Friday, February 11, 2005

Friday Poll

The votes for the Friday Poll have been tabulated. Nobody believed the PROVEN SCIENTIFIC fact that Beer Makes You Smarter (5 votes). There was little interesting in a do-it-yourself stomach stapling kit (11 votes), and the Blues Singer suing his shrink for making him feeling better finally has some bad news again, because he was at the bottom of the Weekly World News Barrel (3 votes).

This left a real race between
Man Kills Mime and Nobody Cares and
Gassy Ghost Raises a Stink

But in the end, it was in fact THE end, and Gassy, the Ghastly Ghost was voted the winner and received a case of Beano for his efforts.

And now, before the nominees for the next Friday Poll are revealed, in the name of full and complete disclosure, I feel I should pass along some important information:

The Weekly World News may not be as SCIENTIFIC as we thought.

I know, I know. Seriously, I'm shocked as much as you are. But let me share this little tidbit from a recent Weekly World News article, and I think you'll understand why I have my doubts.

The article in question, "What Women Really Want in a Man" lays down some heavy scientific data discovered by Joanie Chachi -- which is amazing in and of itself because if it's a married name, then she has LIVED the whole Joanie Loves Chachi thing, and, well...I digress.

Her SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH revealed women's preferences in the male species as it relates to her monthly phases, if you're catching my drift. But check out this last bullet point:
If a woman is suffering from what is commonly known as PMS, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors jammed in his temple and a bat shoved up his ass while he is on fire. "We're not sure what to make of this one," says Chachi.
AHA! If Joanie was a woman (and I think we all know the answer to that one), then she of all people, should know EXACTLY what to "make of that one." So, Miss Scientist Joanie Chachi -- if that's your real name -- I think you're a FAKE.

Or, at least, extremely dense.

But, on to This week's Poll!! ALL SCIENTIFIC!!! GUARANTEED!!!!

...It's Official! France Stinks !!!

Bush Changing his name to 'God' !!!

Dick Clark & Cockroaches Will Survive Nuclear Blast !!!

Evil Mole People Found in Wyoming !!!

Yum! Trendy New Dessert! Chocolate Covered Pork Fat !!!

Remember, it's all SCIENTIFIC and TRUE !!!
So, vote EARLY and vote OFTEN !!!
If you don't vote, Joanie Chachi will WIN !!!


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