The day was long, my time is short and my attention span is currently at Hey, An Apple! Nevertheless, I bring, for your enjoyment, some truisms from Christmas 2004.
Whereas you may think that giving your nephew a blueberry pie for Christmas (with Cool Whip in the stocking) is the most awesome idea ever, your sister's gift of a real-live (at least he still was when he left tonight) Herman the Hermit Crab will beat it every time.
Whereas you may think that you are much more organized this year than last year, you will still forget to give presents, forget to wrap presents, and lose presents within the confines of a 12 x 12 room. I'm sad to report The Prisoner of Azkaban is ... well ... still a prisoner in my bedroom. Somewhere.
Whereas you may think that providing your French Angora Rabbit Fabio the Fabulous with several toys that he can toss to alleviate boredom (because there is no greater crime than having a bored rabbit), they are pretty much like kids. They don't want to play with toys. They want to eat and destroy them. I should have just given him a toilet paper roll.
Whereas many people will have dined on sumptuous meals with enormous spreads, a Christmas dinner of ham, smashed potatoes and fresh vegetables is not only no-fuss, no-muss, it's also probably one of the yummiest things ever.
Whereas there are still far more many things to do than there are minutes in a day, whoever invented Gift Bags, Tissue Paper and self-sticking To/From labels should be made a saint. Immediately. Ditto for crisco and smooth peanut butter in pre-measured sticks. Bless you. Bless you all.
Whereas Frosty, Rudolph, Yukon Cornelius and the Peanuts Gang are the meat and potatoes of the holiday viewing schedule, there was something slightly fun and off-kilter about watching Gone With the Wind while I wrapped presents this morning. Fiddle-Dee-Dee!
Whereas holiday gifts are often profound statements about ourselves and our relationships with others, nobody will ever convince me that Slim Jims and a box of Chicken-in-a-Biscuit don't make the most wonderfully heartfelt present ever. So there. Nyah.
Whereas tomorrow means packing the car at the crack of whenever we wake up and heading out to see our east coast relatives, today was full of fun and laughter, family and good food. Here's to hoping for warmer weather, dry roads, light traffic, and a decided lack of law enforcement officers.
To each and every one of you, Merry ChristmaHannuKwanzica. I'll see you tomorrow on the flip side.