Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Give A Hoot, Please Don't Loot

In the midst of the excitement and hubbub that is TunaU Basketball frenzy (Men's AND Women's Hoops in the Final Four, Baby), an interesting directive has come down from on high. In an email received this morning, we, the older and wiser faculty and staff, were instructed to discuss responsible behavior, and exhort our highly impressionable wards to display good sportsmanship and citizenship over the upcoming weekend.

As a grownup, I like to think I display a certain amount emulative behaviors. I sit up straight, I say "please" and "thank you", and I eat all my vegetables. What's not to love?

My problem, though, is figuring out how to sneak things like, "don't act like a jerkwad and burn your sofa in the street" into casual conversation, much less doctoral-level library research.
"Ahhh, Stravinsky. Do you recall the public uproar that occurred when he premiered The Rite of Spring? The crowds were so upset that he had to climb out a bathroom window to safety. Speaking public uproars, don't be a jerkwad and burn your sofa in the street this weekend."

"Yes Joe Freshman. Your CD is due in one weeks time. Please be aware that you will be fined for all damages incurred should you so foolishly choose to burn your sofa in the street..."
Somehow I'm guessing the last thing a jerkwad is going to consider as the La-Z-Boy goes up in flames is being a model citizen. And as for our level of influence, let me just say if we can't stem the tide of buffet dinners that students sneak into the reference stacks ("Rodents be damned! Gimme cheezy bread sticks!") I doubt we will be particularly effective against street riots.

This isn't our first challenging directive at our beloved land of higher education. In January all faculty were instructed to incorporate Tsunami education in their classes. For musicians, you might think this would have been an impossible challenge:
We will now listen to "La Mer" (The Sea) by Debussy. How do you suppose this composition would sound if he were describing something an ocean. Speaking of oceans, how about that Tsunami?
But we're a creative bunch, and just like the Tsunami before us, we are ready to preach the message of model behavior. I'm going to go for a combination South Park / Mommy Dearest approach:

Rioting is bad, MmmmmKay?
Eat your peas.


lifeonhold said...

We look forward to a follow-up.

Anonymous said...

Final Four Women's Basketball Baby! Baylor all the way! It's our cinderella year you know- we've NEVER gone to the final four before- EVER.

Our girls are good like that.