Quick Hits

Team Tuna made a strong comeback in the Survivor Fantasy League last night, jumping from fourth to second place. I'm still waiting for any Reward points to trickle in. So far I'm 0-3. TVJunkie is still holding on strong to the top spot. So far, it's a tight race.



In other news, the people have spoken (by not speaking) and have shown that nobody cares about Hillary's too-tight thong or toddler straitjackets (which I personally loved). Too bad. So, I'm giving the research facilities at the Weekly World News some time off to get some better material. This week I'm giving you REAL HONEST AND TRUE STORIES from the ASSOCIATED PRESS. It's all the Wacky of the Weekly World News with 100% Fewer Exclamation Points. Because it's serious.

Cat Shoots Owner

Florida Lawmaker Seeks Toilet Paper Tax

Internet Casino Buys 'Virgin Mary' Pretzel

Nude Man Covered in Nachos Gets Probation

Smelly Readers Banned From Library

Vote early and often. Exclamation free.
Seriously.