Monday, April 09, 2007

Mood Music

Of the many emails I get and seldom read, I ran across one last week for a website called eclassical which is an MP3 downloading service for classical music. I don't download much classical music since I own so much of it myself, and work in a music library that owns the rest and then some, many thousand times over.

But curiosity got the better of this Tuna, so I clicked through and started trolling around the site, seeing what it had to offer. What caught my eye was the ability to find music by "Moods and Special Events." This was too good to pass up, so I went to take a look.

On the next screen, it explained
This search guide is made for those of you who don't have a PhD in classical music history. If you're not sure about the title but can identify the feeling or the event connected to it, use the links below.
So it seemed that eclassical was just a musical version of eharmony. You can't possibly know what you want, so you narrow things down for the computer who will then TELL YOU, LOWLY MORTAL WHAT YOU WANTED ALL ALONG (BUT WERE TOO DUMB TO KNOW).

So much for self-enlightenment and a sense of personal discovery.

But I digress. I what moods and special events did my classical magic 8-ball have in store for me? Oh, check them out:

This is the list to end all lists. Check it out: In Prison is right next to Making babies. Wedding is next to When life sucks. And perhaps the only thing that could surpass the fabulous trifecta of Funeral, Having a Hangover and In a car jam is my personal favorite: Cleaning and Ironing.

Cleaning and Ironing.

I don't know what startled me more: that cleaning and ironing became worthy of having its own soundtrack, or that they are somehow considered a mood or special event. I suppose if I were ironing I'd be in a mood, and a not very good one at that.

As for the actual musical selections, well, pardon my snobbery, but check out some of these choices. "Bizarre" doesn't even begin to cut it.

Cleaning and Ironing
Vivaldi's 4 Seasons - "Autumn"
Too damn happy

After a Divorce
Dvorak's New World Symphony
Ahh, the bitter irony of selecting the slow movement known as "Goin' Home"

At Dinner
Strauss' Tritsch-Tratsch Polka
If your dinner consisted of a pile of hot dogs and a 2 minute timer

For Hackers
Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition - At the Great Gate of Kiev
For those hackers who prefer to break the law with a full complement of brass playing at "11"

For Pets
Flight of the Bumblebee
I played it for my cats. They left.

Having a Hangover
Three Burlesques - A Bit Tipsy
Ouch. I do not recommend this one. It's a real musical hair of the dog.

In Prison
Dvorak's New World Symphony
HA! Totally cruel. Goin' home? Guess again

After going through this list, all I can say is I'm awfully glad the only thing eclassical is choosing is classical music. If they branched out into the dating business, Scout would probably be a drunken circus clown serving 10-20.

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