavering demand for excellence that I have never forgotten and carry with me to this day.

Dessert: What is your favorite kind of pie?
PIE!
Blueberry, of course.
(Blueberry Pie Face!)

Reason #96 Why I Love The Internets

As I was writing my entry on TinyTuna's field trip, I wanted to find a picture to go with it. I started pawing through my boyfriend's photo album to find this picture:

Napoleon on His Horse


Unfortunately, I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention.
The first thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his horse.
................................................................with a beer


And the second thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his cow.


Oh well. I guess he always was a bit Bossy.
(ba-DUMP-bump!)

Reason #96 Why I Love The Internets

As I was writing my entry on TinyTuna's field trip, I wanted to find a picture to go with it. I started pawing through my boyfriend's photo album to find this picture:

Napoleon on His Horse


Unfortunately, I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention.
The first thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his horse.
................................................................with a beer


And the second thing I grabbed was this:

Napoleon on his cow.


Oh well. I guess he always was a bit Bossy.
(ba-DUMP-bump!)

Tuna Complex

Yesterday TinyTuna and an entire bus load of sixth graders went on a field trip to participate in a "Mission to Mars" program. The kids were divided into two groups. While one group would be in the simulator traveling to Mars, the other group would be in Mission Control. When they finished the mission, each group would switch, ensuring that all the kids got a chance to do each part.

Before the field trip the kids were given their job assignments, and TinyTuna was over-the-moon excited that she was chosen to be a Communication Specialist. When she got home last night I asked her about her field trip and what exactly the job of "Communication Specialist" entailed.

"It was the BEST (CAPS LOCK, LEANED OVER!) job in the whole mission!" she exclaimed.

"Why is that?" I asked.

In her most dramatic, excited wide-eyed voice, she said, "Because I got to speak in a microphone, and everybody had to be quiet and listen to me and DO WHAT I SAID!"

Ahhhhh.

Something tells me her interpretation of her Mission to Mars assignment was a lot less of this:


And a LOT more of that:


Why am I not surprised?

Tuna Complex

Yesterday TinyTuna and an entire bus load of sixth graders went on a field trip to participate in a "Mission to Mars" program. The kids were divided into two groups. While one group would be in the simulator traveling to Mars, the other group would be in Mission Control. When they finished the mission, each group would switch, ensuring that all the kids got a chance to do each part.

Before the field trip the kids were given their job assignments, and TinyTuna was over-the-moon excited that she was chosen to be a Communication Specialist. When she got home last night I asked her about her field trip and what exactly the job of "Communication Specialist" entailed.

"It was the BEST (CAPS LOCK, LEANED OVER!) job in the whole mission!" she exclaimed.

"Why is that?" I asked.

In her most dramatic, excited wide-eyed voice, she said, "Because I got to speak in a microphone, and everybody had to be quiet and listen to me and DO WHAT I SAID!"

Ahhhhh.

Something tells me her interpretation of her Mission to Mars assignment was a lot less of this:


And a LOT more of that:


Why am I not surprised?

Dear Mr. Postman

As earlier reported, TinyTuna has now discovered the joys of email. It's become a somewhat convenient way to communicate during lunch or before or after school.

Sometimes the emails are about school itself

Dear Mother,
Today was great! We had science and then gym. You won't believe it but I ran a 10 min. jog today with everyone else, and I did the whole thing without walking. How cool is that! I also in orchestra got the fancy part for the piece I have played for you. The last thing is a little disappointing. I didn't get typing class, but I got Sing It, See It, and our first songs are from the Music Man. How double cool is that!! I hope you had a good day too.

Love your daughter,
TinyTuna

Sometimes the emails are apologies for, well, being 11

Dear Mom,

How are you today? I am SO SORRY about what happened this morning, and if their is anyway I can make it up to you I will. I hope you will forgive me for my attitude.

And sometimes the emails are for "just because"

Dear Mother,

How are you today? I asked about the book a few days ago and it is $5.00. I can pay for it. I would like to know how your day is going now and I love you very much!

TinyTuna

So this morning, when my email box binged, you wouldn't be surprised to hear that I stampeded to my inbox to see what kind of warm and fuzzy thoughts were sent my way today.

This was my reward:

Dear Mom,
There is no library after school today. More news of the day a kid in our hallway just barfed up a pile. EWE!

TinyTuna

It's hard to decide what I like the best about the whole email: the fact that she felt so compelled as to take time out of her busy morning and share this wonderful piece of information, or the fact that she can't spell EWWWWW. Whatever it is, The TinyTuna News has managed to sum up a lifetime of Mondays to perfection, and all before 10 am.

What a kid.

Dear Mr. Postman

As earlier reported, TinyTuna has now discovered the joys of email. It's become a somewhat convenient way to communicate during lunch or before or after school.

Sometimes the emails are about school itself

Dear Mother,
Today was great! We had science and then gym. You won't believe it but I ran a 10 min. jog today with everyone else, and I did the whole thing without walking. How cool is that! I also in orchestra got the fancy part for the piece I have played for you. The last thing is a little disappointing. I didn't get typing class, but I got Sing It, See It, and our first songs are from the Music Man. How double cool is that!! I hope you had a good day too.

Love your daughter,
TinyTuna

Sometimes the emails are apologies for, well, being 11

Dear Mom,

How are you today? I am SO SORRY about what happened this morning, and if their is anyway I can make it up to you I will. I hope you will forgive me for my attitude.

And sometimes the emails are for "just because"

Dear Mother,

How are you today? I asked about the book a few days ago and it is $5.00. I can pay for it. I would like to know how your day is going now and I love you very much!

TinyTuna

So this morning, when my email box binged, you wouldn't be surprised to hear that I stampeded to my inbox to see what kind of warm and fuzzy thoughts were sent my way today.

This was my reward:

Dear Mom,
There is no library after school today. More news of the day a kid in our hallway just barfed up a pile. EWE!

TinyTuna

It's hard to decide what I like the best about the whole email: the fact that she felt so compelled as to take time out of her busy morning and share this wonderful piece of information, or the fact that she can't spell EWWWWW. Whatever it is, The TinyTuna News has managed to sum up a lifetime of Mondays to perfection, and all before 10 am.

What a kid.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think:

1. Mighty :: Mouse

2. Gotta find time to :: Be

3. Statistic :: A Factoid Certain to be Ignored

4. Midnight :: Now

5. Thaw :: Melt

6. Hips :: Yep, There They Are

7. Reader :: Me

8. Related :: Family

9. Brilliant :: Smart

10. Posture :: Don't Slouch!

What have I been doing lately? Lots on this list. On Friday, I spent the day compiling #3 for work. Why? Good question, since I know darn well that no amount of irrefutable facts and figures can ever break through the closed minded Volcano decision makers. But I have them, just in case. Today I was able to hang out with #8, and I was able to #2, and it didn't involve grocery shopping, ten billion errands or laundry. It doesn't happen often enough, but grabbing an hour or so of spinning was an enormous Tuna surprise. Now that it's past #4 and I've had my one piece of obligatory Halloween candy -- curse you #6 -- it's time to call it a day. I thought ahead and now my bed is all toasty warm. How #9!

Mutter along here.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think:

1. Mighty :: Mouse

2. Gotta find time to :: Be

3. Statistic :: A Factoid Certain to be Ignored

4. Midnight :: Now

5. Thaw :: Melt

6. Hips :: Yep, There They Are

7. Reader :: Me

8. Related :: Family

9. Brilliant :: Smart

10. Posture :: Don't Slouch!

What have I been doing lately? Lots on this list. On Friday, I spent the day compiling #3 for work. Why? Good question, since I know darn well that no amount of irrefutable facts and figures can ever break through the closed minded Volcano decision makers. But I have them, just in case. Today I was able to hang out with #8, and I was able to #2, and it didn't involve grocery shopping, ten billion errands or laundry. It doesn't happen often enough, but grabbing an hour or so of spinning was an enormous Tuna surprise. Now that it's past #4 and I've had my one piece of obligatory Halloween candy -- curse you #6 -- it's time to call it a day. I thought ahead and now my bed is all toasty warm. How #9!

Mutter along here.

Friday's Feast

Time for another helping of Friday's Feast, served just under the wire, and just for you.

Appetizer: If somebody made a statue of you, in what pose would you like to be?
I'm not sure if it's a matter of in what pose I would like to be, but rather in what pose I would most likely be. The answer would be a close relative to Rodin's The Thinker. However, instead of resting my chin on my fist while deep in thought, I would undoubtedly be holding my head in both hands, keeping whatever shreds of sanity I had left from oozing out my ears.

Salad: What perfume/cologne does your best friend wear?
Alas I must plead extreme ignorance here, but doesn't everybody have a bottle of Channel No. Whateveryoulikebest in their arsenal? I know I do. Not that I ever wear it. But I have it.

Soup: Name something satisfying about your work
5pm.
Kidding!
(Maybe. Or maybe not)
Honestly, being surrounded by books on music, scores filled with music and CDs, my job is like Christmas day in and day out. If it weren't for those meddling college kids, it would be perfect.

Main Course: What was the last excuse you made, and why did you need to make it?
At a party tonight I declined glass of wine number two. My excuse was that I had to drive. Although it was entirely true, the real reason was if I had another glass of wine, I would have curled up in the corner and started to snore. I was just too sleepy.

Dessert: Complete this sentence: I wonder why _______________

I wonder why we exploit fears
and yet ignore a world of tears.

I wonder why we feel no shame
and yet assign to others blame.

I wonder if no more would die
If others simply wondered why?

Friday's Feast

Time for another helping of Friday's Feast, served just under the wire, and just for you.

Appetizer: If somebody made a statue of you, in what pose would you like to be?
I'm not sure if it's a matter of in what pose I would like to be, but rather in what pose I would most likely be. The answer would be a close relative to Rodin's The Thinker. However, instead of resting my chin on my fist while deep in thought, I would undoubtedly be holding my head in both hands, keeping whatever shreds of sanity I had left from oozing out my ears.

Salad: What perfume/cologne does your best friend wear?
Alas I must plead extreme ignorance here, but doesn't everybody have a bottle of Channel No. Whateveryoulikebest in their arsenal? I know I do. Not that I ever wear it. But I have it.

Soup: Name something satisfying about your work
5pm.
Kidding!
(Maybe. Or maybe not)
Honestly, being surrounded by books on music, scores filled with music and CDs, my job is like Christmas day in and day out. If it weren't for those meddling college kids, it would be perfect.

Main Course: What was the last excuse you made, and why did you need to make it?
At a party tonight I declined glass of wine number two. My excuse was that I had to drive. Although it was entirely true, the real reason was if I had another glass of wine, I would have curled up in the corner and started to snore. I was just too sleepy.

Dessert: Complete this sentence: I wonder why _______________

I wonder why we exploit fears
and yet ignore a world of tears.

I wonder why we feel no shame
and yet assign to others blame.

I wonder if no more would die
If others simply wondered why?

Alternatives

If a $600 upside down tree is just too rich for your holiday blood, may I suggest a more fiscally responsible purchase? For the low, low price of $24.00, you can purchase your very own:


(Unassembled view)
...
...
...
...
...

Charlie Brown tree.

Thanks Urban Outfitters. Too bad you missed the whole point of the entire cartoon, which was to NOT spend a bunch of money on meaningless holiday decorations. My favorite part of the description:

The bendable branches allow you to make it look just how you want, super pathetic or just kind of pathetic.

What do you suppose it would mean if I made it super bendable, hung it upside down and then set it on fire? And, do you think this comes with instructions for assembly?

Link props to Boing Boing.

Alternatives

If a $600 upside down tree is just too rich for your holiday blood, may I suggest a more fiscally responsible purchase? For the low, low price of $24.00, you can purchase your very own:


(Unassembled view)
...
...
...
...
...

Charlie Brown tree.

Thanks Urban Outfitters. Too bad you missed the whole point of the entire cartoon, which was to NOT spend a bunch of money on meaningless holiday decorations. My favorite part of the description:

The bendable branches allow you to make it look just how you want, super pathetic or just kind of pathetic.

What do you suppose it would mean if I made it super bendable, hung it upside down and then set it on fire? And, do you think this comes with instructions for assembly?

Link props to Boing Boing.

Silent Night, Holy Wuh?

Would someone like to explain this to me, please?



It's an upside-down Christmas Tree.

Now excuse me for being contrary, but unless I'm celebrating Christmas on the USS Poseidon or I've overdone the adult egg nog, how is this a good idea? It looks like a cheap umbrella that lost a fight with 50 mph winds. Of course, Mr. Manufacturer has lots and lots of reasons why this should be your first holiday purchase. Which -- as a public service to each and every one of you that is itching to heat up your credit card right this very second -- I'm going to debunk here and now.

CLAIM: It's HISTORICAL! Yes, the description sadly attempts to justify its ridiculousness by making solemn references to 12th Century European Christmas practices.
REALITY: It's NONSENSE! Let us not forget that in the old Norse tradition, evergreen trees were burned to encourage the return of the sun. Although I hate to disagree with an Old Norse, I simply do not see the wisdom in laying out all that money and then putting a match to it. On second thought, were it not for the toxic fumes it would produce, it might not be a bad idea.

C LAIM: It's RELIGIOUSRIFFIC! Upside down trees remind the faithful of The Holy Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
REALITY: WHAT??? Never ever ever in all my church-going years, did I ever look at a cross and think, "Wow, this looks exactly like an upside down Christmas tree." Conversely, never ever ever in all my Christmas tree filled years did I ever look at a tree and think, "If I only turned this sucker upside down I'd have myself a living relic."

CLAIM: It's ERGONOMIC! "...the unusual tapering shape allows the tree to stand in places that do not accommodate a traditional holiday tree, such as between two armchairs or in a corner."
REALITY: HAHAHAHAHA! Let's think about this. Do you think when computer monitors needed a smaller footprint they said, "Let's turn it upside down and balance it on its head. Problem solved. More egg nog!"

CLAIM: It's SAFE! "...the tree'’s weighted base provides extra stability to prevent tipping and leaning..."
REALITY: MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

It just doesn't make sense.

Honestly, I think these kind of things (did you notice the $600 price tag?) are for people who feel the need to own and display the latest, biggest, most obnoxious non-necessary Christmas decoration available.

And they probably brought it home the one thing that most normal people would be too embarassed to buy, much less be seen riding on in public: A $4500 Segway.


"Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself free."

Silent Night, Holy Wuh?

Would someone like to explain this to me, please?



It's an upside-down Christmas Tree.

Now excuse me for being contrary, but unless I'm celebrating Christmas on the USS Poseidon or I've overdone the adult egg nog, how is this a good idea? It looks like a cheap umbrella that lost a fight with 50 mph winds. Of course, Mr. Manufacturer has lots and lots of reasons why this should be your first holiday purchase. Which -- as a public service to each and every one of you that is itching to heat up your credit card right this very second -- I'm going to debunk here and now.

CLAIM: It's HISTORICAL! Yes, the description sadly attempts to justify its ridiculousness by making solemn references to 12th Century European Christmas practices.
REALITY: It's NONSENSE! Let us not forget that in the old Norse tradition, evergreen trees were burned to encourage the return of the sun. Although I hate to disagree with an Old Norse, I simply do not see the wisdom in laying out all that money and then putting a match to it. On second thought, were it not for the toxic fumes it would produce, it might not be a bad idea.

C LAIM: It's RELIGIOUSRIFFIC! Upside down trees remind the faithful of The Holy Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
REALITY: WHAT??? Never ever ever in all my church-going years, did I ever look at a cross and think, "Wow, this looks exactly like an upside down Christmas tree." Conversely, never ever ever in all my Christmas tree filled years did I ever look at a tree and think, "If I only turned this sucker upside down I'd have myself a living relic."

CLAIM: It's ERGONOMIC! "...the unusual tapering shape allows the tree to stand in places that do not accommodate a traditional holiday tree, such as between two armchairs or in a corner."
REALITY: HAHAHAHAHA! Let's think about this. Do you think when computer monitors needed a smaller footprint they said, "Let's turn it upside down and balance it on its head. Problem solved. More egg nog!"

CLAIM: It's SAFE! "...the tree'’s weighted base provides extra stability to prevent tipping and leaning..."
REALITY: MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

It just doesn't make sense.

Honestly, I think these kind of things (did you notice the $600 price tag?) are for people who feel the need to own and display the latest, biggest, most obnoxious non-necessary Christmas decoration available.

And they probably brought it home the one thing that most normal people would be too embarassed to buy, much less be seen riding on in public: A $4500 Segway.


"Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself free."

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Deeper and Deeper :: Into debt

2. Can't Help :: Lovin' that man of mine

3. Devil's Advocate :: Really, really creepy movie

4. Superpower :: Not US

5. Threatening :: Bully

6. Played :: Fiddle

7. War :: Conflict

8. Violate :: Destroy

9. Invest :: Set Money Aside For

10. Choke :: Fail

Disparate items? I think not. This meme prompted me to do two things: First I had to go to IMDB and make sure I was thinking of the right movie for Devil's Advocate. I was. Oh, that was a really creepy movie. I don't really care for Keanu Reeves, but yowza, Al Pacino was amazing. The second thing I did was visit my boyfriend's picture album and look for a historical graphic to accompany number 6. I typed 'Nero Fiddle' in the search box. The overwhelming result for my search was this:



Oh Internets, how I love you. Have a pretzel.
Mutter along HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think:

1. Deeper and Deeper :: Into debt

2. Can't Help :: Lovin' that man of mine

3. Devil's Advocate :: Really, really creepy movie

4. Superpower :: Not US

5. Threatening :: Bully

6. Played :: Fiddle

7. War :: Conflict

8. Violate :: Destroy

9. Invest :: Set Money Aside For

10. Choke :: Fail

Disparate items? I think not. This meme prompted me to do two things: First I had to go to IMDB and make sure I was thinking of the right movie for Devil's Advocate. I was. Oh, that was a really creepy movie. I don't really care for Keanu Reeves, but yowza, Al Pacino was amazing. The second thing I did was visit my boyfriend's picture album and look for a historical graphic to accompany number 6. I typed 'Nero Fiddle' in the search box. The overwhelming result for my search was this:



Oh Internets, how I love you. Have a pretzel.
Mutter along HERE.

CLEEEEEK!

I got a new toy.

I must say, I was pleased to see that this is a serious digital camera, because I hate those ones that keep cracking jokes. So now that I have the POWER, I can really torture all y'all. Today's Installment:

THE AXIS OF EVIL

MILA the Meatloaf


GABBY the Gabbalicious


FABIO the Fluffy

Fabio nearly had a coronary after I took his picture. He started racing back and forth and began to kick and stomp his back feet to show he was a really scary not-to-be-messed with bunny. With long pointy teeth. Uh huh....... So I stuck my head in his cage and said, "Where are my kisses?" And he promptly forgot he was mad and licked my forehead. Silly Rabbit.

So far, I have very little understanding of what I'm doing, other than turn it on, point, click, and download it to the computer. There are so many eensy weensy icons all over this thing, It's going to take me awhile to learn what they all mean. Lesson number one was learning to get rid of red eye, because before I did that, Fabio looked downright demonic.

I'm most likely going to have to go to the bookstore (yippee!) and get a Digital Cameras for Dummies book, because lets face it, I don't know my ISO from a hole in the ground. And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on.

Edited to add: As I read TinyTuna this entry and got to the last sentence ("And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on") she looked at me and said, "Where's that??"

Oh. The truth, she hurts.

CLEEEEEK!

I got a new toy.

I must say, I was pleased to see that this is a serious digital camera, because I hate those ones that keep cracking jokes. So now that I have the POWER, I can really torture all y'all. Today's Installment:

THE AXIS OF EVIL

MILA the Meatloaf


GABBY the Gabbalicious


FABIO the Fluffy

Fabio nearly had a coronary after I took his picture. He started racing back and forth and began to kick and stomp his back feet to show he was a really scary not-to-be-messed with bunny. With long pointy teeth. Uh huh....... So I stuck my head in his cage and said, "Where are my kisses?" And he promptly forgot he was mad and licked my forehead. Silly Rabbit.

So far, I have very little understanding of what I'm doing, other than turn it on, point, click, and download it to the computer. There are so many eensy weensy icons all over this thing, It's going to take me awhile to learn what they all mean. Lesson number one was learning to get rid of red eye, because before I did that, Fabio looked downright demonic.

I'm most likely going to have to go to the bookstore (yippee!) and get a Digital Cameras for Dummies book, because lets face it, I don't know my ISO from a hole in the ground. And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on.

Edited to add: As I read TinyTuna this entry and got to the last sentence ("And then I'll have to find that one single place in my house that doesn't look like a disaster, and have everybody pose there from now on") she looked at me and said, "Where's that??"

Oh. The truth, she hurts.

Friday's Feast

Well, it's been awhile since we've sat down to feast. What's on the menu today?

Appetizer: What was the last game you purchased?
Finally, a question I can answer! Without making something up! Without having to pick favorites! The last game I purchased was the logic puzzle Sudoku. I started playing Sudoku this past Spring (curse you, GramTuna!), and quickly became hooked. It's fun. It's addictive. It's brain exercise. It's something to do when the Friday New York Times crossword puzzle is just too damn hard. Try it now, thank me (or kill me) later.

Soup: Name something in which you DON'T believe
I don't believe that Pilgrims ate Mince Pie. How could they? They didn't have those nasty cans of mince goo, they didn't have can openers, and honestly...they were suffering enough as it was.

Salad: If you could choose a television personality to be your boss, who would you pick?
Uhhhhhh. What kind of question is that? Do I have to pick a television personality that was a boss on TV? Can I pick a television personality who is dead so I really wouldn't have any boss at all?

I pick:

Chef

Not only does he have great words of wisdom ("There's a time and place for everything, Children, and that's called college!), he sings and cooks too!

Main Course: What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
That life isn't fair, that I DO NOT understand geometry, that cheap wine after champagne is a very, very, very bad idea, and that sometimes, no matter how much I wish to the contrary, I cannot make everything better for other people.

Dessert: Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.

Any room in here

That allows me to be here

Friday's Feast

Well, it's been awhile since we've sat down to feast. What's on the menu today?

Appetizer: What was the last game you purchased?
Finally, a question I can answer! Without making something up! Without having to pick favorites! The last game I purchased was the logic puzzle Sudoku. I started playing Sudoku this past Spring (curse you, GramTuna!), and quickly became hooked. It's fun. It's addictive. It's brain exercise. It's something to do when the Friday New York Times crossword puzzle is just too damn hard. Try it now, thank me (or kill me) later.

Soup: Name something in which you DON'T believe
I don't believe that Pilgrims ate Mince Pie. How could they? They didn't have those nasty cans of mince goo, they didn't have can openers, and honestly...they were suffering enough as it was.

Salad: If you could choose a television personality to be your boss, who would you pick?
Uhhhhhh. What kind of question is that? Do I have to pick a television personality that was a boss on TV? Can I pick a television personality who is dead so I really wouldn't have any boss at all?

I pick:

Chef

Not only does he have great words of wisdom ("There's a time and place for everything, Children, and that's called college!), he sings and cooks too!

Main Course: What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
That life isn't fair, that I DO NOT understand geometry, that cheap wine after champagne is a very, very, very bad idea, and that sometimes, no matter how much I wish to the contrary, I cannot make everything better for other people.

Dessert: Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.

Any room in here

That allows me to be here

Filed Under "Just Say No"

I just got back from my five minute run through the parking lot, across the train tracks and across the street to 7-11 for a Lordy, I'm Tired flavored Super Big Gulp. While I was waiting to pay, I noticed a bin of Kit Kats. Glorious, yummy, chocolately yet crispity crunchity cookie goodness Kit Kats. But then...

(Insert Large MINCE PIE FACE here)

I noticed they were "Oranges and Cream" flavor.

I mean.....EWWWWWWWWWW.

Filed Under "Just Say No"

I just got back from my five minute run through the parking lot, across the train tracks and across the street to 7-11 for a Lordy, I'm Tired flavored Super Big Gulp. While I was waiting to pay, I noticed a bin of Kit Kats. Glorious, yummy, chocolately yet crispity crunchity cookie goodness Kit Kats. But then...

(Insert Large MINCE PIE FACE here)

I noticed they were "Oranges and Cream" flavor.

I mean.....EWWWWWWWWWW.

Cows and Llamas

Remember this one?

In the game of Chutes and Ladders you move around on a board in the hopes of being the first to get to number 100 and be the winner.



Along the way if you land on a spot where you've done a good deed you can climb a ladder and skip a bunch of spaces. For example, according to the picture on space number 4, you have taken food without permission, used electric mixers and stoves without parental supervision, handled raw and/or undercooked dairy products, measured out chemical agents then greased AND floured a pan. What is the result? Why, you've made yourself a yummy, yummy cake that you share with NOBODY. Hooray! Climb up that ladder and skip from 4 to 14. Karma rewards your deeds with a veritable Stairway to Heaven.



Likewise, if you land on 16, then shame on you, for you are reading a comic book. It makes no difference that 1) you are actually reading, 2) knew where to locate an object known as a "book" in which to hide your comics, or 3) chose this activity over television, video games, and burning down the house while impersonating Julia Child. No! It's the Chute for you, sinner. Down, down, down you go to number 6, where you have to sit on a stool and wear the Tin Man's hat.

I've come to realize life isn't that much different from a never-ending Groundhog's Day version of Chutes and Ladders. Day in and day out I am constantly competing against life (or Karma, or fate, or just plain old dumb luck) in the hopes that I will win the game.

Managed to leave the house on time? Ladder, baby!
Forgot my lunch? Awww, Chute!

On and on and on it goes, from the trivial to the less-than-sublime. Traffic lights, lunch lines, parking, 6th grade homework, 6th grade behavior, bills, toddlers, laundry, dishes... It never stops. If I'm lucky it's two steps forward, one step backward. If I'm unlucky, it's one step forward, two steps backward. Mostly, I just fear those days when I have no feet at all.

My morning commute to TunaU provides me with one of my best Chutes and Ladders barometers of the day. Each morning I drive past several of the livestock research pastures, and how far traffic is backed up tells me how my day is going to be. It's a odd sort of livestock Magic 8-Ball. Will GreenTuna have a good day? Bossy says outlook not so good. If I'm stopped at the cows (and cowpies), it's chute city. Making it as far as the sheep isn't baaaaad, but when I make it to Llarry the Llama, happy days are here again and it's ladder time.

Unfortunately, making it past Old McTuna's farm is merely the first of many chutes and ladders. True Karma doesn't take the form of hamburger, wooly idols or Peruvian blankets. The ultimate test of the morning is getting past the three (count them, THREE) sets of train tracks. Cows might be bad, but being a train sandwich is much, much worse.

Of course, it is possible to work the system by changing the rules, calling in sick and go home.

Game over. VOLCANO!

Until tomorrow, when it's back to square one.

Chute.

Cows and Llamas

Remember this one?

In the game of Chutes and Ladders you move around on a board in the hopes of being the first to get to number 100 and be the winner.



Along the way if you land on a spot where you've done a good deed you can climb a ladder and skip a bunch of spaces. For example, according to the picture on space number 4, you have taken food without permission, used electric mixers and stoves without parental supervision, handled raw and/or undercooked dairy products, measured out chemical agents then greased AND floured a pan. What is the result? Why, you've made yourself a yummy, yummy cake that you share with NOBODY. Hooray! Climb up that ladder and skip from 4 to 14. Karma rewards your deeds with a veritable Stairway to Heaven.



Likewise, if you land on 16, then shame on you, for you are reading a comic book. It makes no difference that 1) you are actually reading, 2) knew where to locate an object known as a "book" in which to hide your comics, or 3) chose this activity over television, video games, and burning down the house while impersonating Julia Child. No! It's the Chute for you, sinner. Down, down, down you go to number 6, where you have to sit on a stool and wear the Tin Man's hat.

I've come to realize life isn't that much different from a never-ending Groundhog's Day version of Chutes and Ladders. Day in and day out I am constantly competing against life (or Karma, or fate, or just plain old dumb luck) in the hopes that I will win the game.

Managed to leave the house on time? Ladder, baby!
Forgot my lunch? Awww, Chute!

On and on and on it goes, from the trivial to the less-than-sublime. Traffic lights, lunch lines, parking, 6th grade homework, 6th grade behavior, bills, toddlers, laundry, dishes... It never stops. If I'm lucky it's two steps forward, one step backward. If I'm unlucky, it's one step forward, two steps backward. Mostly, I just fear those days when I have no feet at all.

My morning commute to TunaU provides me with one of my best Chutes and Ladders barometers of the day. Each morning I drive past several of the livestock research pastures, and how far traffic is backed up tells me how my day is going to be. It's a odd sort of livestock Magic 8-Ball. Will GreenTuna have a good day? Bossy says outlook not so good. If I'm stopped at the cows (and cowpies), it's chute city. Making it as far as the sheep isn't baaaaad, but when I make it to Llarry the Llama, happy days are here again and it's ladder time.

Unfortunately, making it past Old McTuna's farm is merely the first of many chutes and ladders. True Karma doesn't take the form of hamburger, wooly idols or Peruvian blankets. The ultimate test of the morning is getting past the three (count them, THREE) sets of train tracks. Cows might be bad, but being a train sandwich is much, much worse.

Of course, it is possible to work the system by changing the rules, calling in sick and go home.

Game over. VOLCANO!

Until tomorrow, when it's back to square one.

Chute.

NaNoWriMo Sha Na Na

Today marks the first day of NaNoWriMo.

That again was NaNoWriMo.

For those who worry that I've either lapsed into baby talk (which will NEVER happen), or I'm drunk (which, for better or worse at 9:20am is not the case), NaNoWriMo stands for

National Novel Writing Month.

Considering the abysmal job I've done over the past several months of managing to hit the "post" button with little more than a non-thinking meme, writing a novel is the last thing on my agenda. However, I'm going to use NaNoWriMo to get my fingers back in gear and get things back on track. It's not like I don't have a wealth of trivialities to share...I am a Tuna, afterall, and between TinyTuna, The TunaClan, TunaU, The Scottish Singing Tunas, a huge personal distraction called a summertime basement flood, the summertime tales of Beeeeeeaver Iiiiiiiiislaaaaaand, Fabio (both flat and fluffy), The Toddlers (Get Down, and Stop It Now!) a host of friends and acquaintances, and a Presidential Administration that must be on the payroll Comedy Central, I've got plenty of material.

Now if I would just have a sick student. See the time stamp? That's what time I started this entry. And now? It's 5:34 pm.

I've even missed time for Wapner. It must be time to go home.

NaNoWriMo Sha Na Na

Today marks the first day of NaNoWriMo.

That again was NaNoWriMo.

For those who worry that I've either lapsed into baby talk (which will NEVER happen), or I'm drunk (which, for better or worse at 9:20am is not the case), NaNoWriMo stands for

National Novel Writing Month.

Considering the abysmal job I've done over the past several months of managing to hit the "post" button with little more than a non-thinking meme, writing a novel is the last thing on my agenda. However, I'm going to use NaNoWriMo to get my fingers back in gear and get things back on track. It's not like I don't have a wealth of trivialities to share...I am a Tuna, afterall, and between TinyTuna, The TunaClan, TunaU, The Scottish Singing Tunas, a huge personal distraction called a summertime basement flood, the summertime tales of Beeeeeeaver Iiiiiiiiislaaaaaand, Fabio (both flat and fluffy), The Toddlers (Get Down, and Stop It Now!) a host of friends and acquaintances, and a Presidential Administration that must be on the payroll Comedy Central, I've got plenty of material.

Now if I would just have a sick student. See the time stamp? That's what time I started this entry. And now? It's 5:34 pm.

I've even missed time for Wapner. It must be time to go home.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think

1. Unbreakable :: Bond

2. Have Mercy :: Pity

3. Do It Better :: Improve

4. Settle Scores :: Revenge

5. Comments :: Thoughts

6. Craziest Thing :: The Ringer

7. Apple :: PIE!

8. Halloween :: Candy

9. Maneagable :: Easy

10. Trick :: Or Treat

And now for the saga of the Peanut Butter and Pickle Sandwich, also known as The Ringer:

One year on our way home from Hatteras, North Carolina, we stopped at my Grandparents in Washington DC for a one-hour pit stop, which included lunch, bathroom, and taking a deep breath before we piled back in the car again for another 10 or so hours. My Grandfather, an imposing, crusty, retired Naval Captain handed us a bag right before we left. "This is for your trip home," he said, with a mischievously sinister tone of voice. "Don't look at it until you've left."

YoungerBrother Tuna and I could hardly stand it. "What's in it? What's in it?"

"Some sandwiches," he said. "And....The Ringer."

"What's the ringer?"

"I can't tell you," he said. "You'll figure it out."

Imaging chocolate, money or other unknown prizes (what were we thinking, anyway? This was The Captain, afterall), we gleefully took the bag and climbed back into the car. Finally it was time to dig into the sandwiches. They all seemed normal until YBTuna found The Ringer:

Peanut Butter and Pickles.
Have Mercy.

Happy Halloween.

Mutter along HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And You Think

1. Unbreakable :: Bond

2. Have Mercy :: Pity

3. Do It Better :: Improve

4. Settle Scores :: Revenge

5. Comments :: Thoughts

6. Craziest Thing :: The Ringer

7. Apple :: PIE!

8. Halloween :: Candy

9. Maneagable :: Easy

10. Trick :: Or Treat

And now for the saga of the Peanut Butter and Pickle Sandwich, also known as The Ringer:

One year on our way home from Hatteras, North Carolina, we stopped at my Grandparents in Washington DC for a one-hour pit stop, which included lunch, bathroom, and taking a deep breath before we piled back in the car again for another 10 or so hours. My Grandfather, an imposing, crusty, retired Naval Captain handed us a bag right before we left. "This is for your trip home," he said, with a mischievously sinister tone of voice. "Don't look at it until you've left."

YoungerBrother Tuna and I could hardly stand it. "What's in it? What's in it?"

"Some sandwiches," he said. "And....The Ringer."

"What's the ringer?"

"I can't tell you," he said. "You'll figure it out."

Imaging chocolate, money or other unknown prizes (what were we thinking, anyway? This was The Captain, afterall), we gleefully took the bag and climbed back into the car. Finally it was time to dig into the sandwiches. They all seemed normal until YBTuna found The Ringer:

Peanut Butter and Pickles.
Have Mercy.

Happy Halloween.

Mutter along HERE.

This is Halloween

My child is trying to kill me.

I nearly had a stroke when TinyTuna announced this weekend that she was too old for the pumpkin patch. "We can just go and get one at the store." she said.

I peeled out of the parking lot and drove to the store as fast as possible before she changed her mind ... or aliens let her re-enter her body .. or sucked me out of this hella pleasant alternate universe.

We made it to the store in record time, and found the large cardboard box of pumpkins that were all of $2.88 apiece. It was cheap. It was beautiful. It was painless. It was dirt-free, hay-free, patch-free, rotten pumpkin all over your shoes-free. As I stood in the 12 item or less U-Scan line, I was certain that this, THIS was what heaven would be like.

And then today....

As we came home tonight and walked through the drizzle toward the house, she asked me if we would still go trick or treating if it is raining outside. But she's not asking in that passionately defiant "neither rain nor snow" kind of voice. No. I hear the unmistakable trace of "...because I'm starting to think that trick or treating in the cold, nasty rain is a pain in the pink princess pumpkin pail..."

I looked at her and said, "Listen. If you want, I would be more than happy to go to the grocery store, buy you a bag of whatever you want, and then on Halloween night we can go to the movies."

"REALLY?" She asked.

"Oh yeah. You say the word. I'll go right now."

"Well...." The nanoseconds seemed like nanohours as she pondered this suddenly appealing option. My heart began to race. I clutched my cars keys. COULD I BE THIS LUCKY?????

"Next year. When I'm 12."

She had better not be toying with me.

This is Halloween

My child is trying to kill me.

I nearly had a stroke when TinyTuna announced this weekend that she was too old for the pumpkin patch. "We can just go and get one at the store." she said.

I peeled out of the parking lot and drove to the store as fast as possible before she changed her mind ... or aliens let her re-enter her body .. or sucked me out of this hella pleasant alternate universe.

We made it to the store in record time, and found the large cardboard box of pumpkins that were all of $2.88 apiece. It was cheap. It was beautiful. It was painless. It was dirt-free, hay-free, patch-free, rotten pumpkin all over your shoes-free. As I stood in the 12 item or less U-Scan line, I was certain that this, THIS was what heaven would be like.

And then today....

As we came home tonight and walked through the drizzle toward the house, she asked me if we would still go trick or treating if it is raining outside. But she's not asking in that passionately defiant "neither rain nor snow" kind of voice. No. I hear the unmistakable trace of "...because I'm starting to think that trick or treating in the cold, nasty rain is a pain in the pink princess pumpkin pail..."

I looked at her and said, "Listen. If you want, I would be more than happy to go to the grocery store, buy you a bag of whatever you want, and then on Halloween night we can go to the movies."

"REALLY?" She asked.

"Oh yeah. You say the word. I'll go right now."

"Well...." The nanoseconds seemed like nanohours as she pondered this suddenly appealing option. My heart began to race. I clutched my cars keys. COULD I BE THIS LUCKY?????

"Next year. When I'm 12."

She had better not be toying with me.

Boy, Oh Boy

Conversation held a couple weeks ago as I made vet appointments for the kittens:

Vet Phone Type Person: OK, let me get the information on your kittens. Let's start with the little girl. What is her name?
GreenTuna: Well...that depends. What is her name or what do we call her?
Vet Phone Type Person: Whatever you'd like me to write on her chart.
GreenTuna: Ok. Her name is Gabby. Short for Gabriella. Also known as Gabriella Shmabriella. Or Gabby Doodle.
Vet Phone Type Person: Ok. Gabby. And the boy?
GreenTuna: His name is Milo. Short for Milo. Or, Milo-Pilo. Or, Hey! Get Down NOW!
Vet Phone Type Person: Or, Bad Kitty!?
GreenTuna: He's not bad. Just insane.

Conversation held on Friday at the Vet's Office

Slightly weirdo vet: Well, Gabby is a very cute little girl. And she is in very good shape. (Puts her down) OK, now for the other one.
GreenTuna: This is Milo.
Slightly weirdo vet: Hello Milo! Awww...Milo is a very pretty girl.
TinyTuna: WHAT?
GramTuna: HA!
GreenTuna: Crap.
TinyTuna: (reprimanding) MILO!
GreenTuna: Well, it's not like it's his fault.
GramTuna: Her fault.
GreenTuna: Milo, Milo, Milo.
TinyTuna: We have to change his name.
GramTuna: Her name.
GreenTuna: It's staying the same.
Tinytuna: We can't call a girl MILO.
GreenTuna: Sure we can.
GramTuna: How about Mi-LA?
TinyTuna: Mila! I like it! He likes it too!
GreenTuna: She.
TinyTuna: Oh yeah. She.

And so, we bid a fond farewell to Milo, brother of Gabby, and welcome Gabby's sister, Mila.
Also known as Mila-Pila.
Or, MiLoLa.
Or, Hey, Get down NOW!

It still works.

Boy, Oh Boy

Conversation held a couple weeks ago as I made vet appointments for the kittens:

Vet Phone Type Person: OK, let me get the information on your kittens. Let's start with the little girl. What is her name?
GreenTuna: Well...that depends. What is her name or what do we call her?
Vet Phone Type Person: Whatever you'd like me to write on her chart.
GreenTuna: Ok. Her name is Gabby. Short for Gabriella. Also known as Gabriella Shmabriella. Or Gabby Doodle.
Vet Phone Type Person: Ok. Gabby. And the boy?
GreenTuna: His name is Milo. Short for Milo. Or, Milo-Pilo. Or, Hey! Get Down NOW!
Vet Phone Type Person: Or, Bad Kitty!?
GreenTuna: He's not bad. Just insane.

Conversation held on Friday at the Vet's Office

Slightly weirdo vet: Well, Gabby is a very cute little girl. And she is in very good shape. (Puts her down) OK, now for the other one.
GreenTuna: This is Milo.
Slightly weirdo vet: Hello Milo! Awww...Milo is a very pretty girl.
TinyTuna: WHAT?
GramTuna: HA!
GreenTuna: Crap.
TinyTuna: (reprimanding) MILO!
GreenTuna: Well, it's not like it's his fault.
GramTuna: Her fault.
GreenTuna: Milo, Milo, Milo.
TinyTuna: We have to change his name.
GramTuna: Her name.
GreenTuna: It's staying the same.
Tinytuna: We can't call a girl MILO.
GreenTuna: Sure we can.
GramTuna: How about Mi-LA?
TinyTuna: Mila! I like it! He likes it too!
GreenTuna: She.
TinyTuna: Oh yeah. She.

And so, we bid a fond farewell to Milo, brother of Gabby, and welcome Gabby's sister, Mila.
Also known as Mila-Pila.
Or, MiLoLa.
Or, Hey, Get down NOW!

It still works.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think

1. Infiltration :: War

2. Nice Person :: Me

3. Debt :: Owe

4. Settle Down :: Get Married

5. Thomas :: Doubting

6. Unforgivable :: Heinous

7. Medicine :: Yuck

8. A Year From Now :: I'll be one year older

9. Neighbors :: Friends Next Door

10. Dripping :: Oozing

Gah. What a weird set of words. I guess I think I'm a nice person. And upon second thought, why is getting married the equivalent of settling down? Are unmarried people unsettled? I hardly think so. I had a hard time thinking of something for unforgivable and really the most ironic answer today is Neighbors. I have one set of neighbors who are very, very nice, and then I have another neighbor who is, well, ... not.

Mutterings can be found HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... And you think

1. Infiltration :: War

2. Nice Person :: Me

3. Debt :: Owe

4. Settle Down :: Get Married

5. Thomas :: Doubting

6. Unforgivable :: Heinous

7. Medicine :: Yuck

8. A Year From Now :: I'll be one year older

9. Neighbors :: Friends Next Door

10. Dripping :: Oozing

Gah. What a weird set of words. I guess I think I'm a nice person. And upon second thought, why is getting married the equivalent of settling down? Are unmarried people unsettled? I hardly think so. I had a hard time thinking of something for unforgivable and really the most ironic answer today is Neighbors. I have one set of neighbors who are very, very nice, and then I have another neighbor who is, well, ... not.

Mutterings can be found HERE.

Pleasantry Peasantry

It's just another Saturday morning in the Tuna household. We begin by inhaling breakfast at the Grill Dogs in thirty minutes or less so TinyTuna can dash to choir rehearsal to sing Bach. Whilst waiting for our morning bacon, eggs and chili dogs of champions, we groggily thumb through the morning paper, looking for the obits.

What do we find? My little peasant juggling fluorescent tennis balls at the Medieval Festival they held at school yesterday. Although she was

TinyTuna: Mom, can I say the "P" word?
GreenTuna: No, you may not say the "P" word.

NOT AT ALL HAPPY (CAPS LOCK, BOLD, LEANED OVER) about being demoted from nobility to a peasant (the nobility costume was evidently a casualty in the basement flood), she still managed to have a really good time.

Hot pink and neon green ... it just screams 14th century, don't you think?

Pleasantry Peasantry

It's just another Saturday morning in the Tuna household. We begin by inhaling breakfast at the Grill Dogs in thirty minutes or less so TinyTuna can dash to choir rehearsal to sing Bach. Whilst waiting for our morning bacon, eggs and chili dogs of champions, we groggily thumb through the morning paper, looking for the obits.

What do we find? My little peasant juggling fluorescent tennis balls at the Medieval Festival they held at school yesterday. Although she was

TinyTuna: Mom, can I say the "P" word?
GreenTuna: No, you may not say the "P" word.

NOT AT ALL HAPPY (CAPS LOCK, BOLD, LEANED OVER) about being demoted from nobility to a peasant (the nobility costume was evidently a casualty in the basement flood), she still managed to have a really good time.

Hot pink and neon green ... it just screams 14th century, don't you think?

No Kidding, This Was My Email

Dear mother,

How are you this fine morning? I hope you are as good as my day has been. I have missed you this day and I can't wait to see you when you come home. Tonight for dinner is gorp and I am very hungry. I wish I had hot lunch today I forgot today was Mac & Cheese

with a garlic bread stick, but my lunch was really good too. Hope to see you soon at home to give you a big hug.

Love your daughter,

No Kidding, This Was My Email

Dear mother,

How are you this fine morning? I hope you are as good as my day has been. I have missed you this day and I can't wait to see you when you come home. Tonight for dinner is gorp and I am very hungry. I wish I had hot lunch today I forgot today was Mac & Cheese

with a garlic bread stick, but my lunch was really good too. Hope to see you soon at home to give you a big hug.

Love your daughter,

Unconscious Mutterings

Many pardons. My mutterer is a bit slow this week:

I say ... And you think:

1. Quirk :: Oddity

2. Crystal :: Ball

3. Pet Peeve :: Irksome trait

4. Cuban : : Cigars

5. Breasts :: Got 'em

6. Whispers :: Secrets

7. Complicated :: Hard

8. Promise Me :: Oh

9. Murder :: Crime

10. Filament :: Light bulb

Not bad. I've never had a Cuban Cigar. Heck, I've never had any cigar. Come to think of it, I've never had a Cuban, either. I have been sitting here trying to think of a pet peeve, and aside from students not showing up (the only reason I'm typing this today), my biggest pet peeve is a peeve about my pets, which would be why oh why oh why do they save up their biggest, stinkiest poop for the nanosecond after I present them with a clean litter pan?

Just wondering....

Unconscious Mutterings

Many pardons. My mutterer is a bit slow this week:

I say ... And you think:

1. Quirk :: Oddity

2. Crystal :: Ball

3. Pet Peeve :: Irksome trait

4. Cuban : : Cigars

5. Breasts :: Got 'em

6. Whispers :: Secrets

7. Complicated :: Hard

8. Promise Me :: Oh

9. Murder :: Crime

10. Filament :: Light bulb

Not bad. I've never had a Cuban Cigar. Heck, I've never had any cigar. Come to think of it, I've never had a Cuban, either. I have been sitting here trying to think of a pet peeve, and aside from students not showing up (the only reason I'm typing this today), my biggest pet peeve is a peeve about my pets, which would be why oh why oh why do they save up their biggest, stinkiest poop for the nanosecond after I present them with a clean litter pan?

Just wondering....

Driving Me Crazy

What is it about moisture from the sky that turns the average driver into a frightened homocidal maniac? It's just rain, folks, and today it barely qualifies as that. It's more like Mitten schmutz that's barely intermittent wiper-worthy.

And yet, my commute took an extra half-hour for no reason whatsoever.

Love the schmutz.
Embrace the schmutz.
Maintain a constant speed.
Rideth not the brakes each time a droplet lands.
Or better, yet, just stay home.

Driving Me Crazy

What is it about moisture from the sky that turns the average driver into a frightened homocidal maniac? It's just rain, folks, and today it barely qualifies as that. It's more like Mitten schmutz that's barely intermittent wiper-worthy.

And yet, my commute took an extra half-hour for no reason whatsoever.

Love the schmutz.
Embrace the schmutz.
Maintain a constant speed.
Rideth not the brakes each time a droplet lands.
Or better, yet, just stay home.

Oh, Crap

Nobody can say the Tuna House isn't fun. Just ask the Toddlers.

Today, Number 1 and Number 2 discovered the quilted softness of the two-ply and spent the day whipping themselves into a frenzy as they redecorated my entire bathroom.



It reminded me of the High School Marching Band Director's front yard after the legendary TP party of 1979.


Or so I'm told.

Oh, Crap

Nobody can say the Tuna House isn't fun. Just ask the Toddlers.

Today, Number 1 and Number 2 discovered the quilted softness of the two-ply and spent the day whipping themselves into a frenzy as they redecorated my entire bathroom.



It reminded me of the High School Marching Band Director's front yard after the legendary TP party of 1979.


Or so I'm told.

Friday's Feast

It's almost lunchtime! Time for a Friday's Feast.

Appetizer: Name 3 qualities that are important to you in a friendship
First of all, a friend has to have amazing skills, like Super Spidey Sense, Invisibility and the ability to Hulk-Smash annoying people.
Secondly, a friend has to be like the three wise men, and should bring offerings of a carbonated beverage, a mock-worthy magazine and the latest gossip.
Finally, a friend has to skilled in tin-foil art (see: Halloween, Oscars)

Soup: If you could dream about anything tonight, what would the subject matter be?
Seriously, if I could take control of my dreams, I'd tell them to take a hike for a week or three. I'd dream about NOTHING, and then maybe I'd get a good night sleep.

Salad: Do you usually make an effort to personally thank people who do favors for you?
There is a critical distinction in this question: make an effort. My problem is I make an effort, but it often doesn't translate from the think-method to the do-method. Ergo, my answer is: nowhere near as often as I should. Thanks for giving me the guilts, Friday Feast.

Main Course: If you had to go out of town for an extended period of time, who would you trust to take care of your home and your belongings?
I try to parcel out these tasks. Fabio goes to Bunny Camp at BSTuna's house. Friends and/or family watch the house and get stuck with the mundane chores like watering the lawn and enduring the grumpy neighbor. Now that I have two furry toddlers, we'll have to figure out how to include them in the mix next time we're out and about.

Dessert: How do you react to practical jokes when they're played on you?
Start plotting retaliation immediately, remembering the old adage that says revenge is a dish best served cold.
Or so Flat Fabio has told me....

Friday's Feast

It's almost lunchtime! Time for a Friday's Feast.

Appetizer: Name 3 qualities that are important to you in a friendship
First of all, a friend has to have amazing skills, like Super Spidey Sense, Invisibility and the ability to Hulk-Smash annoying people.
Secondly, a friend has to be like the three wise men, and should bring offerings of a carbonated beverage, a mock-worthy magazine and the latest gossip.
Finally, a friend has to skilled in tin-foil art (see: Halloween, Oscars)

Soup: If you could dream about anything tonight, what would the subject matter be?
Seriously, if I could take control of my dreams, I'd tell them to take a hike for a week or three. I'd dream about NOTHING, and then maybe I'd get a good night sleep.

Salad: Do you usually make an effort to personally thank people who do favors for you?
There is a critical distinction in this question: make an effort. My problem is I make an effort, but it often doesn't translate from the think-method to the do-method. Ergo, my answer is: nowhere near as often as I should. Thanks for giving me the guilts, Friday Feast.

Main Course: If you had to go out of town for an extended period of time, who would you trust to take care of your home and your belongings?
I try to parcel out these tasks. Fabio goes to Bunny Camp at BSTuna's house. Friends and/or family watch the house and get stuck with the mundane chores like watering the lawn and enduring the grumpy neighbor. Now that I have two furry toddlers, we'll have to figure out how to include them in the mix next time we're out and about.

Dessert: How do you react to practical jokes when they're played on you?
Start plotting retaliation immediately, remembering the old adage that says revenge is a dish best served cold.
Or so Flat Fabio has told me....

21 Bun Salute

A birthday poem for a birthdayTuna:

Although there are no candles
Upon each furry head
It's much better to be older




Than to wake up and be dead Upside-down.



Hallmark, eat your heart out.

21 Bun Salute

A birthday poem for a birthdayTuna:

Although there are no candles
Upon each furry head
It's much better to be older




Than to wake up and be dead Upside-down.



Hallmark, eat your heart out.

Unconscious Mutterings

Let's see how well I mutter after just waking up.

I say ... And You Think:

1. Quaint :: Cute

2. Rind :: Orange

3. Disease :: Sickness

4. Queer :: Strange

5. Pork :: Rind

6. Soaked :: Wet

7. Skeleton :: Bones

8. Mold :: YUCK

9. Finished :: Over

10. Buffalo :: Gals won't you come out tonight?

Lord. Normally I would never associate "Pork" with "Rind" if the word "Rind" hadn't just appeared. I've had them exactly once, and honestly, I don't understand the appeal. They just taste like deep fried air. It's the strangest thing.

Speaking of Skeletons, we saw Corpse Bride yesterday. It was good. It was odd, but good. Tim Burton created such a wonderful, stylized world. I've decided I like Johnny Depp much better as a voice-over than as an onscreen character (Willy Wonka, anyone?).

Finally, what exactly IS a Buffalo Gal? Is it a geographical statement or some sort of personal slam? The song seems awfully jolly to be mean, but you never know. Must be time for research...

Don't forget -- you too can mutter along HERE.

Unconscious Mutterings

Let's see how well I mutter after just waking up.

I say ... And You Think:

1. Quaint :: Cute

2. Rind :: Orange

3. Disease :: Sickness

4. Queer :: Strange

5. Pork :: Rind

6. Soaked :: Wet

7. Skeleton :: Bones

8. Mold :: YUCK

9. Finished :: Over

10. Buffalo :: Gals won't you come out tonight?

Lord. Normally I would never associate "Pork" with "Rind" if the word "Rind" hadn't just appeared. I've had them exactly once, and honestly, I don't understand the appeal. They just taste like deep fried air. It's the strangest thing.

Speaking of Skeletons, we saw Corpse Bride yesterday. It was good. It was odd, but good. Tim Burton created such a wonderful, stylized world. I've decided I like Johnny Depp much better as a voice-over than as an onscreen character (Willy Wonka, anyone?).

Finally, what exactly IS a Buffalo Gal? Is it a geographical statement or some sort of personal slam? The song seems awfully jolly to be mean, but you never know. Must be time for research...

Don't forget -- you too can mutter along HERE.