Friday, November 21, 2003

TV ROUNDUP

It has been a wild and wooly week in the wonky world of TV sweeps. Some notables....



SURVIVOR

Well, Rupert, it was nice knowing you. It wasn't a surprise to see you go, especially since you seem to have been teetering on the edge for a week or two. You were one engaging, colorful pirate, if not entirely overbearing. My biggest complaint is you seemed to think everything in the game it was all about you. Your adventure, your island, your reward, your million dollars. I think the trick is to go ahead and think it is indeed all about you, but keep that small piece of information to yourself. Your final words last night were a bit of a letdown (ok big letdown). Rup, you gotta let high school go -- you cannot continue to use crappy teenage behavior as a scapegoat to your troubles. You were booted because a bunch of other people out there believed the game was about them, and you needed to go. 'Tis the nature of Survivor. Live, learn and move on.



Lill. What the? When did you turn into a sniveling, bawling idiot? "I never go on vacation boo hoo hoo, I never get to go on big sparkly white boats boo hoo hoo and I wanted that reward. I'm so mean. I didn't give it away boo hoo hoo..." Old it got, Yoda says. Buck up or take off.



The BIG CAPS LOCK LIE could be next week. Oooo baby, I'm going to surf me some spoiler pages!



BACHELOR

I didn't see much of this show, but I caught bits and pieces of the finale -- and the entire last half hour. Whatever. I didn't like squeaky baby-voiced brunette, and there was something that bugged about overly perky blondie. My hunch (not knowing anything) was that blondie was going to be the one ... until she put on the red dress. I think red is color they make losers wear -- at least it was that night. In the end, Bachelor Bob told Miss squeaky voiced black dressed brunette to wear the ring on her right hand. I think it signifies his undying commitment to her until the next full moon. Whatever.



ER

I don't know what it was about this episode last night that made me laugh. OK, that's a lie. I know what made me laugh. I am just a bit surprised at myself that I was cracking up. I'm still cracking up. Why? Oh, because I think I've read this story before. Like in Peter Pan. Or Jaws. Or any Stephen King Novel. If you missed it or if you don't watch, our one-armed hero, Dr. Romano went to the cranky teaching hospital in the sky. He was one armed because it was lopped off thwomp! by a medical helicopter last season. Last night? the evil helicopter (no doubt flown by evil ducks) was hungry for more. Copter crashed. Romano smashed. Even funnier? The rest of the hospital staff still hasn't realized he is a crispy copter critter. What a bummer to be offed from the show and not get a tearful farewell. Heeeeeeeeeeee.



SOUTH PARK

Joseph Smith was called a prophet, dum dum dum dum DUM!. What a great season.

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