TODAY'S FORECAST

Non-teaching, non-commuting kind of day? You guessed it, Sunny and mid-50s. Unless my older brother comes over pretty soon to scale the roof and caulk, I'm going to have to lose my fear, because last night it was a catch the drips on the counter night. I finally threw a dishtowel in the bottom on the pot so I wouldn't have to hear *plunk*plunk*plunk* all night. I am brave. I am brave. I am brave. I am brave......



Junk email that made me laugh before 7am: "Immediate response required by 11/31/03."



Banner Ad Watch: This morning my banners make me look smart. I have Online Newspaper Library and 200+ news archives. Other banner ads I've heard about from all my virtual electronic cohorts (keep them coming -- they're awesome!): Stop smoking (N/A); Gastric Bypass (Egad, where did THAT one come from?); Hamster Cages; Singing Dancing Hamsters; Gemmy Hamsters (I also have no idea what that might be -- do you think it's like a Gummy candy -- a Gummy Hamster? Kind of ew); Dana Guide to Brain Health (ok, I could use all the brain health I can get); Judy Collins and Veggie Tales. In my increasing obsession with the banner ads, I'm also keeping an eye on the "related searches" as KatJam pointed out the other day. It's all very odd.



These banner ads from my boyfriend are a lot like Lifeonhold's boyfriend and his ability to seductively whisper, "I know what you like, baby" -- in a totally commercial, show me the money kind of way. I find this electronic soothsaying both fascinating and disturbing. It's eerily interesting when they recommend something that ends up being really cool. I think "how smart they are! How did they know?" But then, when they recommend something entirely vile, I think "how dare you -- I am not that kind of Tuna!" And then I give it a virtual slap with a leather glove and challenge it to pistols at twenty paces. I wonder who wrote the computer program to link subject A with subject B. No, don't wonder. Don't do it. Out, Out damn researching genes. You see, nobody in my family can answer a question with "I don't know." If we don't know, the answer is "let's look it up." Although this can be helpful and generally educational, it can also turn an innocent pondering into a big hairy deal, which is often not worth the hassle.



But back to banner ads. I'm anxiously awaiting the banner ads to pick up on evil ducks. Evil Ducks! EVIL DUCKS! I hope it heard me. What kind of suggestions might be linked to evil ducks? Answer me, Oh Banner Ads. *Quack* (Evil Duck)



Second humorous junk mail? Best Buy or buy.com or somebody wants me to know I get Britney for 49% off. Wow. She'll never be able to pay for the upkeep of her star at those cut-rate prices. But still I wonder, is this a deal? I don't think so. The odds that I pick up a Miss Spears album are equal to the odds that I might say "Oh, yes, I WOULD like to buy a four year extended service contract for the low, low price of $175, because heaven knows I have zero confidence in the makers of this expensive item that I'm purchasing, but I know if I throw a big wad of cash into your corporate coffers, you will make everything alright. What? And I can also get three months free AOL? Woweeee!"



Finally, Michael Jackson. I have to say something, right? First of all, Ew. Second of all, if he is doing vile, illegal things to children, stop fining him, stop settling lawsuits and throw his moonwalking butt either in jail or in some sort of institution where he can get some help. Thirdly, I would not want to blame the victims, especially if they are children, but the fact that the same old rumors have come to roost yet again makes me want to slap the parents upside the head with a clue-by-four. You don't leave your kids with strangers. Even famous ones. Ever.

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