Tuesday, December 14, 2004

What's In a Name

The naming of people and pets is a solemn proposition. They last a lifetime, and go a long ways towards defining one's place in the universe.

Rules for Naming People

The rules for naming people are fairly straightforward, and most names are entirely acceptable. However, there are a few rules you should follow. One should not name people after:

a. Fruit (Apple Paltrow)

b. Heavenly bodies (Moon Unit Zappa)

c. Yourself more than once (George Foreman I, George Foreman II, George Foreman III, George Foreman IV, George Foreman V).

d. Old fashioned names that get you beat up on the playground (Phinnaeus)

e. Names that when put together form something really, really regrettable. There was a kid in my neighborhood whose first name was Jonathan. Middle Name, Livingston. Last Name? Seagull. His parents must have HATED him.

f. Regular names that use quirky or oddball spellings (see: Phinnaeus) or silent letters just for the sake of being different. Unless you're SanDeE* in L.A. Story, it's just not cute.

Rules for Naming Pets

Rules for naming pets are entirely different. First you have professional, or competitive pets. Dogs that compete need two names -- one long, pretentious one for show and one for practicality.

Who would you rather call to dinner?

Darydale's All Rise Pouchcove or Josh?

But mostly, pet names are fun names. As BSTuna has been getting into the Angora Rabbit market, we've had lots of fun naming the bunnies. The furry clan, in order of acquisition, include:

1. Bumper

White English Angora. He came already named, but we had fun naming possible progency: ---Car, ---Pool, ---Boats, RubberBabyBuggy---

2. Remington Steele and Mufasa

These were also pre-named, but here is a great example of where names just go WRONG. Remington is a tan and brown, and Mufasa is all gray. At the very least the names should have been switched. Not to fear, they have been renamed several times. Remington totally lost his name, and being a French angora, is now most often referred to as Pierre. Mufasa has managed to keep his name, but he also goes by Steely Dan when I'm around.

3. Muna

Muna begins the cycle of names bestowed by Tunas. Muna is another French angora. Her coloring is gray, which is called "blue" in the rabbit world. Don't ask me. I can't explain it. We decided it needed a name that somehow associated with the word blue. We thought of Blue Moon which got shortened to Muna, in honor of little nephew Tuna and his infatuation with the moon character (Luna) on "Bear in the Big Blue House". He always called her "Moona" so it stuck.

4. Fabio

Fabio the Fabulous is TinyTuna's bunny. We got to name him too, and looking at his lineage, it all made sense. His father was Samson and his mother was Lady Godiva. Who else had great hair? Had to be Fabio.

5. Emmy and Peanut

Emmy is a chocolate (meaning brown) doe. Of course, hearing she was a "chocolate" doe, everybody yelled "Hershey" but that was struck down as too obvious. The other bunny was tan, free, and the runtiest of runts. As soon as we figured that he was a little peanut, then we hit on the M&M theme. Now that Peanut is living in Bunny Acres, he's grown so much, he's not a peanut anymore. He's more like a cashew. But he'll always be Peanut.

6. Six Yet Unnamed Baby Bunnies

Now that there are six new bunnies, the names has been to be flung around. My biggest rule for animals is NO SNOWBALLS. I don't know why. It seems very Simpsons with Snowball I, Snowball II, etc. The nieces and nephews, however, go for the usuals. Snowball. Blacky. Browny. If it were up to them, all names would end in -eee. Eeeeeyuck.

Edited to add: Technically one of the unnamed baby bunnies has a name. Originally born all white, (NO SNOWBALL), he has now become a rather dirty, dingey white-grey combo. I have dubbed him: Swiffer.

7. Two new White Bunnies

BSTuna is getting two new white angoras today. We went around and around on names this morning. After laying down the ground rules (NO "SNOWBALL") I started trolling the Thesaurus and Babelfish for ideas about white. We agreed on Blanche for the female. For the male I really, really, really, really want Blanket, because hey, the bunny is soft (like a blanket), and if it's good enough for Michael Jackson -- and well, he's practically white anyway -- it's good enough for me. Thus far, BSTuna is not falling for it. She wants Bianco for the male. Maybe we should just go with Hasenpfeffer.


TV Junkie said...

Come on now. OBVIOUSLY, a white haired male that likes to nibble on things should be named SPIKE. That's just ... right.

Anonymous said...

RubberBabyBuggy---Bwahahaha!!! This is why I love your blog. You come up with things from my past, that on my own, I would never think of, but you just throw them out there!!! And I second Junkie's name of Spike, it's perfect!!

Sarah said...

Well, the mind boggles. How about Flake? An allusion to snow, but not quite obvious.

I work for a school district with about 700,000 students (give or take one or two). The names perpetrated upon the little innocents would make your hair curl. Names? It's not about the parents; it's about the child. It's HIS (or HER)name.

Curiosity overwhelms me. Why the tuna theme? Green tuna just makes my imagination itch.

Anonymous said...

I have an obsession with naming animals after other animals. So, I would respectfully suggest, "Bear"... as in polar. Heh.


Anonymous said...

When my kids were in nursery school, there was a family there named Seed. Their children were named Huckleberry, Caraway and Sesame (really!) -Bev Sykes (Funny the World)

Margaret said...

My dog (Crazy Dog) was already named when we picked him up. His name is Chico vom Talhof (translation: chico from the east side).

Legally, my daughter has 5 names. She just started writing her first name, and if I teach her a new one every 6 months, she'll have them all memorized by the time kindergarten starts for her.

Anonymous said...

How about a compromise~ Blankie!

Also, another rule for naming children is that their initials shouldn't spell anything embarrassing.. Like G.A.G. or W.T.F.