Friday, November 07, 2003

MOODY BLUES

I'm warning you now; I'm in a mood. And when I'm in a mood, it isn't a good mood. It's an excessively irate mood. There are so many irritations pummeling me, where should I begin? Oh. I know:



SPAM

My inbox is becoming ridiculous. Do not Spam list? I'm all for it. I'd even pay for it. I'd agree to legislation where an idiot company can send me a Spam once, but if I get another one, they'd be killed. I think that's fair. Make your pitch once, and then go away forever. FOREVER. Caps Lock. I mean, look at this crap!

"Better than Botox: Hydroderm - 7 day free trial!"

"Paying too much for allergy relief?" ...no, I pay nothing. Go away.

"How smart are you?" ...smart enough not to open this email. Go away.

"Up to 80 percent off -- Ink for your printer" ...Go away.

"Your Boca Java" ...What does this mean? Is it coffee or computers? Go away.

"Meet REAL hot lonely singles" ...Why Caps Lock? Are they mannequins? Go away.

"Lose fat while sleeping -- as seen on tv?" ...Question Mark? You can't remember where you saw it?

"I can spy on you" ...While you're spying, make yourself useful and do my dishes. Go away.

"Working Scared?" ...No. Working annoyed. Go away.

"Easy Hair Removal For Men" ...Does Not Apply. Go away.

"Heal Nail Fungus Faster Than Ever" Ew. Plain and simple. Go far, far away.



TINYTUNA

Yes. She made my irritated list. Why, mean mom? She comes waltzing into my room this morning announcing "I need a current event for school today." I look at her sternly. "Did you look at a newspaper"? I ask, knowing full well the answer is no. "No." "Well?" I say, staring at her. Begin lecture number 850 about responsbility, doing your own work, and the fact that I already completed fourth grade, and her homework is like her job, so she'd better get moving. And she did. She picked up a newspaper and found a current event. (Lunar eclipse on Saturday, for those who are curious). I swear, she would be the laziest child on earth if I let her. Which I won't. (Insert maniacal laugh here)



THE GOLDEN ARCHES

On occasion, TinyTuna and I like to get up early and have a "special" breakfast at McDonalds before school. We had time this morning (or so we thought) because I didn't need to make her a cold lunch. Off we went for pancakes. BIG MISTAKE. I could have driven to Aunt Jemima's house faster than it took these clowns to make three pancakes. First I open up the Styrofoam - we aren't disintegrating for a billion years - top and find out there is no sausage. Back it goes. Finally get a sausage slapped on top, and I find out the pancakes are lukewarm, at best. No time to fix it now. We had to make do. But can I just say, bleah. I'm trying to figure out how "freshly made" pancakes and burnt sausage can be lukewarm. It was a mystery wrapped inside an enigma, and it tasted like crap. Now, to make matters worse (in my cranky view), is the guy next to me. He sees I am clearly annoyed, and he thought he'd try to make it better. "Oh well," he says in that huh huh huh joking gosh darny kind of way, "tomorrow will be better." I mumble to myself (trying not to pick a fight) "I doubt that very much." Jolly happy guy continues, "Some days are just like that. Some days good are good, and some days are not so good." God, I just wanted a big anvil. That would have made it better.



So, I need some mood improvement. I'm going to find me a CD, and email my systems person and see if I can pick up Bessie from the office.

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