Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about GREENTUNA
Thirteen Weirdly Random Things I Cannot Do

1. Tie a Balloon
I don't know what it is. I can blow them up, but I'm always the one passing it along to someone else because I cannot ever seem to tie them. Guess I'd make a lousy clown.

2. Whistle
Technically I have about a 3 note range that is 98% breathy and/or spitty. It's not pretty, and neither is my face when I try to do it. Others in my family are great whistlers, but somehow I missed the genetic boat on that skill.

3. Sight Read Using Solfege
Yes, Do(e) is a Deer, a female deer, but when applied to a non-Sound of Music ditty, it has me totally mystified. Not that I cannot sight read -- I can sight read anything put in front of me. But asking me to associate Solfege syllables with notes on a page is on par with asking me to sing in Sanskrit. Except, wait. I've actually done that. Regardless. Do-Re-Me is more like Don't-Make-Me because when left to me, it's more like drunken babbling.

4. Eat Just One Potato Chip
I can eat none, I can eat some or I can eat lots. But show me a person who can eat just one potato chip without having to leave to get married or catch a bus or have a baby, and I'll show you a person with no soul.

5. Remember Hebrew Months When I'm Doing a NY Time Crossword Puzzle
I suppose in theory, knowing the Hebrew months isn't high on the priority list for an Episcopalian. But I swear, every time I get to one of these clues I always wonder why I don't take 10 minutes and just learn these so I know them. And do I? Heck, no.

6. Make Armpit Noises
I figure this is a guy thing. Besides, I think OlderBrotherTuna, YoungerBrotherTuna, NephewTuna and Scout could (and would) play a pit concerto if asked.

7. Go to the Movies and Not Eat Popcorn
This is another one of those things that somehow it feels Un-American not to do it. Movies and popcorn go together like Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, or Chico and the Man. And NO, nachos don't count. Nachos are not movie food, and frankly, hot dogs and pretzels are on the edge. Be it comedy, drama or slasher, I need me a double-butter corn and a large Diet. And if you're TeenTuna (or Scout, as I was saddened to learn) and you plan to dump chocolate in your popcorn, then you better get your own bucket.

8. Do A Cartwheel
I understand the motion: Hand-Hand-Foot-Foot. And actually, I think I am a most excellent cartwheeler, conceptually speaking. But ask me to put it into practice, and I will stand there, feet glued to to floor as if they were saying, "What? Leave the floor? One at a time? So sorry, we only move in a pair." It's too embarassing for words.

9. Win "Minesweeper" In Any Manner Except Totally By Mistake

This one makes me mad. Minesweeper. One of the freebie games that has come free with computers since the dawn of Windows 3.1. Still in all, I have never had the patience to actually learn the strategy behind this game besides random clicking until a bomb goes off. And then I don't understand why. Give me Solitaire any day of the week.

10. Draw
And I mean anything. My stick people are questionable, and when Pictionary was the hot game in town, I was pretty much death to any team I was on. Everything I draw looks like a mutant horse/cow combination. I was born to study and appreciate the visual arts, not create them.

11. Put Runny Things on the Same Plate as Not-Runny Things

Yes, I am one of THOSE really don't like my food touching kind of people. Yes, if Fine China came with little divided sections like TV dinner trays, I'd have a complete set. Yes, I have heard that it all goes in the same place. But EWWW people. That's vile. Do you really want to live by that philosophy and throw everything (soup, salad, entree and dessert) into one big pot and glop it into a bowl? I think not. And besides, what did my poor hot dog bun ever do to deserve a nuclear bath of applesauce and baked bean goo?

12. Watch NASCAR on TV
Because, why? And this comes from someone who doesn't even mind watching golf on occasion.

13. Think There is Ever Enough Cowbell
Because let's face it. You always need more. Always.

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Julie said...

Doh. A beer.


Also? Cowbell is awesome! Ring my beeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllll.

Unknown said...

I cant whistle either but I also can not blow a bubble.

Nice list!

Dont forget Amys Random Thoughts is having a blogging Scavenger Hunt starting May 1st. Prizes and details were announced yesterday. The more who play, the better! Hope to see you there!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I can't tie a balloon, either. Can't blow it up for that matter. I'm just balloon hopeless, I guess.

Happy TT a day late!

Anonymous said...

I love this list. And agree with it. Except that I actually CAN whistle. I can't juggle though. Can you?

Anonymous said...

I can't eat just one chip or win minesweeper either. Great TT list. Happy Friday!

Amy said...

Well, I can do a bunch of those, but I definitely can't sight sing and solfage just gives me a headache. Maybe I should try Sanskrit...

Happy T13!